[cutbuddie]

well i went over to this guys place. well we were kinda dating until this night happend. he promised me we'd work on the emotional part of the relationship more than sexual. because im 15 and he's 19 and he already took my virginity. but the whole night he just kept on kissing me and trying to take my pants off. I didnt want to but i didnt know if i was clear.. and like i kept on pulling away and fixed my shirt n stuff. but he kept on doing it. I got up and all of a sudden he pulls me into his room and starts taking off my pants. I really didnt want to do this but he was stronger than me. and it was just into the moment.
It was like the feeling where you need to say something but you just cant? it was like that.
So he's having sex with me and i couldn't do anything. All i could do was cry. then he finally stopped. And i quickly got dressed and went to the bathroom and locked the door. My mascara was running so i washed my face but i just couldn't stop crying! I could look at him without crying! So after an hour of just sitting on the couch and telling him he broke his promise, I finally left. it was freezing cold out but i had to toughen up.
So he walked with me about 2 blocks then i told him id be okay and that id stay the night at my friends house, so he left. But i lied. I was going to my friend Brandon's house because i know he cares about me and that i could always talk to him. And also i had no where else to go. my parents thought i went to my friends party and would sleep over By this time it was about 10pm.
So i met up with Brandon at the mall which was closed and we walked to his house. I stayed there till about 3am and then my parents came and got me. I just told them that My friends party ended early and that i came over to Brandon's house and hung out with him there.
I was such a horrible night until i got to Brandon's house. I am so thankful he was there for me. Or else i wouldn't have known what else to do.

[VickiesPath]

Hi Cutbuddie,

I'm so sorry you had such a rotten experience last night. I was reading your earlier post where you posted about this guy and another guy who was interested in you and you were wondering about who to choose and some people gave you their opinions.

One of our members, Rapunzel, said this to you:

Take your time. You don't have to get serious about a guy yet. Get to know yourself and what you want out of life first, and then choose someone you love and who supports your goals and dreams. The 19-year-old could be right for you in a few years, but right now he may be using you and taking advantage of you. It's hard to know since I don't know him or you.

I really think she hit the nail on the head and, unfortunately, I think that you found out she was right. He did use you and had no consideration for your concerns, your feelings, he didn't think that "NO MEANS NO", or any of the other considerations that any decent person should have. I don't know anything about the laws in Canada but in the United States, he could be charged with Statutory Rape.

I hope you are OK and if you need to talk to someone about this that you have someone that you can talk to who can help you with your feelings. You know that we are always here. There are many wonderful people here who have been through similar situations and much worse.

We are always here for you so please post often and ask for help dealing with your feelings.

[Tatyana2009]

Hello sweety!

I am too so sorry for what you went through.

I agree with what Vickie wrote above. And he can be charged with rape.

You sound like a kind hearted, intelligent person. I remember when I was 15 I had a lot of confidence. But when a cab driver started touching my legs I froze. I got off the cab though before anything else happened. But I did not tell my mum or dad. And to this date (at the age of 34) I regret not telling them. I do not think that at the age of 15 I had the ability to deal with this on my own. I blocked it.

Now, what happened to you last night is so much worse. On every level. I am glad you had your friend to talk to and help you calm down. But I am not sure this is enough. Can you talk to your parents perhaps? to a teacher if you dont feel you can talk to your parents about this? to a friend's parent? or a counsellor?

Please do not ignore this and shrug it off as 'bad experience'. At your age, when you are developing your sense of self, independence and sexuality, it potentially can be damaging. So please talk to some one. We are here to help and listen too so please post when ever you feel like it. I am here to support you through any feelings or thoughts you have. So are the other great people on this site.

Please take good care and do not think that all men are like this. You just need to take your time, get to know someone, trust them and then if sex comes into the relationship happily and freely its a blessing. Sex is not something you have to have with someone. I think you know that but I know that so many young people today have sex because its the 'cool' thing to do. Because 'everyone does it'. You need to stay true to yourself and your feelings honey.

I wish you happiness and love and I will be looking for your posts.

Hugs xxxxxxxx

[cutbuddie]

thank-you so much for the support. I did tell my parents a little while ago. and they were angry and very concerned. I know they love me alot but i was just to scared to just come out and say it so i just sat there in front of them for a while just crying until i could find the words to say it. And in this family it's not exactly unexpected. Unfortunately a couple years back this happened to my older sister who is now 17 around christmas time. And theres only us both in the family. A family of 4 who have had lots of tragic events happen to them. But they both kinda had the same bad of reaction. my dad who is i retired RCMP i can see in his face that he is just so heart broken and not knowing what to do exactly. He suffers from post pardum depression from when he was in the RCMP. I know that this family just doesnt need any of this crap and hurt anymore.

Sorry about what happened. Please keep on posting so we know how you are doing.

