[Soybeans]

I'm seeing my T for depression, anxiety, cptsd, and I'm really struggling with wanting to push my T away because I'm scared to trust anyone. I've got a lot of abandonment issues, trust issues, and struggle with emotional intimacy and being vulnerable. I really really want the thoughts of 'he actually hates me, he doesn't care, he can't wait to terminate me etc' to not hinder my progress between sessions anymore. If I list all the ways, verbal and nonverbal that I think my T cares and is genuine, can someone just read it and let me know that from an outsider perspective, objectively, I can rely on this list of evidence and use that to reassure myself that I can learn to trust my T and/or provide your own experiences on how you've managed to get past the walls you put up and learning to trust your T?

Ways I think that show he cares and is being honest:

• He said that he must be one hell of an actor if he really hated me and thought I was stupid and laughed about me behind my back

• He is always attentive, attuned, active, involved and focused in our sessions

• He has never had any scheduling issues (being late, not showing etc)

• He remembers details of what I've said in previous sessions and keeps detailed track of my progress

• He has reassured me that he wouldn't abandon me as a client

• He hasn't judged me for crying or being inarticulate when I'm anxious and encourages me to feel my emotions

• He encourages and is very good about me giving feedback if I didn't like something he did/said

• He's not uncomfortable about transference at all and all the different projections I put on him

• He's accepted small pieces of art I've made and doesn't refuse them or make a big deal out of them

• He encourages me to feel and be angry at him and that he can take it (haven't done it yet as it's my most repressed emotion)

• He always validates my experiences and my feelings

• He tries to explain the 'why' behind everything for me because I'm always resistant and constantly asking for the evidence or research and encourages me to challenge him

• He has very firm boundaries and has not changed or violated them

• He walks me to the door exiting the waiting room and not just the office after a hard or anxious session and gives me a bit of extra small talk or encouragement

• He offered to see if he could get me extra help when I was struggling even though my case at the hospital was closed

• He is honest and realistic about progress and goals and results and adjusts the pacing and speed of the work we do

• He reduced his session fee a bit for me because I don't have insurance and pay out of pocket

• He softens and quiets his voice when I get triggered

• He's got a good sense of humour and knows when to match my jokes and when to point them out as me using them as defences

Sorry for the long post, I just wish my logical brain could convince my emotional brain of all of this. On paper I have a great T and I am grateful and feel very lucky but I'm still so so scared to open up and trust and believe. The only issues I've ever had is that he's got a busy practice with a full caseload so I can't see him weekly sometimes and the 3-4 week breaks are hard, and that he's very traditional and doesn't allow contact between sessions and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even have an e-mail. But I've had a previous T that let me message and e-mail and it didn't really help anyways, I need to learn to be able to reassure myself and figure out how to trust in between sessions right?

[bluekoi]

I have trust issues, too. Hope you get some helpful responses.

[Amyjay]

You know, I think its a process. I am reading a book at the moment "Trauma and the struggle to open up" and the main theme seems to be that learning to trust after complex trauma is a process that takes a long time and is marked by a pattern of making progress quickly followed by protection, over and over again.
Using cognitive strategies like you are doing here helps. It makes it faster and easier to regain your footing when the protective strategies are triggered. Some people make progress in one session then want to jump ship altgother (quit) before the next session. It's hard to be vulnerable. It can be terrifying to be vulnerable. Maybe its okay to honor that process within yourself... as a child it truly wasn't okay to be vulnerable, so now you will have to actively learn how to do that. It will eventually come to pass, after dipping your toes and then retreating to self protect, many many many times over. If you can find a way to see and hold the overall process then maybe you won't feel so swept away in the flow of the tide in the moment.

I do think your logical brain will be able to influence your emotional brain of this... but perhaps your emotional brain will need to actually experience the ebb and flow of trust and retreat before it truly understands.

I have been with my current T for one year now and I am only just beginning to think or feel about trust with her. Up until now I have steafastly denied any vulnerability but now I find us going through the tidal flows of reaching out in trust followed by retreat. I hold the overview of it, it helps. I tell myself this is just part of the process. Like you I think my t is actually quite trustworthy. That doesn't automatically undo a lifetime of trauma and enable trust to be, unfortunately.

One day, eh?

