[Deyla2324]

I really don’t understand why is it that one day I’m feeling fine and all ready to move on and then the next day I miss him so terribly and can’t get over the fact that he got over me in a snap. It sucks feeling like this! This Friday will be 3 weeks since we broke up and I’m still constantly thinking. All weekend I felt a little anxious but felt fine and my mind was all made up, that if by any chance he will contact me, I would not give him another chance. But yesterday morning he sent a text, I replied but very distant, I was pretty sure that he would contact me by night time or this morning but he didn’t. I texted him this morning that every morning I am expecting a message from him but when he doesn’t it just shows me how little he cared for me. He didn’t reply. I don’t get how stupid my mind is, I truly feel that I should not give him another chance, I know that the relationship was not a healthy one and that I was lucky to get away from him, that if he loved me he would not have broken up with me and got over it so quickly. I know all this but I can’t shut up my mind. I hate feeling like this!!!

[healingme4me]

Grieving is a process. Be gentle to yourself

[Deyla2324]

I finally made up my mind and when ahead and blocked him. I can’t keep on waiting for the messages or the calls. And every time I don’t get what I want, it feels like I’m breaking up all over again.

[healingme4me]

Good idea! Find things that uplift you instead of waiting around for a sliver of hope. I ,without a doubt, know it is so much easier said than done. Rebuilding that inner sense of purpose takes time. You may even backslide and that's ok. Keep working on those things that make you uniquely you and take as much time as you need to feel your sadness and heartache.

[Fuzzybear]

[MickeyCheeky]

Good job on blocking him! Now you can truly start healing.

[eskielover]

When I walked away from my H after 33 years of marriage I didn't even think about him after I left & moved 2100 miles away. By that point there was nothing I missed about him or even grieved about leaving him. The only emotion I needed to recover from was my anger that had built up so intensly toward him over the years.

The point is that there must be something that you do miss about him. Something you got used to that filled a need you have. That makes it that much harder to block & make the break. It takes real focus to hold true to what you know is best for you. Good job so far.....hold true to what you know is best for you & make sure to use your wise mind not your totally emotional mind to make decisions about him.....you have done well so far..keep up the good work!!!!

[Deyla2324]

Originally Posted by eskielover

When I walked away from my H after 33 years of marriage I didn't even think about him after I left & moved 2100 miles away. By that point there was nothing I missed about him or even grieved about leaving him. The only emotion I needed to recover from was my anger that had built up so intensly toward him over the years.

The point is that there must be something that you do miss about him. Something you got used to that filled a need you have. That makes it that much harder to block & make the break. It takes real focus to hold true to what you know is best for you. Good job so far.....hold true to what you know is best for you & make sure to use your wise mind not your totally emotional mind to make decisions about him.....you have done well so far..keep up the good work!!!!

It’s been 3 days since I blocked him and haven’t talked or texted. I still think and miss him a lot. I’ve been tented to unblock him and send a message to him. I still go to his profile on fb. It’s been hard but I also think about all that happened when we were together. Every time he was hurtful. This has stopped me from wanting to contact him. I also realized that his feelings were not what he used to make me believe. I know that when I love, I like to show it. And I did that for him, I always wanted to make him feel special. It hurts to convince myself to see the facts in front me. I was the one that communicated more after the break. He just continued his life as if nothing had ever happened. It was really necessary for things to happen and I really need to move on. Thank you so much!

[eskielover]

It hurts to convince myself to see the facts in front me.

that is the hardest part. We wish & want things to be the way we want them to be so badly that it is difficult to convince ourselves that REALITY is not what we wish it was.

I spent my whole married life waiting for him to grow up. I realized that I had expectstions from a husband that I just couldn't let go of & the only solution was to leave because that was the only way I could gain full control over everything & all the information I needed to be able to live my life without having to fight the battles he caused to happen in our married life. It was a hard conclusion to come to & act on.....but it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

A few months after I left & was basically camping out in my farm house 2100 miles away from him because I had no furniture thought about the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" & realized that definitely was not happening in my case. In fact, absence was making my own peaceful feeling grow stronger. That was when the beginnings of putting my reality together started to happen.

I had initially thought that my leaving him would make him want to work on changing the things that caused the problems. (I had no idea that he was mentally incapable of changing what was causing the problems). I realized I could NEVER go back to living like that. Sometimes our real relization comes when we can be away & look at the big picture without being daily baragged with good & bad experiences.

