How to stop obsessing over someone. Please help me.

Yesterday I downloaded a diary app on my phone so every time i feel the urge to daydream about her, I just go write down my thoughts and try to distract myself. Hope it helps

Heh. I think I went through an "obsession" phase with a rock star. Back in the day, when I was but a young teenager I became enamored by Nick Carter of the BSB (Backstreet Boys) and looking back on it, I think I had used him in my mind as the perfect representation of my ideal man. I am sure he isn't at all the man I thought him to be in my head.

Seeing as this was before the advent of social media, I guess I had little to no means to feel socially connected to him. Thank god for that as I could have been much worse off.

I went on for a good 12 years of mentally thinking him my soul mate, of all things, until one night I saw a shooting star in the night sky and decided that, along with wishing him to find true happiness (he was having severe family issues and almost died from cardio myopathy), that I would let go of my unhealthy attachment to him. I am not only happy for him in finding love and marrying his wife, but I'd like to think he'd want me to find my own happiness, as absurd as it is to think so.

I mean, I always knew it was highly unlikely. Now I accept it, find peace that he is happy with his wife and is healthy, and move on with my life. However, I always have a soft spot for him. Always.

Elin, don't forget that it is the role of a teacher to be friendly, influential, and open to a pupil. Crossing that line from either side is horribly wrong, unhealthy, and unprofessional. If this teacher encouraged these feelings that could even be criminal. Yes, I can understand holding a crush. I had several myself, but thats where they stopped.

Artchic528, he was cute! I'm kind of too old for it though now but I don't care. 12 years though, Christ!

It's my babes birthday! ! So I'm celebrating and I love hi and I don't care right now.

Elin95, that's a really good idea, well done and hope it's helping.

Hope it's ok to post my babes, being his birthday and all, he

's on the left and I'm a bit merry

(Bill and Tom) They're now 26. I'm 35...lolcougar much?

Edit:lol he's actually on the right, I didn't look before I posted, just guessed!

I have some other (non) news. I was out with that other guy again and he was so nice and everything bit I know he's taken. I like another guy from his band too, but you guessed it, he's taken too.And then I like the girl I was at the gig with too but I don't think she likes girls that way. I'm doomed, but oh well! I should see them all again in a few weeks. At least I have a fun night out with them as friends.

How are you doing lovely Elin95? Hope that plan of action is helping.

Got to say, ty for this thread... have really got a lot out of reading everyone elses stories and posts!! I have my own story... Even posted it... but then i got scared and deleted it. Maybe i will post again about it in the future... however, please just know... #1 that i am thankful for this thread, #2, that I can really feel for everyone who has shared their story... and #3... I can totally relate to a lot of what has been posted. #4, thank you all who posted for your replies...they (you) have really helped me a lot... in many ways...

I have D.I.D, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Psychosis NOS.

My stance on this is be glad that you don't have D.I.D where some of your identities actually come from people you meet, seen, heard, via media family, friends etc. The echoes that make you SEEM to those who don't understand like your obsessed with those persons. Yes, it doesn't have a whole lot to do with those person per se, but then again it does. Some I'm still a fan some I stay away from. I'm specifically talking about famous folks. Some I have a new appreciation for some, because who ever(my brain) chose some of them to protect something I couldn't handle...I kind of have made myself a fan with some of those people.

To the poster- just try to discuss what you missed about him/her in therapy. Try to find those qualities in yourself. What impact they made on you and live through them that way. I think once you do that you begin to adapt those qualities and use them then the thought of that person will go away. I know sometimes self love is the issue and people place folk up on this pedestal. Instead of find your issues people become a distraction from what the real issue is sometimes subconsciously. I know from experience, because I thought the same thing about myself obsessions, until I learned and accepted D.I.D, so now I use this in our life. I try to listen to my parts what I've learned from them like soul searching my memories of them and how they helped me now with confidence, assertiveness collective self love as a part of my system etc.

You must first cut off all communication with her. All you are doing is triggering yourself into ruminating about her. Some people find it helpful to set aside a period of time each day to sit with thoughts and emotions, say up to half and hour. Allow yourself to feel and think during that time and then force yourself to do anything else that will distract you from it all. Clean closets, take care of things you've let slide. You should at least get some satisfaction for having completed those tasks which should also boost your mood. Do nice things for yourself, but new clothes, go out with friends, etc. Make yourself do these things. The next day, sit down again for half an hour and repeat. It will take a little practice, but it should get easier.

This becomes a matter of resolve. Look around you at the things you are neglecting or not doing properly as a result of ruminating and depression. And, think about this, if you had someone who is very close to you and you knew they were doing this kind of thing to themselves, what would you tell them? What would you do for them?

Angelicgoldfish05, I'm glad the thread has helped you, feel free to post your own story if or when you ever feel comfortable. I'm sure some can relate. Wishing you well.

Newday7121, I don't have D.I.D. but my identity has always been influenced, or basically copied from other people. In fact I think this band I'm obsessed with now has been the first time I've ever liked something by myself, without copying from someone else. Of course I know it must be so much harder having to deal with D.I.D. and I'm not saying I'm the same, just hoping to reassure you that you're not the only one who may, well I guess having the same interests isn't the same as actually taking on their identity, now I really think of what you're saying. So I'm sorry if I've managed to offend you or anything by comparing. Wishing you well also.

