[purplemystery]

I have been to my college's counseling services for about 2 and 1/2 years now, and have developed a strong attachment to my therapist. It took a long time for me to trust her, but now I know that she truly cares and won't judge me. I think about her all the time, replaying significant things that she said to me, analyzing her every word, and imagining what she is like in real life. Part of the reason that I started seeing her was because of family issues; my father was a constant criticizer and my mother was very emotionally distant. A few times in my life, I have developed intense (even obsessive) transference toward teachers because of this, seeing them as parental figures. Now the pattern has repeated again with my therapist.

Recently I talked to my therapist about wanting to tell her something big (my feelings for her), but being afraid that she wouldn't want me to or that it would affect our relationship. Because of the way that she responded, I am almost certain that she knows that I want to talk about my feelings toward her. She told me that she is prepared to hear anything that I want to talk about, and that if it's important to me, it's important and a big deal to her. But she also said that we don't have to rush it.

Because this is my college's counseling center, I cannot see my therapist over the summer. I may only have about 5-6 meetings left with her this year. I am trying to decide whether I should tell her this year, or if I should wait until next year (my senior year).

If I told her the next time I see her, I'm a little afraid that I wouldn't have a chance to say everything before we end for the summer. Or maybe our relationship would be different by the time I got back to school next year. Also, I am currently having a lot of difficulties making eye contact (I usually only look at her right in the beginning), but maybe with a new start next year, I would be better able to. Maybe it would be more meaningful to talk about this when I can actually look at her? I'm not sure my eye contact will ever get better though. And I'm afraid that since she said that we don't need to rush it, she thinks I should wait.

Despite all of this, I do feel ready to tell her everything, and it has been building up for a long time. I am confident that she will handle it well, and I do think that we would have a lot of meaningful and helpful work come out of it relating to my past. I have been waiting to discuss a lot of this for so long, but I don't want to screw it up by telling her at the wrong time. Do you think I should go ahead and tell her now, or wait until next year? I figured you all might have some insight, and any opinions would be greatly appreciated!

[gaia67]

I think after the summer would be better, because the absence could alter your feelings anyway. Best of luck to you.

[critterlady]

If you don't tell her before you leave, will you worry about it all summer? If that's your tendency (as it is mine), it might be better to have the hard conversation now. Until your transference is resolved, it's likely to recur in the fall, even if it does lessen over the break.

[geez]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

I have been to my college's counseling services for about 2 and 1/2 years now, and have developed a strong attachment to my therapist. It took a long time for me to trust her, but now I know that she truly cares and won't judge me. I think about her all the time, replaying significant things that she said to me, analyzing her every word, and imagining what she is like in real life. Part of the reason that I started seeing her was because of family issues; my father was a constant criticizer and my mother was very emotionally distant. A few times in my life, I have developed intense (even obsessive) transference toward teachers because of this, seeing them as parental figures. Now the pattern has repeated again with my therapist.

Recently I talked to my therapist about wanting to tell her something big (my feelings for her), but being afraid that she wouldn't want me to or that it would affect our relationship. Because of the way that she responded, I am almost certain that she knows that I want to talk about my feelings toward her. She told me that she is prepared to hear anything that I want to talk about, and that if it's important to me, it's important and a big deal to her. But she also said that we don't have to rush it.

Because this is my college's counseling center, I cannot see my therapist over the summer. I may only have about 5-6 meetings left with her this year. I am trying to decide whether I should tell her this year, or if I should wait until next year (my senior year).

If I told her the next time I see her, I'm a little afraid that I wouldn't have a chance to say everything before we end for the summer. Or maybe our relationship would be different by the time I got back to school next year. Also, I am currently having a lot of difficulties making eye contact (I usually only look at her right in the beginning), but maybe with a new start next year, I would be better able to. Maybe it would be more meaningful to talk about this when I can actually look at her? I'm not sure my eye contact will ever get better though. And I'm afraid that since she said that we don't need to rush it, she thinks I should wait.

Despite all of this, I do feel ready to tell her everything, and it has been building up for a long time. I am confident that she will handle it well, and I do think that we would have a lot of meaningful and helpful work come out of it relating to my past. I have been waiting to discuss a lot of this for so long, but I don't want to screw it up by telling her at the wrong time. Do you think I should go ahead and tell her now, or wait until next year? I figured you all might have some insight, and any opinions would be greatly appreciated!

