Couch 172: Couch me if you can

I agree with you. t was being awfully hard on my h yesterday for the completely wrong reason and then accused me of 'protecting' him. Well hell yes, I'm loyal to someone I love. i didn't understand that whole thing at all. I don't need somebody to provide for me. what are my arms and legs broken?! we both do our part to provide for our family.

It would have been okay if she was only being hard on him for yelling at me over going back to therapy/not wanting me to. That's what she should have been focusing on in my opinion not grilling me about my finances despite what some here think.

thanks for this FKM. i've pretty much decided by now that a good bit of what she was saying yesterday was more about 'her stuff' than me. anyway i'm going to tell her that my finances are not up for discussion going forward.

oh, um Artie is getting opinionated. my my my.

t seems to have forgotten all about what i told her years ago... how during my horribly dark period of depression that he stood by my side and took care of me while i was on short term disability and made sure i got to my pdoc appts and took my meds regularly etc he had to put up with SO much during that really really bleak period. i have not forgotten. and that is one reason why i can't just easily say "I'm going to therapy whether you like it or not and if you have to go, i won't try to stop you". I don't want him to go.

My head is much more clear this evening than it was after getting home from t yesterday. she got me all muddled up inside.

And it's funny. She's been such a good t for me, helped me SO much over the years. But she really sucks when she lets her stuff come in.

They sound so entitled. Crazy that they would sit there and argue like that. It’s their own fault.

one of my friends got blocked by facebook from 'liking' posts for some reason and when she complained to 'them' about it for some even more unknown reason they extended her block until tomorrow morning. so she is now fast becoming an emoji rebel by over-emoji-ing people's posts. lol

Art, I have a little different take on your therapist's focus on finances and protecting yourself, which not about it being her issues so much as maybe this is not her first rodeo with clients facing similar marriage issues. She can be directive, which doesn't go over very well, but I don't get the sense it's about any issues she has, or counter transference, just more that she has probably seen clients benefit from being more in charge of their finances and life goals. Why would someone who cares about you (your husband) not want that for you?


Anyway, I don't want to interrupt your feelings about her, but I just wonder if it's setting you off for a deeper reason.

I have had a very rough winter and spring with my therapist who I thought was all kinds of crazy and off the wall, and I even told her a couple of times that I worried for her mental stability. And then, the fog lifted and I was struck by how obviously right she was about things that I had been adamant were fabrications of hers. Example: I blew up at her when she said I was sick (as in, physically ill). I just thought she was being insane. It took months before I realized how out of touch I was with my health.

Okay. Can you just say, "im going to therapy." And keep repeating it? Its like on law and order, when they prep the witness not to answer more than what was asked. Whats he gonna do, take your car keys? Hes not even home half the time, right?

You dont tell him what to do, where does he get off telling you what to do? This is not up for discussion. Repeat as necessary. Im not answering that question. He cant have a one-sided argument. Stop bullying me. (i.e. thats what you would say)

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm sorry you've had such a rough winter/spring.

Well I don't think she's wrong that I need to be more in touch with the state of our and my finances, I do need to be. but it was just the what felt like endless grilling about it all, and it started to feel really attacking of my h, you know, saying he isn't a good provider and stuff, I dunno. It just rubbed me the wrong way. he's been there for me through some really bad times. Maybe you're right too. Everybody's got such good points and insights. It's like partly everything we're all saying maybe. I do respect her a ton, and so I listened to everything she said. I just don't agree with it all. She's not any more perfect than anybody else in this crazy world.

Yeah she can be very direct and well pushy especially on this topic. I will say I felt rather judged yesterday and I don't like feeling that from her one bit. I know this is MY stuff, that when I feel judged by her, I also feel like she thinks I'm a stupid idiot. Oh well.

I'm just trying to work out all of this.

Maybe your reaction is just a general one because of being uncomfortable with money issues? You've mentioned before that you hate money. Can you get to the bottom of whatever that's about?

that was basically what i said that started him yelling at me the other night. i said "I'm going back to therapy briefly." No he's not gonna take my car keys. He said he was going to leave. I don't want him to leave. When I said that then he started yelling all kinds of other things.


what do you mean "stop bullying me"? i'm confused. ETA you answered that question already just noticed.

i was feeling bullied by t yesterday.

I think there may be a difference between feeling X and whether the other party was actually doing X

Been trying to do that off and on for going on 7 years. Whatever it is, is hiding deep.

In other news, I get to meet son's girlfriend shortly! He just told me she's coming over this evening.

It can be stressful to ping pong from one person's views to another. Sorry to add to that. You are really good at working things out. It's a messy process. Hang in there.

Hello all. Hugs or other positive affirmations to those of you who want or need it.

T is on vacation this week and it has not been a good week for him to do so. I was talking to a friend about it at dinner tonight and she commented that was very rude of him. How dare they have lives?

Although one could also argue that X is in the eye of the beholder.

Sorry I'm feeling cantankerous this evening.

Oh! then just stop talking! Easy peasy!

You two are never gonna agree. Why do you keep trying to get him to say he agrees? Thats a whole different problem!

Just pretend youre talking to SD about therapy and... DONT!!!

(((daisy))) I'm sorry it's been a rough week with t on vacation.

ETA: Oh, and post away... I've certainly been bellyaching enough lately it's high time I yield the floor to someone else doncha think?

Good for you!

Tell her exactly that.

i don't wanna stop talking. you're right he and i are never gonna agree about this but there's way more stuff that we DO agree on. this just happens to be a frickin' biggie for me.

I suppose I could just say "I'm going hiking" or "I'm going to Starbucks to write" or some other lie. But I don't want to start lying to him, either.

No, the tale gets murkier.

She just decided that the rent for whoever will come in next should be $$ more per month.

That just pissed me off -- I asked her about it and she's given me some lame excuse that it's what she'd advertised it for before my lease ended (which is only supposed to end next year... so...).

Long story short -- I've looked up the state laws some and this is pissing me off enough (not the money per se but the principle of the frickin' thing i.e., I hate people trying to pull a fast one over me) that I'm going to chat with a lawyer next week.

From what I'm reading though, the law states that she's obligated to make reasonable efforts to find someone else and even if she can't and tries to hold me responsible for the whole year-long remaining lease, I can refuse. And, if she drags me to court, it'll be small-claims court where my liability is limited to a far smaller $ amount than what I'd pay through the end of the lease.

Now I know way more than I thought I ever would about rental laws and really could've done better things with my Friday night.

Why don't I like spinach? I just don't. It's not like spinach killed my dad.

It's fine to post your woes here. We all do that. It's what the couch is for.