[Ididitmyway]

The thing is that sometimes in therapy it's not so much that mistrusting a therapist is an issue but rather mistrusting your own reactions.

I have a feeling that you know that your therapist has good intentions and is genuinely trying to help you. It sounds like your reasonable part is in conflict with your emotional reactions that get created automatically regardless of how well the therapist is doing his job.

These reactions of mistrust are usually a "preparation" for "what if" scenario. It's as if some part of you was saying "yeah, sure, he is doing great for NOW, but who knows what happens in the future? who can guarantee that this will continue forever? you'd better be ready for anything to happen...just in case.." This is an absolutely normal protective mechanism of someone with your history of cptsd. Instead of seeing this as an "issue", I'd accept it as a normal part of your process.

Trusting others essentially boils down to trusting yourself in the sense that you trust that no matter what the other person might do, you'll be okay, you'll have the strengths to deal with it. When you are confident in your ability to handle whatever life sends your way, be it disappointments, betrayals and other relational challenges, you are no longer concerned about trusting the other person. To trust or not to trust is no longer an issue. You don't care about it much because you trust yourself. And, since you don't care about much..you can afford to trust them..:-)

Also, trust is not an absolute concept. You can't trust anyone about everything simply because people have their limitations. For instance, when I work with someone, I can trust their good intentions but not always their capacity to do what needs to be done because they may lack competence in that area. Or I can trust that someone will do something for me because it will benefit them as well, not because they have a big heart necessarily.

In that sense, I would not trust your therapist's promise that he will never abandon you not because I don't trust his sincerity ( I do believe that he wants to make good on that promise), but because he doesn't know what might happen in the future. What if, God forbid, he gets run over by a car tomorrow and ends up dead? For you this may feel like an abandonment even though it is not an actual abandonment. Or his family situation might change and he might need to relocate? Or, in a less extreme and more casual case, he, at some point, may not feel competent enough to continue working with you and refers you out? That'd feel like abandonment as well.

Again, I do believe that he is planning on continuing to work with you until you don't need him anymore and isn't planning on going anywhere, but no one knows what the future holds for them. I think, it wasn't smart of him to make such a promise to you.

This is not the first time I hear people say that their therapists promised that they'll never abandon them, and it's beyond my understanding how can anyone promise that to anyone else. And, sadly, there are cases when such promises have not been kept, again, not because the therapists didn't want to keep them, but because the circumstances changed and they had to abandon their clients.

So, don't beat up yourself for not being able to trust your therapist and not being able to change that. It's totally normal in your case. Just try to trust the reality that this process is important for you at this time and so you will trust that it will take you where you need to be next.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

You know, I think its a process. I am reading a book at the moment "Trauma and the struggle to open up" and the main theme seems to be that learning to trust after complex trauma is a process that takes a long time and is marked by a pattern of making progress quickly followed by protection, over and over again.

Can you give more details on that? I looked up the book but it's really pricy here. My T literally said last session that map progress seems to be like a staircase, one step up and then one step of just stalling/not making progress over and over again.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Using cognitive strategies like you are doing here helps. It makes it faster and easier to regain your footing when the protective strategies are triggered. Some people make progress in one session then want to jump ship altgother (quit) before the next session. It's hard to be vulnerable. It can be terrifying to be vulnerable. Maybe its okay to honor that process within yourself... as a child it truly wasn't okay to be vulnerable, so now you will have to actively learn how to do that. It will eventually come to pass, after dipping your toes and then retreating to self protect, many many many times over. If you can find a way to see and hold the overall process then maybe you won't feel so swept away in the flow of the tide in the moment.

Yes this so much!!! I'll open up and tell him everything on my mind and all my deep stuff because I'll feel really safe one session and then for the next 3 sessions I can barely talk and I want to hide!

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I do think your logical brain will be able to influence your emotional brain of this... but perhaps your emotional brain will need to actually experience the ebb and flow of trust and retreat before it truly understands.

I have been with my current T for one year now and I am only just beginning to think or feel about trust with her. Up until now I have steafastly denied any vulnerability but now I find us going through the tidal flows of reaching out in trust followed by retreat. I hold the overview of it, it helps. I tell myself this is just part of the process. Like you I think my t is actually quite trustworthy. That doesn't automatically undo a lifetime of trauma and enable trust to be, unfortunately.