I think you should tell your counselor/therapist the next time you see her. Because you have stated the above:
"I cannot see my therapist over the summer. I may only have about 5-6 meetings left with her this year. I'm a little afraid that I wouldn't have a chance to say everything before we end for the summer.
I do feel ready to tell her everything."

In my experience I found it very frightening to tell my T how I felt about her but I was so glad I did. I too have a mom that was emotionally distant/neglectful/abusive so I shy away from sharing my feelings with others. My T was/has been nothing but supportive and caring and I feel so lucky to have her as my T. It sounds like you have a good T too. Perhaps you can also have her give you an assignment to work on over the summer to help you feel connected to her in some way?

Keep us posted on how things go.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by critterlady

If you don't tell her before you leave, will you worry about it all summer? If that's your tendency (as it is mine), it might be better to have the hard conversation now. Until your transference is resolved, it's likely to recur in the fall, even if it does lessen over the break.

Thanks for your help! I do know that it would happen again in the fall (and I'd probably still think about her a fair amount over the summer). I think I could wait until next year to tell her without worrying too much about it, but I guess I would rather do it this year, while I feel ready and have the motivation. I'm am worried that she thinks I should wait though, because she did say "we don't have to rush it."

[ThisWayOut]

i think she might have said that you don't have to rush it because she knows it's big, and it took you for a long time to fully trust her. in my experience, therapists will say that to take pressure off and allow you to go at your pace. If you feel ready to tell her, now is a good time to address it.
good luck!

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by geez

I think you should tell your counselor/therapist the next time you see her. Because you have stated the above:
"I cannot see my therapist over the summer. I may only have about 5-6 meetings left with her this year. I'm a little afraid that I wouldn't have a chance to say everything before we end for the summer.
I do feel ready to tell her everything."

In my experience I found it very frightening to tell my T how I felt about her but I was so glad I did. I too have a mom that was emotionally distant/neglectful/abusive so I shy away from sharing my feelings with others. My T was/has been nothing but supportive and caring and I feel so lucky to have her as my T. It sounds like you have a good T too. Perhaps you can also have her give you an assignment to work on over the summer to help you feel connected to her in some way?

Keep us posted on how things go.

Thank you for your advice and for sharing your experience! I think I am also blessed with a very good therapist, and I know that she will handle it well. I just feel like I have this huge chance for such a meaningful experience, and I'm afraid that choosing one time over another will ruin that chance. But I guess either way, I will still benefit. Hopefully I will be able to find the courage to tell her soon though, because I am ready for it. And that's a good idea to have an assignment for the summer!

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by MdngtRain

i think she might have said that you don't have to rush it because she knows it's big, and it took you for a long time to fully trust her. in my experience, therapists will say that to take pressure off and allow you to go at your pace. If you feel ready to tell her, now is a good time to address it.
good luck!

You're probably right about that because she has had to deal with my snail speed at trusting her, and maybe she thinks that if I tell her when I'm not ready, I'll get so embarrassed that I'll stop going to see her or something. Thanks for your input!

[Ike McCaslin]

She likely already knows or suspects. I had to tell because it was eating me up. I actually had to write a letter that I gave to her at the start of a session. It was like a burden lifted(sorry for the cliche). I still have a lot of work to do, but am very glad that I got it out in the open. Good luck whatever you decide.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by Ike McCaslin

She likely already knows or suspects. I had to tell because it was eating me up. I actually had to write a letter that I gave to her at the start of a session. It was like a burden lifted(sorry for the cliche). I still have a lot of work to do, but am very glad that I got it out in the open. Good luck whatever you decide.

That's great that you had a positive experience with telling. I think my therapist has always known it would be a possibility because I told her about how I fell for teachers in the past. And after I told her that I want to tell her something big, her suspicions were probably confirmed. I think I would also find it such a relief. Thank you for sharing your perspective!

[geez]

Purple when is your next appointment? Let us know what you decide to do. Hope you are feeling a bit better about this.

