Why now?

I decided to not look for, not try, not make, not go on, and not accept any dates. I'd decided it was something I needed to do, just be me until I could conquer the loneliness on my own. I had been interested in a couple of women but decided I wasn't pursuing them because I'm not ready. I do take chances. Never dare me. Never.
Or so I thought.
I met someone through FB and I cannot believe how well we've clicked. Immediately. She's great and has illuded to dating after messaging one evening. She started the messaging again really early today. This wouldn't be a long distance thing, nor sexual of my own accord. She lives just a few miles away. She's already told me where she lives in this small town, what she drives, her work schedule, her favorite beverages (non-alcoholic), what she does for fun, that she wants to get back into the gym(awesome if you know my passion for the gym), and a lot of other info, even dipping into finding me attractive somehow and making a point of it twice. I don't like missed opportunities, so I'm going along with it, willingly and trying to be cautious. I told her that I'm still working through the crap from my ex, and she's ok with that.
Should I do this, knowing that I'm probably not ready?
I'm all for the "do it anyway" mentality on just about everything, because I long for new and meaningful experiences. Those can't be had if I don't try.
I've never been this nervous about anyone, even when I was 15, but I'm also not head over heels. I'm still outright scared, very.

it's hard to say definitively what the best course of action would be.

First, it's not everyday we meet someone that seems to click with us like you say. Just a fact of life that finding the right people to date, is never easy. For that reason it may be worth taking the chance.

But having said that you made a decision not to date for a reason. It is indeed something to consider because if you didn't feel ready then, you may not be now. Try to weed through all the excitement of meeting a potential mate and objectively look at whether you think it's something you're prepared for.

you've got to weigh the pros and cons. will you really be missing out on something important in life if you don't do this dating thing now?

Honestly I rarely meet any women that I would like to date or that would date me so more than likely I'd be taking the chance myself, but that's me.

Potential mate. Hardly at this point. I'm going to keep it in my pants as best I can.
She is pretty though.
After working out for 10 months I've had some offers and leering, moreso lately. I'm not bothered by it. I do enjoy the ego boost. I deliberately walk through the machines area at the gym very slowly before and after using the machines, with my headphones in but not on and listen to females talking to each other. I have a hearing range and sensitivity that the tests can't fool. What do you mean you heard something? I hear them operating the machine from under the headphones. I also intentionally bend over to tighten my shoes, slowly, and have heard grunting more than once. I really dig that. It's just fun.

ok so you started out with
so now I'm a bit confused. when you replied. it sounds to me like you're doing everything you can to savor the attention of females and if I might be so bold as to say you're "playing with fire" when it comes to the gym. to me, it seems like your decision not to date was half baked because doing all those things you do in the gym is the opposite of making it easy for you to avoid being tempted to date.

so to be honest, I'm not sure how sold you are on the idea of not dating really.

I'm rarely fully anything. Teasing them just a bit is fun, that's all. I don't want to date them, just have a little ego boosting fun.

And this one, the one from FB, is now using a constant wave of innuendo. I like her but this could make things more difficult to get to know her. Sex doesn't mean comfort. It's been a method of control my ex used. I used it as part of control with another woman, whom I don't know if I like. I'm actually feeling guilty as of this morning for having done that with GS. Dreams will do that to me.
Now what? Do I sleep with her, then get to know her? Do I tell her no and would she move on if I did? This is so damn complex now that I don't know what to do. I'm confused, excited, interested and all kinds of things I don't have words for because I don't understand them. And I'm still infatuated with the woman at the gym, the cute Chicana. My head is like trying to play a game of Scrabble, with all the tiles upside down, but it still has to be a word. I want to SCREAM out STOP!!!!!! But, I don't know to whom.

Here's what I did. I did tell her this:
How about we try to get to know each other some first. It's not that I'd ever have an easy time of saying no, but we've never met in person and you're already driving me crazy with this and it's a very short trip by the way

Same as the previous posters.
I am confused, you set a goal, something you felt you needed to do, to better yourself.
And then at the first sign of a challenge to your convictions, your folding?

Look man, it's up to you, but if age has taught me anything,it is, when someone spills their guts to someone they don't even know.
Rarely do good things follow.

All the best bud.

Age hasn't taught me a thing. I've only been what I thought I should be, not what I thought I should be. Right now I don't know what I should be. I need to live in the moment, regardless of what I think I should want. I know this makes no sense. It doesn't to me. I'm not thinking about it. I'm not calculating. I'm not planning. I don't want to. I want to feel as light and free as those that seem to just throw caution to the wind always, and I have no reason not to. I'm going to see what happens, cautiously. Not in fear, but in caution. I know how things have gone in my past and I always did what I should, not what I wanted. We've loosely agreed to meet up after I'm done at the gym tonight and we'll just have to see what happens. I'll get a better feel for what kind of person she is by meeting her in person. I will not sleep with her tonight, I promise.

