Roll Call 21

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my dads at work but should be home in 45 min. im trying to watch a movie to distract me but its triggering me instead. its called Dont Say A Word.

Gr3tta: I think you'll like the pictures I just posted

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I'm worried about you stopping those meds cold turkey like that Newtus! I know you want to lose weight but I'm afraid they might force you back to getting injections. I don't want you to have to go through forced injections again hun!

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my mom belittles me because of my weight. i like skinny.

but anyway my brain feels like its slipping a lot and fast. it feels like my head is literally changing. tonight ive been doing some old things i did while psychotic. i figure im pretty much back on the road to becoming psychotic again. yesterday i actually sat on the floor in the middle of target. and acted so weird i guess i had 2 employees following me and kept asking me questions. 1 looked at me funny when i was talking. and i saw him kept looking at me when i was sitting on the floor in target. im not getting good sleep anymore. 5 hours a day. im definitely going back psychotic. is it worth it to lose weight? idk but i gotta do it

i know.
but i gotta lose weight.
im scared they ll put me on injections again
thats why i didnt tell my therapist who my new pdoc was. im not signing any release forms.

There are so many other ways to lose weight Newtus. If stopping your medications is going to make you psychotic then it's not worth it. If you end up in the hospital over this then there's a chance that you could end up back on forced injections. Now if you get back on those then you won't have control over your medications or your weight. Remember how you said the injections were too much? Remember how you felt on those? You don't want things to go down this way

That is just horrible that ur mom does that. My mom would always used to say, "it's easy to put the weight on, but hard to take it off" She was right. I just hope ur not forced onto injections again. How do they force u anyway? I thought that was illegal.

work was ok. i felt nervous when the bookkeeper and manager where helping bag items. i felt like they were spying on me to see if i mess up. so a little paranoia is happening. but overall it went ok. i have to get up early tomorrow. no fun. im washing my uniforms now. i have to wait til the washer is done so i can put them in the dryer.

It's good u had a ok day at work. Oh I know I hate paranoia. I meet with my new case manager tomorrow. I'm hoping to get in some groups.

For Newtus:



(concerning your mom)

have u heard of hearing voices groups? they arent just for voices. they are for any type of unusual experiences. they are set up kind of like a support group. it depends on where u live if they have them there. something to check into

its not illegal in usa if you have a criminal record or goto mental health court. you know? but i mean in my case once the injection was in me it was in. each time i asked for it to be lowered or changed i got a higher dose of injections. they said my defiance was part of psychotic symptoms. so they kept chemically restraining me. i had no other choice than them or so i thought because i was on medicare and most places dont take that. but i was so lucky to find another doctor in the area that too medicare. i got REALLY lucky. she is the only one in this area that accepts it.

i hate to say this now - but i just purged my food. i threw up on purpose. im sorry.

There is something called assisted outpatient treatment or aot that is gaining ground in psychiatry...they can pretty much force anyone who is deemed noncompliant and ends up interacting with the hospital or police....it's pretty awful...court ordered treatment. This isn't what newtus had before but it could happen....here is some info on it...

Assisted Outpatient Treatment Laws - Treatment Advocacy Center

see i was noncompliant and had run ins with the police and lots of hospital but was not court ordered luckily. but they treated me as such because they knew my history

Thanks junkdna, I will look into it.

Yeah that's awful. When do you feel mentally the best? On or off meds?

It looks like the hearing voices group is only in Britain. I'm in the US.

I don't know what I want to study and do with my life, but I'm thinking neurology might be interesting. I've always liked Oliver Sacks.

But then I think I might enjoy making documentaries or being a journalist. But I don't see much success in that financially...

Being 18 is so confusing. :S I still have no idea where I want to go to school because I can't even decide what to study! Oi vey...

I know I'm not meant to be on here, but I need to explain things.

First off the knife, I dont want to be stabbed, I want to stay safe. I'm anxious without it and its super difficult to leave the house without it.

Second the things I say to my nurse, if I dont say stuff about it, there is no proof, right now there is a lot of it. Without it when they do kill me, people wouldn't know why, now they will.

Well that's my reasons.

there are groups in the US. i live in the US. i went to a training for it. to help facilitate a group. there just arent a lot in the US

I know KUREHA. Im just worried about you. Stay safe and know I care.