I need help. Badly.

I just recently.... I dont know, I guess you can say that I overcame depression. My family doctor and I chatted for an hour about a month ago, and he came to the conclusion that I didn't need my Celexa anymore. He also chalked it up to "S.A.D.", which I know was a crock.

I've never had a therapist to talk to, and I know I need one, now.

Last night, my husband claims he caught me "cheating" online. I put an ad on Craigslist about 4 months ago for an email buddy to talk to when I'm at work. The husband goes to bed at 9, and I'm at work for another 6 hours, and I get bored and need the conversation, since the others here at work aren't my type. Well, the husband saw my blackberry, and saw how I've made a male friend, even though I didn't care whether I was talking to a man or a woman. I just wanted a friend. Well, this gentleman, "R", answered my ad, and we've been talking for about 2 months. NOTHING sexual at all was mentioned. In fact, the only thing we talked about was our families and our work. But, that doesn't seem good enough for my husband. I even showed him all of my emails to this guy from my work computer, and there is NO incriminating evidence.

I was told that I was a piece of $hit, I needed to die, I've ruined his life, etc. Granted, my husband is a king at turning tables on EVERYONE who makes him upset.

Recently, I was also diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and I've had bleeding for the past 3 months. I've gone to my ob/gyn three times (once a month to check in on the bleeding and the pain that I've been having), and the husband is dead set that I'm pregnant by this guy, and even though I've told him I've never met this guy, and I would gladly take a pregnancy test to show him that I'm not pregnant, he's refused. He even thinks I'm faking the bleeding.

Yet, he's staying at the house (which is in MY name, by the way), probably to make me feel even worse.

I explained to him that I was just looking for a friend, and I even showed him my ad, saying that I didn't care if a man or woman answered. My ad specifically says that I'm looking for friendship only.

So, after leaving work early yesterday because he told me he was going to kill himself unless I left work and came home to explain myself, and me getting a major write up at work, where I now have 3 unpaid days vacation for "abandoning my job," I'm sitting here at work, an emotional mess.

Yes, I know I'm a piece of crap. No, I never did anything with this guy other than talk/email. But do I really think I should die? No. I guess I need mental help.

I'm calling a therapist tomorrow. I'm nervous about not being able to afford it, and then potentially losing everything I have.

I'm so sorry to rant. Please feel free to tell me what a piece of crap I am, since my husband already made it fully clear.

You are not a piece of crap, MissingMyOldSelf!

I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through. It sounds like your husband could use some therapy -- do you think he would ever consider it? I have jealousy issues myself, and I have to admit that if my husband were corresponding with a female buddy I'd probably be upset -- or at least want to know more details -- BUT there is NO excuse for your husband's emotionally abusive behavior. Sounds like he said some horrible, unjustified things to you, and threatening to kill himself unless you come home from work to explain yourself definitely sounds like a sign of someone who needs to work on some issues.

I'm sure therapy would be very helpful for you, and I wish you the best of luck finding a therapist. Please keep us updated.

It sounds like he's upset because you didn't tell him. Not that I think that he should be snooping threw your phone. He shouldn't have done that. Has he been cheated on in the past? If he has then that might explain why he's acting like he is. I don't think your a piece of crap either. Just tell him why you didn't tell him from the get go.

Any man who treats his wife like that is a scumbag in my book.

You are not $h!T, you are a kind, and worthwhile person.
Don't let your ***** of a husband ruin your life.

I don't believe you are a piece of crap. You are trying! You're husband said some very tasty and hurtful things to you. However, that is HIS issue not yours. I hope you find some help in therapy. Sending you big hugs.

your husband is emotionally abusive to you!!! if he was my hubby i'd kick him to the curb. BTW is the curb on YOUR property? JK.
no, you're not a piece of crap...we all have value and worth. consider the fact that HE may be a piece of crap!
glad you are going to get help so you can find "youroldself".

you are NOT a piece of crap and I'm not even sure why you would think that about yourself from everything you posted.

Your husband sounds like a piece of crap for how he is treating you.

I'm not sure about the whole posting on Craigslist for a friend thing, but i've only used it for dating or selling things -i just never thought about using it for that. If you want to have a friend, you should be able to have a friend - if your husband is having a problem with this, it's out of his own insecurities. He's playing on your sympathies - HE needs mental help if he's threatening suicide. you might want to get help so you realize you deserve better treatment than you are getting. And if the house is in your name, kick the man out.
Good luck!

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a bad time. As others have said, this is HIS issue, not yours. Not only haven't you cheated on him but you've taken all the possible precautions you can to make sure there isn't a HINT of impropriety on your part. You've shown him that nothing has gone on and he still doesn't believe you. He obviously doesn't trust you. Unless you've done something in the past to give him reason to suspect you or disbelieve you then you have NOTHING to reproach yourself for.

In my opinion his behaviour is out of order and I suspect that all those words that he used against you are really how he feels about himself. I know it's hard NOT to take it personally when you're called things like that but please try.

I hope that things improve.