One day, eh?

Yeah... I think you're right about having to actually experience it and not just intellectualize it. This probably means I have to talk to him about this don't I? T^T Why can't things get better without communication man, it's so hard!

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

The thing is that sometimes in therapy it's not so much that mistrusting a therapist is an issue but rather mistrusting your own reactions.

I have a feeling that you know that your therapist has good intentions and is genuinely trying to help you. It sounds like your reasonable part is in conflict with your emotional reactions that get created automatically regardless of how well the therapist is doing his job.

These reactions of mistrust are usually a "preparation" for "what if" scenario. It's as if some part of you was saying "yeah, sure, he is doing great for NOW, but who knows what happens in the future? who can guarantee that this will continue forever? you'd better be ready for anything to happen...just in case.." This is an absolutely normal protective mechanism of someone with your history of cptsd. Instead of seeing this as an "issue", I'd accept it as a normal part of your process.

Does this explain why if I have a really good session, that feeling of connection and trust only lasts for like 2 days before I start thinking about what ifs and how it might not be the same next time?

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Trusting others essentially boils down to trusting yourself in the sense that you trust that no matter what the other person might do, you'll be okay, you'll have the strengths to deal with it. When you are confident in your ability to handle whatever life sends your way, be it disappointments, betrayals and other relational challenges, you are no longer concerned about trusting the other person. To trust or not to trust is no longer an issue. You don't care about it much because you trust yourself. And, since you don't care about much..you can afford to trust them..:-)

I have zero confidence in my ability to handle anything...

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Also, trust is not an absolute concept. You can't trust anyone about everything simply because people have their limitations. For instance, when I work with someone, I can trust their good intentions but not always their capacity to do what needs to be done because they may lack competence in that area. Or I can trust that someone will do something for me because it will benefit them as well, not because they have a big heart necessarily.

In that sense, I would not trust your therapist's promise that he will never abandon you not because I don't trust his sincerity ( I do believe that he wants to make good on that promise), but because he doesn't know what might happen in the future. What if, God forbid, he gets run over by a car tomorrow and ends up dead? For you this may feel like an abandonment even though it is not an actual abandonment. Or his family situation might change and he might need to relocate? Or, in a less extreme and more casual case, he, at some point, may not feel competent enough to continue working with you and refers you out? That'd feel like abandonment as well.

Again, I do believe that he is planning on continuing to work with you until you don't need him anymore and isn't planning on going anywhere, but no one knows what the future holds for them. I think, it wasn't smart of him to make such a promise to you.

This is not the first time I hear people say that their therapists promised that they'll never abandon them, and it's beyond my understanding how can anyone promise that to anyone else. And, sadly, there are cases when such promises have not been kept, again, not because the therapists didn't want to keep them, but because the circumstances changed and they had to abandon their clients.

So, don't beat up yourself for not being able to trust your therapist and not being able to change that. It's totally normal in your case. Just try to trust the reality that this process is important for you at this time and so you will trust that it will take you where you need to be next.

I think he phrased it like he promises to not terminate me but I have asked him like what if you get hit by a bus. I don't expect this promise to last forever, I just want reassurance that he's not going to terminate the next session out of the blue.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

Does this explain why if I have a really good session, that feeling of connection and trust only lasts for like 2 days before I start thinking about what ifs and how it might not be the same next time?

Yes, it does.

By the way, I have the same problem and I was experiencing the same mistrust in therapy as you do. The good feeling of connection and trust, whenever it happened didn't last more than a few days, even though the therapist seemingly did nothing to indicate that they were untrustworthy. Actually, it was a bit more complicated than that, but I don't want to get off track.

Originally Posted by Soybeans

I have zero confidence in my ability to handle anything...

That's ok. This may change if you get a different perspective on things. I was unable to cope with relational problems either until my outlook on relationships changed. It's natural to be on alert and to get traumatized when people don't deliver what you expect them to and when you have a history of trauma.

Originally Posted by Soybeans

I think he phrased it like he promises to not terminate me but I have asked him like what if you get hit by a bus. I don't expect this promise to last forever, I just want reassurance that he's not going to terminate the next session out of the blue.

