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Lemoncake
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Default May 11, 2021 at 12:31 AM
  #401
I'm nervous about my presentation today and actually thought I made a mistake cancelling the therapy session on the 15th.

Just three more days to get through for the rest of this week.

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Default May 11, 2021 at 06:53 AM
  #402
I really hate when you use CBT. That is all for now.

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Default May 11, 2021 at 08:01 AM
  #403
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemoncake View Post
I'm nervous about my presentation today and actually thought I made a mistake cancelling the therapy session on the 15th.

Just three more days to get through for the rest of this week.
I survived! Just exhausted. The lead doc was nice and made jokes that he couldn't hear me and not to be nervous. Easy said then done in front of 21 people, but I also noticed that he flipped his chair around instead of facing me towards the others like he was doing with the first girl. I've wanted to be done with school for so long and now the moments finally here and I feel sad that it's over and everything's changing. I've actually grown attached to everyone in my group, despite trying hard not in the first year. Last teaching week and scrolling through instagram it feels like I've lived a lifetime in this year alone.

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Default May 11, 2021 at 10:29 AM
  #404
Trying to breathe, and work, and look forward to my birthday.

Possible trigger:


In spite of it being my birthday on Thursday, I think I might need you to remind me (again) that there is absolutely no pressure for me to keep it together.

I've kept this appointment for a reason.

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Default May 11, 2021 at 11:53 AM
  #405
Please lets have a good helpful appointment today!

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Default May 11, 2021 at 01:28 PM
  #406
Why is it always awkward when I least expect it? Probably shouldn't have brought the drawing in. I have no idea how I'm getting through each day.
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Default May 11, 2021 at 02:17 PM
  #407
Please don't cancel our appointment on Thursday! I'm not having the easiest time of it and really need to see you.

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Default May 12, 2021 at 05:39 AM
  #408
Who is this other bozo you are setting me up with? She looks like a cave dweller, something which, under different circumstances, I would appreciate about someone. This tribe of yours is very strange.
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Default May 12, 2021 at 08:49 PM
  #409
Dear T,
I'm not sure how to process your willingness to talk to me tonight. I mean, I know I'll be billed for it. But that's OK. I just...I assumed you'd just say you'd talk to me Friday. Or possibly, if you had an opening tomorrow, offer me another session. Not that you'd talk to me at 8:40 on a Wednesday. I worry you think it wasn't a big enough deal, but you said you could tell I was really distressed. So that helps, I think? But...thank you. It means a lot.
Love,
LT
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Default May 12, 2021 at 11:08 PM
  #410
Your dedication and willingness to go above and beyond the last month or so has triggered this intense shame in me. I don’t feel like any part of me is worth this. Yet it seems so natural and effortless for you to do the things that you’ve done. It’s given me a new perspective on what it means to be present for clients. I can see this period in our work greatly influencing the way that I work with clients in the future.
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Attention May 13, 2021 at 12:39 AM
  #411
what's the point of anything any more.........
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Default May 13, 2021 at 03:34 PM
  #412
I can’t believe I did that. This pain is awful. I don’t know how to survive it. 2 months of horrendous sessions and I think I’m done, I don’t see a way forward and I’m not sure you do either. Maybe we really will never meet again. The little ones worst fears realised. Trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma. I’m too broken and now I’m alone with all of this and i have no idea what to do with it
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Default May 13, 2021 at 06:00 PM
  #413
I wish I truly felt, and believed, that I am doing as well as you keep telling me I am. I'm trying to be objective, though.

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Default May 13, 2021 at 06:22 PM
  #414
Dear T,
It occurred to me today that last night was probably the first time you've seen me intoxicated. Like, you've seen me after one drink before, but not after a few. I feel sort of awkward about that now. Kind of...exposed. And embarrassed. Maybe that needs to be a part of the discussion tomorrow, too...

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LT
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Default May 13, 2021 at 08:54 PM
  #415
Hi T. Hope everything is good, and we have session tomorrow. I'm not doing great this week and hoping talking to you will help.
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Default May 14, 2021 at 12:41 AM
  #416
Frankly, I’m glad to not see you until next week. 4 hours of therapy in a week is just too much. And I am eternally grateful for your willingness to walk this path with me for now.
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Default May 14, 2021 at 03:26 AM
  #417
I rebooked the session I cancelled for tomorrow. New T G emailed on the 12th asking If there was anything he could do to support me.

Then in another email in response to mine with all of this validation stuff. It just seems so fake and his response makes me want to cancel again. It's tomorrow at 10am.

If I'm being honest I feel scared.and my b***** attitude is just a front. I don't think I deserve kidness. My head is messy can I really get paeds done? What about after that with my retake internal exam?

"What if it hurts like hell?"

Then it will hurt like hell.

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Last edited by Lemoncake; May 14, 2021 at 04:45 AM..
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Default May 14, 2021 at 11:24 AM
  #418
I hope our first in person session goes well. It will be pretty weird for me to be in an office because I’ve only had 2 in person sessions since March 16th 2020. I’m wondering what to wear and if you’d like one of my button up shirts since you like to non judge mentally comment on my shirts. Also will you be eating anything?

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Default May 14, 2021 at 11:55 AM
  #419
Dear T,
Thank you for being warm and understanding today. And for joking around a bit. I still feel awkward about your seeing me that way, but I actually wonder if it ultimately was a good thing for you to see me in that state? You said I seemed much more emotional than I typically am. So maybe it's good in a way that you got to see "Uncensored LT"? That maybe it helped you understand better how I can crash emotionally at times.
Love,
LT
PS: Happy Belated Birthday!
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Default May 14, 2021 at 05:09 PM
  #420
Why are you doing this?
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