I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

Thank you @Marie123. I do get his secret so I feel far more free these days of him than ever before. Yes, he hates himself and I do not hate myself. There's a big difference between us with that alone. He has a mental illness as well - and I do not. I see him for what and who he truly is.

And yesterday, I am convinced that he saw my text messages hours beforehand but was choosing deliberately to not reply. It was obvious because only after I threatened him, did he reply. And his reply came immediately after my threat. He clearly had seen all my messages before that and was not replying on purpose. More control and passive aggressive behavior.

I completely agree.

On my abuse forums on Facebook I constantly see women blaming themselves for the abuse they experience, & still thinking and wishing they could "fix" their abusive narcissist partner. I am so grateful that I am not in that place mentally!!!! SO GRATEFUL. I know it's not my fault, my responsibility or my job to fix him or to try to change him. He is who he is, and there's no changing that.

I rarely watch any Youtube videos about abuse now. I feel I am healed and well on my way to full recovery.

I got on a dating site for people over 50, just to see what's out there. I wrote in my profile that I am not looking for anything serious. I still don't feel ready to meet someone for real, but I do feel like exploring right now.

I’d probably not put in a profile that you aren’t looking for anything serious. It would attract some unsavory elements as it’s a code for “looking for casual sex”. Maybe there are ways to say that you are looking for a date/dating etc

I’d probably wait to get divorced. Most decent men wouldn’t want to go on a date with a married (even if in the process of divorce/separated) woman. So again you’d attract jerks

Great points! I just removed that part of my profile.

A 27 year-old man messaged me on a 50+ dating site. He's probably looking for a sugar mamma!!!! ARGH.

Try e-harmony. No one can message you without your approval. No one can even see your profile.

On other sites if you are over 50 and aren’t looking for commitment, you’ll attract players. Probably not sugar mama seekers but guys looking for certain kind of fun. I honestly don’t know anyone over 50 who is looking for casual. Either not dating at all and focus on hobbies, families and friends or having more serious thing in mind. If someone decent uses dating site at our age it’s for a serious thing. Not saying you won’t meet a nice guy on there but honestly it’s unlikely.

tbh eharmony has really gone down the toilet, i was on there then came off cause i thought i had met someone, years later went back on but there's pretty much nobody active there now

eHarmony sucks!!! I tried it once and hated it.

The reason I chose the site I chose is because it likely won't attract the players. It's an over 50 site, so men generally seem to be looking for something more serious, aside from the 27 year old, lol.

I agree that over 50 will be more serious. It’s just because you said you aren’t looking for serious, that’s why I am concerned what kind of men aren’t serious over 50. Not quality ones. But if you are looking for more serious, then you’ll have a better luck.

I think it might depend on the area? I’ve met my husband on e-harmony. And I had ton of matches meeting my very very specific criteria, all active. Of course it might have changed since. It’s been few years

I think it doesn’t really matter where we meet people. You can meet serial killer in the church and a wonderful man in a grocery store in a produce aisle

It’s quite possible. They say that a person should go through a waiting period before dating after a major breakup.

Yeah. And I tend to agree. We've been separated for 3 months now. But still, I likely need more time.

I met up with my former CEO after work yesterday. I wanted to maintain a positive relationship with him for future reference purposes. We had drinks and appetizers and caught up on our lives.

Sadly, he told me and it's not the first time he's said this - that I lack confidence. After I told him that my husband had cheated on me and that I took him back after that, he reiterated that I lack confidence. He said that he thinks I'm wonderful - that I am smart, funny, fun and beautiful - those were his adjectives.

And my parents have also told me I lack confidence, which is just heart wrenching for me to hear as a reflection back on how others perceive me. In fact, it brings me to tears.

So I told him, well, I do have confidence in some ways and not in other ways - it's a mixed bag. He said that he sometimes can lack confidence himself, so I was wondering if he's actually projecting.

I really think that I carry myself in a way that exudes confidence and that I speak in a way that says I am confident. But I don't perceive myself the way others do, so i really don't know how I come across to other people. But it made me very sad to hear this from him about myself.

So I am going to work on my confidence level. I guess. I guess it needs work.

I’m not sure it’s a fair assumption for him to say that anyone who takes back a partner who cheats lacks confidence.

I know, right??? I didn't piece that part of it together either. I think he's made up his mind about me and believes I lack confidence, when really, I only lack it in certain areas of my life but not others.

Wow, I am annoyed! I met someone on my dating site, we had a very nice back and forth conversation yesterday. At the end of our convo, he mentions talking on the phone and possibly meeting up. He said we would talk today. So I messaged him this morning, and he's totally ghosted me. Hours later, and no message back from him. What a jerk! I am not going into the new year feeling blown off - he is clearly not worthy!

You deserve much better than that, Have Hope

Thank you! I do, and that is so lame that he blew me off!!! SO LAME.

It quite possible.

Wow! I’m sorry that you were ghosted. That is not right.

I agree

So far on this dating site: I've been approached by a 27 year-old, I was ghosted by someone I kinda liked talking to, and then last, a man that I was talking to ended up being a fraud and got banned. I may have to change dating sites. Or just get off altogether and put this aside for now.

It seems as if you are "putting the cart before the horse" In other words (and this is just a guess/perception) that you are looking for a decent man to assuage the pain of the divorce., but you need to go through the grieving process (however long it takes) before you are ready to begin another relationship.

Well, I wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I got on the site because I thought I would explore and just see what's out there. And, perhaps meet someone for casual romance or friendship. But so far, it's been a negative experience. Maybe it's a sign for me to not date at all, even just casually.

Also, I feel I am well healed at this stage. Yes, there's still a tiny bit of grief, but I've been grieving for 3 months already and I feel I am basically done.