I don't think he'll terminate out of the blue. Terminations usually don't happen out of the blue, but sometimes therapy comes to a halt. It may happen because the client comes to the most painful and difficult material to deal with and, even though the therapist might have done a decent job up to that point, from that point on they might not know what to do. Unfortunately, most of the time, they don't take responsibility for the limits of their knowledge and competence and start getting irritated with the client. Those are critical times when there is a big chance that termination will happen, and, if the therapist doesn't know how to navigate those crises (which most of them don't) the termination can become traumatic for the client.

So, if I were your therapist I'd still not promise not to terminate. He doesn't know how your work will unfold in the future, what challenges and obstacles you and he may encounter and if the situation may change so much that termination will be necessary.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Yes, it does.

By the way, I have the same problem and I was experiencing the same mistrust in therapy as you do. The good feeling of connection and trust, whenever it happened didn't last more than a few days, even though the therapist seemingly did nothing to indicate that they were untrustworthy. Actually, it was a bit more complicated than that, but I don't want to get off track.

Are you able to make the trust and connection last longer now? Does the frequency of sessions make a difference? I'm paying out of pocket and I've been thinking about reducing to every 2 weeks because it's so draining on my finances but I'm scared that 2 weeks is too long for me to try to keep that trust going and it'll do more harm than good...

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

Are you able to make the trust and connection last longer now? Does the frequency of sessions make a difference? I'm paying out of pocket and I've been thinking about reducing to every 2 weeks because it's so draining on my finances but I'm scared that 2 weeks is too long for me to try to keep that trust going and it'll do more harm than good...

I am no longer in therapy. I haven't been in therapy for a while and am not planning to get therapy again any time in the foreseeable future. So, trusting or not trusting a therapist is no longer my issue.

I don't know if spacing sessions out for 2 weeks would do more harm than good..May be, this would, actually, allow you some time to get grounded and to look at this thing in a more detached and less emotional way. You may try it for some time and then go back to your usual schedule of you don't like it.

[nottrustin]

I have discussed with both of my Ts. In fact I brought it up at my appointment yesterday. I explained that occasionally I had to check I'm with T out of fear of them wanting to stop working with me because I am to complicated, to much work or to whatever else. She told me it is okay to check in when I need to but that we are fine and that she loves working with me. She also said it is normal for somebody with abandonment issues to need to check in. That it is perfectly normal I would question T and her as well as other people in my life...that it had nothing to so with anything they had or hadn't done. She is right I even at times question my best friend of 12 years and husband of 24 years...

So talk to your therapist and see about checking in as needed. It helps me.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I have discussed with both of my Ts. In fact I brought it up at my appointment yesterday. I explained that occasionally I had to check I'm with T out of fear of them wanting to stop working with me because I am to complicated, to much work or to whatever else. She told me it is okay to check in when I need to but that we are fine and that she loves working with me. She also said it is normal for somebody with abandonment issues to need to check in. That it is perfectly normal I would question T and her as well as other people in my life...that it had nothing to so with anything they had or hadn't done. She is right I even at times question my best friend of 12 years and husband of 24 years...

So tall to your therapist and see about checking in as needed. It helps me.

Yes, I still ask my husband if he likes me every day... We're working on reducing it but dammit if I can't get reassurance from the one person in my life I trust the most, then what is the point you know? How do you check in if you don't mind me asking?

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

Yes, I still ask my husband if he likes me every day... We're working on reducing it but dammit if I can't get reassurance from the one person in my life I trust the most, then what is the point you know? How do you check in if you don't mind me asking?

With my Ts I say " I know this is my insecurities talking but I need to check in and see how you think things are going" With T my concerns where her suddenly retiring. So I would ask her if she was planning to.

With my best friend she has figured out when I am feeling insecure about us. I don't know what I say but she can read between the lines. When this happens she will give me a hug and say something like I can't imagine my life without you..so you can't fo anywhere in me.

Hubby I come out and ask questions like wouldn't your life be so much easier without me and all my issues....or any yeah I know I suck as a wife right now. He reassures his life would be more complicated and miserable without me. He never wants to live without me. I think it helps that his mother suffers abandonment issues as well and depression. So he grew up with similar issues

Only time with a person builds trust.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

With my Ts I say " I know this is my insecurities talking but I need to check in and see how you think things are going" With T my concerns where her suddenly retiring. So I would ask her if she was planning to.

