Angry

Hubby and I bought daughter an '03 Grand Am. Nice car...loaded. We told her things like, be careful, you need to get used to a new car, it's a fast car, etc. etc. etc.

The SECOND day she had it, she went to visit b/f which is a 20 minute drive down the interstate. 36 days before her 18th b'day, she gets a speeding ticket! She was going 82 in a 65! I'm so angry!!!!! I was more scared than angry when she first told me...what if she'd been hurt???

Anyhow, 28 days before 18 birthday she gets an offense that lands me in juvenile court. In Ohio, teens that get a ticket for anything have to appear. UGH! I've never been to court for myself or one of my children! I know I'm going to freak.

I have to get up at 5 to leave at 7 because I'm not even sure where I'm going. It's in another county. Oh, is her drive with me tomorrow going to be UNPLEASANT.

28 days...

Thanks for letting me rant.

KD

Whoa... that really stinks, KD. I can only imagine how disappointed you are in her. I remember, though, as a teenager driving like a complete maniac. There is absolutely no way I'd drive like that now. What is it about teenagers and driving fast? You think they'd be scared. But, I guess being a teenager is about testing all kinds of limits.

That law in Ohio seems like a good one, actually. It would sure make ME think twice about doing it again, if I were her.

Good luck!

thanks ((((((((((((LMo)))))))))))))

i am disappointed in her for that. i really am. she said the officer knew exactly what was going on because she'd backed off before she even had him in her view, then he saw the thirty day tags. ugh.

she should have been paying better attn. she will pay this fine. i promised her that.

thanks again,

kd

Son had his first car, hubby told him to come home from his job straight down the main highway and slowly, as there was a snow storm coming and it was his first winter driving. He turned off on a side road to drive past his girlfriend's house, slid and ran into a small tree. Cut his forhead pretty bad and was sitting in a county truck waiting for the emergency squad when we got there. So, I am telling you this to say that I agree with you. Your daughter should pay her own fines, and do some hard thinking. My son is 33 and carries this nice circle scar from the steering wheel forever. And he had his seat belt on, and was not over the speed limit! Good Luck!!!

My brother was in 2 accidents before he was 18. He had to go to court for both, I believe. My dad went with him. The judge was really nice. In fact, my dad didn't say anything, the judge talked directly to my brother. So don't worry too much. Your daughter was driving, it's her responsibility to accept the consequences. You'll do fine. And she'll learn an important lesson. Speed and teenagers is a scary combo.

today.

That really sucks, KD. I got a reckless driving citation once -- that's what they give you if you're going 20+ over the limit in Virginia. I didn't even live there, so I had to drive all the way back down weeks later to go to court. I never forgot the experience, and it changed the way I drive. My recommendation, for what it's worth, is to let the judge give her the maximum penalty and don't try to plea it down. If she loses her license for a little while, it's really going to leave an impression. That's just me, though. I'd like to say that I wouldn't let her drive for a three months or so, even if the judge said she could -- but it's easy to hand out driving advice when your kid is 1 1/2 years old!

Thank you so much, everyone!

We got there this a.m. at 8. We sat for a minute, and I thought to ask if we were sitting in the right area (there appeared to be two separate areas). I go to information and ask if I'm in the right place for traffic court. She said traffic court is a 4:30 on Mondays and Tuesdays! She asked to see the ticket and couldn't believe that the officer put 8:30 a.m. She said he must've been new. At least they didn't make us turn around and come this afternoon (because they were boooked). We go back next Monday. I'm not pleased.

On the other hand, daughter is thrilled. Something about that didn't bring a smile to my face...lol.

Thanks again for listening. At least I know where it's at now and how long it takes to get there.

Have a great one!

kd

having had four teens, your daughter is thrilled because she think you'll be less angry for the next court session. hand in there!! i know how those little stinkers operate!

You bring about a good point, Ben. I'm wondering if Magistrate will just pull her license until she's 18...which will only be three weeks. In my mind's eye...that isn't enough...not for 82 MPH!!!

If the judge doesn't impose at least 30 days, her father and I will. We've already talked about that. It petrifies me to think of her going 82 MPH down the highway and not paying attn. Obviously she wasn't or she wouldn't have been going 82 to begin with.

