Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

Yeah, good point Lost.

Well I responded to my T. I was as open with her as I could be. Now I have to wait for a response from her. That's the only bad thing about this form of communication. At least tonight I should be able to chill and hopefully get a little extra rest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty The semi colon which is a mental health symbol and the kitty cat ears and whiskers because of my babies!!

I LOVE your tattoo! Absolutely LOVE it!

I have several black cats tattooed on me, but I am really down for the meaning yours holds.

Ugh, that's frustrating! Also, I hope you hear back from your T soon. I agree with Lost that she wouldn't have texted you if she wasn't up for you being honest.

Thank you Beth! My sister also got the semi-colon in support of me (she did it on my birthday) and my niece who turns 18 in a few weeks is going to get it too. I love my tattoo as well. I had to talk my parents into allowing it but it's small and I can cover it if need be.

Thanks I replied to her and let her know what was going on with me. Now I am waiting to hear from her. She might be up for an appointment this weekend but I usually talk to her on Tuesdays so I might just wait until then...we'll see. If I get really unwell I can go in for a GP appointment or something.

I sent my T a doordash gift card...since she is sick, she might not be up for cooking but she needs to eat. I sent it last night but she got it today. It was the same amount as my copay so I figured, why not.

Oh my it is awesome! I love that idea so so much. It is so weird, because I think FB reads my brain. After writing you that reply that I wanted to see your tattoo, I saw a FB post with the same exact one. Weird.

Thank you! I saw it online, not facebook but somewhere else when I was specifically looking for semi-colon tattoo's. When I came across that one, I was like, that's the one, even though I had seen some other pretty cool ones that incorporated a semi-colon and a cat. There was another one that I really liked but it would have been bigger, and I wanted to be able to hide it under a bracelet or a watch if I ever needed to in the future. I mean, I wear long sleeves a lot due to SH but you know, I like to keep my options open. I'm really happy with it.

T texted me yesterday, telling me she was a little better and asking how I was. I responded to her after a while because I had to think about it, but I was pretty honest with her, as I try to be. Then she responded to that text, and then I responded to her text, and she responded to that text! (Wow, that seems like a lot when I write it out!) This morning I get a text asking me if I want a session. I was like, I do, but only if you are well enough. She has been sick with Covid and I don't want her to push herself more than she is able to do. So anyway, a few more texts back and forth and I have an appointment on Saturday at 6 PM. So that's nice.

My coworker who I have some interpersonal difficulties with told me I wasn't annoying and am a very sweet person. That made me feel good. I had to ask her for help yesterday and Friday (although she denied me the help on Friday) and so I sent her a thank you Starbucks card to her email yesterday to thank her for the help. She said that was nice but wasn't necessary. I just told her that I like to make sure that people know that I appreciate their kindnesses.

Sometimes I wonder if I text my T too much. She always tells me to "text anytime." And I usually text her maybe once between sessions. If I am having a crisis, it might be more. Or if she checks in on me or we have a scheduling thing then it is more. But I worry about taking advantage of her!

I have a pdoc appointment next week that I am worried about. I am worried about what he will think of some of my symptoms. EEK

I was able to get my Vyvanse last night. I had to wait at the pharmacy for an hour though! They had the Vyvanse ready but they were waiting on the Rexulti.

My doctor (GP) posts a visit summary on the portal. It is hard reading what she writes sometimes. I think she thinks I'm crazy! She is always talking about calling 911 if I am in an emergency with my mental health, and always putting something next to my psychosis diagnosis and stuff. Sigh. I know it is to make her a better doctor (at least I think that is why) but it sort of makes me feel bad about myself when I read what she writes!

My therapist told me on text yesterday that some of my symptoms are psychotic right now. She says I need to talk to my psychiatrist ASAP. I have an appointment with him next week on Thursday. I checked his schedule today but he doesn't have anything sooner than that. I could call him and see if he would see me after hours, but....I don't think I am in crisis right now, so I hate to do that.

I am worried about what my pdoc is going to say or do when I talk to him about my symptoms. I'm sure he has heard it all before, but it still just makes me nervous.

Then I get nervous that I will be "too much" for my T. Nothing she has said has made me think this. It is all coming from my own mind, which I guess is not the best source of judgement at the moment.

At least my anxiety is in the reasonable range at the moment. I haven't had to take any anxiety medication yet today.

