Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?

Your first reply to her is unacceptable. She gave you a task to do, and you talked back and put it back on her. Then you gave her an excuse blaming it on someone who isn't there. If you cannot work because of emotional turmoil then you should not be at work at all. Explain to me why you cannot physically fill the sauces up because of the GM not saying hello to you? If your moods rely so heavily on other people simply saying hello to you, and you physically cannot work because of that, then you need to look for additional support because you should not be working at all.

I don't think this had anything to do with the GM. I think you didn't want to listen to the trainee manager because of all the backstory you gave and that you don't like her. So you gave her an attitude and blamed it on the old GM.

Does it bother you at all that you put HIS career in jeopardy when you keep acting like he actually did something to you and telling other people he "put you through hell' when all he did was not talk to you and you have no relationship with him to entitle you to any of his attention? You could get this man in trouble and cause him a lot of harm with these accusations. He did not put you through hell. Your infatuation is putting you through hell.

Holy crap. I don’t want him in trouble. I care too much about him. Luckily, DM already reiterated to me last week that he reserves the right to talk to whoever he wants. And my daily complaints (hourly on bad days) to colleagues are always verbatim “he doesn’t want to talk to me.” Or “will he talk to me next time he’s here?” So mix those words in with “put me through hell” and they have context so I’m pretty sure he won’t be in trouble. I really really don’t want him in trouble.

The only reason I don’t like the manager trainee is because her attitude towards me significantly changed on the FIRST day the GM hurt my feelings. Otherwise I would have no problem with her just like I don’t have problem with anyone else who is at least neutral, if not outright sympathetic.

I couldn’t do an extra task past my time bc I previously suffered 4 straight hours of mental breakdown on back drive, where I asked multiple times not to be. And gave them legitimate reasons why. I really just wanted out.

At first I tried to politely explain to manager trainee why I couldn’t fill sauces. She still won’t exempt me from doing so. Threatened write up. I went beserk

It’s my job I’m most worried about. Cuz DM already talked to me last week and Idk the likelihood of her hearing this incident…

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011 IDGAF what people do, depraved or not, if it doesn’t affect me. If I ever end up with kids, I wouldn’t even give a **** what THEY do. Don’t let it ruin my life, whatever you do. Wanna sleep around and get stoned as a teenager? Go for it! I’m your best friend/roommate, but I’m not your mom, even if you came out of my *****. Respect our friendship and don’t cross boundaries. So for coworkers, I don’t expect even half of you to have sympathetic. Very few coworkers are truly sympathetic. The rest of them are neutral. Except the **** and one other girl who look TF down on me. And even that 2nd girl doesn’t hate on me as bad as the **** does. If you were to look down on me and ridicule me, **** you’re lucky we’re at work. Outside, I woulda cursed you TF out. You would be so ****** humiliated you go cry to daddy. Ya kno that sperm donor who became yo sugar daddy and bought you a sports car.

I don’t understand this right now. You sound very irrational. If you act like this at work when you get upset I can understand why people have a problem with that

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You need to take some things at face value:

(1) When the old GM said "have a good day" even though you weren't leaving or he wasn't, he likely didn't have time to speak to you or want to engage in conversation, but he was being polite anyhow. He was polite to you, and you are taking it as brusque or rude because it's not what you want, which is this imagined relationship.

(2) When the trainee manager said "thanks for everything" when she was new, she was likely just trying to be a good manager and be nice to her employees by saying thank you. Instead of taking it as a thank you, you have to take it badly because you don't like her and you seem to think you're better than her because she's younger than you.

Other things you need to realize: you may have a disability, but unless you've asked for a reasonable accommodation and it's been approved, you can't say "you aren't accommodating me." You don't get accommodations for hurt feelings. You may have been overwhelmed from working back drive, and if you need an actual accommodation to not work back drive, you need to fill out the paperwork to get that accommodation.

Making you do your job and fill up sauces, a simple task, is not being morally deprave. Your hurt feelings because of your stalking behavior is NOT the same as someone who has lost their mother.

Every time you mention the GM to anyone, it does not matter the context, you tarnish his name by making it sound like you had some relationship with him. You have already been told by a manager to stop talking about him, and yet you brought him up today as an excuse to the trainee manager. You need to STOP talking about him completely. Not talking about him, not using him as an excuse, not asking people about him, not asking if he'll talk to you. You need to STOP talking about him entirely.

