Can't shake the thoughts this week

LOL love the way you phrased that.. "let him drive"... I know that I should but he's going to be gone in 4 day for 4 weeks.. I'll go stir crazy in that time haha.. I think that he is just a really sweet guy who wants to do the whole 'relationship' thing the right way...

Try to let the darkness just slide right by you rather than wrap around you.. I know it's hard but stay positive and remember that I'm always here to listen when you want to write anything down

I have no plans for the next 4 days other than spending as much time with him as I can.. so will fill you in when I have a chance!

wow Belle sounds like you are really smitten with this new guy and having lots of fun on the fast ride.

I gotta ask though.... why such a rush to having sex? Geesh girl that's a big step to make so quickly don't ya think? You are so ready to invest your heart with him and seal it with sex..... just seems way too fast to me.

I admire your resilience and willingness to put your heart out there again but I wonder if you shouldn't be at least a little more protective of your heart.

If it were just for the sake of having sex that is one thing but if it is sex with a heart investment I think it wise to move more slowly. I would wait at least until his next visit home before taking it to that level of intimacy. If you think he might be 'the one' then all the more reason in my view to wait.

I wasn't going to join you guys in your discussion involving sex but here I am tossing in my two cents for what it is worth.

Thanks Sanity, your two cents is always welcome and appreciated.

I'm not going to rush the sex thing... it's more that I feel I wont know if he is right for me until then.. and because he is going away for 4 weeks back to work I guess I just want to experience everything NOW

I'm not exactly smitten.. it's more that he just seems reight.. maybe not mr right for ever but right for now
I am protecting my heart in some ways.. I don't feel emotionally attached yet.. so far it's been a whirlwind 3 days.. whole days spend together.. me actually taking time off work to do that - strange behaviour for me...but I am enjoying it and I think that's what counts.

I am so happy to hear you are enjoying yourself. That is awesome.

I remember when I was 35 and I went to Costa Rica for the Christmas break. I had been a born again virgin for 11 years and didn't think I was looking for romance when I heading out for 2 weeks of sun and relaxation. Mostly I was just trying to avoid my usual Christmas blues since my mother had passed on. I just needed a change of scenery and impulsively jumped on a plan.

A few days into my trip I met up with a guy from Australia... haha... fancy that! Anyways, he was great fun and all the stars alligned for me to let go of all my reserves and inhibitions and fall into a full on holiday romance with him. He and another guy had been travelling for several months throughout Central and South America. He wasn't due to return to Australia for a couple of more months.

We travelled from the west coast where we had met and stayed for my first week in a very small resort village to the east coast for another week in an equally small resort village.

I was very clear with him and myself that I was just in it for holiday fun once the romance began. When it came time for me to fly home he was talking about travelling up to visit me. I insisted it wasn't an option. He couldn't come into my real life. I wasn't prepared to see what had grown between us grow any further. Its wierd I guess but I would never have been so quick to have sex with him if I were seeing him as a potential life partner. I wasn't prepared to invest emotionally.

As it turned out he didn't follow through on his threat to come to my home town but a part of me always wished he had. I saw his tears while he waved final goodbyes and as I rounded the corner out of his sight to board the plan I shed some of my own. I knew then that I was not as in control of my emotions as I thought I was but I also knew I would never see him again.

Not sure why this story comes to mind or why I am sharing it with you but there ya go just the same.

belle, i'm so glad you're enjoying your time with this new guy. his wanting to take things slowly is a very healthy sign. unfortunately, in my experience when relationships are happening really fast they usually end fast too. so i'm all for slow...at least in theory.

That's exactly what I was trying to say. Thanks Bloome for being so articulate.

can't more agree with Bloome....that's totally correct....

Hi girls

Thanks for sharing sanity means a lot to me xx

It is still going 'slowly'... spend most of last night watching dvd's and cuddling on the couch. A few kisses and then he went home. Perfect.
We decided to go away together tonight.. just to stay at the edge of the hills in a nice hotel. I don't really expect there to be sex but if there is then it feels right. he leaves in 3 days for 4 weeks. We have just seemed to clicked.. the parents like him and so does my dog (she is usually a good judge - she barked non stop at Richard haha)

So will see what happens, it is fast in someways but slow in others as the separation time will be long. He has put skype on my computer so that we can talk every night that he is away

I am looking forward to what ever happens.. just cuddling is fantastic xxxx

The weekend away was perfect...spent the days just eating, relaxing and cuddling.. He really is a special guy.
In the morning we talked about sleeping together etc.. have to say that I was a little confused that we hadn't.. i mean it was a weekend away in a king sized bed lol.
He said the reason he hadn't ripped my clothes off was that he didn't want me to think he was just there for sex.. wants more.. wants to spend every minute with me etc.. SO that made sense.. and yeah then it hapened in the afternoon lol..
I feel like a teenager... we have spent every moment possible together.. and he leaves tomorrow morning early..
I think that it is more than just a fling for me.. it feels right so far. And I don't mind that he works away (all though 4 weeks away is a little long).. he's doing it for the money which is great. and I get to relax and just miss him while he is gone..

