suspended from work until further notice

I believe Ruby has been hired by both these companies - the fast food place and Sam's - as part of a program to provide opportunity to persons with disabilities. The federal government gives tax incentives to corporations to provide employment to persons who need extra support in the workplace due to a disability. The fast food place tried to collaborate with Ruby's counselor to assist her to learn to modify a problem behavior. I suspect the same thing is going on with Sam's. Large corporations take their participation in this program very seriously and they do hate to see an employee fail. Here is an article: Sorry I can't find the "clip tray." But Google www.dailybeast.com/hiringpeople with disabilities.

Also google: www.DOL.com/hiringdisabled.

A lot of thought went into the decision to hire Ruby. Ruby has shared that she struggles with some cognitive and developmental challenges. Her employers knew that and committed to providing her support to promote her success on the job. That does not mean they have to tolerate every and any kind of behavior. Ruby has to do her part too. She is finding there are limits to what employers will tolerate. It's tough to have to learn that the hard way, but I think that's what it is taking.

Ruby, you are not helpless. The fast food employer did not victimize you. Your supervisor there did not victimize you. She did not act out of hatred toward you. You have the power to alter you behavior. When you do, your employment experiences will be better. It's up to you.

Sorry. The links above don't work. But, if you just google the topic of hiring persons with intellectual and developmental disabilities, there is plenty on the Net explaining how government and the private sector are working together to provide employment opportunity to persons with disabilities, including psychological challenges.

Yes, lawyers want to make money off of people, but she probably doesn't have the money for a pay per hour attorney and would need one that works on contingency. Those lawyers only take your case of you have one, because they only get paid when you do. So they have no desire to take a case that doesn't have some chance of winning. I recently settled an employment discrimination suit and had to work with a lawyer working on contingency and it was not easy to find a lawyer who would take my case even with direct evidence of the discrimination.

Even if she could afford an hourly attorney, it would likely be a waste of money as it sounds like both employers have documented her behavior sufficiently.

The problem is I cursed on the salesfloor. If I had done this in the back room, she might've just wrote me up. My coworker told on me bc it offended her.

So the problem is that you did it in front of someone who could report you or that you did it at all? I think you need to re-evaluate. Like I said before, obey the rules regardless if anyone is watching.

Seesaw

The problem is I shouldn't have done it at all. It's just a bigger problem to do it within earshot of customers than in the back room. But I shouldn't do it in the back room either.

She didn't actually file a restraining order. She only threatened it, but she told my job developer that she'll actually file one if I ever come back into the store again.

My supervisor doesn't know about most of the things I did. Then I did it to the wrong person. Then again, I shouldn't have done it at all.

Have you heard back from them, ruby?

So what have YOU learned from ALL of these experiences?

Ruby, does Sam's also work with your case worker on your employment? I'm wondering if perhaps she can have a discussion with them, if you take responsibility and apologize and maybe they'll just put you on probation. Would definitely be better for you, in the long run, to stay with Sam's and work on your behavior, then have to try and find a new job.

It all boils down to 3 things:
1. No stalking
2. No screwing around
3. No mental breakdowns

At the beginning of February, the fast food supervisor threatened me with a restraining order. I endured the pain of that rejection for around a month before I started unraveling in March. It's only when the pain is too great that I actually breakdown and act out. I'll just have to avoid that kind of pain in the future.

Why was it so impossible for yiu to understand that your suoervisor DID NOT reject you. She was just forced BY YOU to respond to YOUR BAD BEHAVIOR. That is NOT rejection, that is consequences you received for your bad behavior. YOU gave her NO OTHER choice than to respond the way she did.

No matter what everyone told you, you just seem unwilling to understand anything other tgan the made up story YOU put into your own mind about what happened.

You need serious therapy to help you with this aspect of your life.

Ruby, the first two are correct. The 3rd is not. You can have feelings. And you can feel rejected or upset or whatever. We all do. But you cannot let it control you. You have to learn to deal with your emotions in healthy ways. I hope you will work with your therapist on this.

If you are feeling mentally unwell, then call in sick to work, so you don't risk behaving badly while under duress. It's okay to have "mental health" days, but you have to be aware of how you are feeling and behaving.

Seesaw

Right that's what I mean. By mental breakdown, I mean no crying, throwing fits, having anger outbursts, etc.

So how are you planning on controlling your behaviors that you haven't actually done much if your life.....at least any time you made yourself feel like the victim when you weren't.

What are you planning on doing to make these changes?

By avoiding painful experiences, I could avoid a breakdown.

Hi Ruby,

Since it's work we're discussing here, I think the key thing to learn and what everyone is trying to explain to you, is that at work there are rules of conduct, and those rules must be followed.

You said previously that you didn't know that stalking your former supervisor was wrong, but after you got in trouble for it, you still proceeded to do what you wanted to do without following the rules. It had been made clear to you that this was wrong to do, but you continued anyways, returning to your place of work, wanting your supervisor to talk to you... to the point where she had to threaten a restraining order.

It seems that you don't like to follow rules of conduct, or you don't like to listen, I am not sure which it is.

It is unprofessional to use profanity in the vicinity where customers may be.

I worry for you that you will not be able to hold down a job until you can learn what it means to be a professional, and to work in a professional environment.

Perhaps you need to review social conduct and professional rules in a work environment with your therapist?

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting. I know that if someone mentioned getting a restraining order against me, whether it was my fault or not, I would feel hurt. I hear ya.

Unfortunately it's impossible to avoid all painful experiences. It's not a realistic option as earth-dwelling humans. But the good news is that we can learn how to respond appropriately to the painful experiences we will inevitably go through. It's hard work, but therapists can be great at teaching us these skills. CBT might be especially useful.

I think you have a misunderstanding about what I had actually said. What I am suggesting is it possible that a person who be falsely accused of stalking? I am speaking on my own behalf based on my own experience. That is I seen stalking both ways. One where myself and someone else I knew had been a victim of being stalk by a sibling ex and ex family member and seeing both sister stalking someone. I can only speak for the state I am in. In the state I'm am it is illegal for an employer to ask questions about why someone may be fired at a previous job.

Hmm... well, to chime in, Ruby had very clearly crossed boundaries in her last job and stalked her supervisor. The supervisor had to threaten a restraining order, so Ruby was in the wrong in this case and has no legal grounds for claiming false accusations or a legal lawsuit, if I understand you correctly.

I knew stalking was wrong. I just didn't know what I was doing was stalking.

I got a job at the same McDonald's franchise I worked at back in 2009-10 but at a different store. I honestly thought I wasn't rehireable since I also stalked a coworker there. I didn't look up to her; I just wanted to be friends and she didn't like me from DAY 1. I got along real well with everyone else but they eventually stopped liking me. I was forced to quit. I better not screw this up.

Life is going to provide you with more painful experiences. Living involves enduring pain. There is no escape from that - not for any of us. Little children scream and get fussy and behave poorly when they are in pain. This alerts responsible adults to help them. You are an above average intelligent adult pushing 30. You cannot expect the level of tolerance and support that children are entitled to get. If you do not make an effort to grow up, people will come to believe that you are simply unemployable.