Emotional walls

I just caught this! Loled pretty hard at work. She actually asked for my number. I needed that, it was a nice reminder that I still have worth.

I don't see a point in arguing, even if I think people are wrong. We are all adults here, and everyone has their own unique view of the world. Just because one sees the world differently than I doesn't give me any right to berate them for it. Disagreement and discussion helps everyone grow and learn.

The drinking concerns me a little, too, but it helps a ton. During depressive episodes, going to the bar and having a drink helps me relax, and the atmosphere always gets to me and puts me in a better mood. Haven't found anything else that works so well and is so consistent. Doesn't hurt that I get to meet new people, which is my favorite sport.

Sounds to me like you are a decent guy and you actually want a relationship, but you can't handle one at the moment, so you cling to a girl who plays mind games with you.
Why do you think that your worth depends on whether the bartender likes you or not? Shouldn't you love yourself for what you are and see if people like when you are sober and honest? Maybe it would be best to take things slow for you and stay sober until the confusion goes away? You sound hurt, and it seems like your self-esteem could use some care - not your ego.
Please be safe

I appreciate your feedback. My self-esteem is, and has always been, very poor. It's not that I derived my worth from the bartender, it just reminded me that I do have something to offer a woman. I'm not good at loving myself; real good at self-destructing.

She asked you for your number? Well, would you look at that. And thanks, I try to be cheeky.

Yep, made me feel pretty good for a couple of minutes.

I miss E. She is still the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I miss so much about her. Even little insignificant things; the way her laundry smelled, the ceiling in her bedroom, the way she said certain words.

I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake.

It's okay. Best thing to do to get over a woman is to find another one. Bluntly speaking. There is NO shortage of women in the world. None whatsoever. Don't get hung up on one who frankly treated you like **** and manipulated you into a certain pattern of behavior that only benefitted her and exploited you. Have some dignity man. Try Tinder? It works. If you Tinder for a the better part of a day, I guarantee you'll have a ton of numbers and a few dates for the coming days.

Hear hear CTB!

How that saying again?

The best way to get over a woman is to get under a new one.


I have no experience with getting under women though, but the general consensus seems to be that this actually works as its a great distraction and stress reliever.


I too vote for your dignity, and also, please do yourself a favor by trying to have a realistic perspective of this situation.


This is not the loss of the great love of your life. Not even by a long shot, because love is actually reciprocal.


This is you refusing to be used and manipulated by a woman who played heavily on your infatuation with her. The reason you can't get over her seems more obsessive in nature than heartache TBH. Because the amount of torture you're experiencing doesn't add up when you weigh the actual "relationship" against the emotional and mental turmoil


Once you have healthier and more accurate perspectives you will start seeing the light, and your heart and head will begin to mend. But neither of those can happen if you choose to remain in the dark with regards to the reality of this whole situation.


Good luck!

You guys (and girls? idek) are great. I haven't tried Tinder yet...but I've been on Bumble, and I like it. It is very much like Tinder, except that the girls have to initiate conversation after a match, so it's a bit less creepy. Not a lot to report there, though.

Never been one for hookups, so this is foreign territory for me. My "number" is small, on purpose. It annoys my friends, and they are determined to "get me to double-digits" as quickly as possible. It's amusing to listen to them make plans for me without my input.

In the mean time, I'll do my best to keep my mind off of Emily and on something more productive.

Tinder isn't only for hook-ups, though. I met and went on many dates with many women who were looking for a relationship.

I actually want to make you aware of something that I think can help you. You said its creepy for a man to initiate after a match... well, guess what, bucko? Men have to initiate everything courtship-wise. Women are taught to be modest. And biologically, women have a limited number of eggs while men have unlimited sperm. Women are the choosers, men are the pursuers. 3 or 4 men can indicate interest in a woman, and must make the move and court her. In their courting, the woman chooses the best fit for her. If you think it's creepy to initiate a text convo on a dating app as a guy, how do you do it IRL? Do away with all this "creepy" nonsense. You're not a direwolf with an engorged **** just looking for fresh meat. You're a dude, and dudes do what dudes do. Which is initiating with women. No woman of good substance in between 20-30 will initiate with a guy, in my experience. A woman who looks good and has a good personality and lots going for her has ZERO incentive to pursue or initiate with a man. When a woman does the initiating, it tells you a few things about her that you ought to pay attention to.

In short: Men almost ALWAYS pursue and initiate. It's not creepy. And if some immature girl says it is, laugh and move on. She wouldn't call Brad Pitt creepy. You're just not her Brad Pitt. Meaning you're only "creepy" if she's not attracted to you. And that you brush off... and move on to the next one.

Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you made a mistake. Not like you two had wonderful loving relationship. They are many loving nice women out there. She isn't one.

I disagree though that you need to date right away. I think unless you heal and know what a good relationship look like you but going to meet right person. You just moved out of live in gf already love another one and then you look for new one? Give it time

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It's been a month since she and I spoke. Thursday I got a text from her "Hope you've been well, C. Miss you."

I honestly haven't thought about her much lately. I've even moved on and found company with another woman who is capable of love and doesn't use people. Why did E feel the need to contact me? Does she need something she knows I can provide? Does she really miss me? Her family did say that they think I'm really good for her and she would be giving up the best thing to ever happen to her. Did they tell her that and it's sinking in? I suppose I'll never know.

How do I handle this? I'm not equipped for this kind of stress.

Handle it by doing nothing. Never give up on a worthy and loving woman to go for "what you can't have". Forget her and move on. No response needed. She is a sad case, I don't think she's capable of a loving relationship for some time. And on top of that, she brings out the worst in you and you don't bring out any loving feelings in her. Human relationships are transactional. You two aren't a good fit. Stay with your new, healthier girl.

Handle it by not responding. There are plenty of wonderful women out there. She isn't the one. To answer the question why she contacted you. Every man I left always kept not only contacting me but asking me back. But I left them because they were bad partners. Miraculously they become good partners in like a month or two or three? Don't think so. Stay away from her

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I was afraid that's what you would say. Though I agree, I also wonder what her motivation was. Did she see how she treated me was wrong? Would it be different this time?

The new girl is so much different. Age appropriate, health conscious, active, well-educated, worldly, capable of giving and receiving love. I'm so happy with her. I just wonder what could have been.

No nothing would be different. Sure she realized but so what, it doesn't mean she would treat you different. To all honesty she might not have the kind of feelings even if she wanted to be nice to you. But not only she has no feelings for you she is not a nice person. If you do not care for a guy you do not make him paint your room

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Or fix your dehumidifier, align all the doors in your house so they don't stick, clean your kitchen while you're gone, call to set up installation of your new cable and internet, arrange for rental vehicles while yours is in the shop, deal with the shop to get your car repaired correctly and cheaply, or run errands for you while you're sleeping on the couch.

Yeah...now that I say all of that, I'm done with it.

To quote a lyric, "the past is only the future with the lights on..."


So no need to wonder what could've been, it already was and it was not a good or healthy experience for you.


It would be foolish to dwell on that or allow it to jeopardize what you've described above for a train wreck waiting to re-happen.


Not responding is the right thing to do.

It just keeps getting harder.

Last night she sent me another text. "Was going to see if you wanted to grab a drink." Of course I said I couldn't, but she is adamant. "You have to let me buy you a beer sometime. I owe you a few." Well, yeah, that's true. I blew a little over a grand taking you out, buying you drinks, buying supplies...I wouldn't complain about her buying me a drink or two.

I just want to know her motivation. Am I looking at this wrong? Why does she keep trying to get me to let her in all of a sudden? Why can't I stop thinking about her? I've moved on and found a healthy relationship, but she has found a way to weasel her way into my thoughts. I don't know what to do here.

Keep her out! What does she have to do in your thoughts? Why sabotage the good thing you have going with this new girl?

Her motivation matters not, it's really a moot point, so don't allow that to be the excuse for giving her a space in your head.


I agree, just keep her out, out of your head and life.


Drinks with the new girl is a.much smarter and safer path to follow.

Think with the head on your shoulders. Not the one between your legs. This new woman sounds like a nice woman. The little girl you keep pining over is a manipulative child. Woman or girl. Big difference. You also jump too quickly into things. Im bipolar. I get it. Im about to marry one of the things i jumped in to too quickly. But im happy and in the most stable relationship in all my 45 years. I have no real advise. So ill stfu. This thread just had me smh.

Oh, me too, don't get me wrong. It's very frustrating to know what I NEED to do, but to have a part of me want so badly to do just the opposite.

The new girl is amazing. She really truly is my dream girl, as cliché as that sounds. I know I need to put the child out of my mind, and I almost always can, but sometimes she injects herself back into my thoughts. It's not a matter of thinking with the wrong head so much as it is confusion over what I want to do with my life. She does have things to offer in a relationship, but getting to that point is where the struggle lies.

I am not sure what are those things she had to offer in a relationship. Nothing you described indicates any of that. I see no evidence. It doesn't matter what her motivation is. You can only control yourself. Also it's third woman you falling for in a short period of time

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