Husband Walked Out

And his parents are ok with this plan of his? I know as a mom of sons I would not be ok with this.

Just how the heck are you supposed to contain emotions having this weighing on you?

As far as I know, he hasn’t talked to them about this. I don’t think they would tell him no though; they always do what he wants. He escaped to their house quite a few times while we were dating and they never objected.

Yeah I really don’t know how to be calm when I don’t even know if I’ll have a husband come Monday or not. I don’t know how he expects me to be okay. It really really hurts and I’m honestly feeling suicidal for the first time in a long time. The worst part is knowing that I started all of this.

I don't buy it for one minute that You Started this.

He knew who you were for 3 years, then chose to ask for your hand in marriage. Marriage takes work and it's a partnership.

Of course you're feeling sui thoughts because it's a traumatic point in your life. The situation of having him here today gone the next or holding that over you IS TRAUMATIC!

At this point I find this threat of his abusive by itself.

If his parents continue to enable him then that sounds dysfunctional. I'd perhaps land behind bars if mine kept showing up at my doorstep. He doesn't sound properly "launched" which is supposed to be the goal for parents to launch their children from the nest into adulthood and independence.

Do you have family to reach out to?

Yes, that’s the problem is that I have been emotional and sometimes over-the-top emotional for the whole time we’ve been together but I’ve been working on doing better. He knows me and knew what he was agreeing to, but still decided to marry me. Maybe he thought I would change faster and learn to be better quicker if i was married. Idk.

I really wish he saw it the way you and I do. He doesn’t see it as abusive; he wholeheartedly believes that I deserve this.

I do have family but I’m hesitant to reach out because I’m so embarrassed that my marriage is going under already, a month into it. I don’t wanna be the family joke 😕

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doglover6335 So, he said he is staying at our house until Monday which is his last work day of the week, and that if I can prove to him that I can do better and not be so overly emotional, that maybe he will stay. Otherwise he is moving in with his parents for good and finding a new job there. I don’t know how to prove anything to him. I’m just kind of going about my business and not saying anything to him cause I don’t know what to say. Any advice on how I can make him see I’m really trying to be a good wife?

I'm sorry but to me this seems ridiculous-almost outrageous. He has to have had prior thoughts about your relationship before this happened. If you love someone you are not going to breakup over differences of opinion OVER A TV show. It does not make any sense. And what could you possibly do to "prove" to him anything? Personally I think it borders on emotional abuse and is very cruel. You are not a child and you are entitled to have your own opinions and not cowtow to someone's injured ego.

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me I don't buy it for one minute that You Started this. He knew who you were for 3 years, then chose to ask for your hand in marriage. Marriage takes work and it's a partnership. Of course you're feeling sui thoughts because it's a traumatic point in your life. The situation of having him here today gone the next or holding that over you IS TRAUMATIC! At this point I find this threat of his abusive by itself. If his parents continue to enable him then that sounds dysfunctional. I'd perhaps land behind bars if mine kept showing up at my doorstep. He doesn't sound properly "launched" which is supposed to be the goal for parents to launch their children from the nest into adulthood and independence. Do you have family to reach out to?

Yeah, I think it was just building up to this over time. He feels that anytime we have a disagreement that I respond way too emotionally and cry too easily and he says me exposing him to that is emotional abuse.

Can you give examples of what's considered emotional and over the top? You've also mentioned earlier, mean things being said, are there examples of that?

I sometimes feel like perception of what's considered over emotional can be subjective.

Ok, you burst into tears and demanded an explanation about the tv example of what's considered cheating. And he refused to try to understand your point of view and stubbornly declared that what was on tv was innocent and that men and women just innocently share beds as a common occurence.

You expressed that you cannot reach out to family for fear of being shamed. How stinking lonely of a feeling this must all be. With a family that won't be understanding nor supportive on one side and a husband that dismisses your opinions on the other side.

I think the fact that he is mean to you to the point of you crying sounds like it could be abuse. Commonly, abusers accuse their loved ones of abuse, when THEY are the abuser.

I agree with the above posters that his reactions are extreme. He is emotionally threatening that he will leave unless you change. Change the fact that you get upset when he is mean to you??????? This sounds like a form of emotional CONTROL over you.

I am smelling abuse on his part.

First off, I'm sorry that you two had a blow out that ended up with him walking away. I know that fear that he won't come back is real but take a moment and breathe and think about the situation.

The first thing that comes to mind is that you have quickly jumped to the conclusion that his walking out the door was abandonment. That he won't return. Is there more to the argument that would imply that this is the case or was he walking away because he was very angry at feeling like he was being questioned about his integrity and faithfulness? I'll be honest, I get the feeling he is feeling, and I understand that you've had past trauma dealing with being cheated on but does it come out in your suspiciousness of him? Do you watch him, question him, and grill him because you worry he will cheat too or is already cheating? I wonder because from what you describe you say you were talking about the show and if it's accurate, he jumped to the conclusion you were questioning him, pretty quickly. Unless something in your description leaves out that you actually did question him.

