I Feel Suicidal

@cutman2000

Just checking in on you.

You don't have to "purge" everything at once. And it is OK to recognize that it is emotionally draining to do it.

I'd do a couple of hours and then be exhausted for the rest of the day.

You're mourning. Grief is exhausting.

RDMercer

Thanks RD. I'm gonna get back into my golf. I was trying to get into playing tournaments before my wife came back so I'm going to get back on that again. I'm looking to play tournaments this year.

I received a mail today, a W2. It's my wife's. It's the second or third mail for her overall. Why would I be getting these. This W2 I got today looks like a new job.

that terrible stress can cause all kinds of physical symptoms. Try reading Lisa A Romano Codependency now what and her codependency video.

Update:
My son is now living with me. He's been with me for a few weeks now. He's also working with me. I haven't started being active outside of work yet, but I plan to restart the weekly piano lessons at the music academy soon. I'm looking forward to starting golf and fishing again hopefully this Spring. I've been to the golf driving range a few times in the past 4 weeks.
It still hurts like hell, but I know I can't stop pushing forward.

Wow!

Off to a big start

I had 2 online dating subscriptions that just recently ended. Depressing experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cutman2000 I had 2 online dating subscriptions that just recently ended. Depressing experience.

I found that when I recovered from the bad marriage & what I went through I actually gained a strength & discernment thst has helped me avoid depressing experiences because I am in control of my life & my emotions & I don't need outside people to validate me or make me feel good about myself

I really appreciate your comment. I do think it's different for men.

I was talking to my son the other day, explaining what I was doing while he and his mother were gone, while I was alone. I would get up early, do a light exercise at home before work, eat out twice a week for dinner, driving range once a week after work, business class one night a week(female student made a pass on me and said she loved me-I didn't pursue that-but it felt good), and piano class one night a week. While I was telling him this, I remember listening to myself(while telling him this) and felt amazingly proud of myself and just said, "wow!" My son was looking at me with a smile on his face. I could tell he was also impressed. He really wanted to know why I stopped. I explained that I was mentally upside down, due to his mother. But I told him I was working on it.

To be honest when she came home, I stopped everything to focused on her, on us. She left a few months later(maybe 4 or 5 months later). And now I know I have to reboot, just haven't yet. She's been gone for about 9 months or so, feels like 3 or 4 weeks. I feel depleted, scared, and lost. I know the method of taking care of yourself works on many levels, just have to find that initial push to get going. But currently I do feel very low again.

I have no friends, no real family(sisters and a brother, I don't really talk to any other family). I do have one older friend back home that I call sometimes. Some may suspect that my wife is gone but I won't confirm it. I feel ashamed.

I'm happy for you.

Bro hug



RDMercer

Thank you

“I know the method of taking care of yourself works on many levels, just have to find that initial push to get going. But currently I do feel very low again.

I have no friends, no real family(sisters and a brother, I don't really talk to any other family). I do have one older friend back home that I call sometimes. Some may suspect that my wife is gone but I won't confirm it. I feel ashamed.”

I can relate to a lot of this.

The low periods come and go. I’ve noticed that over time they got less intense, shorter, and further apart. I also noticed I had times of genuine happiness in between.

I can relate to the shame comment too. I dodged family and avoided old friends for a year.

RDMercer

How long were you married RD? Is there anyone today that you have not decided to tell, yet? Or do you now tell everyone that ask about your marriage?

wow! Sounds amazing.

Together for 26 years. Married for 23.

Hey,

Just checking in.

Are you ok?

RDMercer