How to stop obsessing over someone. Please help me.

thank you for your answer darling. i'm trying to focus on other things, thank you! good luck with your bill meeting and enjoy it!xx

Thanks, I'm actually so scared now that he will vomit/and or run when he sees me. I am
so ugly and he is, well he's Bill. I am Seriously going to have to wear a bag over my head. I didn't think it through..

I hope you have a nice Christmas though!

i'm sure he won't run away or vomit.

Good christmas to you, too.

so here i'm sitting again. i remember myself sitting here in the same place 2 years ago thinking about her, now i'm not even a single step closer to letting go of her.

since it's almost 2015 and I really really really want to leave this all behind in 2014, i just need to stop thinking bout her. just need to do it. even though i feel incredibly unhappy, depressed and empty. this stuff only makes it worse. and it kills me inside when i remember that she only lives 15 minutes away from where I am. so many people have her in her life and I am not one of them and it breaks me every day. but i gotta find a way to accept all of this. there are people who have bigger problems than me, for christ sake. people get horrible diseases, they die, they lose their children, have no food or no house and i keep complaining about this stupid obsession.

i spoke to an old classmate a few days ago, and she told me that she met this woman in the mall a few weeks ago, and they talked and laughed together. i died inside because why wasn't I at the mall that day( i'm at that mall every damn week! If i could see her.. I would cry of happiness..)

it always goes like this:
-> oh, i need to stop thinking of her
-> so, im gonna quit now, REALLY
-> *feels empty and alone*
-> remembers all the nice stuff she said to me
-> cry like a baby, wondering whats she's doing
-> and then it starts all over again.

actually thinking of her and fantasizing that she's with me, is the only thing in this messed up world that makes me happy. so how tough is that, to let go of the only source of happiness that you have..

I know this won't help now unfortunately but you will get over her. I did something similar in the 90s, I obsessed over someone for years. But it finally stopped, gradually.

thank you so much for this answer, gives me some hope. do you want to tell a bit more about it?

--

this stuff also stops me from getting other relationships with women from my age, because this woman is so in my head that I compare her to everybody. and nobody is as great, cute, and so, as her. obviously she's the greatest woman I have ever met, but it would be horrible to think that I never get an relationship with another woman because of her.

If I told the details it might be identifying so I'll keep it generalized. I met someone who was nice to me but not interested in me but I didn't know that. I fell completely in love and obsessed painfully and constantly. This went on for years. I was both joyously happy and miserable when I thought about this person which was my every waking thought for such a long time.

It was hard after a while when I knew nothing could develop. I still kept fantasizing. But as the years passed and I met other people (to fantasize about) and other things happened, I gradually thought about the person less. Until one day it was just over.

You will meet other people and you'll become interested in someone else eventually.

thank you a lot!

You're welcome Elin. The main thing is to remember life is about change, and you will meet someone sooner or later that you can be with and be happy.

Hey Elin, I'm not sure if you are a man or women, so I am not sure the exacts of the situation, but I don't think that matters all that much. I am in a similar situation with a past professor of mine. Completely obsessed, constantly thinking about her, and everything so believe me, I know how it feels. As for advice... well, I wish I knew, because I am trying to get over my crush as well. All I know is that eventually time will make her fade away. Reality of it is, that could take a year or more. Usually with me, it takes a good year to completely get over someone I really had feelings for. What is the situation with this person? Is this high school or college? Have you actually asked them out for coffee or something? It may or may not be appropriate. As for me, well mine was a failed attempt. I emailed the professor asking if I could stop by her office to say hello before I graduated, and she just ignored the email. So that's that. I suppose the best piece of advice really is to just stop putting them on a pedestal. They are not as great as you think they are. I mean my professor just ignored a request of a student to visit them? Kinda cold don'tcha think? Anyway it might be best to just realize it wasn't meant to be. It is a hard reality that I am slowly coming to terms with. In the end you will realize all the waiting and dreaming just isn't worth it. This might also sound corny, but this might also be an excellent opportunity to build yourself. There must be something lacking in your life to make you feel you need this person. At least that was the case with me. I admired her intellect. And now realize that I can myself become what I saw in her by taking my education more seriously. Sorry if none of this really makes sense. I myself am still trying to get over my crush, which I know will take a while. And on top of that coming to terms with the fact that I probably came off as a huge creep to her anyway for sending that email.

Hi thank you for your answer. Im sorry to hear about your struggle. Its indeed cold that she did not reply. I think that must hurt you very bad.
How long has it been since youve seen her? - and im a female, 19 years old and its about a teacher in high school. My teacher mails me now and then and asks me how im doing.

I had not seen her since the semester before this last one. So the last time I saw her was may. Then I emailed her asking if we could stay in touch and she said to stop by her office when I had the chance. The next semester (this past one), I never saw her once. I thought for sure I would see her around campus and be able to strike up conversation, but it just never happened. I ended up sending her that email to drop by but she just never responded. I did actually see her, but saw that she was talking to someone else, so just had no choice but to walk right by her and pretend not to notice her. Also, at that point I had sent her the email to which she hadn't replied, so I wouldn't even know what to say. Pretty crummy feeling. And that on top of her probably thinking I'm a creep. I mean, it is pretty easy after all to just ignore students. You just... don't reply. That's great your teacher still emails you though. That should make it easier to get over them rather than never having contact.