You need to do what any manager, trainee or otherwise, tells you to do. You need to STOP giving them attitude, whether you like them or not.

You also need to stop asking your coworkers to play therapist to you. You can go to NAMI and other support groups while you wait for your next therapy appointment, but telling them all these things is not good for you or them.

Ruby, I know you have these feelings and to you they are very real. You need to find the appropriate outlet for them though. Work is not that outlet.

You might get written up, probably will be. Maybe you can apologize and promise not to bring it up anymore and they will let it slide. But you will have to be able to KEEP that promise.

6 weeks is a long time to deal with this kind of situation. GM hurt my feelings. And I can’t even get the therapy appointment I need cuz their first opening is in October.

During my phone call to a previous therapist office, I asked if Rob (my former therapist) takes ambetter insurance. They said he’s not in network and neither are any of their providers. After they took a few minutes to check.

I explained it’s the only insurance I could afford bc Obamacare didn’t offer any other insurance. And the ONLY place that took my insurance is all booked out til October. Please make an exception for me. They said they can’t cuz Rob would have to go through a whole process to become in network with ambetter.

I kept telling them I called around and literally no one took my insurance. I explained it’s a good policy. And asked what they can do for me. Nothing apparently.

And this is why I’m angry and bitter.

I need to explain next time I work that I worded it wrong when I said GM put me thru hell. I meant to say he hurt my feelings by not talking to me. Please don’t get him in trouble

No, the best thing you can do is to not talk about him at all ever again to your coworkers. Just let it die.

Ok I understand. I tarnished his name bc I made it sound like I have a romantic relationship with him. Not so much bc I implied he did something bad? Did I paraphrase correctly? Either way, I don’t like the sound of it. I don’t want to tarnish his name I really don’t.

1. Bingo. He don’t want to engage in a conversation. I know he’s like that every time he’s here and I’ll need to learn to accept it.
2. Both M and my current GM, when I asked them, said they’re pretty sure former GM will talk to me next time he’s here. M added that I need to make the first move, talk to him, and say hi to him and he’ll answer. Is that recommended? Or would it not be in my best interest?
3. A department manager Homer asked M why he told me that. Basically implying why M is falsely getting my hopes up. Cuz last time Alex (a 19 year old chick and a shift manager) told me GM wasn’t trying to ignore me, and a week later, GM came in and was just as distant towards me as always.
4. I don’t really like anyone I work with honestly. I’m jealous that GM is friendlier towards them. I could live with that. But I hate those who has the least patience with me and that would be the manager trainee. A girl I got along with from her age of 16 until 18. Then when I started leaving early bc GM hurt my feelings she slowly stops associating with me. It escalated to her getting snappy with me. And as of a week ago, stops even saying hi to me.

Her sidekick Alex (the one who said GM didn’t ignore me) also behaves the same way towards me but in a much lesser degree.

They are fed up with your behavior. It’s YOUR behavior that makes people push away from you. You stop being inappropriate people will respond by being friendly.

1. Stop all mentioning of the GM
2. Be respectful of other people do as you are asked by ALL employees

You make it sound like either at different times. Just stop saying anything about him hurting you.

I would recommend you do not seek him out to say hello. If he happens to be in the same room, you could acknowledge him by saying "hi" only, which would be polite. Otherwise you need to leave him alone.

He is WORKING. He came there to pick up stuff. He does not have a personal relationship with you. He was not distant, because he was never closer. That's in your imagination. Do you get that?

Does it ever occur to you that the trainee manager became trainee about the time you started having your meltdowns because the GM left, and that it has nothing to do with looking down on you but that she has got to step up as a trainee and she can't be giving leeway to an insubordinate employee (YOU). She didn't stop associating with you bc of the GM but because she is now a manager and has to LEAD and that often means less fraternizing with supervisees like you.

At this point they are likely snappy with you because they are fed up with your behavior. If you start doing your job and stop giving excuses for why you can't do simple tasks and stop blaming everything on your feelings for the old GM, they will likely start to appreciate your work ethic again and not be so snappy with you. It's hard to be pleasant to an employee who is performing poorly and making your job hard by not doing theirs, which is what you are doing.