My girlfriend said, "Kim, consider yourself lucky if you got both your kids to age and this is the worse you've had to put up with." Well, of course I do. However, that doesn't mean that this shouldn't be addressed...and appropriately. People make me angry sometimes. They talk about how protective and involved I am..."kids are going to be kids". Well, I thought about telling her that just maybe that's played a small role in why this is the worst that I've had to deal with (I know there's alot more that can affect our children than just the parental "role")? My kids well never doubt my care...that's for sure!

I'm truly blessed. I realize that. I've been blessed to have been able to give my kids direction as well, and this time I'm directing her to respect my child's life much more than she did that day.

This all is in the midst of "I'm going to be 18 and you can't say anymore." LOL. I told her NOTHING is changing. She's still in school and depending on me like a 17 year old. She's still a minor to me. hehe. She accepted that pretty well.

Thanks again, y'all! This child is my life, and also the pain in my neck.

kd

pat--so true! She's just thrilled it was put off. I reminded her how much I had to go thru to get there today, including having little man stay with his parents that has me worried silly.

Kimmy

First-- I'd like to say I'm glad your daughter is safe. Speeding can be so dangerous.

I've replied to others before about my son and his trouble last year-- it was a month after his 16th birthday- he got a speeding ticket. ( here in rural country- minors can get a full license at 16)-- he was going over 100mph in a 45mph zone.

We had to go to court-- some minors were there without parents-- so the judge was pleased to see my son had parental support. But like 1day- said-- the judge talked the whole time to my son (not to the parents)-- just a heads up for your daughter!! My son-- like JustBen-- was charged with reckless driving as he was more than 20 mph over the speed limit.
The thing that really drove the point home for my son was that he had to do one hour of community service for every mph over the speed limit!!! He did a lot of painting bus benches, sidewalk sweeping and weed pulling-- and it was served over Christmas break--- while other kids where seeing movies, hanging out at the malls-- he was "working" hard. It really left an impression on my son. (so far so good anyway, **fingers crossed**)

Whatever happens for your daughter-- I sure hope she will learn her lesson and be a safe driver.

Sheesh...... don't they know what this does to the parents!!!!!!!! Good luck next week to you and your daughter.

mandy

(((((((((((((((((mandy)))))))))))))))))) thank you so much for sharing! i'm so glad that the impression has stuck with your son to drive safely.

i hope the same thing happens here! thank you for the wishes!

kd

kimmy my cousins young daughter got a ticket like that and they pulled her lic for almost a year. Good luck hon. I know how it is with teens driving. my son got a speeding ticket doing 110 in a 55mph zone. they could have taken him to jail at that but they didn't. they dropped it down since the radar gun went to the shop to be repaired right after that happened. Good luck hon

Hi, Kimmy,
I too am glad to hear your daughter is still safe and okay. You bought her a very nice car, Kimmy. Let me ask, though, is this something she really needed? Did you have such a nice car at her age? I certainly didn't. I'm not judging or condemning you, and as a parent of a grown daughter myself, I do realize kids are different these days.
I am wondering how this speeding citation is going to affect your auto insurance. Besides paying the fine, your daughter might also benefit from contributing to the increased cost of insurance. Just a thought.
Seeker Patty

I thought of that seeker (insurance) however, any points she gains as a juvenile drop off on Nov. 21st. so it shouldn't increase.

the car was a present by me and her father based on an agreement we had when she started jr. high school. she's been an awesome teenager and held her end of the deal, so we did ours. she said it's helped her to make some pretty good decisions at some pretty rough times.

thanks!

kd

The points may drop off her license but I believe accident records/speeding tickets stay on your insurance for 3 years (depending on your insurance). You may want to ask your insurance company.

thx for all the info (((((((((((((((((1day))))))))))))))))))))) i hope you're right. she's never had an accident. well we were rear-ended, but it wasn't her fault at all.

i have to confirm that about the points. that's what driver's ed said.

thanks again!

kd

Hi Kimmy,

Just a personal view, which I'm sure won't surprise you, as it comes from my deep philosophy.