Glad you are keeping up your determination to stay away.

You deserve the best -- someone who loves and sticks by your side. Know that you deserve that. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself to a haircut, manicure, massage, etc.

Have a girls night out with your single friends to cheer you up.

It is his loss; not yours. Anyone who just steps out on you like that is not worthy of your time and emotions.

This may sound "diva" but it's not. You truly deserve to be happy with a committed man.

[Deyla2324]

Originally Posted by ennie

You deserve the best -- someone who loves and sticks by your side. Know that you deserve that. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself to a haircut, manicure, massage, etc.

Have a girls night out with your single friends to cheer you up.

It is his loss; not yours. Anyone who just steps out on you like that is not worthy of your time and emotions.

This may sound "diva" but it's not. You truly deserve to be happy with a committed man.

I keep on telling myself that I’m better off without him, however I can’t stop thinking. I tried to find things to do but I can’t focus on anything. I don’t have a best friend because years ago one got with my ex husband. After that I haven’t gotten close to anyone. I spend most days here at home, spying him on fb, which I know I shouldn’t do because I really start feeling worse when I see he continued his life as nothing has happened and I’m still feeling like crap. And I done that everyday until it is time to go to bed. I look forward to sleeping because I know I won’t be thinking. Out of the 3 days since I haven’t talked to him today it’s the worst I felt. I saw a post that he went out yesterday and said that he wanted to distract himself. I guess I just kind of hoped that I was the cause of him needing to be distracted. It’s stupid, I know I’m harming myself by doing all of this. I feel lonely, my daughter is away in college and I’m all alone with basically no one I could talk to. I thought I could go shopping but I can’t even bring myself to. All I could hope for is that I start to feel better soon!!!

I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe you can make an appointment with a therapist. This is not because anything is wrong with you, but because you need to get through the grieving process. Don't look at his Facebook anymore, because he is simply not worthy of your time and attention. If you are Online, use that time to look up articles on how to avoid bad guys like that in the future and what qualities to look for in a guy. You can positively start preparing for your future happiness this way : ). Also, if you feel comfortable, you can set "not looking at his facebook" as a daily goal and keep track of it in your journal to create a habit of not looking. After some time of not looking, I think you will feel significantly better.

I know we make ourselves vulnerable to judgment when we post on here. So I really appreciate your honesty. I wish you the happiness you truly deserve!

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Deyla2324))))

[Open Eyes]

You depend on him too much, even when you were unhappy and ended the relationship you are hoping he will miss you and try to get you back. He is not going to give you what you need, never really did so you have to cut him loose and learn how to focus on yourself. It sounds like you don't know how to focus on yourself and may even avoid that by giving your attention to others that don't even appreciate it.

[Deyla2324]

Originally Posted by ennie

I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe you can make an appointment with a therapist. This is not because anything is wrong with you, but because you need to get through the grieving process. Don't look at his Facebook anymore, because he is simply not worthy of your time and attention. If you are Online, use that time to look up articles on how to avoid bad guys like that in the future and what qualities to look for in a guy. You can positively start preparing for your future happiness this way : ). Also, if you feel comfortable, you can set "not looking at his facebook" as a daily goal and keep track of it in your journal to create a habit of not looking. After some time of not looking, I think you will feel significantly better.

I know we make ourselves vulnerable to judgment when we post on here. So I really appreciate your honesty. I wish you the happiness you truly deserve!

Thank you! I already have an appointment made to see a therapist at the end of the month, there wasn’t anything sooner in the area where I live. I will try my best to stay away of his profile on fb. I haven’t blocked him there just because I was kind of hopeful that he would contact me through there. But as I felt that it was necessary to block his number from my cellphone, I think it is necessary to not see what he is posting online. I unfriended him right after we broke up. I’m a predisposed sad person and I should be taking better care of myself.

[eskielover]

It takes some time to get through the feelings & process them.

Like I said I had initially hoped my leaving my now Ex would have been a wake up call for him to change. After 11 years away from him this last summer we had some good closure conversations. I found out that while had initially hoped he would realize he needed to change, he was sure I would come back to him because he didn't think I could make it without him. He said after 2 years & I didn't come back he realized I wasn't coming back & he must have been the reason I left.

Everyone has their own thinking about breakups/separations. If communications were good in the first place the breakup probably wouldn't be necessary.