[Lauliza]

Purple, I think you should tell her sooner than later. She has indicated she will be supportive and I'm sure only said you don't need to rush to keep the pressure off of you, that's all. I think when we have these feelings but are unable to talk about them, they are intensified so much that it almost feels unbearable. Once you get your feelings out in the open with her, you may feel relieved and your feelings may even be deflated.
I hope this helps. Good luck.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by geez

Purple when is your next appointment? Let us know what you decide to do. Hope you are feeling a bit better about this.

I am going tomorrow. I haven't had the chance to plan out what I'm going to say yet because I had a lot of school work this week, but I'll definitely be doing that soon to get ready. I hope to tell her about everything tomorrow, but I do think that it will take a lot of courage, and when I get there, I only hope that I won't end up changing my mind. Thanks for thinking of me! I will definitely keep you posted on what happens after my appointment.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by amee200

Purple, I think you should tell her sooner than later. She has indicated she will be supportive and I'm sure only said you don't need to rush to keep the pressure off of you, that's all. I think when we have these feelings but are unable to talk about them, they are intensified so much that it almost feels unbearable. Once you get your feelings out in the open with her, you may feel relieved and your feelings may even be deflated.
I hope this helps. Good luck.

Thanks amee, I think that you are right and I honestly think that it will make our relationship even better. I have such a hard time opening up to her still after two and a half years, but I think that this level of honesty will help me to reach a new level of trust in her. Everything else will seem easier because I think this might be the hardest thing I will ever have to tell her.

[geez]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

I am going tomorrow. I haven't had the chance to plan out what I'm going to say yet because I had a lot of school work this week, but I'll definitely be doing that soon to get ready. I hope to tell her about everything tomorrow, but I do think that it will take a lot of courage, and when I get there, I only hope that I won't end up changing my mind. Thanks for thinking of me! I will definitely keep you posted on what happens after my appointment.

If you want a pocket rider I'm there! There are many times I've thought about you all when I'm in my T appt and I had to say something I'm scared to say. It's has helped me in thinking that I'm not alone because I'm not.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by geez

If you want a pocket rider I'm there! There are many times I've thought about you all when I'm in my T appt and I had to say something I'm scared to say. It's has helped me in thinking that I'm not alone because I'm not.

Thanks, I think it will definitely be very helpful to think of everyone here going through a similar thing. I didn't end up talking to her today because something else more pressing came up. But I do think I will tell her next week.

However, this week I was acting very awkward after I told her last week that I needed to talk to her about something big soon because, by the details I gave last time, I am almost certain that she knows what it is. Maybe I was interpreting it wrong, but I felt like she was less welcoming today. She seemed less warm in the beginning, and I'm afraid this means that after I tell her, our relationship will be different. I'm worried that she will pull away so as not to encourage my feelings. But I guess it's a risk I have to take.

[0w6c379]

Hi Purplemystery,

Sorry to burst all the positive feedback you've been getting but telling my T ruined our relationship. Not immediately but had the impact that you fear. Pulling away from me, not as warm and inviting as it was, awkward, etc. I had to push to get our relationship back on track. It worked for awhile but now sadly it's over. He was a great T too and probably knew my feelings before saying them but once it was vocalized, it changed things. If you can wait, I would wait and let the good feelings sit on the sidelines for a bit longer. I'd even suggest waiting until Dec. to tell her. You'll still have your last semester to work out the feelings if it goes well and if it doesn't you won't have to wait so long to say goodbye. Good luck whatever you do. I hope things work out better for you.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

Hi Purplemystery,

Sorry to burst all the positive feedback you've been getting but telling my T ruined our relationship. Not immediately but had the impact that you fear. Pulling away from me, not as warm and inviting as it was, awkward, etc. I had to push to get our relationship back on track. It worked for awhile but now sadly it's over. He was a great T too and probably knew my feelings before saying them but once it was vocalized, it changed things. If you can wait, I would wait and let the good feelings sit on the sidelines for a bit longer. I'd even suggest waiting until Dec. to tell her. You'll still have your last semester to work out the feelings if it goes well and if it doesn't you won't have to wait so long to say goodbye. Good luck whatever you do. I hope things work out better for you.