My only problem is trusting my feelings enough to open my heart again.. like really open it and let someone else in.. that is going to be the hard part...
He knows a little of what happened to me, and sayd that he's not a cheater and have never done that.... well all that goes through my head is that Mark wasn't like that either and I never expected what happened to have happened...
I may go see my T between now and when he gets back from work just to sort out the emotions a bit more...

good that you had a good time with him....just one thing...how much do you really know him besides what he tells you? why does he have to work far?

Okay.. in Western Australia there are a lot of iron ore and gold mines up north... probably 50% of the people that are over in Perth work in the mining sector. The money is great if you are what we call FIFO (fly in fly out...) so you work a scheduled roster, like 4 weeks up working and one week back in Perth.
It's not something that he wants to do for the rest of his life, more just a way to earn some brilliant money while he's young and fit enough to do it.
His parents live about a 10 minute drive from my house.. so he usually stays there when he is down for the week R & R.

Marjan you are right in that I don't know that much about him other than what he has told me but I think that is how it is with all new relationships/romances.

He came to my nephews birthday party with me yesterday.. and talks well with Mum and my Step Dad as well as my sister and her hubby... very different to Mark as he didn't want to go anywhere and always acted like he was forced to attend family things...

He wanted me to methis parents and sisters but to be honest I'm a bit shy about that.. maybe next time he's down if I still feel like I do at the moment.

Am not totally emotionally involved, it's going to be strange being in a 'relationship' when I will only see him every 4 weeks...

Sounds like a wonderful beginning. thank goodness for technology hey. I assume you will be able to connect with him while he is away. Enjoy the feelings and maybe try not to overthink anything. You will be okay no matter what. Trust yourself first and the rest will follow naturally.

Thank you Sanity xxx

We will have to use skype and email to stay in contact.. the first thing he did when he arrived was put skype on my computer lol

So far so good, trying not to over think things.. hard though lol - haven't heard from him today and finding it a bit weird, I know he was busy and had things to do before he leaves but am a little freaked out that he hasn't gotten in touch with me today..

I imagine he is busy getting ready to go back to work. I hope you hear from him soon. Did you make plans to see each other before he heads out again? This is going to be tough. Mind you reunions are always sweet. You may have to find yourself a new hobby to fill the times when he is gone. No wonder your mind is all a buzz. Breath and let it unfold I guess is the best one can do with these kinds of circumstances.

So what does your family think of him? Are they are taken with him as you are?

It is going to be tough.. but he will look for a different roster as soon as he can so that he is only away 2 weeks and then back one week.

Mum and step dad really like him.... mainly I think becuase he talks and is the total opposite of Mark.. plus he's just a normal guy, no real baggage, not hang ups, no mental issues...
Plus my dog likes him, which is usually a good sign

How are you doing Sanity?

I am doing pretty well. Still no depression so that is a huge blessing. Other stuff is easy to handle in comparison. The weather here is still more like early spring than summer. We all keep wondering if we are even going to have a summer. The garden is so stark in comparison to this time last year. We are all in serious need of some sun and heat. I hope to be complaining of it soon. lol.

Dogs are amazing when it comes to reading people. I always take their responses to people very seriously too. It is a great sign for sure that your dog likes him.

I am so glad that you aren't depressed at the moment

It's winter over here but it has been the coldest winter on record. Usually we get a few cold nights but it's been freezing for over two weeks now. I can't wait for Spring and then Summer - need to warm my bones

I do take how my dog reacts to people pretty seriously, find that if she likes them then they are usually gentle in nature and nice people.

Louis was just out and about yesterday getting everything sorted before he went back up north. He let his mobile/cell at home - silly me stresing lol.

We had a nice night, just spent on the couch watching tv, talking and cuddling. I am going to miss the cuddles the most. We can talk every night on Skype and messages on FB during the day.

I like him. Too early to know if I could love him, right now it's all butterflies in the tummy and hightened emotions.

He flew out this morning.... 4 weeks seems like such a long time but it will probably fly by and to be honest I like the idea of having time to myself. Maybe that's a little selfish but I have become used to my own company and I like it

belle, sounds like you're off to a good start with this guy. enjoy.

Thanks Bloom I really do feel good about it..
Just have to learn to shake the doubts and negatives that form in my head... am sure that after time I'll trust fully and open my heart, just not yet and my head is telling me to protect myself for the time being xxx

great Belle....it looks like everything is going well....

wow....I can't imagine somewhere else in the world is winter right now...JULY...WINTER....WOW....it's interesting how we are programmed....I was born in July....and July is always summer to me....hehehe....love to see Australia....heard that is very beautiful....

