I've been keeping my apartment clean and my date went well. We have been connecting through facebook and messages. She seems like a nice lady and I've really enjoyed getting to know her and keeping in contact with her. We had a nice dinner out last night and spent time alone in my apartment. I feel comfortable with her and she is comfortable with me. I'll see my psychiatrist next Monday and I look forward to lowering my risperdone another bit. I feel I have the supports, skills and routines in place to be successful doing this. I have a history of disorganized thoughts, but it hasn't been a problem for a long time. If my thoughts become slightly disorganized, at least I have my routines to help me slide through till I can get some clarity using coping skills.

[neodoering]

My father died two months ago, and I've been experiencing heavy symptoms ever since. Lots of stress, grief, loss; paranoia, evil voices, delusions of grandeur (think I'm God and want to punish someone for his loss, etc.), regular delusions (my father's soul is in hell because I am thinking "bad thoughts," etc.), and so on. Lithium is doing a good job controlling affective part of my SZA, but the psychosis rages on as it has done for 11 years. I am never going to get better...

I saw my psychiatrist and he lowered my risperdone a bit. I asked him if he was nervous about this, as he had stated in one of our earlier sessions, that people with my diagnosis usually needed medication the rest of their life. He said that he was not nervous, and that I might be an exception to that. Things with my job are going well. It is strange to have a job that I enjoy, rather than endure. Things are going well with my lady friend. We talked on the phone yesterday and she visited a couple of nights ago. We are taking things kinda slow, and this seems to be working. I went to an NA meeting last night, and that went well. I spoke up about how communication has been the key to being released from bondage to addiction, for me. It has opened a lot of doors. I have another group tonight, which I open the building for and help with the set up and break down. I called my NA sponsor recently, and he is doing well and has no concerns about me. I saw my psychologist last week, and that went well. As far as disorganized thoughts go, I guess feeling like my girlfriend might become dis-interested can be burdensome. I can keep this to a manageable level.

[SkitsDoubt]

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

Hi everyone. I'm new to this sub forum I usually post in the schizophrenia forum but since I'm schizoaffective, I thought I'd branch out. Hope everyone is well.

I'm new to PC, but have already realized that most with SZA seem to flock to Schizophrenia, Depression and/or Bipolar forums--at least according to numbers reading/posting on those threads at any given time. I will assume we are welcome to branch out and then back "home" to SZA as we choose.

THANX ALL for the opportunity of joining & sharing.

[avlady]

you're welcome!!!!

I received my schizoeffective diagnosis awhile back and just really accepted it very recently. its very hard right now. I mainly post in the bipolar forum as this one doesn't seem as active but I think this might be my home. Schizophrenia runs in my family on both sides. I guess I got the short straw. I'm working to improve myself and hope to meet others who share this DX and it's challenges who are doing the same. I have so much to be grateful for, I am grateful but I'm also terrified. Most people simply cannot relate to this terror. I'm either fighting or hiding or both. It's so draining, far too often. (((Hugs)))

[VanGore28]

Couple of weeks since my antipsychotic was reduced as it was flattening my mood and I feel great...sometimes...then I get terrible lows....then I realise that its called "real life" and "feeling" and that I have been numb for a very very long time. The emotions are overwhelming me sometimes but I feel like a brand new person, I feel hope....

I'm not doing well at all. My issues started flairing badly....I can't type them and don't know what to do. I want a one way ticket off this planet right now. I feel so lost, hopeless, stuck, unfairly persecuted and angry.

[Shoe]

Hang in there ElsaMars. I was in pretty gloomy storms before but stuck it out until the sun came out again. I went through a half dozen major psychotic breaks but then they stopped and I was OK for 20 years. I went through another mild one about a month after the 9/11 thing that only lasted about 2 weeks and I have been doing pretty good since then. Feel free to PM me about your issues if you feel stuck about communicating them.
I could share with you some of my story or issues that I came to terms with.
Someone once said, Life, we don't have to like it, we just have to do it.

"Life: we don't have to like it, we just have to do it" is about right....that's why I feel so stuck I think. Perhaps in the future there will be opt out options that are humane but for now it's really true. You had 20 years of stability? That gives me hope.....I've been a real wreck since November and I'm just so, so tired of it. Thank you for offering to lend an ear....I will probably take you up on it. The issue I have currently pertains to my husband and in laws and them seeming to not care about the nature of my hoffific delusions and doing what seems to me to be intentional things to make my delusions worse. I'm so scared but I might just be delusional about all this. I don't know where to turn, what to do or what to say to make it all stop. For people to understand and be supportive, or at least to stop being intentionally triggering.

[Victoria'smom]

I've felt that way too for me it was a delusion but it started an offal lot of fights, the word divorce was thrown into the mix too. We're here for you if you want to talk.

Thanks MM. you and I seem to have several things in common and we share the same diagnosis so I will probably be reaching out to you in the future as I think you'd understand. Unless a person has experienced delusions they simply can't understand how it effects me....how it torments me....how it makes me question my reality even when I shouldn't. I think mine is mostly delusion delusion too and my husband and I talked about it, I felt heard and feel more hopeful right now. I think what I need to do is have my whole family come to counseling with me for awhile and learn proper strategies for handling me when I'm delusional. I think that will help me feel safe and will hopefully help my family too. I just want us to be a team and help each other.

Thanks for listening MM.

[jaynedough]

There was something I learned a few months ago. It might seem obvious to most people.

Some days are neither "good" nor "bad." Some days are OK. And that's OK.

When you have chronic illness(as), this can be easy to forget, but it's so important.

(I'll probably be posting this in other PC forums.)

[Illvoices]

checking in with the forum. Ready and active

[jaynedough]

Having one of those times when everything seems so dark. At times, I don't even want to open my eyes. Feel like I screw everything up, including relationships.

[avlady]

I have been keeping myself busy with online college so havn't been here as often as i would like but i am halfway through the semester and have finished 2 of the 4 courses im taking. i do feel better having something to look forward to- like even writing a paper, i'm not too good with in school and need 2 classes for my bachelors but am having a had time with math

[jaynedough]

Hi avlady! Way to go on finishing two of the courses already. I totally get the math thing. I have a hard time comprehending math. Can you get help with it?

[SheilaKathy]

I'm not sure how I am doing. I seem to be thinking that I am being followed sometimes and that folks here where I live are thinking bad thoughts about me. I also fear that they know what I was hospitalized last for, about a month ago, and this scares me. It was pretty bad. I was having delusions then. I'm on new meds now. I am not having what I was hospitalized for, at least, not those thoughts anyway. SO that is a good thing. I just don't know, though, about this town I live in. Things seem a bit STRANGE. I just am not sure if I am imagining this or if it is real. Time will tell, I guess!

[ikigai_sp1]

I've noticed that when I take magnesium my delusions are totally calmed down. I still hear some things, but at least the delusions are taken care of. It's just not as bad. I gave some to my sister because she is bipolar and has some problems with her stomach too.

Anyway, the only voices that I hear really are over electronics and sounds. I don't hear voices just saying things. I can't relax and watch TV or listen to my iPod without hearing something which only enhances my delusion that someone is totally messing with me. I know that it is a delusion but most of the time when I hear someone I think that someone hacked into the various electronics in the house and speaks on them.

I've never mentioned that to my doctor even though she knows I hear things; I've never put it that way before, even to myself.

I've been feeling manic for like a week though. Whenever I'm about to start and am on my period, I feel really manic. I never feel really happy though; I have a quick temper. It's horrible. I screamed at someone in the neighborhood and called her a b**** about 3 times! I don't think I've ever had a manic episode where I was really happy. I take risks and am angry. I feel a lot of shame for it.

[SheilaKathy]

I'm doing a bit better today. I feel less delusional. I do take magnesium. Thanks for that advice, maybe I shall add more to my daily collection of vit-a-mins.

I am crocheting a blanket, which is starting to look like it is heading in the direction of becoming one, which helps me to keep my mind focused on something other than my mind! LOL...

I can hear voices when it is totally quiet. I have also heard them when the radio was on. I usually just hear sentence fragments. It is almost like I might be hearing some stranger's thoughts or something, but just here and there, just half a thought, which when I think about what the voice said, it makes no sense to anything going on in my life at all!

[ikigai_sp1]

Originally Posted by SheilaKathy

I'm doing a bit better today. I feel less delusional. I do take magnesium. Thanks for that advice, maybe I shall add more to my daily collection of vit-a-mins.

I am crocheting a blanket, which is starting to look like it is heading in the direction of becoming one, which helps me to keep my mind focused on something other than my mind! LOL...

I can hear voices when it is totally quiet. I have also heard them when the radio was on. I usually just hear sentence fragments. It is almost like I might be hearing some stranger's thoughts or something, but just here and there, just half a thought, which when I think about what the voice said, it makes no sense to anything going on in my life at all!

That thing that you said about hearing something that sounds like a thought describes what I experience perfectly. It's totally unnerving when it added to the sound is a visual stimulus like a flash or something else that seems like I'm being sucked into the TV. I don't know quiet how to describe it. It just seems like a visual effect on a movie where I'm being sucked into a void.



Good luck on the blanket!

[SheilaKathy]

I found out today for sure (and have suspected for quite some time) that everyone, or just about everyone, at work knows why I was last in the mental hospital. Comments that have been made could not be just coincidences when viewed as a whole. I am not imagining this! It is real. It makes me feel so vulnerable and sad. It hurts, because snide comments are being made and I've been accused of being a hypocrite, among other things.

[twistypringle98]

I recently had my meds changed. It feels amazing. I went from Haldol to risperdal consta, and the difference is amazing. With some time off from working, quitting smoking, and this, I feel like I can do a lot with it. I want to get better whereas before I had no desire to change at all.

I think that what I experienced was schizophreniform or maybe brief psychotic disorder. I'm sorry to say but I think my doctors have gotten me all wrong and don't want to go to the doctor anymore for it. It might have been brought on by pot usage and the horrible stressful situation I was in. Plus 3 members of my family died in like a year and a half. I experience my emotions within a normal range and can tell because my sister is bipolar. I'm a virgin at 25 and have no feelings of self-destruction. I don't hear voices. I just think they got me all wrong, but that was the diagnosis.

[SheilaKathy]

Today was an OK day. I went to work and got home in an OK mood. Things could have been far worse!

[Shadow wings]

Joining in... Hope that's OK.

Hello all