Overly Curious About Other Relationships

I'm currently in a relationship with a girl (I'm 17 and ses 16, I'm a junior she's a sophomore)l that I do really like but lately things just haven't been working out. I think I may have found the exact reason why...

This is actually my first real relationship and I think I got way to obsessed with what a relationship is like and I think because this is my first relationship, I feel like I want to see what other people are like. But at the same time I feel like I don't want to lose someone like this because she is just amazing to me. She's smart, she's nice, she's caring, she goes through my anxiety attacks with me for a good portion of the time were on the phone. I just don't understand what other girls would do this for me. Also he personality is awesome and she's loved by a lot of people.

But even though I feel this way for her, I feel like nothing is working mainly because I am way to curious what else is out there. My mom had suggested an open relationship but I honestly don't feel like doing that sort of, mainly because this girl has said how much she cares about me and I'm the best boyfriend she has ever had. So why would she want an open relationship.

last night I took a break and then about an hour later I called it off because I talked to a grandparent ad said it sounded like I am screwing with her head, it sounds like this because I tell her exactly how I'm feeling, I'm completely open to this girl and I've told her at times that I have been uncertain about our relationship and at tomes completely sure. So I called the break off and we came up with the conclusion to talk less and limit talking to just calling at night unless we have something we really want or need to talk about. There were other reasons as well, I told her that I feel like I'm doing all the work to see her all the time and just doing what she wants even though she does do things I want to do. I told her about being curious about other girls as well.

So would a open relationship be a good idea here? Would I be playing with her head even more? I'm scared to lose this girl but at the same time I can't enjoy it because I'm WAY to curious.

I personally do not feel like an open relationship is ever a good ideal if you truly care about someone... and if you are not ready to commit to one person then maybe having a gf is not the answer for you at the moment... maybe try dating different people for a while.

I do not think you are ready to have a relationship.

The girls deserves someone to love her with passion.

And it sounds like you want to explore a bit.

Open relationships are not a good idea.

Be honest with her and be honest with yourself.

The grass is always greener on the other side. If you love this girl and she loves you back, cherish it. If you abandon her and end up single in the end you'll be kicking yourself because you threw away something extremely valueable. Love is hard to find, and if you believe you've truely found it, hold onto it as tight as you can. It's a hard thing to get back once you throw it away.

No it just appears that way to a person looking over due to dark shadows.

Well I broke up with her this afternoon. We decides to stay friends for now and just work at it. Were both going to a sophomore banquet and going to stay talking a lot and just hope for the best. At the moment I still feel like talking/seeing other girls but at the same time I feel like I should be paying attention to getting my relationship with my ex working. This is confusing me...

Take your time and dont feel like you have to know right a way whats best. If you are not sure - its a sign that you did the right thing by breaking up. And you will stay friends - so thats great. I a few weeks you can check how you feel again x

Even though were currently broken, I have no idea what's going to happen. I am missing her a little more every day. I'm not used to being just friends with her. But she is someone I can really relate to so much and talk to about anything and I was considering asking her if she would be my first, yes, I'm talking about sex. I feel like it would be a good thing seeing that I know my feelings toward her and I know her feelings toward me, even though were broken up. Although I'm not sure if it would be the best thing to ask because of my situation wanting to see other people but at the same time I feel like it would be special for us. I'm not sire what the right thong to do here would be. Although I'm really hoping I come together here and want to get back together with her.

Did you try to talk to your parents ot a counsellor about this?

Personally - and it is a subjective matter - breaking up with her and having sex the first time does not go together.

We both actually broke up with eachother. We both thought it would be best for now seeing how I feel towards the relationship. Maybe I just wasn't ready for a relationship, I don't know....

How do you get ready to be in a relationship?

I think at your age, you're not ready for a serious relationship and neither is she at 16. I think you both could remain friends and see other people but don't become serious. I think you should for now, just be friends with other girls. Good luck.

You dont 'get ready' to be in a relationship. Being ready to have a relationship means you are emotionally mature to care, love and commit to someone. Emotional maturity comes with time, experience and learning about life and about yourself.

Nothing wrong with waiting a bit and when you feel you can love, care and commit to someone special (not think about other relationships, girls, possibilities, and have that excitement feeling of being with your special someone) then you will know the time is right. Then having sex is part of a loving committed relationship.

In my opinion having sex at 16 is too young in those terms of emotional maturity. There is no harry you know.

I agree many young people who are having sex and in relationships aren't necessarily ready to do either. Relationships are tough enough for the most mature people. I think what you're feeling is normal sexual attraction for others but it's good you recognize she is a nice young lady.

You're still young. You will definitely know when it's the right one! For now, enjoy as much as you can without the worries of being with one person, especially if you aren't ready to commit 100%.

I agree with 1flagwriter. If you get back and chose her to be the 1st -for sure she'll expect you to be exclusive and I don't think you're ready for that. Now is the time to enjoy a little and experiment - I'm not advocating promiscuity but nothing wrong with a little lite hearted experience with out the complications of an exclusive relationship. I'm recommending this, since you're expressing interest in other people.

I honestly have no idea what to do. Every time I see her I almost cry and a lot of the times how I think it could f worked. I don't feel as if this is a girl I can get over. I'm all confused on what to do, I feel as if I should stick it out for a while and see how I feel but at the same time I leave myself curious about other girls. Then I feel like maybe I'm not ready for a relationship and the only relationship I want to be with is with this girl but like I said, I'm still curious about others.