With my best friend she has figured out when I am feeling insecure about us. I don't know what I say but she can read between the lines. When this happens she will give me a hug and say something like I can't imagine my life without you..so you can't fo anywhere in me.

Hubby I come out and ask questions like wouldn't your life be so much easier without me and all my issues....or any yeah I know I suck as a wife right now. He reassures his life would be more complicated and miserable without me. He never wants to live without me. I think it helps that his mother suffers abandonment issues as well and depression. So he grew up with similar issues

I have that fear of retirement too! I will think about bringing this up, but I know he definitely wants me to actually stop asking for reassurance because it reinforces that my worst case scenario is an option or something like that...

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by Trace62

Only time with a person builds trust.

How much time is too much time though? I keep telling myself therapy is expensive, I don't have time to waste, I need to just get it done and power through... Total lack of self-compassion I know >..<

Originally Posted by Soybeans

How much time is too much time though? I keep telling myself therapy is expensive, I don't have time to waste, I need to just get it done and power through... Total lack of self-compassion I know >..<

How long is a piece of string.
We Are talking about emotions. They don't respond to our time scales.

[BudFox]

Many of the items in your bullet list strike me as red flags. Reminds me of my experience -- the therapist became a hyper-idealized figure, could do no wrong, which laid the foundation for obsessive and regressive longings and emotional dependency.

Plus many of these apparently positive aspects were actually weird anomalies that did not translate to real life. And much of it was built on contrivance and artifice. It was a performance.

I realized it felt dangerous to trust in this context because it was dangerous.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Many of the items in your bullet list strike me as red flags. Reminds me of my experience -- the therapist became a hyper-idealized figure, could do no wrong, which laid the foundation for obsessive and regressive longings and emotional dependency.

Plus many of these apparently positive aspects were actually weird anomalies that did not translate to real life. And much of it was built on contrivance and artifice. It was a performance.

I realized it felt dangerous to trust in this context because it was dangerous.

Can you explain which ones are red flags and why? I mean I don't idealize my therapist, I know he's human and he's not always attuned and can misunderstand me and makes mistakes. What did not translate to real life? I mean I would like the important people in my life to be validating and empathetic but it just won't be a one-way street the way therapy is... I don't need my therapist to like love and care about me personally, I just need to trust that he's a professional and will do his job and look after my mental health until I don't need him anymore.

[BudFox]

A few that caught my eye...
- He is always attentive, attuned, active, involved and focused in our sessions
- He always validates my experiences and my feelings
- He has reassured me that he wouldn't abandon me as a client

In real life people are not so exquisitely understanding and validating and accepting. Like you say, therapy is a one-way street... but in real life it's two-way. I dont see the point in habituating to such a dynamic. I found this not only false but harmful and disorienting. Also since people tend to consumed by their own needs, if a therapist appears altruistic and selfless it means they are acting and concealing their true self, and that is not a basis for trust in my view (others might have a different view). Seems a significant number of people find the one-way thing to be like a drug, and can't get enough. My problem was that I trusted too much and didn't exercise normal skepticism and critical thinking, partly because of all the cultural and institutional pressure to "do therapy".

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by BudFox

A few that caught my eye...
- He is always attentive, attuned, active, involved and focused in our sessions
- He always validates my experiences and my feelings
- He has reassured me that he wouldn't abandon me as a client

In real life people are not so exquisitely understanding and validating and accepting. Like you say, therapy is a one-way street... but in real life it's two-way. I dont see the point in habituating to such a dynamic. I found this not only false but harmful and disorienting. Also since people tend to consumed by their own needs, if a therapist appears altruistic and selfless it means they are acting and concealing their true self, and that is not a basis for trust in my view (others might have a different view). Seems a significant number of people find the one-way thing to be like a drug, and can't get enough. My problem was that I trusted too much and didn't exercise normal skepticism and critical thinking, partly because of all the cultural and institutional pressure to "do therapy".