It's never worth getting upset with our own kids. Kids judge us by how much we don't get upset with them. The cooler we are, the more they respect us for it.

Good vibes will be remembered decades after the speeding tickets are forgotten IMHO.

I can understand how you feel though, and I'm sure your daughter does too.

Good thoughts, M

KD, try to not be too upset about the ticket. Last year on Halloween I had to rush in to town to get last minute costume stuff for my daughter. I've got a Chrysler Sebring, sporty sedan along the size of a Grand Am. Mine's a V6 though, lots of power, don't know about your new car. Anyway, I got caught going 81 in a 55 zone. That car rides so smooth, and I was the only one on a straight stretch of road and alone in the car. I had no clue I was going that fast until the state trooper pulled out behind me and I looked at the speedometer. Ooops.

A $350 ticket and 6 lost points later, you can be darn sure that I keep a close eye on my speed now. Oh, and for some reason it didn't affect my insurance premiums. In fact, they just dropped another $20 a month on this last bill, and it hadn't been a year since the ticket.

No one got hurt and maybe it will put just enough of a scare into her that she'll be more careful from now on.

Myzen, I'm not upset like alot of ppl would consider upset. When I still feel angry about it is when I think how desperately hurt she could've been. It scares me. We won't talk about this again until next monday. At that point, her father and I will decide if she/he has given her an appropriate consequence for her actions. We'll take it from there. I think I was just in shock that she was going 82! It scared me. One thing my daughter said is, "mom, I know that you get upset, and get over it. That's why I wasn't too afraid to tell you." It made me feel good. It's a true statement. I was frustrated as well because I had to send the baby with his parents so that we could go to court. That worried me greatly. I was scared because I had NO clue as to what might happen. With PTSD, I have to try to predict everything. Thank you so much for your input. It's always appreciated.

WI-WOW @ $350! her's will be about 250 then i'll bet. i'm glad your insurance didn't go up! i'm hoping ours won't as her points will drop off at 18. i just wonder if insurance companies have to abide by that??? we'll see. yep, hers is a V6. i drove it home on the interstate and it was so smooth and tight that i couldn't guage how fast i was going. i explained this to her at length before she drove it. she was being a typical happy go lucky kid and wasn't paying the attn that she needed to be. it's going to cost her. by the time all is said and done, i don't think she'll do it again. she's paying for this ticket...somehow.

thank you again!

kd

Kimmydawn if it was me I'd pull her license for 1 month and make her go to the hospital and volenteer on a ward that has car accident victums
Speed scares me to death
Angie

yep, angie. speed does me too. i get nervous when i see someone i don't know zooming down the highway.

hubby and i are going to wait to see what the magistrate does with her first. then we're going to adjust accordingly.

thank you so much. how are you doing?

kd

Sorry this is going on.
Hope it turns out for the best for everyone involved.
It is good to get your anger out.
(((KD)))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kimmydawn said:
"mom, I know that you get upset, and get over it. That's why I wasn't too afraid to tell you." It made me feel good. It's a true statement.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hey Kimmy,

No worries. That is an awesome piece of evidence of good parenting. If she is not afraid to talk to you when she's done something she knows is wrong, then you did good!

That's the big picture that I see.

Good thoughts, M

((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))))))) thank you.

(((((((((myzen)))))))))) thank you. i told her that if she were me, i'd be more likely to tell daddy (because i couldn't understand why she was freaking about her dad finding out). that's when she said that. she thinks that her dad keeps it in and his disappointment runs deep...which it really doesn't. i think she thinks he should freak more than he does sometimes, and thinks it's inside. not true. he's just not one to freak for one, and for two i can only think of two times he's really been angry with her. she's so worried about disappointing him because he has so much faith in her...the golden child in his eyes. me? i know she's a teen and call her on about everything she attempts, and talk to her about things constantly. bottom line, she knows that i know she's imperfect. i think she thinks her daddy thinks she is and she doesn't want to let him down.

truth be known...she's not far from perfect for a 17 yr old! hehehe

thanks again everyone.

kd

((((((((kimmydawn))))))))))

my mom would scare me saying she'd take me off her insurance if i get another ticket . . . it worked for me