I will start getting on my online dating soon....my mum is here another two weeks....gosh...she opened Facebook account....I really don't like to add her into my personal life that much....oh god...that's so difficult now....I love her, but she's so unpredictable and not sure what she will write or do on the FB....I lost so many relationship, even a job over her attitudes....it's like a nightmare adding my family to my friends....am I crazy????

enjoy your new relationship....it's so good to feel all those emotions....hope I can do that too....I'm just so scared to get hurt that I covered myself with a shell.....not sure how to get out of the shell....probably, I need to see a therapist....

plus...four weeks is nothing....it will go very fast....

Thanks Marjan

I know what you mean about adding your mum to your facebook... I have some family that I just wouldn't add... if I did I would have to check all of the time what they were writing.. I suppose one option is to use the privacy settings so that your mum can't post on your wall etc... something to think about I guess.

I am still smiling about Louis.. it's nice and I feel happy inside.. but still so scared to be in a 'relationship' again... that lable scares me.. so I guess I just have to think of it as dating a really nice man

Enjoy Belle. Sounds like you have the best of both worlds. A good guy to care about and time to yourself to do your own thing. Perfect!

Thanks Sanity xx

had yoga tonight and couldn't relax... so much on my mind. I am so frightened of being hurt again... of course Louis says he would never hurt me, but well Mark always said that too..
I don't want to be single but trying to start a relationship again has my mood swinging from high to low. I don't know if I can trust what I feel/think... I really like this guy, but if I get too attached then will I get hurt again? If I keep an emotional barrier is it reallt fair to him? would I be able to keep the barrier up anyway and why do I feel its necessary?
So many questions going through my head... any ideas hoe to overcome this fear?

my advice to you....just try to live in a moment....and don't spoil your happiness for all these ((Ifs)) that you are thinking now.....
Not all people are like each other and not all relationships are the same.....trust your gut and live day by day......you will be fine....

You are overthinking this so acknowledged that first. I would totally be doing the same. Second you should acknowledge that being in a relationship means risking getting hurt. It comes with the territory and there is a good chance there will be times in even the most ideal relationship that your feelings will be hurt. He doesn't get you. He doesn't understand. He ignore you. He huvers. He may never cheat but then again he might. You can't know going in what the future holds but you can know that investing in a relationship means taking risks.

The thing is you will survive no matter what. You survived Mark and yea it was painful but you got over it. Would you give up your time with Mark to have avoided that pain? I doubt it. All in all it was still worth the pain to have the years you had together. You survived to love again. You will always survive. You will always pick yourself up and start all over again if you have to. You are a strong and resilient woman. You can afford the risk.

Is this maybe more of a control issue that goes beyond taking the risk to go with the flow with Louise? Is putting up barriers to any risky venture how you want to live your life? Can you live with the losses that come with controlling outcomes? There will still be outcomes you can't control in your life. You never know what the future holds but you can be certain that overprotectiveness will hold you back from a future you could have if you gave yourself over to taking risks.

I was listening to an interview with a woman who has written a book about my generation of boomers. She was comparing us to the previous generation on the question of regret. My parents generation talks alot about not having regrets. The author suggests this is influenced by their limited choices. With my generation, who had all the choices in the world she believes on the subject of regret we will say that we don't regret what we did but what we didn't do. What we didn't risk and what we didn't give ourselves over to experiences. Of course we can't do everything but if our criteria is influenced by fear then chances are we will have some regrets for holding back.

Personally I am choosing to stay out of relationships to avoid the risk AND pain. Yea I will survive but I would rather not have to travel that road again. Mind you I said that before I met Dennis so one never really knows what the future holds. It took me more than 10 years to open my heart to be touched by Dennis so I am a pretty slow healer. lol. At that rate I've another 5 years of healing to be open again. That will make me 60. I hear those can be the most romantic of all love affairs. lol.

You want a relationship Belle. You want all the good the bad and the ugly that goes with it. You can let yourself go for what your heart desires. The risk is worth it. Be fearless and let the love flow. It will always be worth it for you. You are a passionate loving woman and you need to honour that about yourself or you will just impose greater pain in the useless attempt of avoiding pain. You can't win if your goal is to avoid getting hurt. You will just hurt yourself by trying to set your life up to not be hurt by another.

Let go of the controls and let your heart sore. Overthinking this is costing you the euphoria you could be feeling right now. Falling in love is precious. Don't waste a minute of this time being afraid. Even if it doesn't last it will be wonderful while it does. And if it goes south it goes south. You will find your north again. And again and again as many times as you have to. That's the life journey.

Now come on BE HAPPY!!