[NuckingFutz]

Well here goes. I was you when I was young. I started out just like your situation. And then word got around via the men who were doing this then a lot of other guys would pressure me. Life became an out of control situation. I ran away from home because I could not deal with it. I have delt with many of my issues and still continue having to deal with this one. I wish had gotten to talk to someone like you did with your parents. I do not think I would be having so much trouble now if I had been able to get support and help. It is okay to say no. It is ok to ask for help from people you know care about you. My healing began when I learned about self esteem and self worth. Occasionally I will come across a post or a news story or a nightmare that will bring this period of my life back to me. I am glad you talked to your parents and I hope that next time you find yourself in a similiar situation, you will be strong enough to get away from them. Keep posting and let us know how you are working through this.

[Tatyana2009]

Hi Cutbuddie,

I am glad you spoke to your parents about this, even if it made them sad and angry (naturally). It is important that you remember that its not your fault. This man took advantage of you and your lack of experience. You need to me mindful not to let others do the same!

No family 'needs' grief but these things happen. I can understand feeling sorry for your family that they have to deal with another trauma but at the same time - you need to focus on yourself and get the support from them. You are the victim here but it does not mean that you always will be a victim. You can get on top of things and not let those that are not worthy come close to you.

I hope you feel better today and sending you a big hug xxxx

[cutbuddie]

I haven't slept all that much in the past few days. I can sleep but only in a deep sleep, I can not dream or else bad things will show up. I have the feeling where you don't know what to do or if you can do anything. Like no hope at all . Like that night, i found my razor and y head just started pounding on me. screaming at me "just do it!" over and over again. This has happened to me once before but only once. I hate what he did to me. I can't even look at a guy anymore or touch him. He ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. He's moving in like 2 days and i can't even look at him

[Tatyana2009]

I am sorry you feel so down. Its understandable that you feel this way.

What this guy did was wrong! But you should not blame yourself. You can learn from this and move on. If I were you I would go back to my mother and talk to her about how you feel.

Are you seeing a counsellor? Talk about this if you do and if you dont - book one to talk things through.

If you are feeling low - listen to some nice music, have girly chat with a friend or watch a funny film. I know that this might sound strange as you feel so horrible but try to step out of it and in time you will feel better. But please talk to someone!!

I am a bit lost about the boyfriend - moving in??

[cutbuddie]

Well my parents are going to call one tomorrow for this. Like I just don't feel like i can trust her with what i say, if you know what i mean. But if i have a girls night or go to a movie then i'd just be blocking out it all, wouldn't it?

[NuckingFutz]

Hi cutbuddie! I am so sorry you have had such a tough time with this sweetie. I think that working with a therapist will help a lot. As far as blocking it out...a few outings with friends to cheer you would be a good thing. You have a lot of support on here too. Keep posting...like you said in another thread...it is kind of like having a second family in a way.

[Tatyana2009]

Its good that your parents are calling a counsellor tomorrow. No one expects you to feel you can trust her straight away if it is a counsellor you do not know. But hopefully you will feel comfortable enough to share some things. See how it goes and do not worry about it. Its not an exam. She is there to help you in your pace. Remeber that.

As for have a girls night or watching a film - it is only 'blocking it' if you do it all the time or most of the time and avoid talking about the issues. If you are doing this in moderation - watching a film today and the day after tomorrow meeting with a friend lets say - it allows you to have some 'free time' from thinking about what happened and get your resources. Do you see what I mean? I am a great believer in doing something good for yourself at least once a day. Something that makes you feel good. Like eating ice cream or watching a film or having a nice bath or walking in the park with your dog or listening to your music. You need to be good to yourself. Do not punish yourself further honey!

I hug you xxx

[eskielover]

When bad things like this happen to us, it's important that we get the professional help to work through it after opening up to your parents. It takes awhile to build up trust with a theapist. I might say that this might really be a very good thing to get you talking with a therapist cause it sounds like you have more things than this going on in your life by what you say here:

Like that night, i found my razor and y head just started pounding on me. screaming at me "just do it!" over and over again.

Sometimes good things come from bad experiences & we end up getting help for more than what we realized we needed help with.

I am so glad you opened up here. I remember when I was young, when bad things happened, they would eat away inside of me until I would get sick before I was willing to let them out (or could figure out how to let them out).

When someone goes ahead and takes advantage of us when we have said NO, like they have told you, that is considered rape. But we have to be very careful not to allow ourselves to get into those kind of situations in the future. Not so easy to initially when we are rather confused about life. Sometimes we have to use these horrible situations as a learning experience.....we learn who we can trust & who we don't trust & don't let ourselves spend time with those we don't trust or even don't think we can trust if nothing more than to protect ourselves until we have more confidence in our judgment.

Hopefully if this happened before,

This has happened to me once before but only once. I hate what he did to me.

it won't happen again. That is why therapy is so very important it sounds like you need some outside help to get a better understanding of yourself. It is good that you hate what he did to you......those are the values you need to hold onto. No we can't change what happened, but we can make sure it doesn't happen again.

