Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something, but I Don't Know How...Part XXXI

Oh LT I can't believe he said something like that....... It also seems to me he is not entirely comfortable with transference (even though he says he is). I do think he is trying but it seems like he is failing a lot of times which can't be good for you. It is such a difficult tightrope to walk at the best of times with the best-trained therapists. You need someone who is 110% comfortable with it. There is nothing wrong with holding the stone was about him, the safe space or anything else for that matter. He NEEDS to be comfortable with that for you to feel safe.

Oh LT I'm so sorry he said the "creepy" comment, that sucks! I hope you're able to resolve it w him in the way that is best for you. Do they not teach this transference stuff enough in t school?! If it's so common a thing to happen they oughta be better prepared when it does.... sorry to rant there. Sending you safe hugs.

I need you I miss you it hurts.

You didn’t cancel on me. I saw you and managed to look you in the eye for about 1 minute, this is huge for me. You are pretty, I told you so and freaked out as I felt I shouldn’t have said it. You were lovely about it and took my compliment. You told me you were on holiday the week after next and I played it cool while slowly dying inside. I’m desperate to ask you for something so I can hold onto it when I miss you,but you’ll think I’m weird won’t you. I want to loan you one of my many bead bracelets so you remember me while you away, but why would you want to be reminded of me, I’m no one am I. 😔

I was able to fix my catastrophe in under twenty minutes. I felt so much better. I realize that I worried longer than the time it took to fix it. Even though, I was able to be kind to myself at times and I was able to distract myself. I actually had a good day.

my t said it creeps him out when I walk behind him and just follow him on our walks around town. I felt bad about that!

I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if he said my transference creeps him out

Junk

I'm with your t. I'm "creeped out " by anyone walking behind me. Just a weird feeling. I've never liked it but it doesn't reflect how i feel about someone.

The transference part i couldn't accept. I'm impressed she's going back
I'd quit over it. That has to feel horrible 😔

yea I mean I get it... abt my t. it is creepy. I'm creepy lol

Lol idk about you persay. I think its just an uneasy feeling of being followed. I wont even allow my family to do it.

T

I am excited to see you tomorrow. I also am not. It goes too fast and another week without you will drag on

Thanks, T.

I'm not sure he necessarily meant "creeped out," but that it was "creepy." Still...as I said in an e-mail to him (I asked if it was OK to send a few things so he could have time to think about them before session tomorrow, and he said sure), that his use of that term made me feel ashamed and almost...dirty.

I want to show you these pictures. Particularly the ones of a particular person. I feel like they're a heavy weight I can't put down.

I'm debating quitting...just want to try talking it through a bit more first.

I get that LT

I just think he will become more weird and upsetting by it in time. I hope you resolve it wether it means finding a new t or working with him still. I'm just so shocked a t wpuld even say that to a client.

All the best with all this

I don’t write often but i follow. I have similar transference issues as LT. So i just want to ask...LT did you ask your therapist if it creeps him out or did you say i’m afraid you will think this is creepy etc? i’m wondering if he was just colluding with you by saying it would only be creepy if X not Y. i can see how this is distressing. I had a similar issue with my T and we worked it out and it made our therapeutic bond stronger. i think my t was just inexperienced at the time however if you didn’t lead him with the creepy talk then that would make me really rethink if i could continue with him.

I miss you t
I haven't been contacting you
I'm trying to do good with it again
you said I had been doing good with it
you often say it's confusing for me
the out of session contact
I agree but I still crave it

but. it needs to stop. I want it to stop

please don't give up on me...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! When I was talking on Friday about holding the stone, I said something like, "I'm afraid you'll think this is weird." And he said, "Just a little weird, like 10% weird." But then today, he used "creepy" instead without me using it, which kinda bothered me because it has a different connotation (at least to me). Maybe he mistakenly thought I'd used "creepy"? (He's admitted to not having the best memory.) Something I'm mentioning tomorrow. I want to see how he explains it all then--maybe he was trying to be funny? (he does that sometimes) without realizing how much it was bothering me? Or he just figured I'd say "Yep, totally the room."

It’s hard to tell any therapist the truth, for me -tbh

Me too. Was going to do some long term inpatient and then my mother died unexpectedly.... now I’m a complete & total mess

I can relate

I can see him thinking creepy was what he remembered you suggesting. I also see it as a good sign he is willing to see you tomorrow. If you made him feel uncomfortable he could easily say he had no openings available.

Sigh, now I'm not going to be able to sleep because I love you too much...

I wish you were here to talk to me.

Please just appear and make everything better.