Feeling Especially Sensitive and Slighted

I am especially sensitive right now to personal slights. I had another thread where I talked about being ghosted by a long-time gf online, which hurt me badly.

Then last night I discovered that one of my oldest college girlfriends, with whom I lived for over three years after college, unfriended me on Facebook. I do not know when, but I believe it's been in the last year since she got married. And I feel seriously hurt. At one time, we were the best and closest of friends. Admittedly, we haven't really spoken in many years, but I still wanted the connection to her, at least on Facebook to see what she's up to. But apparently, she doesn't want the connection with me anymore.

Then at work today, I got all sensitive over an account manager revising my work a little to present to to a client of ours. I had highlighted certain sections of a document on purpose to talk about in our meeting, and she removed the highlights. I don't know why I feel slighted by this, but I do anyways.

I am typically a pretty sensitive person all around, but I feel unusually sensitive right now.

I guess I feel most especially bad about people unfriending me or leaving me behind.

Last night when I went to bed, I took stock of my closest friends that I have left. There's a handful, but I was hurting over the loss of these two friends.

I know that friendships change over time, especially as we get older. I understand this fact of life. I just cannot help but feel hurt. Like what did I do??

Then I felt grateful for the few friends I have left, even though it's a real serious motley crew.

And I even wondered, how can my fiance love someone like me? I felt like a total loser, without a large circle of friends around me like he has. He has a ton of friends, and I counted six close friends in my geographic area that I can count on. And they're all kind of weird and odd in their own ways.. I suppose like me. I'm a little odd I would say.

So then I came back to: why does he even love me?

Yep, swirling thoughts. I had a terrible day today.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, Have Hope. I think it's normal to be extra-sensitive when you experience series of hurtful events rather than just one in a short period of time. Your feelings are reasonable and validated. I don't know if you journal, but maybe write letters to them that you won't actually send. It's more for your emotional release and closure.

I’d say 6 close friends is more than many other people have. Having ton of friends doesn’t really mean much. Some people are extroverted and some aren’t. I’d not worry about it. I’d say if you don’t keep in frequent touch with people irl, I’d not worry about not being friends on Facebook

Thank you, ennie! The validation helps!! I do journal but I haven't much lately. I find that talking it out with other people helps a bit more because I can relate to them and not just to myself, you know what I mean?

Ty, Divine! I try but it still bothers me. I am rather sensitive, and my long-time girlfriend unfriending me tells me that she's just done being connected anymore. I realize we haven't talked, but it still hurts. I considered her one of oldest but more distant friends. I guess it hurts more because I feel I have very few people now that I can count on.

As far as work, work is work, sometimes quirky ambitions rule the roost. Cruddy to deal with, but easier to bounce back from the annoyances of work than those gut wrenching lost friendships.

Of course you're hurt. One takes off and doesn't respond to your checking in? I mean, yeah, what was that all about?

With the other, cuts ties after marriage?

Are they both running from themselves or something? Because, that's my only conclusion.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It is painful. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Grieve the loss. Don't let them dictate your worth. I don't believe that it's you for a minute, it's them.

Some women cut girlfriends cut their friends out when they get into relationshios or get married. I think it’s wrong on many levels.

Yep. But if you cannot reach them, then journal may be the next best option. Stay strong

When I am feeling bad about the way my life turned out, I find that I need to stay away from FB. FB does give me a notification when I get a direct message from a friend. I am on there so that if I ever want to visit one of my HS friends (one was my college roommate ) from more than 35 years ago, I have a way to get ahold of them.

Your college room mate might (years from now) eventually reconnect.

When I first got married, my previous friendships mean a lot to me in my heart but I had filled my life with too many activities and the distance (I was in Japan, they were in the US) between us was a real issue.

The ghosting and defriending is probably NOT about you. Also, I have come to believe that when we share REALLY intimate things with someone who listens, whether online or in really life--that sharing can cause us to feel attached. I feel like since I am married, I owe it to my H to be careful about becoming to emotionally attached to others--especially men. I am learning to try not to share TMI on here. Though I still sometimes do when I am struggling. Sorry, you are struggling internally. I see it in your posts.....

Thank you, everyone!

Yeah, maybe those two women ARE running from themselves? OR, the one who ghosted me just got too busy while working overseas? OR I had just been too needy of her and too heavy in my emails? And the one who got married decided it had been too long for us to not talk? OR she got married and decided to cut ties with all old friends?

I guess I will never know. I could sit here and guess endlessly, but the bottom line is I will never know so I will have to just be OK with that the fact that they no longer wish to be friends.

I AM struggling a bit internally, as was mentioned above. I've been hurt by many friendships in my life, especially when young, so this happening just resurfaces those old wounds.

It just sucks. And the work thing is less of a big deal. I can let that roll over.

Ugh. I have to get past this somehow and not let it hurt me so much!

I am also hurt when people unfriend me or don't respond to my friend requests. I also get hurt when my coworkers go to lunch and don't invite me. People say it shouldn't bother me, but I can't help it that it does.

Just wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through.

Oh, thank you for your post, and I can certainly relate!!! I'm so sorry you are being hurt by your co-workers! I would be too. Sometimes we cannot help how we feel, right? And if we feel hurt, we feel hurt. I get it. To say don't let it bother you doesn't really help much. It would be nice to feel included, so I understand. And when you're not included, it feels like a rejection, which hurts.

