I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

So because he lost his parents you must remain married? He makes zero sense

No, because he lost his mother and fought with me for over a month, I should have compassion and understanding vs. condemning him for fighting with me the whole time.

Now he's claiming that he was mentally unstable during that time period, right before his mother died, before he flew out to California to see her and during the time he was fighting with me. That's now his claim - he was unwell, so he fought with me.

I told him that he fought with me every single week and for hours on end, ruining the day's plans and almost the whole night's plans. I told him that his behavior and treatment of me was unacceptable.

Don't ask me why I decided to engage in this argument. That's why I finally blocked him.

And now, because I blocked his phone, he has sent 2 emails telling me he is suicidal.

Such manipulation! I love how it's "you have no compassion", when he treated me like CRAP.

Sorry this happened to you.

Your welcome

Wow that is really awful. Hang in there.

Even if he is suicidial, its not your responsibility to help him, its on him to get help by himself

Exactly. I’m not his caretaker - not anymore!!

Today earmarks the first day of full no contact. This is a new milestone for me in my recovery from narc abuse. Now it's also a true test of where I stand in my emotional and mental recovery - I don't know at this point if I will still feel pulled emotionally towards him - I don't think so?

I feel well on my way to recovery at this stage. I have watched many videos on narc abuse on YouTube - the education about narcissism has been invaluable to my recovery.

I see it all for what it truly is - a mental illness that is incurable and untreatable. I see HIM for who he truly is - a master manipulator, a liar without morals, conscience or integrity and a cheater.

I bet you anything he was still talking to women behind my back and I bet you anything that he had other emotional affairs going on beyond the one I caught him in. I think he just got better at hiding it from me.

I have no doubt that a year ago when I had mental health troubles for a full month that took me out of work, that he was likely having an emotional affair during that time period. I have no proof, only suspicions because he is untrustworthy and I would not put it past him to have continued the same behaviors. All abusive narcs are cheaters, I've read, and habitual cheaters at that.

So, this will be interesting to see how I handle no contact from now on. I think I will be just fine - in fact, I think it will help me more than anything towards healing and greater recovery. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. I feel a bit excited right now about this.

To be honest I have doubts that he was actually suicidial, I think he was trying to maipulate again

I agree - I think he may actually not want to live anymore right now, because he's lost me, his mother & his father within one year. BUT, I don't think he's actually on the brink of taking action, and he said he will not do it because of his one living brother.

I think he's just trying to make me feel bad.

even so, its on him to seek professional helps if he is seriously wanting to hurt or kill himself

True enough!

Two of my brothers had done that to our family over an ending of a relationship one end up in a hospital.

I'm sorry for that. I'm not worried about my husband. He is the king of melodrama, and I know he's just being melodramatic. He won't actually do anything.

My final message to my husband is below. His reply? More BS excuses and more blame on me for HIS infidelity because I had called the police while drunk. I am SO done with this a-hole. We are full NO CONTACT now.

My final message:

I am DONE listening to your BS EXCUSES for YOUR bad behaviors, YOUR lack of conscience, YOUR lack of morality and YOUR poor treatment of me.

There is NO excuse on the planet for treating me like TOTAL GARBAGE throughout our entire marriage.

I let you manipulate me into thinking that YOUR infidelity was somehow MY fault because I called the police that one night.

Yet, that whole week while you were texting HER and flirting with HER, you were SHOWERING ME with love, telling me HOW MUCH YOU LOVED ME. You MADE LOVE TO ME that weekend, telling me that you love me SO much, then the very next day, you're texting HER (while WITH ME AT CVS), "thinking of you" and then later that night (WHILE WITH ME IN BED), "probably see you in my dreams". You are a two-faced, two-timing PIECE OF ****.

You have NO CONSCIENCE and NO MORALS. Your character is POOR - you have NO character and I see right through you.

And yeah, I did forgive you for that, but now my mind is FAR MORE CLEAR and I see you FOR WHO YOU TRULY ARE.

And now, you're trying to claim that you were unstable, unwell, and not yourself and that's why you treated me yet again like **** for over an entire month, insulting me repeatedly and calling me psycho and crazy?!?!?

I am DONE listening to your ******** excuses for treating me like TOTAL GARBAGE. And I am DONE being treated like garbage. You have pushed me TOO FAR after dealing with nearly five years of CRAP from you.

I DESPISE you for what you've done to me.

GOODBYE AND DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN.

I am enraged right now because he is still trying to blame ME for HIS infidelity. I am outraged.

It is so unjust that I cannot get him to acknowledge or take responsibility.

I know this about narcs and that there is NO point in even trying.

The best thing to do is to cut off ALL contact, which I have done, but right now, I am FUMING all over again because of his reply to my final message to him.

I am NOT responsible for HIS lack of conscience or for HIS lack of morality. It's ALL on HIM.

His infidelity was HIS choice, HIS doing and HIS fault.

But NO... because I called the police on him a month before I caught him cheating, he is STILL leaning on that incident to blame me.

And I am pissed!!!!!!!!

Good work!

Truth.

Blockety blockety block time with no appeal, Have Hope

Sometimes people react this way to get a reaction.

Which is what I think his primary motivation is in saying this and many other things he's said to me.

So, yesterday I drove an hour by myself to see a band play mid-afternoon out of state. I met a woman who invited me to the band's fan page on Facebook. We talked only briefly, but it was so nice to be included in the band's fan group. I will definitely be seeing this band again! I loved them!!!!!

And it was so fun to roadtrip by myself to see them. I was on my own timetable and schedule, without a husband who is complaining about his back and feet while we are dancing. I got to dance on my own without burden, worries or concerns. And it felt great!!!!!!

I am really enjoying rediscovering myself and who I truly am - I got lost in my relationship. He took over and I got buried and lost. So now I am finding myself again. I forgot how truly independent and self sufficient I really am.

Sounds like it is a possible

I just informed a mutual friend of ours of his abuse towards me. Or, I rather reminded her. JUST BEFORE OUR WEDDING, I had called her explaining that I was uncertain about marriage, because he was yelling at me frequently. We talked about it then. And I still married him! ARGH! So, I emailed her (wanting to connect to a mutual friend about it) my side of the story - the most recent details, but relating back to his infidelity.

I kinda hope she spreads it to all our mutual friends. I want revenge.

But he is a gaslighter: you cannot win a contest with him by definition. I know from experience that it is tempting to try to win but also know (from very painful experience) that attempts to win are not only futile but at times dangerous. Look, in the beginning of the thread you said that you felt guilty but then clarified that you felt foolish, and that feeling, that you were foolish to trust, was painful for you. Now, if you continue trying to win, you will end up feeling foolish for repeating the same mistake again and again. And that feeling will be painful to you as well. It is better to accept that you cannot win but can separate and reclaim your life. Or, what if you tell yourself that winning is not proving him wrong to his own friends by instead succeeding at your independence?

I am glad that you are not giving up music. Think through in advance what you will do in you run into him at the music event so that it does not take you by surprise.

And she might, or she might not. Also if she does, there might be things that will be "lost in translation". It may not necessarily happen exactly as you hope.

On wanting revenge, as revenge is a dish best served cold, do not rush it and do not act out of being under the influence, anxiety, or just being upset. Remind yourself that he who laughs last laughs best.