When we put all our eggs in one basket & it crashes we just have a ton of scrambeled eggs to sort through. Better to get out more, have more interests & acquaintances. Friendships grow out of knowing & proving trust in people. It's not just about picking someone you want to be friends with.

I had no friends when I lived with my husband. He definutely wasn't my best friend either....but after leaving him & the environment I was able to open myself up in a way I never had before in all my life. It is possible.

[Deyla2324]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

You depend on him too much, even when you were unhappy and ended the relationship you are hoping he will miss you and try to get you back. He is not going to give you what you need, never really did so you have to cut him loose and learn how to focus on yourself. It sounds like you don't know how to focus on yourself and may even avoid that by giving your attention to others that don't even appreciate it.

Thank you! Yeah, you’re right! We’re not together because when we were we fought constantly. I do remember telling myself multiple times that I didn’t want to be with him anymore, now I’m away and I’m still obsessed with him. Somehow I feel it’s necessary for me to go through what I’m feeling, there is a lesson to be learned! I look forward to a couple of months from now and see what the outcome is. Maybe I won’t be so trusting when it comes to me or my feelings, not every person that says that is a good person truly is! I always felt that you showed your love with your actions not with words. He was all nice while he was trying to get me to date him but changed very quickly. I think that I’ll focus on healing and taking better care of myself!!! Even if I have to cry every single day I know I will get over this!

[Deyla2324]

Originally Posted by eskielover

It takes some time to get through the feelings & process them.

Like I said I had initially hoped my leaving my now Ex would have been a wake up call for him to change. After 11 years away from him this last summer we had some good closure conversations. I found out that while had initially hoped he would realize he needed to change, he was sure I would come back to him because he didn't think I could make it without him. He said after 2 years & I didn't come back he realized I wasn't coming back & he must have been the reason I left.

Everyone has their own thinking about breakups/separations. If communications were good in the first place the breakup probably wouldn't be necessary.

When we put all our eggs in one basket & it crashes we just have a ton of scrambeled eggs to sort through. Better to get out more, have more interests & acquaintances. Friendships grow out of knowing & proving trust in people. It's not just about picking someone you want to be friends with.

I had no friends when I lived with my husband. He definutely wasn't my best friend either....but after leaving him & the environment I was able to open myself up in a way I never had before in all my life. It is possible.

Once again, thank you! I will get through feeling this way. I need to find things to distract me, get out and do things I used to like to do. I let him change my life, I stopped doing the things I liked just to be available for him in the evenings when he was off from work. I got used to the routine. When my daughter left for college I didn’t feel lonely because he was there for me and now that he is not I’m lonely. Little by little I would get to where I need to be and feel healed. But I guess to get there I need to go through this! Well, tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since the break up, and it is also the weekend and I work, I’ll be busy so I won’t be thinking so much. I do really appreciate everyone’s words. It really makes me feel better!

[eskielover]

It is good to have a place like here where yiu can express your feelings & get encouragement that it will get better (which you logically know but your feelings struggle with)

[Deyla2324]

After I wrote the last reply I went to go buy some juice. As I am going to step out of the car, he is parking behind my car. I got in my car and pulled off. When I got home he contacted me by messenger. He said he couldn’t understand how I did that, that he saw me and followed me there, that he wanted to say hi, that his friends were asking him what happened, that he was hurt that I blocked him and that if he deserved to be treated that way. I couldn’t help it and started crying and I told him that I had to block him because I still love him and I currently can’t be his friend, that maybe when I move on maybe I can. He basically told me I was an ignorant and that I was pushing him away from me. Am I being selfish to think that I should make the necessary changes I should make so that I don’t end all messed up? I mean I don’t hate him, I just feel like I want to be with him and a call or text message will give me hope or make me think that we are getting back together. I do, I can’t deny that but I don’t want him to get back with me just because I am making him to be. He broke up with me, I gave him 2 weeks to say anything he was feeling and he didn’t, just continued to push me away. Now that I made the decision of stepping back, he doesn’t want me to. I don’t know who is more selfish, him or I...

[Deyla2324]

Originally Posted by eskielover

It is good to have a place like here where yiu can express your feelings & get encouragement that it will get better (which you logically know but your feelings struggle with)

I told my brother about this site and how much support you’d given me. He knows I’ve been struggling with the break up but there’s so much I don’t talk to him about. We live in a small town and you always encounter someone you know and I don’t want my brother to know anything that he could feel he should say something about.