And yes, it does hurt when ppl unfriend on Facebook or reject your friend request. It's a snub, in my opinion. The message it sends is: I don't wish to associate with you or share my personal life with you. I don't see how that cannot hurt someone's feelings.

Many hugs to all

So sorry. It is understandable how you are interpreting and feeling so down about this.

Please don't take this distancing though as a personal slight or even being your fault. Yes, people change.

Regarding the FB unfriending. Realise that no two people use Facebook in the same way. I personally use it only as a way of keeping in touch with close friends and family members - the very people I maintain close contact with in real life. That is just the way I am. And I regularly go through my own friends list to tweek it here and there in such manner that it is a close reflection of my off-line life. Those that I do otherwise wish to maintain a more sporadic contact with I keep to my occasional email list. That is just the way I am. Do you think it possible then that she have a similar viewpoint of how to use Facebook?

So the unfriending may be really of no consequence at all then. What then is the other evidence that she is removing you from her life? Is there evidence she is not?

Aw, thank you, Wishfulthinker!

And thanks for explaining how you yourself use FB -- that's helpful info and a great different perspective for me to consider.

Well, to be honest, she and I (the one who dropped me from FB) have not been close in years. So perhaps that's how she views it herself. That she no longer feels close to me and therefore, felt she should remove me.

I suppose that's the real truth of the matter. We're no longer close and have not been in years.

Perhaps I just cling to that friendship because to me, it represents history, and a history that was important and special for me in my life and in my development as a person. But maybe it doesn't hold that same special meaning for her anymore.... or maybe it does, but maybe it's just all in the past.

I think I live in the past a bit much... hmm.. food for thought.

Thank you again!!! You've really helped me to think more on this.

That's the problem with social media. I initially set up mine to keep in touch with friends and relatives whom I don't see, b/c they live out of my state.

I find that it's dangerous, b/c, it presents a distorted reality. People I meet, "friend" me on FB instantly, yet, they don't actually WANT to be my friend in real life.

I know how you feel, when you discover someone you have a history with, just deleted you. You think, "how the hell could someone I've known for 20 years just "delete" me like that, with NO explanation? It's happened to me, with three very good friends I'd known since college; each just deleted me without so much as an explanation and ignored my attempts to reach out to them by cellphone and email.

When people dump us, without telling us why, that speaks VOLUMES about their character, not ours. We didn't do anything and there's no point really agonizing over the "?" b/c we'll never know, since they've chosen to be disrespectful of that history we share, and just "ghost" us. It's brutal. But it shows what a shallow person they are; what a coward they are, for not taking into consideration a simple message of, "I'm leaving FB" or whatever to just show us that we matter to them. But we don't. People who ghost us, put us in their "option" category and there's nothing we can do. Humans ca be real a**h***s.

I have no friends in real life. I did at one point but somewhere along the line, I stopped socializing b/c people stopped accepting my invites to get together. So, I figure, why fight it? I"m certainly not going to change to make someone like me, so, what can I do, really.

I hope your motley crew and your fiance appreciate you in their lives. We all deserve to be loved and cared for.

I agree with you about how people all use Facebook in their own way. I set mine up to as a pipeline to stay in contact with friends and family who are scattered everywhere. For ten years, I've been ghosted on by many so-called FB friends, and have deleted acquaintances whose profile sits stagnant on my FB wall, b/c they don't actually want to be friends with me in real life.

I debate deleting my FB profile daily, b/c it makes me depressed to see all my FB friends posting about their fabulous lives with their 4,000 Facebook friends; whereas I just post pop culture and news and funny memes on my FB wall, and rarely do I post something personal. I have one FB friend who posts multiple selfies a day, and has rejected my invites to get together multiple times, yet has time to get together with our mutual FB friends and posts photos of them going out without me on her FB wall. It's maddening.

At the end of the day, Facebook is not reality, but it is. What people post on their wall creates a false reality, a distorted reality. Yet, the reality is, people use Facebook to connect for business reasons, if they are an artist, musician, or whatever, to stay in touch with their fan base. Or, people use it to stay connected with friends and family.

I feel strange b/c I don't have 5,000 Facebook friends. I have less than 100. I don't know how people can create such a large social network offline, and online like that.

Oh I know! FB to me has both positives and negatives, I suppose just like life!!!

I read one article that claimed that FB caused more depression among the general population. It can definitely make one feel left out, as you described, jilted, rejected, less than and whatnot.

However, for me personally, I now have a circle of friends who are all very loving and they're all on FB sharing their joys and spreading cheer. It's actually very refreshing from the typical FB scene.

But I do get what you mean. I feel SO rejected by my friend who dropped me recently. SO hurt. It is a medium that can create a lot of hurt and dejected feelings. So that's the downside.

You sure don't want to equate a person's worth with their popularity. All you have to do is consider that some very rotten people have been popular. I mean, look at history: Adolf Hitler was popular.

At the same time, I believe in considering feedback. If, during the last 2 years, 10 people told you that you were rude, then you might want to consider the possibility that they have a point. That's if they were 10 people you knew in differing contexts . . . not 10 people who all hang around together.

Sometimes a person might be upholding a decent value that has become undervalued. Getting back to Hitler: If you lived in Germany in 1942 and lots of people around you disliked you because you weren't a NAZI, you would have been in the position of possibly having heroic values. One can get carried away with that kind of thinking though. If you tell me that no one in your neighborhood likes you because your neighbors are all rotten people, I'm going to have my doubts about your claim. Most neighborhoods are a mix of a lot of different types of people, good and not so good.