Sex is not something to do for recreation, as a thing to do like going to a movie. It is a very important thing that we need to hold onto & make sure it's only with the one special person in your life. It's tough to be strong & hold onto our values when so many around us are pushing us not to.

Glad you were able to post here.....it is a great place to get valuable input & wonderful support. Everyone has had such wonderful thing to say here & glad you have receiver such valuable support. This is not the end of your world even though it sort of feels like it for awhile. Sadly, many times we end up going throug some horrible things in order to figure out in our own minds what we really believe to be right & wrong for us. I am sorry you had to go through this to get to that point.

Keep posting & letting your feelings out......it will be wonderful help along with good Therapy IRL....you will come through this & be able to sleep again & have a good relationship with a boyfriend in the future.

Take care,
eskielover

[VickiesPath]

Hi Cutbuddie,

Remember me? I was the first person to post after this crappy New Year's Disaster happened? There's a couple of things I would like to add here and a confession I would like to make.

I really envy you. I really am proud and so happy that you were able to tell your parents what happened to you. I know that you made them unhappy when you did. But it was very brave of you and you obviously felt very safe in telling them. Even though your father has PTSD from having served in the RCMP, he and your mom agreed upon getting you some professional help and that is a MAJOR thing. You may not have the ideal parents in your eyes, but believe me when I tell you that they are pretty cool.

When I was your age, actually a little younger, on two occasions, two boys in my neighborhood attempted to rape me. I've never told anyone about this before. The reason I say "attempted" is because one, I know, would never have succeeded beyond the fondling stage because there were other people around but I slugged him and ran away. The other almost succeeded but, being very nimble and strong, I pulled up one leg and kicked him as hard as I could in his kidneys and it threw him off of me long enough for me to get up and pull my pants up and run. He couldn't outrun me because I was on the track team. I've always been very strong (until the past 15 years or so) and this was before I blew out my knee at age 15.

This last one was a very close call. I never told my parents about either incident because, first, they would have blamed me for them, and second, they had already raised me with so much shame I wasn't about to set myself up for more of that crap.

It took 30 years before I ever told anyone about these things and that was a therapist. I carried the pain and trauma with me that long.

Please, please don't do that to yourself. You deserve to feel better. There is no need to punish yourself for something like this.

Please. Do it for yourself. And, if you can't do that, do it for me.

[cutbuddie]

Thanks you guys.. So on Tuesday I went to see 3 different Counsellors during school. One was at a place where i used to see my old Counsellor but is no longer there. The other ones where at my school. Who ever knew we had a Social Worker there! Yeah.! But she's really nice. She told me I can call her anytime and go to Tim Hortons to have some Coffee and talk anytime. She's so nice! I wish she was my mom.. weirdly.

Yeah I talked to the Counsellor at the school and she gave me some numbers and Sexual Assault Counseling places I can go to. Just a walk-in kind of counseling place. I can't believe how supportive they where! So on that day I missed 3 classes 2nd, 3rd and 4th.

Today I wrote down my statement, hoping to lay charges. But it might take a couple days to process through. Because They requested a Female officer for this case just so I was more comfortable, WHICH would be VERY helpful for embarrassing questions not to be AS embarrassed.

I'd like to thank you guys SO much for your support for helping me through this big confusing mess.

I LOVE YOU ALL

<3 Kenzee

[NuckingFutz]

Glad you are getting help. If you find yourself in this situation again, think of us and how we care. About to write some words to help all in your situation.

[eskielover]

I am so glad to hear that everything is going so well with the counsellors & with writing a statement to give to the police. Glad they are getting a female officer to work with you. I know that being able to take positive action on situations like this help you feel more in control of the situation (after the fact) but better at this point than not at all.

Glad to hear your positive report
Debbie

[salukigirl]

I am so proud of you. This happened to me when I was 15 and I didn't tell anyone except for a couple friends. Never told either of my parents and then, to top things off, the guy went around the high school telling people I wanted it and that I was a slut. I really wish now that I would have pressed charges but I was so afraid of telling my parents because I didn't want to get in trouble for hanging around this guy! How silly now that I think about it, but then the thought of getting in trouble for being with a guy without telling my parents was scarier than living with the guilt and horrible feelings.

I really am so glad that you told them and are getting help. You are a very smart 15 year old and I hope that guy gets whats coming to him!

[Tamale]

Wow, cutbuddie you are so young to have this happen to you. I don't know what I would have done if this had happened to me when i was 15.
I am glad you are getting it all out in the open; like other people have posted, keeping it to yourself could really be painful and harmful.
Like someone else also said, this is a time in your life when you are still developing your personality and sexuality and it's important to do that in a healthy way.
You are a smart girl, best of luck to you, keep us posted!