I'm not the kind of guy that can just hook up with a girl. I'm a much more sensitive guy and am against hooking up. I feel like hooking up with someone would lead me into a relationship but at the same time if it was with another girl, I'd always have my mind on my ex. How am I supposed to explore then if I'm against hooking up without being in a relationship? My whole situation is screwed up.

Na.... not screwed up. You are just fine. You need to relax a bit. Take your time and then decide. Not harry.

I think that when you are ready to be in a relationship you will know. For me - it's the feeling of not wanting to be apart from the person, they become your best friend and lover. You miss them when you are away from them and think about them without realising it. For instance when you go shopping you see things that they would like rather than looking for things for yourself etc.
Mind you I get a little wrapped up in love. Everyone is different.

Personally the 'first time' should be with someone special that you are in a relationship with and care about deeply. Sex can be an emotional experience - especially the first time.

I am way to confused on what to do. I am breaking out crying every time I get emotional near her and even on the phone. She is always there for me even though I've still been thinking on the negative side of things and she is just always there for me. I love it so much and I do want to be with her but why can't I get the thought of other girls out of my head. I want to be with this one girl but I'm thinking way to much about others. I just don't feel right being just friends with my ex, even though it's still nice, I feel like it's more than that..

I've just been talking to her today but I'm still confused. I like this girl a lot and care about her and I have fun talking about her. But the thought of oter girls is still in the back of my head. But like I said, I would always think again her. Give it a few more days to see? I feel like I want to ask her back out sort of but I have a feeling it may go the same way, so I'm thinking to give it a few more days to see how it goes and how I feel without her as my gf. Also when I'm talking to her I can't stop touching her and going for hugs from her haha..

are you seeing a therapist? maybe if you are so in distress and feel so confused and tearful speak to the school counsellor?

I'm seeing a school counselor and just talking to family members and friends. I've been trying to go see a therapist but haven't been able to go see one. I'm on a bunch of 3-6 week waiting periods.


So anyway, she told me even after we broke up that she was going to take me to the sophomore banquet and when I got all upset when she said another friend asked she said "don't worry, your still going" and she kept that excuse for 2 or 3 days.

Yesterday she told me how she really felt about it and she said "she's not comfortable taking me because we just broke up and we need time apart". Even though I was still unsure about the relationship I had said that I wanted to try to go back out again by reaction which was also due to her saying before that she doesn't want to go out anytime soon. I felt like I had lost someone really special even though I still sort of feel like seeing other people. Although I really don't feel comfortable with anyone else at the moment and im regretting it a bit. I don't know what to do, I just told her to text/call me when you want to talk and all today I've been avoiding contact but if I do see her I just say things like "hey". She thinks the best thing to do now is to be friends and when she's ready to hang out shell let me know and we will try to build a relationship from there. I honestly moss her a lot and it's hard to just wait around until she wants to go out again, but I really like her and I can't tell still either of this is what I want to do. But I feel so left out without her and this doesn't feel like a habit to me, I just love who she is even though there are things that irritate me.

I tried talking to another girl today and I just couldn't do it and no one is really holding my interest even though I'm not talking to them. I just don't feel right without her around and this is because I grew a really close bond with her. She didn't only become my girlffriend, she became my best friend. I don't know why I want to experience dating with others but I still miss her a ton. Everytime I see her in the halls I get a little scared and relieved at the same time just because I am missing her comfort and I'm not used to not talking with her. It's only been a day. I feel like I need to be back in the relationship with her.

Also, should I be mad at her keeping me going about sophomore banquet?

Any help and advice is appreciated. Thank you!

Any advice on what to do here would be appreciated.

It's normal at your age to think about other girls and to even think about sex a lot. I think it's good you're taking a break with your GF because it's not fair to her, when you're all confused. I think you need some time to think and don't concentrate on having any girl for now. Just be friends with people for now. No you shouldn't be mad at her about the banquet - it would be awkward for her to go with you, considering you're supposed to be apart. Try to relax and it's normal to feel bad since you just broke up. Give yourself some time to think but try not to over analyze things.

Sweetheart, you sound to me like a very sensitive boy. You obviously like this girl very much. And no I do not think you sould be angry with her. She is right.

It sounds to me like there may be an issue with boundaries for you. Is your home environment very strict? or vert lenient? Are your parents together? whats their relationship like?

If you do not like answering this here think about it and how it affects you and speak to the counsellor about it.

I hope you see a T soon xxxx

Well I know she is right about not taking me to the banquet. But leading me on about it for 2 days after we broke up wasn't exactly the right thing to do though I would think, right? I mean she said that she didn't want to hurt me at the time because I was getting all upset but is it still right to encourage me that I'm going and then tell me? I'm sure she has her reasons but those little things get to me.

And I do have some things going on at home. My brother may be going to jail for some stuff. Nothing majorly serious but it's still the point. My parents are always complaining about what he's doing. My dad lost his job a while ago and is on a temporary job and they have always been complaining about that. They're always complaining about money. My
moms been saying she wants to sell the house. I never get to see my brother, if I do he comes in always looking out of it. Then on top of all this I am trying to figure my relationship out. I'm just way to stressed at the moment and it's starting to seem like I'm just emotionless right now because I'm just so use o everything at this point and it makes it harder for me to know what to do.