As for the why now?

You know that's obvious right?
It's because you specifically told yourself you weren't doing this again.

The universe heard you, and wanted to see if you meant it.

Either it is testing me or it is telling me that here's a better option or something else unfathomable.

Quite worrying you live your life and have learnt nothing?
Really?
I find that highly unlikely.

Anyway all the best, be safe, watch for the crazy person red flags.

Crazy person red flags. I need a battalion of those ahead of me already

I don't want meaningless sex but she's definitely a very physical person. We've agreed to not have it off just yet but then within the same conversation talked about having sex. We click on almost everything we talk about. A woman that likes and pays attention to Gotham! I don't know anyone else that does. She's into some of the music I am and has found some of the other bands I like great too. So many other subjects we're exacting on. Her sexual appetite is definitely more than mine and that says a LOT. We've already talked about my being very guarded and feeling that my ex broke me, and why I need more time to heal. All the same though, I don't want to miss an opportunity where someone just clicks like this because I'm off feeling sorry for myself.
If it all breaks down, so what? I'll do my best to learn from it.
Crazy red flags are being waved, but they have the right emblem emblazoned upon, one of commonality. They look a lot like the red flags I'm waving. We didn't hang out last night, but have loose plans to watch Gotham if she doesn't have to work over again.

Nobody panic, worry, or give a crap. I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong. I'm just completely blocked. Nothing. No reasoning. Nothing. Last message from me was to have a great day. Same from her. I'm getting tired of this crap!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh

And then she jumped back in with "my Facebook was hacked." I sent her to talk to my friend, who is now my first line of defence, my filter. If anyone wants through to me, they go through my friend first. Like it or don't. My friend will smell the bull from miles away.

Friend missed it.
We all did.
She's a con artist.
The thing is, I'm not that stupid. I figured it out and told her to leave me alone. I no longer have trust, for anyone, especially me. I no longer want to trust anyone, especially me. I'm done with believing in everyone, especially me. The world just sucks

Hmm.... I'm having a hard time understanding your last few posts, but it seems (from my perspective) that it's best to stick to your original stance and take the time to heal from your last relationship. When we are not yet healed, it is much harder to "be" in the next relationship, and typically it's a rebound. Opportunities will come again when the time is right. The universe delivers the next person to our door when we are ready. Until then, live your life, work on healing, and do the things you enjoy. Also, try not to go to such extremes based on this experience, ie, I will never trust anyone again. The internet is full of trollers, if this woman was a troll. It just means you have to be careful and proceed with caution, especially when meeting someone online.

(((hugs))))

I don't want to meet anyone now. I've lost trust and hope. This one is a scammer and the liar that comes with it. I'm walking, then running until my heart hurts from it, then forcing more until I feel like I'm going to fall down because I'm dizzy, and slowing to a walk again. Someone was walking their dog. I asked if I could pet and was granted that. I started crying at that point, so I ran away like a freak. I'm not fit for humanity, but I think humanity isn't fit for itself

Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you were using the flirtations to try and feel a bit better and we've all done that from time to time.

It all sounded a bit fishy, with this particular woman. The over-sharing and things moving so quickly etc.

If it seems too good to be true... it usually is.

I'm not judging. We're all human.

Yeah, well, I just wanted to say, don't feel horrible or anything. It's just life.

Life is fairly horrible. I did use "fair" correctly there. It does have to be horrible at times to be better at others. I don't know if I can go to yoga later. I need the calming meditation but I can't even clear my head enough to write messages correctly. I'm at the gym two hours before they open, one more left. Then I can go in and really kick my own butt. I'm walking the grounds and the track. Going to go climb that pile of rocks and scraps of concrete. I might scream

You have a good scream, if it helps. Your yoga crowd seem like a nice vibe to be around. I'd focus on that, for now.

I will never let myself stop yoga. I have been developing friendships within the class and most of the instructors know when I'm down before they even see me. One knows, because she is on my FB. The other just has this energy about her. She knows a problem before she enters the building. I know she's there before she enters the building most times. She is power and deserves nothing but highest respect, in any relationship. She's my spirit guide

This is a very good thing!

I used to do yoga in quite a serious way. I moved house, so I must start to think about finding something near me.

My teacher was a wonderful person. A man. I had trouble trusting men for a while. It was quite big deal for me to be in that intimate situation. Sometimes, if no-one turned up, it would just be the two of us. My trust was justified.

I've had 162 classes for the year so far, and another today later. Not bad considering I started in January. Had 8 from last Sunday to yesterday, and I took Friday off. I truly would not stop practicing all day if life allowed. I do stand in tadasana sometimes for 30 minutes at night when I can't sleep, hands in prayer pose and focusing on absolute Empty. I also recently learned the conch for meditation, and it's very effective to just have my hands in that position.