Roll Call 199

Grounding 101: Featuring 101 Grounding Techniques! — Beauty After Bruises

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I got this app that I use to track how many days I’m clean self harm.

Well I added a count of days not drinking. And I added an amount estimating how much money I would save each week not drinking.

See how long I go.

My sister bought tequila and triple sec for margaritas. I’m tempted to have one but I’m not going to. I bought some wine that I’m going to use for cooking.

And I didn’t go to the gym today. I’m tired and sore from yesterday.

Going to go for a walk with the dogs and then have some tea.

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Are you using the I Am Sober app?

I used to use it for my eating disorder , it’s a good app

Now I’m using it to track how long I go without sweets

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I don't have mental illness. Reality is a mental illness. This may be my last post, cuz I don't belong here. Soz. I wish you all the best.

Hey don’t leave. Always welcome here.

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It’s this app called Nomo.

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Me and my boyfriend spoke on the phone for awhile about things tonight. Everything is good, he is understanding of the fact that I need space sometimes, especially when I’m dissociation etc. so we’re good.

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I hope you don’t leave Desoxyn, you’re a valued member here and we all care about you

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@Desoxyn

I 2nd what Blue Bird said. I hope you stay and continue your interesting posts!

Today just kept getting worse and worse. Not sure why but when it comes to bad luck for me it's like the old saying, "When it rains it poors." And it happens often. I get these streaks of bad luck that is just so weird. It's like something's messing with me, my entire life.

Sorry I have Avoidant PD - Just ignore my w/e

I still need this site. Cuz I'm going to tell my doctor tomorrow (That's giving my the 525mg Invega Trinza injection) - I'm going to say "Just give me a 6mg Invega pill"..

"Just for good measure" (Yknow what I mean?) - I'm still stuck in this situation.. I'm not psychotic at all... I have mild positive symptoms, but come on - I'm on 100mg of dextroamphetamine a day, can smoke weed and take ket.. Nothing bad happens, actually improves my mind.

I know I'm a little chaotic.. But I want to be (As long as it's controlled). I want to follow GOD (The REAL God - Not me..).... And .. Everyone has some positive symptoms (Spiritual) and if they are mathematic minds (Like I was), it's a more logical thing, analytical.. about numbers and physics etc (In those types of dimensions). The problem is that this world is evil, the school I went to was an internment camp. My moms ex made me feel like I was then put into a concentration camp, etc.. Isolation, neglect, blablaba..

Anyway, I even want to refuse taking the injection (Until I'm given the Invega pills) BUT I will take this ONE last injection.. Before I see my psychiatrist.. I'm not on a "Community Treatment Order" so yknow what that means? - I have ONE last chance, to not go psychotic or depressed or w/e, and end up back in the hospital, then be forced to take the injection when I get out. So right now, if I stop taking it, the police won't show up and take me away...

Am I being coherent enough? I don't sound insane? Good! We are on the same level.. I love you all, gn

Btw any criticisms are welcome, and helpful..

When I lived in my apartment I used to make pasta all the time with butter, garlic powder, and parmesan cheese. So good. :-)

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Sorry but I think you're fooling yourself about the weed and such. The ap is thwarted when you're smoking pot, etc. You have a constantly alternating calm and agitation, I don't think weed is good for you.

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Yeah the weed, I only smoke once every 1-2 weeks or something. At least I'm not drinking alcohol anymore.. The strain I have now, there's not much problems, but I agree that I should be really careful with it.

When you say "And such", make me think that I'm fooling myself about my whole life right now - Which kind of scares me, and doesn't ground me..

The doctor that I'm seeing is the one that everyone told me not to go back to - But I want to see why he says "You come here, religiously every month, taking the injection". And he thinks I don't have schizophrenia. So I want to see what he says.

Not many people have faith in me. Never did. If they did, they only pretended to, manipulated me and were evil.

I can’t speak for your family but I know people around here are worried about you. Only want what’s best.

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Went grocery shopping. Waiting on the bus to go home. It’s in the 70’s and really sunny out. Should have worn sunscreen. Oh well, next time I will remember.

Groceries are ridiculously expensive. But I got some stuff to get me through the next week.

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We have faith in you Desoxyn, you’re a wonderful person. I am sorry you are struggling. I really hope you can eventually see that you’re a good person deserving of love I’m sorry the people around you aren’t super supportive

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I’m sorry I hope things improve how are things going with your new Kindle?

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Getting on the treadmill in a little while.

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The new kindle is nice. It encourages me to read books rather than watch horror movies which are awful for me but for some reason I'm always drawn to dark horror movies. As for books I always read non fiction but might consider a good fiction book, hopefully not horror or dark fantasy or gothic fantasy books.

I didn't sleep well during first half of night due to a tooth ache. Only sweet thing I have are mediterranean dates which I don't remember eating. If I eat those I immediately get a throbbing tooth ache.

This morning I went to laundromat because the airbnb owner here is too cheap to let people use his machines, or even the kitchen.

I keep hoping to find a book that will teach me how to not be bothered by stuff. I'm reading a book about trauma and trauma patients which completely changes my state of being. I can feel the trauma deep in me surfacing a little. I don't remember that happening too often during therapy. Maybe reading about other peoples trauma is triggering in a way but I feel like it's helpful, like it's making trauma surface and unclogging my brain.

A little discouraged. Only managed 7 minutes on the treadmill today when I normally do 30 minutes. I’m really out of shape now. I guess I just need to build up my resilience slowly.

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Yeah I’m out of shape. I did a shoulder and ab workout on Wednesday and my abs are so sore today.

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