How to attract a man?

I really kind of surprised people think flirting is the answer or that women have to flirt to get a man. To be honest it kind of rubs me the wrong way. So there is nothing else that can attract men but women flirting?

I don’t know how to flirt. Am not a flirty type. Am too straightforward, blunt and direct to ever flirt yet I never had a problem attracting or meeting men. I’ve met my husband online but I met men in all kind of places. Never been an issue whatsoever. Suggesting that only flirts can meet men is like saying that women only have one value: sexuality.

There is more to women than that.

I am thinking more like wishfulthinker66 here. You want to attract educated professional with lucrative career, you better be educated professional with lucrative career yourself.

^^ now it's more like classism. Country club sticks with country club and the heck with the rest of the universe.

Whatever happened to shared hobbies or interests? One needn't toss oneself at a man, indeed but sometimes it's necessary to give some indication that one is approachable. Even if to just say nice shoes...

I see what you are saying. I guess I didn’t express myself correctly.

No I don’t advocate classism whatsoever and do not practice it in my life.

But if someone states “I want a man with money but I myself don’t make any” then how is it fair, what’s this about? Wanting to be a kept woman? If you want a man with money, you better make money too.

Now if OP said that she is looking for a good man with common hobbies, then it would be a different story. So I am not the one wuth classism ideas or what not. OP wants a good looking lawyer with money. I never in my life had such expectations about looks or money or specific career whatsoever. But if one have these unrealistic expectations, they better meet those expectations themselves

I agree about hobbies and interests and being approachable. One doesn’t need to flirt to be an interesting and approachable person

Makes sense. I see your point.

The OP could live humbly. Eleanor Roosevelt did

I know that the OP has mentioned entrepreneurship in another thread, work and careers perhaps? In having a home based income, that's something to strive to have pride in.

We do live in a society where first impressions do matter. So in leaving the home, I'd say that it's important to look like there's some self care in appearance. Maybe not Sunday Best clothing, but not undone either.

There's another post in here about giving second looks at someone who might not fit the criteria because you don't know how they could grow from inspiration or maybe they are intellectual but college wasn't a possibility? I know of many like that, granted now married and gladly sending their kids off to college loan free or lightest loans. People I grew up with.

Why the fixation on lawyers? They have the highest percentage of addiction struggles. Was noted in a local newspaper article- The Boston Globe, I think a year or so ago. Not to paint the field with the broadest of brushes, just pointing out a fact.

To chime in here, to the OP --- what about other inner qualities in a man? Like qualities that are in fact more important than what you are looking for on the surface? For example, that he treats women with respect, that he has a good heart and treats others with respect and kindness, that he is honest, honorable and faithful? Etc etc? You mention surface level criteria but nothing about who he is as a person or having common interests as you.

Common interests is usually a good place to start, which is why I mentioned joining interest groups and singles group activities.

A man can be good looking, educated and have money and a career and can be a total *** of a person. So what other qualities are important to you?

Nobody said flirting is the only way for a woman to attract a man.

Think about a magnet which literally attracts something. Why does it attract? Doesn’t this apply to the laws of human attraction as well?

FYI- I am a highly intelligent, underachieving woman who married a highly intelligent, highly achieving man.

So we've come down to flirting, eh? As a woman I find this troubling and deeply irritating. It seems so fake to me. I am as bothered by the idea of a woman flirting with and seducing a man as I am a man allowing himself to be drawn in by such. In fact, any man who would be so shallow as to be attracted to such really garners a complete lack of respect from me. Their is a dishonesty for me in this from both sides. I also wonder that if a man is to be susceptible to this once they then are likely to be sussceptible to it again (and again). Nope, I would stay away from such a man. This is definitely a turn off for me. In fact, nothing irks me more when I am out with an aquaintance than to see this occur. Frankly, I end up being disappointed in the friend and my opinion of them drops several notches.

I see what you mean WishfulThinker, some types of flirting can attract a man that needs his ego stoked too much and lead to a relationship that ends up being all about him and can lead to him being susceptible to cheating as his ego often comes first.

This reminds of a movie I saw called "Down with Love", a bit of a comedy type movie but covered some realities.

Well I will disagree a bit here because it kind of is a simplistic description and idea of flirting. I get a picture of what you're describing as flirting but it assumes that there is one type of flirting and that is one of overt sexual or other advances of some sort but that's not necessarily true, in my view. I mean in my mind flirting as I describe it is is simply showing attraction and attention to someone and being playful with it. It does not necessarily mean fake either, if the woman or man is actually attracted and seriously interested in gaining the attention of the person its not fake at all. Flirting can be as subtle as a look or a smile that shows the other person that you've noticed them and are interested.

How is flirting in any form, though, "dishonest" if it's about actually drawing the attention of someone you are actually interested in? It assumes that the intent of the person flirting isn't ever serious but only for romantic flings or at least without any serious intent and that is an incorrect assumption in my view.

this part piqued my interest the most:

Susceptible assumes that whether a man is affected by flirting or not is an indication of some weakness in the male. What? Who isn't actually affected in some way by people paying attention to them and flirting with them? Susceptible, the word also implies that it's something that the male does not have any choice in and as if he becomes weak in the knees and under the control of the flirting woman. It seems to me that you're leaving out choice here and the truth is, even in my own case, as I said yes flirting affects me but that does not mean that I fall under some kind of spell by any woman that flirts with me, but I have the power of choice. Sure I may enjoy someone flirting with me but I also am capable of making it clear if I'm in a relationship that I'm not interested.

magnets attract ANYTHING that is metal. As a woman I would not want to be a flirt & attract anything that is a man. I prefer to be selective & I want to know whether personalities even come close to matching before I would even bother wasting my time on even considering a serious relationship with a guy.

