Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch

About 5 minutes after I posted another email said the police had mobilized the threat. I take that to mean immobilized.

Gave problem student letter, witnessed and all. Feel relieved.

He did act up again (pre letter), I asked him to repeat something and he tore at his hair. I don’t think he’s going to be able to behave.

Thankfully this is his last year at this school, then I can apply to have him go to the same school as my oldest next year. I really dislike the district we live in, but every year we have the option to apply to go to an out of district school. Only downfall so far is we have to drive 20 minutes each way to take my oldest, but they've been so helpful already this year.

An hour or two by myself would be nice, even if I just left the kids with H to go shopping or get Starbucks.

I'm hallucinating today. Just started though. Hopefully it won't last long.

Oh good. I'm glad you are safe. I remember when I went to Uni, I went to a satellite campus for most of my classes, so really small, but really good. Security was tight. When I went to the main campus for classes, I was really surprised how open the campus was and how little security there was. It was like anyone could walk in off the street, there weren't even fences. It really rattled me when I had to take classes at the main campus. Luckily it wasn't often.

I'm glad you gave him the letter. I feel bad that he tore at his hair. He must have been really frustrated or something. Best of luck dealing with the situation in whatever capacity you have to next. HUGS Kit

This sounds like a really good idea, I hope you can get an hour or two by yourself. It sounds like it would be super helpful and relaxing.

I don’t feel bad he tore at his hair. He’s got no right to do that to anyone. He’s been told how to deal with my hearing and he refuses.

I am not saying his impulses are controllable, but I am saying he is still responsible for the action and its effect.

Absolutely. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope it gets resolved quickly.

Hallucinations intensified. Luckily I know they are hallucinations. Otherwise it would be very scary instead of just bothersome, distracting, and disturbing. I'm trying to not SH, although I know likely the hallucinations would stop if I did. But I'm at work, and I try to not SH at work, although I have before.

With police - one can never be certain.
Glad you got the letter to the student

I've slept most of today while the kids were at school. H picked up my thyroid med last night for me so I can start taking that again. I've been off at least 3 weeks and I've gained so much weight. Another thing I'm upset about.

Oh boy.

FWIW, I think you communicated what you needed to say very clearly and respectfully, and your mother is a grownup, so the responsiblity for the communication breakdown doesn't seem to be on your end.

Sorry, NP. Hugs.

Yes but i keep on rescheduling. On drumming night there was a family emergency and i couldnt go i will go next week.

I have eaten the last of the little chocolate eggs left over from easter. There now no chocolate in the house.

Really trying to not SH.

Date night with hubby. Seeing a totally mindless action flick: Angel Has Fallen. We both needed a mindless attitude adjustment. 😝

Just ****ing great. My mother has now sent an email demanding that I clarify what I mean by having complicated feelings about our relationship. I'm not upset with him, but I feel like my therapist put me in a boat with no oars and plunked me in the middle of the ocean all alone. I don't know how to answer her! "No, I can't clarify at this time" is all I've got. Why the hell did I do this? I do not want to discuss our relationship with her right now. I wish I could call him and get some help with this. I know I sound ridiculous right now, but I just can't do this.

Um...did she not have a mother? Every single mother-daughter relationship I’ve ever known has complicated feelings.

Can you tell her, “I think we should both take some time to calm down and then maybe we can discuss it”?

The original mail I sent in response to her email entitled Needs where she bullet-point listed all the reasons she needs to come visit me even though I've told her I can't do a visit, written by my therapist because I couldn't: Her: Sounds reasonable but this would be new territory for us. This feels confrontational.

Her again, 6 hours later: Feels demanding to me.

Me, desperately trying to get out of this trap: I'm sure my therapist would have a different interpretation of these emails from her.

Hugs, NP, that seems really difficult. I definitely would get a negative vibe from her comments, like pressure.

Problem student’s emailed me set up an appointment to go over his notes (like I first asked for for two weeks ago) and apologized twice for his behavior (not abjectly or grovellingly, which is good).

I’m dubious, because the time we made the appointment is during one of my office hours, which he earlier claimed he couldn’t make (so did he misunderstand, lie earlier?). Still, maybe he can improve enough to stay in the class.

NP, yours was a good response, that you simply need more time. I hope it works.

I used to tell my mother, "hey, im the one spending my money on a shrink, so i should get the advantage here. When you start spending money trying to improve this relationship, you let me know." Of course then she would just call me stupid for wasting money

@@ - yeah he prolly already got kicked out of the class that conflicted with your office hours. Boy and we thought you were being too tough on him.

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear he's hanging around. I mean, if he does a 180, that's great, but I doubt that's in the cards. Hope the appointment isn't too stressful for you, anyway.

I would not read this as all that negative. It sounds to me like she is hurt and confused and wanting to know how to fix it. I think mothers think they are going to have a different/good relationship with their child regardless of the relationship they had with their mother (look at the mothers who post here). She is hurt and alone and NP is alone and upset. It isn't a good combination but I don't think the mother is being mean.