I'm glad to hear all opinions and experiences, so you don't have to apologize! I'm sorry it didn't go well with your T. It must have been hard to see everything change afterwards when you knew what you used to have. I am worried because I would definitely understand if my T felt uncomfortable or even a little freaked out by what I would tell her. And then especially since I would tell her right before the summer, maybe it would make it weird when I came back next year. Yet again, maybe it would be better because my T would have time to get used to the idea over the summer? It's definitely something I should think about more.

[geez]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

Thanks, I think it will definitely be very helpful to think of everyone here going through a similar thing. I didn't end up talking to her today because something else more pressing came up. But I do think I will tell her next week.

However, this week I was acting very awkward after I told her last week that I needed to talk to her about something big soon because, by the details I gave last time, I am almost certain that she knows what it is. Maybe I was interpreting it wrong, but I felt like she was less welcoming today. She seemed less warm in the beginning, and I'm afraid this means that after I tell her, our relationship will be different. I'm worried that she will pull away so as not to encourage my feelings. But I guess it's a risk I have to take.

Is there someone who rejected you in your past when you expressed your feelings to them? Perhaps your mom or some other important figure in your life?

Reason I ask is my mom was emotionally absent/neglectful/abusive and anytime I make myself vulnerable and express my feelings I feel like I'm about to die.

I have had one T that I dumped after seeing her for a few months because she had counter transference issues that had nothing to do with me (it's never anything to do with the client) and she got a little crazy on me.

Anyhow if your T is worth there salt they will not treat you coldly. I can understand taking any perceived signal and turning it into some form of rejection. I've envisioned it many times with my long time T and found out it was all in my head once I talked about it.

T's have bad days and may not be 'all there' during our appts on occasion and they are human just as we are and may not be 'all present' during an appt.

If you do open up to this T and things don't go well know it's because of them not you and the sooner you know the better so you can find a new T if this one doesn't work out.

Rooting for you!!!

PS - before you tell her your feelings you can tell her how afraid you are to share something with her for fear of rejection. I bet she will reassure you that she is there no matter what. - and if not then you can find someone who is worth your time and effort in your healing.

[Lauliza]

It is so important to remember that This is about you, not about your therapist. Like other posters have said, if she is well trained, this is something she is equipped to handle. If it changes things, then she has made it about HER and her skills may not be very well developed (though from what you've said, this is not the case).

A piece of advice i was given was to preface the conversation by saying "Im telling you because I am having some intense feelings and I think that sharing them with you will help me better manage/deintensify them"

Thinking of you!

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by amee200

It is so important to remember that This is about you, not about your therapist. Like other posters have said, if she is well trained, this is something she is equipped to handle. If it changes things, then she has made it about HER and her skills may not be very well developed (though from what you've said, this is not the case).

A piece of advice i was given was to preface the conversation by saying "Im telling you because I am having some intense feelings and I think that sharing them with you will help me better manage/deintensify them"

Thinking of you!

What you said does make sense. My feelings would probably happen with any good therapist, that's the problem... I have already experienced transference with 2 teachers in the past. So you're right in that it is my issue, and it's not exactly about her. The whole point of therapy is to resolve whatever issues you have, regardless of how shameful/awkward they are.

I think it would help to prevent her from freaking out if I said that I want to deintensify my feelings, but to be honest, if I were to say that, it would only be a lie. The bad thing is that I think that I partially want to tell her to get even closer to her. I know that this is an unrealistic hope. But the way things are right now, I can only look at her for a few seconds in the beginning of our sessions, and then I look down the entire time. I am so afraid to look at her not because I think I will see a negative expression, but because I'm afraid about how much I will care if I see empathy. And I feel like I am keeping her at a distance, not fully opening up or expressing feelings because I think I want to have that kind of relationship with her too badly. It's like a defense mechanism, where I push away what I want the most and get the exact opposite of what I want. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, and I know that sounds very illogical. But I guess I was hoping that if I were to tell her of my feelings for her and of my feelings of a void from a lack of a parental figure, maybe I would be able to be more open and trusting of the therapy process. And maybe she would want to be a parental figure for me... as much as the therapy relationship allows, of course.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by geez

Is there someone who rejected you in your past when you expressed your feelings to them? Perhaps your mom or some other important figure in your life?

Reason I ask is my mom was emotionally absent/neglectful/abusive and anytime I make myself vulnerable and express my feelings I feel like I'm about to die.

