Roll Call 21

Geodon is making me so tired that my sleep cycle is all messed up... I don't think I will be functional if I continue like this...

To everyone having a difficult time:

Meds are definitely hard to trust...

well i googled my old therapist. the one that abused me. he is using his psy.D title on his websites. even though his license was revoked. im angry. i even watched some of a video of him. i feel like i am dissociating. i wish i hadnt of done that.

On geodon I was nauseous all the time. If I was like an hour late taking it I would throw up. So at least ur not having that, lol.

Being tired all the time sucks though.

I get like that too when I've been triggered about some abuse I've been through. Hope u feel better.

im going to report him to the board for using his title without a license

i want to call him out on his website but i signed an agreement at the lawsuit mediation that i wouldnt do that

I just wrote out a long message to you but it got all messed up.

Sorry for disappearing on u. It's my sons last night here for awhile so I was spending some last minute time with him. He'll be back in a month though.

I'm so sorry you were abused by somebody that is supposed to be safe.

I understand though. I was hurt by ppl that should have been safe too. I did some really intense therapy on what all happened to me but it still bothers me a lot. It's really hard to have ur trust walked all over like that. I still have a hard time totally trusting ppl, especially authority figures. Those were the same ppl that walked all over my trust. I don't feel comfortable saying anymore on it here. But if u ever need to you can pm me anytime.

Well **** I'm having a hard time sleeping again. Just some stuff came up.

I hope u were able to get some sleep. I'm gonna go try again. Again if u ever need to, u can pm me. Ok time to try and quiet my mind.

Not sure how I'm going to get proof that the police are involved unless 1 of the stalkers mentions it, I'm going to talk to them, well try anyway on Tuesday.
Might call the police about them following me all day today when I went out, I'll do that Tuesday as well, got a good feeling about that day.

I'm sure the Dr I saw on Thursday thinks I'm a cupcake, he told me I wasn't street lol.

Oh the book I got from the Dr, so typical, the comic part of the book is, he gets sick, goes to the hospital, gets meds - feels better, stops meds - symptoms, back on meds - happy.

So basically its just an advert for medication.

The first couple of weeks with bloodwork tells whether your body will tollerate it.
If it looks like it wont, the doctors stop and thats it. That is why there is so much bloodwork. To keep you safe.

im doing relatively ok except for a few hallucinations here and there and kinda bad paranoia. but it could be worse. i think im relatively ok because i dont really have any stress in my life right now. the trip was really stressfull and i was throwing up and having bad hallucinations and really bad paranoia. my mom wants me to go on another trip back there cause family is there (in a few months) and i just dont think i can do it.

This is perhaps not in the spirit of the law but can a friend or even family member call him out on the website without violating anything? That guy should have lost more than his job in my opinion...

I love getting away. It takes me out of my rut. But if it's stressful for u I wouldn't want to go either.

I'm doing pretty well. I'm gonna miss my son he just left. His dad and I are doing a month here a month there. If I had a car he would just stay here. I'm getting a new case manager. I see her Monday. I'm gonna look into groups and stuff.

My back has been killing me so trying to make it to the bus stop is out of the question right now.

It's nice out finally and I'm stuck in my apt.

Thanks! IDK...I'm still thinking about it, if it would be a good idea...

Thank you Atypical

to you and Bean. Clozapine goes up to a max of 900mg, but that's for adults. Idk what it is in children though. Enjoy your visit tomorrow!

Junk I'm so sorry for your losses What is your program for, like what disorder? Is it normal to have such a high suicide rate?



I was going to suggest reporting him for fraudulently using that qualification on his website, so good thinking!

Yeah that sounds so cliche! Lol Go to wonderful/supportive hospital and get given magic/side-effect-free medication and miraculously feel amazing

Mum may or may not need another emergency operation because her abdomen is still infected, but they don't really want to do anything because it's the weekend, so are waiting until it is absolutely necessary.

*Willow*

Hello everyone I am doing better today Just wanted to say Hi!
I have a question,See whenever I drink caffeine It seems my symptoms worsen
Does Caffeine actually make schizophrenia worse? Or is it just me?

I cut it out entirely more because I was having sleeping problems though...basically it activates adrenaline so I could see it have some sort of stress-like response that might activate your psychosis.

caffiene doesnt really make me worse. but its not just you.
it does trigger anxiety for me which can SOMETIMES trigger stress and psychosis. but it really doesnt happen for me.

does anyone else get really bad hallucinations in the shower?

Relax for now. You just got home and obviously did very well on the visit to Cali or else they would not want you back! lol

You never know....in a few months, you may be ready to visit again. You dont have to make a decision right now.

Im so proud of your accomplishment of going out of your comfort zone and doing all the things you did. The plane ride, visits with family and grandma.....even though you had a lot of symptoms, you proved to yourself that you could do it!

rest and relax right now.

Bean does.
I dont know what it is about the shower but, yea.

Got back from the long ride to see Bean.
She is calm, which is strangely new.

She says everything is gone away and says she is more 'aware' of things around her and used the term 'mindful'.
Now this is a big deal. To me, it means no psychosis.

And she is happy. She says the medicine is the best she has had.
Im happy that she is finally able to relax for the first time in years.

She still switches the conversations really fast and speech seems to still be garbled but she has always been that way.

Next week we hope to be able to take her out for a couple of hours.
oh I miss her so much.
We hope not to have hospital again for a loooong time after this.....

Punky - I'm glad Bean is doing better, that's great

thanks.
im trying to learn to live with my hallucinations and paranoia. i fail sometimes. that time i didnt because i didnt want to let everyone down. i almost didnt go and almost backed out at the last moment. but my ticket was booked already and all and everyone was expecting me. i did back out of a couple of things while i was there.

at home its a little more stressful than when i was actually there (minus the plane rides) because im alone a lot and that gets me highly paranoid. i was highly paranoid when i went because i was alone on the flight and alone with people i havent seen in seven years. maybe that sounds weird idk. people being my family but still.

and i really felt like i was being followed by a secret group of people to cali. god i still think that. thats not going away.

my paranoia is always high. that never lets doing. its either bad or worse. cuz it always bad. my hallucinations sometimes go away. but when they come back bad is when i start to do crazy things and end up in hospital.

like lately they been telling me to jump out of my car while im driving and so far ive opened it while driving fast. it never is just gone. theres always something there.

glad bean is doing much better. thats hopeful!

You sound good.
It seems like even though its hard, your doing a good job of managing your symptoms right now. Thats a big deal!

....but DONT open the car door while driving. Its dangerous. Ignore the urge please and thank you!