But therapy is not supposed to be exactly like real life no? We pay them to be attuned and to put their needs aside for that one hour... I personally take what I see in therapy and try to get more of that in my real life to deepen relationships and value my own needs. Maybe I’m agreeing with what you are saying in a different way, that I know that this is not how real life is and that this is their job and that the point is I will learn to figure out how to develop enough of their attunement and validation for myself and with others that I won’t need therapy anymore.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by BudFox

A few that caught my eye...
- He is always attentive, attuned, active, involved and focused in our sessions
- He always validates my experiences and my feelings
- He has reassured me that he wouldn't abandon me as a client

In real life people are not so exquisitely understanding and validating and accepting. Like you say, therapy is a one-way street... but in real life it's two-way. I dont see the point in habituating to such a dynamic. I found this not only false but harmful and disorienting. Also since people tend to consumed by their own needs, if a therapist appears altruistic and selfless it means they are acting and concealing their true self, and that is not a basis for trust in my view (others might have a different view). Seems a significant number of people find the one-way thing to be like a drug, and can't get enough. My problem was that I trusted too much and didn't exercise normal skepticism and critical thinking, partly because of all the cultural and institutional pressure to "do therapy".

If I work at a company, am I not showing my "true self" when I interact with my co-workers differently from how I do with my family and friends?

If I am a medical doctor, am I not showing my "true self" by not discussing my illnesses and only talking about patients' medical issues?

Where does the "true self" express itself more, in our relationships with partners or with friends? If we don't share some of the stuff we share with friends with our partners and vise versa, in which of those relationships we are more "true to self" a.k.a genuine?

Does showing the "true self" mean that we are supposed to act the same way with everyone regardless of the type of relationship, the social context, the specific circumstances?

And, what does "two way street" relationship mean as it applies to therapy? How would it look like? Does that mean a therapist is supposed to share their personal problems with a client just like a client does? Is that what makes it "two way street"? If yes, God save the clients from this two way equality. I was harmed by my last therapist because he exposed too much of his "true self" to me and because he introduced too much of the "two way" dynamics.

People always behave differently in different types of relationships. It's perfectly natural. As a society, we have established certain behavioral rules that depend on social contexts and personal situations. Just because a doctor or a mechanic or an accountant or a therapist don't behave the same way with clients as they do with family and friends, who are part of their "real life" (that's just as real as their professional life), doesn't mean they are being fake.

There are such things in life as privacy, appropriateness and common sense that dictate how we should behave in different situations. Yes, there are many parts of the "true self" (whatever that means) that are not normally shared with many people because it is commonly understood that we share more with those who are close to us and we share less with those who are less close and we share next to nothing with those we provide service to. This is just common sense that applies to relationships in general, not only therapy.

[Fuzzybear]

I have trust issues also..

A therapist who harmed me did introduce too much of the “two way” dynamics

(Sorry I don’t have much I want to share right now. I’m glad your t is respectful and attentive.)

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

But therapy is not supposed to be exactly like real life no? We pay them to be attuned and to put their needs aside for that one hour... I personally take what I see in therapy and try to get more of that in my real life to deepen relationships and value my own needs. Maybe I’m agreeing with what you are saying in a different way, that I know that this is not how real life is and that this is their job and that the point is I will learn to figure out how to develop enough of their attunement and validation for myself and with others that I won’t need therapy anymore.

I'd add that what makes it easier for a therapist to attune to and to validate a client's experiences is a significant degree of emotional detachment, which they hopefully develop in a course of their career. Detachment, unlike what many people think, doesn't mean not caring about a person in front of you. It means you don't get emotionally involved too much to lose objectivity and clear vision and you don't assume personal responsibility for the other person's well-being. It is, actually, much easier to understand what's going on with the person and to accept their experiences without judgment when one isn't emotionally involved. Which means that one is, actually, more empathetic when they develop a certain degree of detachment. Not to mention that they are more capable of exercising sound judgment.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I have trust issues also..

A therapist who harmed me did introduce too much of the “two way” dynamics

Same here . When I hear about "two way" dynamics in therapy as "normal" it triggers my trauma..and makes my blood boil.So many people have been harmed by that..I can't even say how many stories I've heard..

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've been with my T for 3.5 years, and I still need weekly reassurance. It has gotten better. I trust her a lot more now that we have had a lot of time together. She has proven herself over and over again. She never makes promises which I like. Promises are always broken.