Lol....I have had a lot of interfaces with different lawyers lately. The good ones I have met due to need of quality lawyers have all been so arrogant. Yea, want those kind handling my case but I sure wouldn't want a marriage relationship with them. There is so much more than career & looks & money. All that is superficial when it comes to making a relationship work.

I don't think a magnet is a good analogy for flirting at all. As stated magnets attract all metal in the vicinity but is flirting like that and if it is I would contend the person flirting is really just flaunting themselves for all to see but that's not what I think it is. it should be and almost always is something that's more targeted ... It's silly to think that a flirting woman in a room would be pulling in all the surrounding men like a magnet which is what that implies lol. Besides flirting is not always effective and the targeted person has - choice to pay attention or ignore, not so with a piece of metal. the object is compelled to be drawn to the magnet by the laws of physics or whatever laws it is that determine magnetic attraction.

Lol....I have seen some women use that shot gun/magnet approach but yea, it usually attracts the one they really didn't want to attract. I have also seen targeted flirting observed by others not targeted who took it as a signal that the person was available. It just leaves lots of openings to create problem situations that have to be dealt with unless done in a very controlled environment.

Interesting description. I guess what we have here is a different understanding or perception of what flirting is. In my mind and what I describe specifically is something someone does actively toward a person of interest. I am talking about making gestures toward someone, smiling, saying hi in a more inviting way, etc. Not something in my mind that can be misinterpreted by the wrong person typically.

The other thing, seems to me to be less flirting and more of flaunting ones self in front of a crowd or group. I can see that drawing in the wrong person but what I'm talking about is going out of your way to show that you've noticed a specific person and making it clear you're interested in finding out more, getting to know them, making conversation in the interests of possible date.

LOL, I just thought about what I saw in a nature program where it showed all the ways male animals try to attract females to mate. Birds can have some really funny ways where males attract females. They build amazing nests and stand by them calling out, they puff out to look big and strong, they do dances and make their heads go up and down, it's so funny to watch. Just came to mind when thinking about "flirting".

Years ago I went to one of those Chipendale shows with some friends, none of us had been to see them. The funniest thing to me was watching how the women behaved. (years later I learned a high percentage of these men were actually gay). For me personally, gay or not I would never want to be with any of these guys.

I agree....that is why I stated about being in a controlled environment it makes sense but if you are in a bar & have picked out someone to flirt with because you are interested in them....you can bet that behavior will be observed by others who can possibly see it as a possible opening themselves..

Showing interest to a specific individual in a controlled environment is not going to cause problems like I have mentioned & does show them you have an interest.

This is not what I would consider flirting. Flirting is more than a mere passing glance or smile. It is a purposeful action intended on garnering sexual attention. It is an invitation to gratification.

..............Absolutely do I consider this an indication of weakness.

well that's where we diverge in viewpoints. by your standard that you describe I would agree more with you on your perspective of it

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Again I would agree if one is to assume that being affected by flirting is somehow something the male has no control over and is unable to resist but I don't believe that's true. I've been flirted with by women before that I wasn't interested in and/or I was involved already and in no way was I ever incapable of responding appropriately by showing no interest or making it clear I was unavailable. I don't believe that many people can say they are unaffected by flirting though, whether it be being appalled and off put by it or it makes them interested.

By what I believe is my definition of flirting I have no problems with it being used as a tool to garner attention from those that you are interested in. But by that keep in mind my description of flirting is not one of throwing yourself at someone and making overt sexual advances.

Also in my mind flirting is not necessarily intended for sexual attention. there are far more reasons to attract the opposite sex than going to bed with them. I believe that flirting and gaining the attention of those you are interested in is a part of real courting.

flirting can, of course include overt sexual advances and the motivations can be for just that in many cases but I have a less narrow definition of flirting itself so I guess that's why we differ.

Well you did say that your gut answer to how to get a man is “flirt”. So just going by what you said.

I understand you married successful man but your marriage has been rough and rocky and causing you mental anguish and PTSD primarily you mentioned due to many fundamental differences. You even said there were major differences and clashes between you two before you even married. So what attracted him to you and vice versa? Was it flirting? Just attraction? Or was it something else? Common interests? Common values? Compatibility?

This isn’t my thread and I don’t want to hijack it.

It’s nice to see so many different opinions and a healthy discussion.

UMMM, emma, have you been frightened away?

You like smart me with education.. money and a career so he can keep you fulfilled with all the materialistic things miss. You never mentioned that he has to love from the heart and understand your emotions. And even if they are obvious, they are so important, that its worth mentioning. But the way you're looking at men is like your buying a quality A grade item with the lawyer thing mentioned. I don't think you'll not get such a man because of your lack of qualification(thats what you think), but because of your lack feelings and emotional connections. Still just a personal opinion, nothing to get offended about.

Emma hasn't been back to this thread since her first post...

[QUOTE=golden_eve;6431680]Emma hasn't been back to this thread since her first post... :confused

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Yup, she hasn’t been logging in on this site at all actually since her first post on this thread so she couldn’t be scared of anyone’s posts since she never had a chance to read them. Unless she maybe reads them as a guest. This is too much thinking... it gave me a headache lol