[eskielover]

He is a first class manipulator. Your fights wirh him are probably you reacting to his crap.

From my personal experience in a marriage that was non stop fighting except when around other people it was a hell that I should have stopped living in long before I did. Should I have changed to accomodate my H & stop the fighting???? NO WAY!!!! He was the one that was wrong. We should NOT lower our standards to accomidate someone who it is obvious is a manipulator.

He broke up with you & now wonders why you are blocking him out if your life so he can't hurt you any more than he has...& is trying to make you feel guilty about it? What a jerk. He was the one who broke up with you or has he forgotten all about that little fact? Manipulators are good at forgetting facts.

Then the question is. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that? Do you really love him or do you love what you wish he would be like & the relationship you WISH it was like....not what it really is?

If you unblick him & get back together how long before he does this to you again? How long before he starts doing things ypu can't tolerate & start fighting again? Is this what you learned growing up that relationships are like? (It is very dysfunctional & it may just be because you are reacting to his dysfunction)

You really need to analize what you really want in a relationship & whether he can REALLY provide what you need or want. Questions you need to ask yourself honestly before you ever return to this relationship.

His playing so innocent is just a really HUGE red flag you need to be aware of.

[eskielover]

Lol....small towns are good but a challenge. I lived in Los Angeles for 54 years with millions of people who really don't even know their neighbors to a small town in Ky with only 8,000 people. While I don't know everyone I have become active in the community & in my church & have come to know many in the community. Being new in the community & people only knowing my past if they really get to know me I am kinda the mystery person to some though they accept me. Bits & pieces come out in conversations at times even after being here 11 years now. Small towns are very interesting because everyone seems to know or is related to someone else. I love it but have been careful about what I say to who & I purposefully chose to have therapy in the other town 20 minutes away because I didn't want anyone speculating about me without me communucating what I wanted them to know.

I understand your situation with the small town too

[Deyla2324]

Originally Posted by eskielover

He is a first class manipulator. Your fights wirh him are probably you reacting to his crap.

From my personal experience in a marriage that was non stop fighting except when around other people it was a hell that I should have stopped living in long before I did. Should I have changed to accomodate my H & stop the fighting???? NO WAY!!!! He was the one that was wrong. We should NOT lower our standards to accomidate someone who it is obvious is a manipulator.

He broke up with you & now wonders why you are blocking him out if your life so he can't hurt you any more than he has...& is trying to make you feel guilty about it? What a jerk. He was the one who broke up with you or has he forgotten all about that little fact? Manipulators are good at forgetting facts.

Then the question is. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that? Do you really love him or do you love what you wish he would be like & the relationship you WISH it was like....not what it really is?

If you unblick him & get back together how long before he does this to you again? How long before he starts doing things ypu can't tolerate & start fighting again? Is this what you learned growing up that relationships are like? (It is very dysfunctional & it may just be because you are reacting to his dysfunction)

You really need to analize what you really want in a relationship & whether he can REALLY provide what you need or want. Questions you need to ask yourself honestly before you ever return to this relationship.

His playing so innocent is just a really HUGE red flag you need to be aware of.

It is not worthy because I know that it’s never going to work out. We will be fine, I will be cooking, cleaning, doing everything for him Monday through Thursday and then he will be partying from bar to bar while I’m at work on weekends and don’t have celular signal where I work and can’t call him. Then I will ask “What did you do?” and he would either say that he is not a little kid and don’t have to tell me everything he does or answer very briefly with not so many details. And then I will get mad and say something and we will start fighting. If is not that one I have another example; he would receive messages from his lady “friends”, I’ve missed you or why did you hang up is Karen. When we started talking, I always had this feeling that there was something shady about him, I told my brother many times. But then I went on a date with him and he was a gentleman. But things changed quickly, I would say I didn’t like something and he will get very defensive and will start screaming. We fought constantly but when things were fine he was the sweetest most caring person. I feel that is why I’m having a hard time dealing with the break up, I miss being with him every day. I know he doesn’t deserve me, that I deserve someone that will treat me right, and not treat me right a percentage of the time we spend together. He is very manipulative, he doesn’t know what he wants! He doesn’t want to be with me but he still wants me there. I cried a lot yesterday when I talked to him yesterday, and he just turned the focus of attention on him.. He is very selfish, I don’t want to continue having feelings for this person, I just want to be “normal” again.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Deyla2324))))