In the case of you actually questioning him, I completely understand his reasoning for feeling like he did. Walking away still does not equate to walking out on a relationship though.

In the case he jumped to conclusions there are some things you have to ask yourself. Yes you've been cheated on, you've been hurt, betrayed and it's painful but does that come out in daily life how you handle your marriage and view your husband? Something to consider. I have a hard time believing that this one argument would lead to such extreme conclusions without having happened again or other things leading up to this moment.

I have anxiety, so I often not only burst into tears, but I bawl my eyes out because I’m afraid of losing him. Every argument ends in me crying because he says hurtful things and he says it’s childish. I sometimes get sick to my stomach too and vomit and he finds this pathetic. Do you think this is something unforgivable and that he is right to walk away from me for it? He feels that it’s emotional abuse to expose him to my crying and emotions like this.

You’re right; it is insanely lonely and I don’t know what to do. I feel so pathetic just waiting around, wondering if he will decide to stay with me or not. My family are the kind of people to ridicule you over everything. I know they’d let me stay with them, but I couldn’t deal with that.

OUt of context, it's quite simplistic to say that it is cheating. In a situation where people were forced to stay in the same room and SLEPT in the same bed is not cheating. Cheating is being involved either emotionally or sexually or both with a woman and staying in a hotel room in that case is not the definition of cheating. its the emotional or sexual involvement which wouldn't even require a hotel room to carry out.

Being in the same bed with a woman is indeed, not cheating. In and of itself it's an act of resting. But without all of the other qualifications of cheating being given about the show or movie, it's not automatically cheating to me.

I questioned him on his views, and I did say something like “Well, would you find that to be something appropriate for you to do in our marriage?” And he took that as accusing him. I certainly did not mean it that way, I was just trying to understand how he thought that was okay. I don’t ever question him about cheating and I don’t go through his stuff or do anything to make him feel like i’m Suspicious. He has female friends and I have never questioned him about his friendships with them. I’ve been very supportive of them, actually.This is the first time we have fought about this but definitely not our first fight in general. I think he is more mad about the fact that I cry and get upset when I feel he is being harsh with me. He said my emotions have been out of control and he can’t deal with it anymore.

Thanks for your perspective. I truly hope I haven’t ruined evertoover something so stupid.

It's emotional abuse on HIS part to tell you that you cannot cry and have emotions in response TO HIS HARM TOWARDS YOU.

The more you tell us, the more I believe that he is an abuser and that this is an emotionally abusive relationship for you.

Seriously? do we even know what was going on in the movie? Depends on the situation

I take offense to this BS:
Ummm... no. is that not an insulting statement to men everywhere? Seriously we are not walking sex monsters who only think of this... that's a scary way to talk about men and no wonder you would assume a woman is never safe with a man in a hotel room because. quite honestly it sounds like in your view men are simple minded sex fiends that can't help themselves. Sorry but that's really really insulting.

The problem is that the character in the show had feelings for this woman, was doing it behind his wife’s back, kissed this woman, and watched her as she walked around the room naked and teasing him. He did all of it behind his wife’s back. To me, that is an emotional affair at the very least. My husband did not agree.

Yeah, to him that’s the biggest problem. He actually said last night that my problems compared to his is like 90% on my end and 10% on his. I don’t understand how he can do this to me if he loves me like he says he does. I keep going back and forth between believing that I deserve this and not believing it. I’m so hurt.

The details of the show are down below. I appreciate devils advocacy at the same time this is about the OPs husband storming off and threatening to go move in with his parents and telling her that she's this that and the other thing. To change or else.

He says that I shouldn’t take the things he says so seriously and freak out so much. I really try not to, but I’m a very sensitive person and he can be very harsh.

sorry to insult you, however, that is my experience with men and in my entire life and I am 48. Every male I've known has told me that they would be interested in sex with a woman because she is of the opposite sex.

Please don't try to get into an argument with me over this. This is beside the point and detracts from the main issue the OP is now having.

Seriously, what is your problem? You're a PC chat leader even. Be more mature and adult like than this. Trying to get into an argument? PLEASE. I find your post to be very toxic and off-putting.

Thank you for that clarification. I would disagree with your husband at this point.

But that's not the problem here as much as what is causing him to state that he's giving up on you.

Has he done this in arguments before?

Yeah, the initial argument is secondary to the fact that he walked out and plans to leave me, in my opinion. I keep going back to the details of that argument but it’s not helping me see why he left me.

What kind of mean things has he said to you? Can you give an example? It is totally understandable that you would have a negative and emotional reaction to him being cruel towards you! Please know this. And to the point of breaking down into sobbing tears? It must be pretty bad, what he says to you.

I'm sorry if it seems toxic and off putting. I really hate it when people lump either women or men or any group into a negative stereotype. I really am not here to argue with you but I felt compelled to let you know that the way you worded that really is insulting to men.