I have a migraine. Ugh.

Hugs, Kit. I hope you feel better soon from the migraine and anxiety.

Are you hydrated enough? Every time I get a migraine it's due to lack of hydration and often high stress. The ER told me to drink more fluids and either take excedrine (I think) or go get something high in caffeine and take Ibuprofen.

Thank you, LT!

I think so. I drink a lot when I am sitting at my desk at work. I also had some soda which has caffeine. I took some prescription medication for the migraine so hopefully it kicks in soon. Sometimes I have to double the dose.

Hey SK, here's my thoughts, feel free to ignore if I'm wrong. I'm wondering about this pattern you have, where you show appreciation with gifts, gift cards etc. It's not wrong in itself, just to clarify, and I'm not judging. I vaguely remember that you also give money to charity, sponsor children abroad, etc, and how it adds up to a significant amount of what you earn?

I've a similar pattern, just in different ways, and my T has challenged me to come up with ways where I can show appreciation, caring etc or help causes I'm passionate about, help folks in need etc without money.

For many years when I earned income, I basically waa spending a lot on my younger brother and some friends in need, without caring about the cost... yet I was neglecting my own needs.

I'm no saint when I give these examples below:

I didn't blink at $200/session (that's more than my entire grocery budget now) for my younger brother's therapy, yet I wasn't seeing my T often enough despite needing that due to chronic suicidality and ongoing abuse.

I loaned money to acquaintances who never returned the amount. I gifted friends professional tools for their profession, sometimes helped friends with their medical bills, helped some people on an ongoing basis etc.

While I was also depriving myself of a better quality of life medical care that I needed, etc.

Her point is that I've been self sacrificing too much in monetary ways for many years, and I'm unconsciously sabotaging my own future. That instead of telling her I couldn't afford her sliding scale fee anymore (I thought that was the lowest), I told her I need to see her less.

Not saying that's the case for you but I do hope you're saving money for your own needs and future.

Thank you Quietmind 2, as always, I value your input!

First off: the thing with the coworker: I think this goes deeper than I had originally thought/understood when I bought her the gift card. My only thoughts I had when I was buying for her was that she helped me out and I took time away from her schedule and wanted to know that she was appreciated.

A friend of mine sort of challenged me to go deeper with it so I have been trying to analyze it a bit more. I think if this was a coworker that I got along with well, I might not have gotten the gift card. A verbal thank you or a thank you email might have sufficed. But I have also given gift cards to coworkers that I get along well with so I'm not sure that I was trying to "make up" for not getting along well with her. I'm not sure. I frequently buy my coworkers a coffee or lunch or something. (I mean, not all of them, but the ones I come into regular contact with). But they also reciprocate, so it's okay. This coworker works in NY and I work in CA so we don't really have a reciprocal relationship like that but it felt right in my heart at the time that I gave her the gift card. Only later when a friend questioned me about it, did I think, oh did I do something wrong? BTW, I still don't have an answer to that.

Secondly, about charity and donations and so forth. Yeah, I spend a lot of money on charity and donations and stuff like that and I am not saving enough for myself. I have been contemplating whether I should step back some from some of my commitments to charity and what that says about me as a person. It is coming in direct odds with my religious beliefs which is hard for me because it's a core part of who I am and how I identify with the world around me. On the other hand, I can see that I am suffering in some areas because I'm giving a significant portion of my income away. It's something I am currently wrestling with and I haven't come up with a good answer.

Thank you for your care and concern for me. I appreciate it!

I have a migraine again, and my anxiety levels are through the roof. I took some anxiety medication a little while ago so hopefully it kicks in. I ordered this device called calmigo CalmiGo - Your Calming Companion – CalmiGoshop anyone heard of it? It is supposed to help with anxiety/panic attacks. It uses multiple senses to achieve this. And it helps regulate your breathing. I don't have it yet. I am supposed to get it sometime within the next few days. I told my T about it and she was like, oh I frequently recommend that to people. Facepalm! She didn't recommend it to me! I had to find it on my own! I'm hoping it helps because my anxiety has been so out of control lately.

I faxed my pdoc a list of my symptoms but in paragraph form so it was like three pages! I have an appointment with him next Thursday the 14th. But I know that if I wait and try to tell him my symptoms I won't get the words out. So hopefully he will have that and it will make sense to him.