Roll Call 199

Looks like a beautiful hike! The snow is still melting here.. But maybe next week or two, hiking will start again. And I'll get my bike ready (To explore the trails - Once there's no snow or mud..)

So I got turned down for the target job. Still waiting on hearing back about the other 4 applications I put in. It’s only been 2 days since putting them all in.

It’s frustrating because I need experience to get a job but I can’t get experience without a job.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My first rejection lol

I just out of kind of curiousity put in an application with McDonalds, they said I passed their screening and are going to get back to me in 1-3 days to set up an interview

My sleep was terrible last night. Tossing and turning. And if I wasn’t tossing and turning I either a) had a bunch of hypnagogic hallucinations or b) dreamed I was having hypnagogic hallucinations.

They were all nonsensical but very colourful like an LSD trip.

Anyway it was weird.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I hope I do good with the interview. Also I hope I adjust to the work environment if they hire me. I'm not used to fast paced jobs, but I think I could adapt if I just try not to let stress overwhelm me

Beautiful pictures of your hike, MuddyBoots, thanks for sharing!

Ugh. Visual hallucinations this morning.

I skipped 2x 10mg of Dexedrine this morning, and it took me 45 minutes to get ready for the day - Except I was doing everything so slowly, like a zombie, it felt like forever. And I was on 60mg of Vyvanse. It took me 3 hours to get out of bed.

This is because I wanted to take all 4x 10mg Dexedrine in the afternoon, to have more focus. Not doing that again. I'll take the meds as prescribed...

Underneath the artificial stimulation, I'm a hollow shell of nothingness lol. I'm afraid that if I try Cymbalta/duloxetine, it could also give me heart palps. But I should give it a try.

I'm still on half the dose of olanzepine, and I'm not less tired (Without dex, nicotine, caffeine). But all is good if I just stay on these meds... I'm just really afraid that someone is going to change them in the future.

I wonder if I should slowly phase out the Vyvanse before that happens. I see my psychiatrist on Monday ='/

Made pasta today for dinner. Gluten free pappardelle, mushrooms, spinach, roasted garlic, wine, and cheese.

It was sooo tasty. I wish I had more.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Need 2 go nutty. Unfocused nonsense brain, shut up. U are the problem.

Be nice to me, me. Self-conscious people are miserable, says JBP. I need to get out maybe. Why is it so cold. Why is everything so insanely complex. Idk.. Maybe cuz the world ended in 2012? Maybe..

Think about aliens. Maybe they will save you, telepathically. But they won't, cuz you're still supposed to be a reality slave, staring at walls for hours and dancing to songs that won't load every 10 seconds.

So Monday morning I woke up and was up until late Tuesday night. Fell asleep for a a few hours then was up again until the following night. Been up for 40 hours at the moment

I applied for 8 jobs. One I was rejected for. One is getting back to me to set up an interview time. The other 6 I’m still waiting on

I can’t seem to calm my mind down enough to sleep

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This whole job search process is making me hypomanic and stressed

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hey guys, not doing so well. Been getting migraines every day for a while now. I'm hydrated, all I drank today was water. I'll go to the doctor's office Saturday if I'm still having issues.

I took 1300mg of Ashwagandha. Maybe it'll ease stress. I will report back in hour.

Feel sleepy. Could be interacting with pregabalin.

Anyway, I'll report back about sleep and morning mental state. Lol.

Couldn't sleep cuz of an OCD irritation with a reply from the autist friend (I re-read the reply, and I misinterpreted it cuz I skim read it - Since it's always walls of text), so I made tea and read all the text..

I'm excited for it to get warmer and busier here (Tourist town). It will be some hippie party for few months.

I plan now, with the dark winter.. that I can succeed in many ways.. I see the psychiatrist on Monday, and I'll explain to him - My own walls of text.. See what he does...

I'll take many zopiclone and fall asleep - As I must work in the morning.

Life is a struggle past few years more than my entire life. The psychosis era wasn't even that bad.. cuz I found humour in it all.. The crazy psych ward experiences.. That was something. Like I made one really cool friend (With bipolar) that told me his ketamine stories;

He stole a car, using a toy gun (And the police could have shot him) - But the ket helped with his bipolar depression.. + The shrooms. He'd wear sunglasses inside, walking down the hallway - and was like to me, "You're so cool, Yknow that?" lol

But yeah.. Many things happened. My frontal lobe is finally developed now.

My mom and sister noticed I’ve been drinking more again and confronted me. Lots of crying and facing up that I’m more depressed than I thought I was.

I guess I’m not coping as well as I thought.

So going to heavily restrict my alcohol consumption, or just stop in general.

But now I have to deal with my feelings. Which sucks.

It’s leading me to think of other things like going back to restricting my food.

Ugh I can’t win.

I’ll tell my doctor when I see him on Tuesday.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So so sorry Job. I get a lot of migraine. Had one yesterday. I tried a bunch of medicines that are supposed to help you get less migraines but they all interacted with something that I am taking. But there are a lot of new medicines on the market. I hope you can find something that helps you. Me, I just stick to Sumatriptan. (Generic Imitrix) But if I take too many in a week I get rebound migraines. ugh Hugs to you Kit

HUGS Sweetie.

I got a call from Burger King today, I have an interview with them on Tuesday at 2pm

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Many migraine medications are "tryptamines" (DMT and shroom analogues) - like for Sumatriptan;

"is a sulfonamide is a Selective agonist for a vascular 5-HT1 receptor subtype (probably a member of the 5-HT1D family). Used (in the form of its succinate salt) for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. It has a role as a serotonergic agonist and a vasoconstrictor agent. It is a sulfonamide and a member of tryptamines. It is functionally related to a N,N-dimethyltryptamine. It is a conjugate acid of a sumatriptan(1+)."

They're thinking of using LSD analogues for migraines too (Without the psychedelic effect) - I think there's one that is already made + Studying of the 5HT2A receptor for treating schizophrenia.

Anyway, I feel good day today.. My perfectionism caused my boss to give me another raise ^- + I'll work an extra day this summer, so I'll be making a lot of money (Especially when I quit nicotine gum.. and find ways to invest money cuz of inflation and not trusting the banks or government etc) - My mom also got a higher position job.. so did my dad.. + Renting out the old house again, so no need to pay 1200 a month for it.

Got all the tasks done.. I took the Dexedrine this morning, was able to get out of bed easily... I see psychiatrist on Monday (As I said) and it's sort of freaking me out.... cuz idk how I'm going to explain the things I want to tell him.. I'll probably update the letter that I'll read during the last minute before the appointment...

I feel I have a fairly good chance at getting hired, I got a good amount of tips for interviewing well tonight from my bf. I have several questions to ask them once they’re finished interviewing me , I feel I have good ideas of some responses for possible questions they may ask, genuine responses that will also help me be considered a good candidate. I’m not over preparing though at the same time, I’m not stressing about it, I’m gonna go in and be genuine and also motivated to get the job.

I just have to make sure my anxiety doesn’t overwhelm me though, so I will be taking my klonopin PRN beforehand because I feel this is a situation where I will need all the help I can get and I don’t want my anxiety to screw up the interview

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I may need to ask my psychiatrist about getting on beta blockers again at some point, they help the physical symptoms of anxiety which is what I deal with a lot in stressful situations , and would be better because I could take them every day unlike klonopin

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk