Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?

Ruby these behaviors will cost a job. Do you want to be able to keep a job? Personal lives of co workers or managers is not your business. Vent about it but please leave these people alone

Ok. I will

My current GM and a coworker M (he’s really a low ranking hourly manager) both told me next time previous GM (J) comes in the store, he has a good chance of talking to me in more than a cold distant way.

M said I just need to talk to J first and say hi.

I’m guessing it wouldn’t do good to follow M’s advice, right? Cuz folks said if J talks to me friendly, it’s just an act because he doesn’t really want to interact with me.

Idk…

Ruby, you are fully obsessed over your interactions with the GM. You are a stalker. You need to own up to your issue. Otherwise no one here can help you. You’ve been repeating the same mistakes over and over and you never learn. Everyone here says the same things to you repeatedly to help you, but you’re so obsessed that you cannot hear it. It goes in one ear and out there other. You’ve already been fired from two jobs because of behavior problems. How long will you persist at this? Until you've hit rock bottom? When are you going to see that it’s YOU who is the problem? No one here can help you until you take ownership and responsibility for a problem you have.

Listen I am not saying there is anything like romantic feelings on your part but please remember this man is married with teenage children, he is in a position of authority. It’s inappropriate for you seek his attention in such intrusive manner. You aren’t two teens and you are having a crush. Back off now. It doesn’t matter if he is friendly or not, he is not part of your life. Find distractions please. Anything rather than bother with this man. You’ll lose your job. Please try to make an effort to distract yourself

I know it’s hard for you but make daily effort please. It’s ok to talk about it here but please leave him alone

3 teenagers. I know he doesn’t treat my coworkers cold like he’s cold 🥶 towards me. How about his friends and family? Is he cold towards ANYONE outside of work? I could live with him pushing me away if he also push someone else away. Anyone.

I can’t help but to feel that if I were currently 15 (minimum age to be hired) and he hired me at his store, I woulda gotten much better results treating him like the greatest thing since sliced bread

I know I did wrong. I think part of the severity of my consequences has to do with my age. At least a small factor is age related anyway

Unless 15 is already old enough to know better, that is.

It doesn't matter how he would respond if you were 15. You are not 15.

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You do know better. The GM coldness is his reaction to YOUR inappropriate behavior. People push you away because of YOUR BEHAVIOR. You work on changing the way you think and change your behavior people will stop pushing you away. Listen to your parents. Your age has nothing to do with it, it’s how you think and behave that’s the problem.

So the answer to the other question on my post, he’s not cold at all towards anyone else, at work or outside of work. I’m inferring from the replies y’all posted

I don’t understand human behavior at all. Just when I thought I understand something, another thing comes up to contradict it. All I really understand right now is the black and whitr concept of nice and rude, good and bad.

The concept of distance and boundaries are too complex and nuanced to understand.

Luckily animals don’t understand anything beyond good and bad either. So when I be really nice and kind to animals they appreciate it

I am so confused. Are you saying coworkers and manages informally offered to “do therapy “ or provide emotional support for you? If that is the case the cruelty isn’t limited to them not talking to you anymore. It’s that they had the gall and audacity to agree in anyway to do that with an emotionally unhealthy person with a mental illness. ALL OF THEM including the one you looked up to should be disgusted with themselves. And the way you talk about this GM and feel about this GM is completely inappropriate and borders on harassment. I’m not trying to be a jerk. But changing your name to match his name? It’s very stalkerish and would make anyone feel unsafe and unprepared for the kind of unwarranted dependency you would have for them. I do not think you are suited for working now either.

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They didn’t offer to provide therapy. I asked (begged) them to and they reluctantly agreed. I’m making progress in “therapy “ thoigj

Yes you are correct that age is part of this. Even though you have a disorder, you are still an adult and are expected to behave like one as much as possible. Yes what’s might be understandable and tolerated at 5, 10, 15 etc isn’t tolerated in adulthood.

Now there are people who truly cannot control themselves and cannot behave in appropriate manner in any age due to severity of their disorders. These people either work in strictly supervised job environment or are on disability due to complete inability to work.

But I don’t think you are one of them. You are keeping jobs for at least some length of time, you have no cognitive limitations (I can tell with 100% certainty going by your manner of writing), you have some grasp of what’s right or wrong. I think you have at least some control over your actions.