I have had one T that I dumped after seeing her for a few months because she had counter transference issues that had nothing to do with me (it's never anything to do with the client) and she got a little crazy on me.

Anyhow if your T is worth there salt they will not treat you coldly. I can understand taking any perceived signal and turning it into some form of rejection. I've envisioned it many times with my long time T and found out it was all in my head once I talked about it.

T's have bad days and may not be 'all there' during our appts on occasion and they are human just as we are and may not be 'all present' during an appt.

If you do open up to this T and things don't go well know it's because of them not you and the sooner you know the better so you can find a new T if this one doesn't work out.

Rooting for you!!!

PS - before you tell her your feelings you can tell her how afraid you are to share something with her for fear of rejection. I bet she will reassure you that she is there no matter what. - and if not then you can find someone who is worth your time and effort in your healing.

Sorry to hear about your mom. Yes, I did have someone like that in my life- my dad sounds similar to your mother, though perhaps not quite as bad; he was also very harsh whenever I expressed my feelings, and ridiculed or criticized them. In my family, it was absolutely never safe to talk about feelings.

It is possible that I was inferring signals from her that weren't there. I think I tend to turn neutral looks into negative looks. It could have been all in my head, but in our last session it just felt suddenly as if I was nothing more than a client. Which of course, I am nothing more. Again, nothing was probably different from before, and I just read into nothing. Or, like you said, maybe she just wasn't having a good day.

Thanks again for your support, I really appreciate it!!!

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

What you said does make sense. My feelings would probably happen with any good therapist, that's the problem... I have already experienced transference with 2 teachers in the past. So you're right in that it is my issue, and it's not exactly about her. The whole point of therapy is to resolve whatever issues you have, regardless of how shameful/awkward they are.

I think it would help to prevent her from freaking out if I said that I want to deintensify my feelings, but to be honest, if I were to say that, it would only be a lie. The bad thing is that I think that I partially want to tell her to get even closer to her. I know that this is an unrealistic hope. But the way things are right now, I can only look at her for a few seconds in the beginning of our sessions, and then I look down the entire time. I am so afraid to look at her not because I think I will see a negative expression, but because I'm afraid about how much I will care if I see empathy. And I feel like I am keeping her at a distance, not fully opening up or expressing feelings because I think I want to have that kind of relationship with her too badly. It's like a defense mechanism, where I push away what I want the most and get the exact opposite of what I want. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, and I know that sounds very illogical. But I guess I was hoping that if I were to tell her of my feelings for her and of my feelings of a void from a lack of a parental figure, maybe I would be able to be more open and trusting of the therapy process. And maybe she would want to be a parental figure for me... as much as the therapy relationship allows, of course.

I completely understand these feelings of wanting your admission to bring you closer, I feel the same way regarding telling my pdoc of my strong feelings for him. I also totally get your behavior in sessions. I too have held back and tried not too seem"too" friendly with my pdoc for fear that he'd think I was trying to flirt with him and be creeped out. And am also afraid to tell him my feelings because I'm afraid I'll take any reaction and somehow turn it into a form of rejection, even if it's not. So i know how you feel. I guess when I suggest asking for her help to deintensify your feelings, it's more to reframe them, not eliminate them. Right now you say you look down durning your sessions. This can't really be a positive for you in therapy. By Telling her you may actually become closer, and she may be able to make sense of behavior like this (does she ever ask why you're looking down and not at her?). The hope is that once the intense feelings are a topic of conversation and a part of your therapy process you can work on the fear of abandonment. You may both actually be closer as a result. She will probably understand your need for a parental figure, and maybe she won't see it as a big deal. My family did not allow the expression of feelings either, they were either ridiculed or ignored. So I am also now afraid to admit any feelings to anyone out of fear of rejection. My female T said she was 100% sure my pdoc would not reject me, that's the only reason I feel confident in sharing with him, and like you I haven't done it yet, and think about it every day. So I totally understand your fears as I have exactly the same ones, so I am not suggesting this is at all easy. I am just as scared as you to bring the topic up. This is all just helping me prepare to have the very same discussion with my pdoc, so I'm hoping the can do the same for you.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by amee200

