Roll Call 174

Great, I've got myself worked up into a panic attack again already. It's just frustrating having to do my shopping in several separate trips on the bus and also some of it walking to another store and bringing stuff back. Stuff like this overwhelms me, basic living stuff. It's the beginning of the month so I've got to plan out all the trips I'll be taking just to get what I need. 1 for groceries, 1 for paper towels, 1 for toilet paper (the big packs are hard to fit in my own cart so it's hard to bring more than that to the bus) then another trip for other necessities. I just feel frazzled by it all. I guess I'm not good with basic living skills. I get it done, but it's just really hard.

I feel the same way @ BB. Sometimes I don't do certain things like going for a walk or going to the store or even doing chores.

You need change in your life - Try doing something different than you usually would - It may cause panic but then after, your mind is then tolerant to the things that you originally were doing.. I think that's how it works..

You're doing good though! No psychosis right?

Bananas and other foods can help anxiety. I ate one today

7 Foods Proven to Calm Anxiety Fast - The Best Brain Possible

Yes, I'm doing good mostly, no psychosis lately, a little paranoia but it's manageable. Thank you for that idea of doing something different, I'll give that a try

The storms are starting to scare me right now

woke up, took morning meds

Watching a bit of a podcast, then take a break - Go somewhere online, use flipbaord, watch the news, take a walk in the hospital hallways, nurses check up on me, I listen to music, - It's all good. No panic.

I really want a doggy dna test so bad. Idk what they two dogs are except Thor is a shepherd mix of some sort.

had to call my landlord for maintenance, plumbing is screwed up

Sorry for dirtiness. Those are actually clean clothes lmao. Fiancé needs to hang up his clothes.

Got it!

That's great that you did that. I know I used to get very nervous about things like that but sometimes it has to be done

Yeah I'm very anxious about it, feel like im on the verge of panic

My doctor talked to me. He said that I could talk to him a couple times a week and get myself out of the bad state that I'm in to prevent hospitalization in the future.

He said that I need to stop researching so much about my illness and actually do the physics/math/geometry courses - To just do them even though I have a fear of failure - To overcome that.

He said that my schizophrenia is bad but he's seen people that are far more worse mentally.

He says I have a chance at being successful from mental illness and to find ways to do x, y, z if I can't do certain things - Just to get myself out of it.

He's going to talk with my mom alone about what to do to - Non-med wise in terms of therapy and focusing on the good things that i can do to prevent more hospitalizations.

He said to read books that aren't much of self-help books - Although I feel like I wouldn't have gotten this far without psychedelics - Like how aware I am now.. I would have still been more handicapped. So I have to give myself some credit for getting this far. My doctor reminds me of the video chat people that doesn't see how far I've gotten myself and how much better I've become over the years - But might as well take the heat without anyone knowing that now because that's life I guess..

Going to the grocery store tomorrow and also a separate trip to Walmart. I usually don't do 2 big things in one day but I really need new clothes. And I want to see if there's any Halloween themed stuff out yet.

Can you look through some of your photography, maybe on Instagram, I think you're on that. Looking at pictures of things that I like tends to help me. And what about doing a drawing? HUGS!!!! Kit

I'm going to have five days off of work coming up. This Saturday through Wednesday. My parents will be gone Friday through Sunday. I'm worried about them being gone. I promised them no hospital. But it's the first time I will be without them since I was hospitalized. And I don't know what I am going to do for five days without work! That's madness! I'm going to go mad that's the problem!

Can you text or email your therapist? Maybe you could binge watch something on Netflix or other TV shows/ movies. Or do some arts and crafts. Get into a good book

I didn't do everything I had written in my planner for today but I did do the vacuuming, which is a big accomplishment.

maintenance men came over, fixed my plumbing. Was anxious the whole time

Good job, bud.

Bought a coke out of the vending machine. I haven't had coke in a while.

I was feeling mentally fatigued a little but now feel a little better because of the sugar - That's why I know DEFINITELY that a keto diet will be good for my cognition because my brain will be fuelled by ketones instead of sugar.

Getting back into the rhythm at work. Not as anxious.

School going good. I’m almost done the two courses I was working on. Get three more lined up to take next. Got approved at work to get reimbursed for them so that’s cool.

Decided to give up on the gym for a while. I haven’t gone since COVID started and my membership is expiring soon. Buying some at home equipment to workout at home instead. I’m excited!

Money was deposited into my bank account from Amazon so I curiously checked my reviews for my short story and low and behold, my friend's review from Mexico now shows up on the US Amazon site. That review is a few months old, but i was surprised it showed up after all of this time. That was a bit of a boost. =)

I've been googling dx's and started self dx'ing and that's never good. I have a lot to talk about with my therapist. Man it's dark, i don't even want to talk about it with my pdoc. It's a pretty big worry.

See my therapist on the 8th and pdoc on the 11th. I'm still not sleeping well even taking 11mgs of seroquel. I'm a wreck. I can suffer all the other withdrawal effects but not the sleeplessness one where I keep waking up at 4am and and can't fall back to sleep. Pray to god she prescribes me ketamine nasal spray.

I was watching Netflix and the nurse asked "Watching anything good?" and I said "Yes it's 'How to sell drugs online'" and she looked at me shocked..

Hmm.. The dimensions of me watching that in the hospital in my situation isn't good but I like it it's funny I told her..