Just stop with the excuses. Do your job. Listen to your managers, trainees included. Stop talking about the old GM to anyone at work, period.

She stops associating with me but still does with high school employees! Crew members. So it’s not fraternizing when she jokes with them.

She became trainee at the same time as my meltdowns yes.

Her first couple days as trainee, she was treating me like everyone else. Then the next day, I was unfortunate enough to encounter former GM who … distant…from me. And since then, she never treated me the same again.

It wasn’t outright look down on me, but a gradual process starting from that very day several weeks ago.

Cuz you know, the day after the GM first hurt my feelings, my coworker asked me to get bucket of ice for ABS, which is the soda machine. I returned with a bucket of ice and asked,

“So you need ice for your A S S?”
Coworker: (taken aback) yes yours!
Me: (try to fit bucket up there) nope too little.

Right in front of the trainee, who was silent the whole time, a shift manager said go home!

I stood there shocked. I didn’t get sent home though and almost finished out my shift. I said almost because I clocked out an hour early and told them it’s cuz GM won’t talk to me.

Trainee: (disgusted look on her face) (formal AF tons) bye thanks for everything.

Another incident

I was walking to the back and a box was in my way. I stood there a few long minutes looking sad and devastated that a box is blocking my way.

Trainee: move the box over and go through.
Me: (staring uncomprehendingly)
Her: move the box over and go through
Me: (quick high pitched shriek) (kicked the box aside) (second quick high pitched shriek)

I made my way to the back

Congratulations she just treated me like an idiot

She is not going to joke with you when you are behaving poorly, which you have been ever since she became a trainee.

Your comment to your coworker was inappropriate. And it was treated as such.

Your behavior toward the trainee when she told you to move the box and complete your task was inappropriate as well. Shrieking at work and kicking boxes is not appropriate.

It is your own behavior that is causing these problems. How many more of these scenarios do we need to discuss, one by one? The answer is to stop copping an attitude, do your work, behave yourself (which you know how to do because you've done it before) and STOP talking about the GM to anyone you work with.

Sorry for going through scenarios. I’m a wounded animal trying to piece everything together and am now understanding better why she (and other people) aren’t as nice as they used to be. As of today, I gained yet another enemy. It’s the manager that told me to stop talking about the GM that isn’t here anymore. In an extremely annoyed tone. Like whoa calm down lady

Ruby, it's okay to make mistakes if you learn from them. That's what they are there for. If you aren't fired for your behavior, you can earn the respect of your managers and coworkers again by doing your job without an attitude, do what your managers tell you (even trainees), stop talking about people who aren't there, not just your old GM, but it's a good rule to never talk about someone who isn't present, particularly when it comes to coworkers. Drop the attitude and behave respectfully towards all the managers and do the tasks assigned to you. If you can consistently do that every day and avoid these conflicts (and not start any new infatuations), you will be fine at work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011 6 weeks is a long time to deal with this kind of situation. GM hurt my feelings. And I can’t even get the therapy appointment I need cuz their first opening is in October. During my phone call to a previous therapist office, I asked if Rob (my former therapist) takes ambetter insurance. They said he’s not in network and neither are any of their providers. After they took a few minutes to check. I explained it’s the only insurance I could afford bc Obamacare didn’t offer any other insurance. And the ONLY place that took my insurance is all booked out til October. Please make an exception for me. They said they can’t cuz Rob would have to go through a whole process to become in network with ambetter. I kept telling them I called around and literally no one took my insurance. I explained it’s a good policy. And asked what they can do for me. Nothing apparently. And this is why I’m angry and bitter. I need to explain next time I work that I worded it wrong when I said GM put me thru hell. I meant to say he hurt my feelings by not talking to me. Please don’t get him in trouble

Ruby: no one wants anyone to have hurt feelings but that doesn’t mean that they should defer their own safety and comfort to you because you have decided there is some sort of relationship and conspiracy against you. I’m sorry but it doesn’t matter if you have hurt feelings. Even if this person insulted you viciously, or your coworkers turned into a pack of “mean girls “ your feelings are not their responsibility. And honestly your feelings and projections about this relationship are completely one sided and inappropriate. If it were me I would try and have you put on leave for psychological evaluation and treatment or terminate you and get a restraining order.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ruby it sounds like you are actually trying to get fired. You sound out of control. I wonder if you could take few days off and get yourself in order. It sounds like situation in Sams. All went well until you started acting completely out of control, we all begged you to stop. You didn’t. You lost that job. You’ll lose this one. Just stop now, take few days off, try to calm down. If you don’t think you can, you might need to leave this job on your own because you’ll be fired if you don’t stop.