I completely understand these feelings of wanting your admission to bring you closer, I feel the same way regarding telling my pdoc of my strong feelings for him. I also totally get your behavior in sessions. I too have held back and tried not too seem"too" friendly with my pdoc for fear that he'd think I was trying to flirt with him and be creeped out. And am also afraid to tell him my feelings because I'm afraid I'll take any reaction and somehow turn it into a form of rejection, even if it's not. So i know how you feel. I guess when I suggest asking for her help to deintensify your feelings, it's more to reframe them, not eliminate them. Right now you say you look down durning your sessions. This can't really be a positive for you in therapy. By Telling her you may actually become closer, and she may be able to make sense of behavior like this (does she ever ask why you're looking down and not at her?). The hope is that once the intense feelings are a topic of conversation and a part of your therapy process you can work on the fear of abandonment. You may both actually be closer as a result. She will probably understand your need for a parental figure, and maybe she won't see it as a big deal. My family did not allow the expression of feelings either, they were either ridiculed or ignored. So I am also now afraid to admit any feelings to anyone out of fear of rejection. My female T said she was 100% sure my pdoc would not reject me, that's the only reason I feel confident in sharing with him, and like you I haven't done it yet, and think about it every day. So I totally understand your fears as I have exactly the same ones, so I am not suggesting this is at all easy. I am just as scared as you to bring the topic up. This is all just helping me prepare to have the very same discussion with my pdoc, so I'm hoping the can do the same for you.

I know exactly what you're talking about- I also hold back so that I won't appear to be too friendly. And I am similarly afraid that I'll turn anything into a rejection. Did you ever mention to your pdoc that there is something that you want to tell him?

We have at various times talked about why I can't look at her during sessions. One time she said "I think we both know why you are like this," referring to the way I've been treated by my father (though there is of course more to it than that). At other times, she has suggested that the setting is very intimate and that I just have difficulty opening up about personal things to others. She has also sometimes been confused and all I could really say was that I'm afraid of being "seen" and that I feel vulnerable. She has said many times that she doesn't judge me, and that I don't necessarily need to look at her, though we both miss out a little on each other's facial expressions when I don't. When she brings it up, it's so hard not to tell her the real reason because she asks so many questions. One time I finally said, "I think there's another reason why I act like this. But I'm not sure if I should say." I think she was surprised, and she told me that she thinks I should take some time to weigh the costs and benefits of saying it (which makes me think that she figured out what it is, but it also worries me because she thinks that there could be "costs" to saying it). But I'm glad that you think that being honest could help us to get closer and that I could work on the issues involved.

I'm with you, it is such an intimidating thing to bring up. And it's so agonizing to think about it every day. It definitely helps seeing that other people are going through the same thing!

[Lauliza]

I've never told my pdoc that I have something to tell him, mainly because there were some circumstances where I think he would have immediately known what it was. He encouraged me to join a dating site a year ago and about a month or so after I joined, he joined too, and showed up as one of my "matches". Even though I had the crush before that, this really intensified it as I now knew some personal details about him. Its been a little over a year and he is still active but I am more recently not as I reunited with my husband after a separation. So it feels awkward to bring it up now. But, it felt REALLY awkward when this first happened as I really didn't know how to approach him about it. I never told my female T until now either because I felt it wasn't right to tell his co-worker about the dating site thing, since she didn't know. But, as you know, when these feelings are bottled up and you keep thinking about them, it becomes something that is blown way out of proportion, and needs to be talked about to keep the feelings in check.

If you mentioned to your T that you had something to tell her but didn't know if you should, then she may have a clue as to what it is. Even though you may interpret some of her behavior a certain way, as I do with my pdoc, we both know that they are human and have good and bad days like everyone else. If its a late appointment, they could be tired. She may have had some trying sessions with other clients, in a bad mood, might not feel well, or anything. But I totally am on the same page as to how you can always twist their behavior to being directly related to you. It's almost like a cruel form of self punishment. And really, why would this information bother your T (or my doctor) so much? I think one thing we can be sure of is that both your T and my doc have dealt with this in their career before in some way and won't see it in such a dramatic way. It is nice to have someone going through the same thing, I always feel so alone in this and just want the intensity to go away, without losing my doctor. But we have to remember, this is their job, and it's your T's job to guide you through these feelings and help you put them to constructive use. And I'm sure she'll be glad you told her.