I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

And, last night I went out with someone I've known or met 30 years ago and he kept insulting me all night. When we got back to my place, he told me "you're TOO happy and TOO positive", so I kicked him out. I had had it by that point.

I am SO done with 2022. I am ready for a far better year this year in 2023. Tonight I am staying home by myself. And I am very happy about that. I prefer my own company to these creeps I have run into lately.

I removed or hid my profile on this awful dating site and cancelled my subscription. I feel good about this. I am not getting on any other dating sites for now. Too negative for me.

These are the questions my therapist asked me when I thought I was healed because I was at the top of a wave of grief. Healing is based on the amount of damage was done.

1. How long has your longest relationship been and who was it with?
2. What are 5 important things to know about that relationship?
3. Was that relationship always satisfying and loving?
4. What personal values did that person show through their actions in the relationship?

Maybe your answers can help you find what you are looking for since it doesn't seem that you are finding what you had hoped in the dating world.

For what it's worth, I've found much higher quality people to connect with by enjoying my life offline than I ever did online.

THIS. Your last sentence is precisely what I've decided to pursue! Screw online dating. I am done.... I've had both positive and negative experiences with online dating, and mostly negative. So I WILL this year, focus on creating better and healthier connections IRL.

That will be my goal!

3 months isn’t long enough. I don’t think the issue is online. Heck the guy you knew 30 years ago kept insulting you and you invited him over. And he’s not from a dating site. Heck your husband wasn’t from online! It seems no matter where you meet them

When I wasn’t ready for dating I kept being asked out by jerks and meeting creeps in real life! The therapist I saw said a minimum a year of no men. And she was right.

“No men “ doesn’t mean sitting home alone if you want company. You could seek friendships and companionships and hobby groups. Don’t look for friendships on dating sites. Look for groups on meetup or take a class in a community center. Not men. You keep saying you just want a man for hanging out not serious relationships but why must these people be men?

Stay away from men for some time. Longer than few months. And look for a man not because and when you are lonely but because you are ready for a relationship snd know exactly what kind of man you want.

We all wish you the best on your journey but also worried that it’s yet another disaster to happen should you continue looking for men now. Even if just casual. In fact that’s even worse. Looking for casual will be a disaster

Enjoy your life without men for now

I am in full agreement and decided to do just that. I am talking with a girlfriend about joining an outdoor activities group so that I can pursue things I enjoy. This year will be me turning a new leaf in life. I will be without men for a while to come.

Oh wow! Sorry that happened to you

Wow! Try to find someone who isn’t so negative. Do something nice for yourself.

No one is perfect.

I completely agree.

Good. Smart move.

And I hope you know that there is no judgement from me. Boy, ridiculous men I dated I don’t even understand why except that I was lonely. I don’t want anyone to do that.

Happy New Year!!!

I know you're not judging.

I won't date out of loneliness ever again. It's a new years resolution.

Happy New Year to you!!

I believe you about eharmony

Wrong thread

My New Year's Eve was rather lame. I stayed in by myself, and fell asleep for a couple hours during a concert that I streamed, then I woke up before midnight to watch the ball drop and see the end of the concert. And the night before, I had to kick a guy out of my apartment for insulting me too many times.

So, kind of a lame New Years celebration for me.

That aside, I have many new years resolutions. Basically, I aim to change my life and my approach to life. Change is not easy for me. But I want to make healthy changes, and that begins with me quitting smoking tomorrow and starting to exercise again. Cliche, yes, but that's my goal. Then I aim to join some sort of outdoor group so I can do the activities I enjoy outside with other people and hopefully develop some new friendships out of it. I also aim to save money each month for retirement. Oh, and I aim to have a lot of fun.

A few people have dropped me on Facebook as a friend - I assume these must be friends of my ex's that he's tainted against me. I don't know who exactly dropped me, and it doesn't really matter to me.

He claims he stayed in by himself last night for NYE. We were in touch because I had to ask him when he's signing the divorce paperwork so we can file. I am signing mine on Wed, and he's supposed to sign his by Monday. Hopefully, we can be filed for divorce by the end of this week (I hope), and in time for me to keep my car insurance.

I am feeling rather blah after my lame NYE. I didn't even drink! I guess that's maybe a good thing in a way. Drinking at home alone can be lonely.

On the upside, today marks the end of one very long and difficult year. Here's to a far better and healthier year ahead!!!!!

Sounds like you have some amazing goals.

I do! I have a LOT I wish to accomplish this year!!!

Honestly, from reading your posts, you are not at all through the grieving process. You are still pissed as heck (which is one of those grieving stages btw). Yes, you are over "him," but you are not over what this major change in your life has done to your life.

I noticed as I was reading through your last few posts that you plan to get off of the dating websites -- probably a good plan for a while, and that you are going to work on just developing friendships and doing some other outdoor activities. Also good plans.

One of the main points made over and over again in the grief community is "Do NOT go into a new relationship for quite some time" and they mean at least a year or more. Yes, we are talking about actual deaths, but it seems like that advice holds well for divorce.

Take the time to find yourself WITHOUT a man. Another man isn't going to help you figure out YOU. It will be like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound -- that wound needs more than a bandaid, and a bandaid on a bad wound will not heal the problem, could cause you to neglect the wound, may be absolutely the wrong "fix" for the wound, and will inevitably fall off. If the wound underneath isn't truly healed, you kind of have to start all over again.

Take the time to figure out YOU. I was married to my husband almost 35 years. It wasn't a perfect marriage, but it was a good one. But I went from college to marriage pretty quickly, and since his death -- coming on two years ago -- this has been a process of figuring out who I am without that constant companion. Yes, it's a very "alone" place to be, but sitting with that, sitting with myself, has been so important to healing. I'm pretty comfortable now with being independent, individual, unattached me. That doesn't mean I don't miss my husband -- that pain will always be there -- but I am content to be with ME. That has taken time and the process is ongoing -- almost two years later.

Slow down. Figure out YOU . . . independent, unattached you. Your grieving process from divorce is going to go on for awhile. That's pretty normal and completely expected.

That is amazing.

Um, thanks for the advice, but I've already stated that's exactly what I've decided to do - where in my last posts did I say something differently? I don't need a lecture about being alone or being independent of a man, which is how your post comes across. Thanks anyways.

And, I am well through my grieving process, so you read that and me differently than I do. Anger arises from whenever I have to communicate with him. And that's a natural occurrence based on his persistent manipulations. I take umbrage to someone telling me where I am in my grieving process. That's similar to telling me how I feel and you don't know how I feel. I feel awesome! I feel free and happy and joyful. So, please don't tell me where I'm at. Thank you.

And I apologize for the way that I sound right now. Your post hit me the wrong way.

I agree.

For the record, I am working on myself and my life. I have more to do, and I am just beginning my new life. I feel great! I am happy, and I am in fact ecstatic. I am fine without dating and am happy to not be dealing with it all. Too negative for me. At least on that one website.

Sounds amazing.

Thanks @Buffy01!