That sucks man. Did you leave that school now or?

Yeah I just left the school, so that was pretty much that. The lady is in a relationship plus like twice my age so it wasn't realistic anyway, but still I would have loved her as a mentor. The funny thing though is, I didn't develop a crush on her until like the end of the class. The majority of the semester I thought the class was stupid and the professor was boring, but then as time went by, I guess I sort of just saw her as cute. Weird how these sort of things sometimes develop late.

Sucks.. thats weird indeed! you never going to see her again?

Yeah I've changed my mind, I've now decided that the whole band will want to marry me and they'll all fight over me cos I'm so amazing. Lol, you can't say I'm not optimistic! (Obviously I'm just joking)

And just to try help further, I too have had obsessions that lasted ages and I thought I'd never get over, but then someone else comes along eventually. Or as I say, there is always someone else out there waiting to break my heart. Lol there goes that optimism, I'm sure someone will love you though, maybe someone already does and you don't even know it! That's not a come on by the way lol, just trying to cheer you up. It will all be ok one day, I'm sure of it. You seem nice and some people would say at least you feel something, which isn't much help right now I know, but just don't give up.

haha that's a funny fantasy ;p well i think you're right when you say someone else comes along, but the best thing is obviously just not to be obsessed with anybody haha. what date are you going to meet them again? i remember being such a fan of tokio hotel, great times. that's almost 10 yrs ago :\.

thank you for your compliment (: there's this guy and he likes me I guess( keeps contacting me, tries to flirt, talks to me all the time, gives compliments and so) but i'm gay as hell so yeah.. and he does not know that since i'm not out yet. i hope one day a GIRL likes me instead of a guy haha.

I honestly doubt it. Either she really is just busy and never got to my email, or intentionally ignored it. I can't keep myself thinking about it though. Since I am moving out of my college town, I don't see myself ever seeing her again, aside from emailing her. Just reading stories online of students being charged with harassment from professors and having to have meeting with the department heads about stalking/inappropriate emails is enough to make me just want to drop it right here.

sounds tough.. what do you feel when you think you will never see her again? I remember the last day at school after the graduation party and I saw my teacher standing outside and I knew I'd never see her again. I ran outside to the woods and cried so hard, never felt more sad. I think its ok to update her via email in a few months just to tell how you are doing. I think she will appreciate that.

I am feeling somewhat okay. I did not daydream about her for 2 days. I still dream about her at night but thats not something i can manage..

I hate it when I dream about her. We were sitting in class and she was sitting on the table, looking outside the window and she was looking so beautiful. It's so annoying. I don't want to dream about her.

Well that's why I like boys and girls, I thought I'd have more chance of having someone, anyone like me, but still no one likes me! I've just accepted it that I'm not likeable but I'm sure you still will meet someone.

Doing somewhat fine today.. I was daydreaming about her last night but now I'm on the right track again. Let's see how it goes. I try to distract myself .

Wow, i just came across a site where you can read your old twitter tweets from years ago. Im reading my tweets from 2010 and i tweeted alot about my teacher. What a fun lesson we had and so. But i wasnt in love with her back in 2010 so i also tweeted about how she annoyed me because she was too worried about me
also immature tweets and about how i am afraid to fail my exams. Its so weird to read because it really brings back memories and it brings me back to those amazing high school times. I miss it.

I can definitely relate to this. Especially when it comes to ex's. There are so many layers and people on here have already given you some great responses so my thoughts on this may not add much, but here goes .

At a basic level, obsessions are thoughts that get reinforced. I think what's important isn't so much the content of the obsession or the fact that you're having those thoughts in the first place (it's easy to beat yourself up for having these thoughts, isn't it), but it's more the meaning that you attach to the thoughts/obsession/fantasy that have an impact. So it isn't just 'I'm thinking about my ex constantly'- it's important to identify what it means to me - am I thinking of how I deserve to be punished for something bad I'd done in the relationship? Am I thinking that this person would never be with ME (insert all the negative things I think about myself)? It is easy for thoughts to take a negative downward spiral (for me at least). Negative self-talk is a big part of depression, as well as hopelesness - I think sometimes obsessing about someone who isn't available sets up this cycle. Ask your brain a question like "why aren't they with me?" "what's *insert person in their life* got that I don't?" and your brain will fill in the gaps with a lot of negative or insecure answers. Most of the time, our feelings are related to the assocation or perspective we take on something. I hope that all made some sense ...

Obviously this person was very special and was a very positive influence on your life. I liked the idea someone put about how it's likely filling a void. Sometimes we meet these incredible, influencial people and it's only natural to want that feeling or that person to be part of our lives. I think it's natural to feel a loss or a void when we either can't or no longer have these people in our lives.

Thoughts can't be turned off, but constantly reinforcing them makes it more likely that they'll keep showing up (i.e., by attaching meaning). One thing that helps me is to not lock on in an emotional way to my thoughts. It isn't always possible of course! Distraction is helpful to find other things to put your attention or energy on to. There can be room for other things besides thoughts about this person. Channel the positives you took from your experience with this person toward a new direction in your life. The person will never truly be gone and in a way you're preserving the good that came out of that relationship and applying it to your life now. Letting go doesn't have to mean forgetting.