So you need to make daily effort controlling those actions as much as possible.

Also please stop saying your age is younger because of your emotional immaturity. Yes emotional immaturity is something to discuss in therapy and something to work on but people at work don’t care about your emotional maturity. They only care about your chronological age. And it’s not 15 or 5 or 2.

How do you make progress? You were doing much better before but you are now back to old behaviors.

The only accommodation I really required is to not ever be put on back drive. Cuz there’s nothing to distract me from intrusive thoughts about the GM. Then I have panic attacks and either make mistakes or simply couldn’t muster the energy to do more than the bare minimum. I tried to tell them all that but when Trent (not his real name) isn’t here, I get put on back drive.

Today is no different. No one texted me ahead of time to tell me Trent called in, so I went straight to back drive. Sure enough, during my 8 hours there, 4 of those hours were panic attack and mental breakdown.

At 1:55 pm, a coworker brought sauce containers for me to fill. I said over the headset that I won’t have time cuz I leave at 2. A manager replied my replacement isn’t here yet and I need to wait til my drawer gets changed anyway.

Finally at 2 pm:

Manager trainee: (my name), the sauces will be done before you leave.
Me: ok don’t forget to do them then.

A minute later:
Me: (trainee’s name), I can’t do sauces because (GM) is putting me through hell.
Her: fill the sauces or I’m writing you up
A real manager: (to me) don’t even talk about (GM). He isn’t here anymore
Me: (GM) put me through hell. Have you no sympathy?! Actually don’t answer. MF.

A minute later: (to trainee) I really can’t do sauces bc GM putting me thru hell.
Her: fill the sauces and then you can go home.

I proceeded to loudly complain to M (same MF who messaged about blood sugar with the said GM) that the trainee isn’t accommodating me. M called us both to the office. I thought he would chastise her. Nope, it’s me he chastised while trainee watches.

I explained that GM don’t want to talk to me every time he’s here and that precludes me from doing more than the bare minimum. I expressed my jealousy of my coworkers who he’s much nicer to.

M explained I’m here to work and nothing a manager asks me to do is “extra.” The fact that GM don’t talk to me is not an excuse to not work. And that not everyone at work will be sympathetic. I said ok I’ll do sauces but I can’t come in on my next shift.

He said expect a write up for attendance.

They refused to give me the accommodation I need (not to do back drive) even after I gave them legitimate reasons that I need the accommodation. So I reached breaking point. So why should I be expected to do anything extra? I tried so hard to keep it together

I’m glad there’s a labor shortage everywhere bc I’m already looking for another job. I don’t think they’ll keep me for much longer here

The GM has not put you through hell bc he maintains a distance from you. Refusing to fill sauces bc a person who no longer works at your store doesn't say hi to you is not an excuse for insubordination. You are lucky there is a labor shortage bc otherwise you'd be fired for that a long time ago.

This behavior is unacceptable, Ruby. This is the kind of behavior that's keeping him from talking to you at all. If I were him and I heard you were saying this kind of stuff I would be sure only to stop by when you are not working so I wouldn't have to be around you. He didn't out you through hell. You put yourself through hell bc you've imagined you have some kind of relationship that you don't. Even his interactions with others are not that close or.much more than small talk. The fact he said have a nice day to you shows he even does small talk to you. But you want more so you don't accept that he treats you like every one else.

You have to stop.

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Yes but neither of us were leaving. So it’s a weird situation to say have a nice day. Especially right after he greeted cara so warmly in the parking lot albeit for one quick second.

Besides a brusque have a nice day when neither of us were leaving is a sign that he doesn’t want to talk to me. At all.

As for insubordination, I’m confused. She’s a manager trainee and 18 years old. I worked with that **** since she was 16. I used to get along with her so she wasn’t always a ****. But 6 weeks ago, she had the audacity to look down on me right after GM hurt my feelings. I clocked out early 6 weeks ago bc of GM and the **** said, “bye S, thanks for everything,” in a formal AF tone. It’s chilling cuz that’s how you talk to employees on their last day.

Since that day, the **** got worse and worse towards me. A week and a half ago is the very last day she even said hi to me. Good. She’s a sack of ****. I even told people that. If she look down on people going through hell, then she’s a depraved beyond redemption sack of ****.

And she wasn’t always that way. But manager trainee position put her head up her *****.

I tried really hard to keep it together but it’s hard when 4 out of 8 working hours was severe mental breakdowns.

Btw, I messaged M who said expect a write up. I told him sorry I’ll show up Tuesday. I explained the situation. Based on his reply, I avoided a write up, he accepted my sorry, and will see what he can do so I won’t have to do back drive again

Insubordination is refusing to do your job aka fill up the sauces. It doesn't matter if you started with her. She's a manager trainee now which means you have to do what she says.

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Ok that’s fine. It’s more about her depraved morality. I mean to look down on someone just because she’s going through hell? And ONLY because of that? Remember my coworker from Arby’s whose mom died? It would be depraved to look down on her just because something terrible happened TO her. And no one, including me, ever thought to do that. I was even among those supportive AF.

Why is it any less depraved to look down on me right after GM hurt my feelings excruciatingly? That **** started looking down on me the day after GM first hurt my feelings. I clocked out early and as I was leaving, she used formal tone with me saying thanks for everything. EVERYTHING? ***** it’s not like it’s my last day, as much as you want it to be.

And that was way before I was ever rude to ANYONE. And she got worse and worse. The only problem I have with her is her moral issue that’s direct affecting me. It’s the only problem but also a huge one.

I wonder what other psychopathic kind of things she’ll do to me. Or anyone else unfortunate enough to suffer adversity

IDGAF what people do, depraved or not, if it doesn’t affect me.

If I ever end up with kids, I wouldn’t even give a **** what THEY do. Don’t let it ruin my life, whatever you do. Wanna sleep around and get stoned as a teenager? Go for it! I’m your best friend/roommate, but I’m not your mom, even if you came out of my *****. Respect our friendship and don’t cross boundaries.

So for coworkers, I don’t expect even half of you to have sympathetic. Very few coworkers are truly sympathetic. The rest of them are neutral. Except the **** and one other girl who look TF down on me. And even that 2nd girl doesn’t hate on me as bad as the **** does. If you were to look down on me and ridicule me, **** you’re lucky we’re at work.

Outside, I woulda cursed you TF out. You would be so ****** humiliated you go cry to daddy. Ya kno that sperm donor who became yo sugar daddy and bought you a sports car.

People get fired despite shortages. If you being insubordinate and cause problems, you could get fired regardless of shortage

I won’t engage in insubordination any longer. But her depravity is disturbing. That’s my only concern at this moment. M forgave me, based on his reply to my message him. I’m showing up on Tuesday and avoiding a write up and possibly even back drive. But idk what will happen once the DM hears about this after she already talked to me.

The depravity of one person towards me is disturbing. I don’t want to ever be around her bc she’s psycho. Only psychos look down on ppl going through adversity and psycho 2.0 takes pleasure in it. She’s psycho 3.0.

Just trying to understand why such person exist in the world

The manager trainee expects you to do your job, she’s not looking down at you, that’s your twisted thinking. You don’t get accommodations for imaginary disabilities your GM did not put you though hell, again that was your twisted thinking.

You can't just assume you can act the way you are acting and keep your job. You have gotten a lot of good advice on how to act professionally and avoid problems at work. Now it is time to work on implementing that advice, not causing problems with your co-workers.

She’s a lot nicer to my non traumatized coworkers though. She treats me disdainfully for the past 6 weeks and I’m the traumatized one. That’s what I mean by her looking down on me and her depravity.

At the very beginning
Her: sauces will be done before you leave
Me: ok don’t forget to do it
Her: I need you to do it
Me: I can’t bc GM putting me through hell
Her: fill the sauces or im writing you up

Ok at this point, early on in our dialogue, why did she use that tone with me and threaten me with a write up? Why didn’t she wait till my 3rd, 4th, or maybe 5th refusal to do the job?

I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m asking for respect and not be treated disdainfully by anyone. I’m asking to be treated like a human. That’s how she treats everyone else and that’s how she used to treat me

Even though M forgave me after the messages I sent, idk if I’ll have my job much longer. DM already talked to me about my behavior last week. If she hears about my incident today…

That’s why I’m applying elsewhere in case I get let go