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#252
Apr 18, 2018, 09:20 PM
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Ninja, my son told me this evening that all I have to do is go in there and tell you "I can do my own work now and I want to spend my money on other stuff." He said Mom that's what I did.
Of course, he was never unhealthily attached to his t. I don't even know why that came up. He's only home this evening cuz his car broke down today in between school and work and he had to get it towed to a shop and he just called in sick. |
 atisketatasket, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, WarmFuzzySocks
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#253
Apr 18, 2018, 09:43 PM
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Hi T. I knowwwww that i told you not to write back to my e-mail, but that was a stupider, more drunken me. I know that I will not receive a response now, two days later, and it is okay...but that combined with T (not therapist) not answering back to me is freaking me out a little.
Sigh. |
| atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, WarmFuzzySocks
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#254
Apr 18, 2018, 09:46 PM
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oh and yes. i have been looking at your online profile every evening this week so far.
le sigh. |
| atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, WarmFuzzySocks
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#255
Apr 18, 2018, 11:32 PM
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Less than two weeks now. I am scared and excited to see you finally.
I'm also scared about when I can see you again after this... I'm moving again for three months before I move back... I hope I can see you twice before I move, but what if I only see you once? Then that will make the break even harder
__________________
stay afraid, but do it anyway. |
| Argonautomobile, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, WarmFuzzySocks
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#256
Apr 19, 2018, 03:19 AM
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"So, tell me how to be in this world
Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt Tell me how ‘cause I believe in something I believe in us Tell me when the light goes down That even in the dark we will find a way out" James Bay - Us |
| LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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 Anonymous45127
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#257
Apr 19, 2018, 04:14 AM
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I know that I said I know you're out of the office. I know I said that there was no rush to call me back. But can you call me back, please?
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| LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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#260
Apr 19, 2018, 12:10 PM
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I know you said you're not going to give up on me but it feels to me like you already have, that you can't wait to get rid of me. Because this is what I do, I cause problems for people. I'm sorry for ever coming to see you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, it's all so ****ed. And as always it's my fault.
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| LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, mostlylurking
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#261
Apr 19, 2018, 12:24 PM
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Quote:
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| Anastasia~, DP_2017, LonesomeTonight
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#262
Apr 19, 2018, 12:26 PM
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I mean, what the **** do you suggest I do? I can't undo the past 16 months with you, I have no idea if it's helping or harming and maybe it IS parrtly why I've given myself this stupid food issue, to cope with all the **** that's coming up, but what the **** do I do now? I feel like it's got serious and now you want to jump ship. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I've done this, I ruin everything again and again and again and I hate being like this. It's hopeless, isn't it.
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| Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, mostlylurking
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#264
Apr 19, 2018, 12:55 PM
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Where do we go from here T? I saw the schema therapist and she seems fab. She offers everything that you withold. As much as it hurts to say it-I think adult me has outgrown you. I realize now that little me has just been feeding off scraps but I'm not interested in that anymore. I want little me to have a feast. Sigh, I won't drop you just yet but I'm definitely making another appointment with schema therapist.
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| Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, atisketatasket, kecanoe, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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| Anonymous45127
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#265
Apr 19, 2018, 01:28 PM
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I omitted something important today. That's where we start next week. I hope I'm ready...
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, chihirochild, kecanoe, LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, WarmFuzzySocks
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#266
Apr 19, 2018, 01:52 PM
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Quote:
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| Anastasia~, Anonymous52723
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| LonesomeTonight
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#267
Apr 19, 2018, 02:03 PM
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Quote:
I just ordered the photos (same day pickup) and I think I'm going to bring them in. I'm just not sure if I'm going to explain this partly being me having subconsciously decided to "test" him and the importance of his response before or after I show him the pictures. I'll trust his reaction more if I don't tell him until after. But then I'm also setting myself up for disappointment if he doesn't respond the way I want. I also need to tell him that I lied last week. And I made a promise to myself at the beginning of therapy that I wouldn't lie. |
| Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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| Anonymous45127
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#269
Apr 19, 2018, 05:47 PM
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My life is s*** and I'm scared about going back to work. While my friends are good and loving people, they can't provide the level or type of support that I crave. (/need?) My parents are Profoundly Unhelpful. I don't have a significant other at present, in part b/c I am too f***** up to handle that level of intimacy.
This is a moment where I could really use support from a therapist. But ever since you attempted to outsource me (saying that my needs outweigh your current capacity) and then took it back (citing an inability to find anyone else who wanted to deal with me) I've felt pretty wary of you. I wish you hadn't initiated this whole mess. I feel angry and hurt. And moreover I feel bereft, like I am alone in this muck without even the dubious benefit of your presence. Am I supposed to pull myself up by my bootstraps, barrel through? (I don't think so, since that strategy has a perfect track record for eventually ending in disaster.) Lean On My External Support System, as if I'm not already doing that as much as I/they can tolerate? Trust you again, like an a*s, until you find some poor schmuck who is foolish enough to take me on? This sucks, t. It isn't your fault that my life is god-awful, but playing this game of hot potato with my psych care has made things ever-so-slightly worse. |
| Anastasia~, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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| Anonymous45127
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#270
Apr 19, 2018, 06:00 PM
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Dear T,
It felt nice at the end of session, when I asked if it was OK to have sent you the e-mail about the interview, to hear you say, "Of course. I was excited for you!" Like, aw, you were excited for me. And I got to hear you say "marvelous" about something again today, which is both amusing and kind of charming to me, because I don't know anyone else who regularly uses that word (or...has ever used that word, really, unless they're talking about a circus or something). Love, LT PS: I'd love to know what your interview weak spots are, since you referenced those a couple times, but I doubt you'd tell me! |
| Anastasia~, lucozader
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#271
Apr 19, 2018, 06:48 PM
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Hope your vacation is going well. I am holding it together, although I feel like I'm hanging on by a fraying bit of string. Feeling pretty depressed and it's hard to get up every day. I just want to "not be" most of the time. The increase of abilify isn't helping so far. I'm also having a really hard time sleeping, which sucks, since that's the only escape from my misery that I have. I won't lie, I've been tempted to use substances to dull the ache. Luckily (?) I haven't been successful in getting my hands on what I want and getting drunk doesn't appeal. I wish I knew what would make me feel better, but I can't think of a single thing.
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| Anastasia~, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, chihirochild, LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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#272
Apr 19, 2018, 06:50 PM
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God, today was terrible. I really, really wish I were seeing you tomorrow.
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| Anastasia~, Argonautomobile, atisketatasket, chihirochild, LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, WarmFuzzySocks
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#273
Apr 19, 2018, 11:26 PM
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Help!!!!
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| atisketatasket, chihirochild, kecanoe, LabRat27, Lilana, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, WarmFuzzySocks
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#275
Apr 20, 2018, 02:10 AM
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Quote:
 I miss my ex T too, who in hindsight was much more withholding than current T, but I don't regret switching therapists. I hope as you see both therapists, that you stay with the one better suited for you, whoever they may be.
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| LittleAfrica
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