Elin95, how is it going for you?

Had a dream about her last night. I hate dreaming about her because it hurts so bad when I wake up.

You ok elin95? *hugs*

He has a new music video and the woman he's with in it, well she's a model so looks like she doesn't eat basically, and it's really triggered me. I know it's just a video but I feel like he would pick someone like her, not some big pointless blob like me. No one would. I never want to eat again. And I keep thinking of comments I got about my pic with the band, which pointed out how fat and disgusting I look and how they would never date a greasy creature like me and ugh, they were right. They probably all laughed when I walked away, well they're not mean like that but I am so ugly. And the worst thing is that's not the worst part. The worst part of me is me, I'm a horrible person.

Anyway, enough self pity. My friend I had talked about has since cut me off altogether. I've gone from her needing me to be her best friend always to being something she can't deal with. It really hurts but I know she's better off without me. At least she gets to walk away from me, I wish I could too.

I also had dreams last night of everyone telling me how fat I am. I don't know why I'm taking it so personally. But he's very thin himself and I know I'm being stupid but, well I have no excuse. Sorry to go on about me as usual.

Hope you're ok elin95 xx

Boy there are some unhealthy views and fixations about unattainable relationships here. This is so unhealthy. As one individual posted, you've got to separate fantasy from reality.

I reiterate another's reply, stop all contact, now.

Meet new people.

Concentrate on those friendships and relationships you already have.

See a therapist and allow yourself the freedom to listen and accept what they say.

Change up your routine. Like any addiction, thoughts of the subject of their abuse is habitual. A change of routine and habits often reduces the thoughts.

Try using some sensory therapy. When I think about my own issue, I concentrate on rubbing a stone in my hand. It helps take away the thought and give me some relief and relaxation.

Hope this helps Elin (and others)

Incidentally, I am relieved thaat you have taken the step to put this out there. It tells me you are aware this is wrong and are looking for reinforcement by way of our support. This is promising.

@bebrave please dont let the woman in the video make you stop eating. They are picked out because they look like that. Most people dont look like that.

I am sorry to hear about your friend. How are you handling this?

@rcat thank you for your answer. The problem here is that obsessing/daydreaming about her is the only thing in my life that makes me somewhat happy for a while.. i don't have anything else that can make me feel like that

Elin95, I'm fine. I'm handling it by just moving on. Nothing else I can do.

How are you? I feel Bill is the only thing making me happy too. I know people think it's weird at my age and stuff, but it kind of works for me. He's not here annoying or hurting me, and he never will be.

But how about you? How are you doing since you dreamt of her and that time you saw her and stuff? I mean it must be harder when you actually knew her? Hoping you're ok.

Edit: elin, I'm just wondering, are there any groups at all for meeting people near you? Like lgbt groups or any interests you have? Perhaps you could meet someone to take your mind off her and who something may happen with, whether friendship or more. I can't remember if this has been suggested and/or you've tried, but it couldn't hurt to try again maybe? There's a site called meetup.com as well, you can meet people through interests. Sorry if this isn't helpful, just you seem too nice to be suffering over someone you can't have. I'm sure lots would be lucky to have you.

@bebrave glad to hear your handling it fine.

I miss her a lot so i am not doing so well..we have lgbt organisations in here but i am afraid to go there :/ thanks

I think you are lonely, and there is no bigger problem in the world for humans than loneliness. So don't think that you have no good reason to feel so bad. You absolutely do.

The mistake you are making is in thinking that having this teacher is the only opportunity that life ever did, or ever will, give you to not be lonely. It's not. This teacher was so nice and so approachable that she made coming out of your aloneness easy when you were with her. Too bad there weren't lots of people like that around us. Generally, connecting with other people is going to take more work than it did with her. Right now you are not convinced that it's worth the effort. Human beings tend to be economical with their energy. They tend to not put forth effort that they think won't pay off. You have to get around that by forcing yourself to do what it takes to connect with other people. That's hard, but will be worth it.

When you build other relationships, especially one with someone you can be intimate with, this attachment to this teacher will become a pleasant memory, but not an obsession.

Until you accomplished making those connections, you will stay obsessed by what you lost.

Well I have to be ok, no other choice. I'm coping because I've been numb since my cat died. I don't feel things anymore, if I did I wouldn't be ok, at all. And I have to be ok, cos well just because.

Maybe you could try the groups? The others there would maybe be nervous too! Could you even contact a leader maybe and find out what happens at the groups?

There are things I want to talk about but there are so many different boards on this site I don't know where to start, and I'm afraid I'll be sneered at on another site I'm on, by someone I fell out with. I don't want to take up anyone's time either. Anyway/end randomness.

How are you bebrave?

Just wanted to let you guys know that I got over my obsession. I still think about her sometimes, but more as a good loving memory, and I finally accepted that she's gone.

That is great to hear!

Thanks so much for letting us know!

Ive been obsessive with people in my life also, friend. "One thing that has helped me - is to realize that they Never contact me- at all. So there is NO relationship there, it is just a delusion/obsession. I hope this helps.

It not fun to have someone begin obsessed with you. I had two teacher who were obessed who me.