I will.

I find everything hard because of 2 people who clearly look down on me. I’m not even asking for sympathy. I just want to be treated like a person and 2 people are clearly incapable of treating me like a person. Since 6 weeks ago. At the start of my misfortune when I be approaching that GM to talk only to be pushed away.

This is why I find it hard to get it together even though on the other end of the line, 3 people are truly sympathetic. Rest of them is neutral.

I woulda never had my breakdown if these 2 people could at least be neutral like most of them. It’s just disturbing for them to snap at me (even mildly) over every little thing or stop associating with me. That’s not how you treat a person. It’s how you treat a subhuman.

I’m not a subhuman just because I got hurt that the GM keeps his distance although my parents insisted I am. They call me a particular Chinese word that’ll get people b…ch slapped if it was said to any Chinese person. It’s worse than the word “****.”

I was already weak from trying to process my grief for 6 weeks. I’m not strong enough to handle any snubbing from anyone, even if it’s only 2 people.

I’ve done my best with what I had.

How do I avoid working with them in the future?

I want to leave a polite note to the worse of the 2 people.

“I didn’t mean to be a b…ch to you. I want to avoid all conflict in the future. Therefore
1. Do not ever say ANYTHING to me ever again. Not. A. Word.
2. If you need me to get something done work related, ask someone else to relay that to me and I’ll get it done.
I cannot look at you or be around you. But in case we work the same shift, that’s ALL I ask of you.”

Also, one of your previous post on this thread said age has something to do with how much a behavior is tolerated.

Just to clarify, does that mean if I’m currently 15 and he hired me, he would appreciate that I idolized him? Just curious.

Back at Arby’s, her boys are older than me. But she didn’t appreciate me idolizing her. FAR from it. But maybe it’s cuz I was already in my 20s.

I’m trying to understand humans and piece together everything about them.

These notes are not appropriate. Do not write such notes at work

You aren’t 15 so it’s irrelevant what 15 year olds are doing. And teens get fired for bad behaviors aon the job all the time. So what does it matter

You are bothering and borderline harassing these people.

Ruby do you read our posts? how would you like us to support you? Clearly all our efforts are of no help. Or does it help to vent?

I’m simply trying to understand human behavior at this point. Cuz I feel better about things that happened once I understand stand them.

Teens get fired for bad behavior all the time. My question is would idolizing a supervisor be considered bad behavior in a teenager?

I was venting before but now I find myself lacking understanding anything about people. It’s as if I’m from Mars and have to learn another earthlings from scratch

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011 I’m simply trying to understand human behavior at this point. Cuz I feel better about things that happened once I understand stand them. Teens get fired for bad behavior all the time. My question is would idolizing a supervisor be considered bad behavior in a teenager? I was venting before but now I find myself lacking understanding anything about people. It’s as if I’m from Mars and have to learn another earthlings from scratch

That is because the understanding you have IS WRONG & the only reason you grasp onto those thoughts is to make you feel better about your own inappropriate behaviors.

What you describe about being from Mars & trying to understand is very much what some people with ASD experience. You are not alone but you are looking in the wrong places to try to find out why you do things. You need someone to do an actual diagnosis at this point in your life to find out exactly what they are treating & how to really help you. Right now you are just floundering & you can't self treat or diagnose when you don't even know what & why you are behaving inappropriately & just keep doing it because you are only looking for reasons that validate your bad behavior

Is it ASD to not understand human behavior beyond nice and rude, good and bad. The concept of distance and boundaries are too nuanced. That’s why animals don’t understand it either. Luckily for them, no one expects them to.

A flick of geese I was feeding got all aggressive demanding bread from me. When I couldn’t dispense the bread fast enough, one of them repeatedly pecked me hard on my shins. They follow me wherever I go in the park.

A human doing that would get arrested, after being decked in the face

It’s understandable you have hard time figuring out behaviors but it doesn’t always seem you are trying to learn as you ask a question but then argue that you are within your rights to behave inappropriately. Are you making an effort to learn?