Couch 179: Even-numbered days in a year

Yeah well it's safer in here lol

But I am having fun

I.m sorry you guys

In a more dramatic way. I said regret and recrimination - you went straight to throwing your life away.
My suggestion was more about not doing things fueled by alcohol that you can later blame on drinking, beat yourself up about, and repeating the pattern of pinging back and forth from extreme giddy highs to extreme self loathing lows.

Why is it necessary? And what’s necessary—going to a club and dancing with women? Is it because you’re testing yourself? Proving yourself to you, Lulabelle, us, telling your husband indirectly?

I think this is something you really enjoyed last time because you did it spontaneously. Now it’s like everything rides on having the right shenanigans.

Art — if you’re trying to come to terms with stuff about yourself, it’s a truly terrible idea to —

1. Try to do it in a highly sexualized atmosphere like a club and,

2. Even worse to do it in a solidly straight club. Just because you’re looking at the same women the men are, doesn’t remotely give you the same standing or safety that they have.

I get wanting to dance with women and flirting. It is fun. I just recommend doing it when you can feel your face. I think acting deliberately rather than as an act of drunken lack of inhibition is more the path to self respect.

I missed the posts yesterday but I hope you're safe and okay artie.

I'm just hav8ng fun. Why's it wrong to blow off some steam and enjoy myself. ****.

P.s. I just won another $21 maybe I'll just go to bed **** it all I just wanted to have some fun jeez

Nope, I can't picture it either- just a really good fitted suit.

Actually t warned me about this very thing that my 24 year old self might do th8s I think I'll just call it a night

Art, we’re concerned about you. Not criticizing you.

Nor do we control you. Do what you want.

I'm up $55 I just counted

I'm not stupid I'm not I'm not I just I just I'm so tired of being caged in by m6 own fears of life and of who I am oh fuvmck.i should just go back to my room

Artie no one is against fun- you posted previously you couldn't feel your face. Not the same thing but the one time I got like that whilst on new medication I'd taken at the wrong time and I literally passed out but I had my old best friends with me.

Congrats on the $21!

I'm such a mess I guys

Well, the truth is, we can't stop you from doing what you want to do. If you are having fun there, what a couple of anonymous posters on this website think won't be able to stop you.

If you want to go dance and look at women dancing, there is no harm in that in and of itself. I would think a lesbian bar a better place than a straight casino. I think using excessive alcohol in order to allow yourself to do it is a bad idea. But what I think has no reason to matter to you nor any bearing upon your actions.

I have friends who came out in their 40s and 50s and 60s. I don't think it is easy to do, but I also don't see that it has to be self destructive and reckless. I also think living a lie is harder.

We're here if you want to talk things through.

H is here somewhere I don't want to call him I don't want him right now oh ****.ot. I'm going dancing 10 more mins I'm back in the bathroom again waiting

We don't think you are stupid Artie and it's okay to be where you are right now.

I'm tired of living a lie. I'm blowing off steam I am not going to do anything stoopid I am not dumb even though I am acting like I am I am sorry couchies so ****ing sorry you are seeing thus tonite I am not dumb don't worry I know where my room is I don't have to drive h is here somewhere I Am acting out yes is am blowing off a lotta steam yes is m tired I am so tired of pretwndibg I am something else so excuse me for not being perfect I am doing the beat that I can here god hasn't anybody you gone thru tjus I can't imagine you are all perfect no one is perfect oh ****.

And now I am sitting in the restroom bawling like a baby because I am disappointing everyone I am sorry I am so ****ed up

Srsly have none of you ever had to just do this

Artie you haven't disappointed us and you don't have to apologize for anything. I'm sorry you feel judged- you honestly haven't done anything wrong. We know you're trying your very hardest to stay afloat, you don't have to be perfect- none of us are. I'm naturally very irrational but just good at hiding it behind my red lipstick and make up. It's tiring having to play a role.

(((Artie))) you're not disappointing anyone here. We're just all concerned for you. You've come to some impactful realizations about your life recently and we all just want you to be safe emotionally. We want you to have fun. You're not ****ed up.