Take care and good luck *hugs*

Oh, no, no, no. That is so far beyond unacceptable that you need a high-powered telescope to even see acceptable from there. Your husband is cruelly manipulating you and has serious, serious mental issues himself. You're not a piece of ***** and you deserve so much better than this.

Hard as it may be, I think you need to start seriously reconsidering this relationship. People who are manipulative in this way almost never change, and he's just going to make you feel like ***** over and over again. He's being very emotionally abusive.

And, you know, he won't actually kill himself if you don't give into his demands. It's a manipulation tactic... don't let him use you like that and screw up your job.

Getting a therapist is probably a good idea. That way you'll have a dispassionate outsider who can help you figure out what to do.

I'm so sorry you're being treated like this. You have done nothing wrong and don't deserve it.

First off, thank you ALL so much for the support!!!!! Once again, I'm sitting here at work, Crying my eyes out because he's texting me and making me feel worthless again.

To answer some questions:

It sounds like your husband could use some therapy -- do you think he would ever consider it? Nope. He refuses. He says Im the one with problems. That a "real" wife would talk to her husband, and not some random guy, no matter who it is.

Has he been cheated on in the past? Yes, by an old girlfriend that was 3 or 4 years before me, and we met 7 years ago. So, it's not sure why this is all a problem now.

Not only haven't you cheated on him but you've taken all the possible precautions you can to make sure there isn't a HINT of impropriety on your part. To him, the fact that I'm even talking to another man is cheating. No matter who it is.

A few years ago, he snooped on my phone and he realized that he was a complete ahole about the whole thing. My friend J sent me a forwarded text with a silly male body part picture that was singing. Not long after that, J's brother, O, sent me the same text because he didn't know if I got it or not. (Note: O's been a friend of the husband's for 20 years.) Husband saw the picture that O sent, and flipped out. Said that I was receiving sexting pictures from his friend and that we both were pieces of crap, blah blah blah...Even CALLED O and told him what a piece of crap he was for doing that, and never letting O explain anything. When he finally stfu and saw that O's sister sent the same forward to me right before that, he realized he was in the wrong and still, to this day, NEVER apologized to me, or to O.

You know, it's sad when my coworkers are telling me how much of an ahole he is, and most of them haven't even met him. He's told me that a "real" wife wouldn't hang around single women to have bad influences on them (but his single friends are ok!).

Today, he wrote me and asked how work was going, what my plans were for this weekend, etc. Now, all of a sudden, he's been texting me here at work for the past hour. He criticized me for not finding a therapist that accepts my insurance (because remember, only I'm the one with the problems), and he's said the following:

1. I must really love you to try to work through this. Most husbands would have left their wives.
2. When I lay down at night, I start thinking about it all and I get a knot in my stomach.
3. I'm not bringing it all back up, you just have questions to answer to me.
4. I mentally hurt every night. My stomach makes me sick, I get shakes, and I run the gamut on emotions every night.
5. You tell me you cut ties with that a-hole, but you can just lie to me and still be talking to him.

He's also freaked out that I work with men (at the other end of the building) and thinks I'm going to start screwing them, I guess. I guess I'd better find a job that no men are allowed at.

The more he texts me, the more I'm actually getting the guts to say, "you know what.... just f'ing leave. I'm so done." In fact, I'm about ready to risk my job to run home and slam the door wide open and say, "Call your mom now to come get you. You're NOT taking my car, and you'd better have your stuff out of here QUICK."

You know, it's so amazing how much you KNOW for a fact that you're not a bad person, and that even though you know the truth, someone is always out there to make you feel like crap and put you down. I feel like absolute s *** because I know the truth, but he won't accept it, or listen. I've wasted 5 years of my life with this man, and nothing I can do or say will make him change his thought process.

So, if I'm right, and I know it, and he knows it, why do I feel so freaking awful about this?

I'm glad that you realize you aren't a peice of *****. I think that he has major issues he needs to work on. I also think your right in telling him to get out! You're right you can't change him and it seems obvious he doesn't want to change. You've learned stuff from being with him to remember in your next relationship.

You maybe feeling awful b/c he's made you feel so guilty and wont let it drop. I would feel bad if my husband kept bringing it up and trying to make me feel guilty about NOTHING.

You deserve so much better. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted.

Thank you

I just wish I knew why every single time I read a supportive message from you guys on here, I cry my eyes out. I think it's because I finally get the support and love that I've missed out in my marriage for so long.

I'm glad that you are feeling supportive and loved.

Sorry you haven't gotten it in your marriage.

How are you today?

I'm actually feeling much better today, Thanks for asking! I've somewhat dissociated myself from the whole situation and from him. I had lunch with a friend today, which was wonderful because it took my mind off a lot of things.

Also, the best part of my day: I found a therapist. I'm going Wednesday at 10am. She's mailing my paperwork to me so I can take my time filling it out and have it ready by Wednesday. I feel so much better just having that part taken care of!

I'm glad you found a therapist. That is a good start. Hope your day continues to go well. Here if you need to talk. Gentle hugs