Meditation anyone? 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks... you in?

PS: Unfortunately I can't see the moon tonight because it's very stormy here and the sky is completely overcast. I did see it last night though and it was very dramatic. I'm hoping I might still catch a glimpse of it tonight!

Hope everyone else has been treated to a glimpse too!!

Wishing everyone a beautiful Sunday

While you wait for another chance to see the moon tonight here are a few shots captures with my little camera....

The moon is the nose of a not so happy clown in the clouds...

The moon is the eye of a smiling TRex.....

I often overlook those small subtle blessings. Today, I didn't get buried by the remorse of the past and future disaster scenarios that my mind concocts. When they arose today, somehow the strength of mind was there to disrupt them, and respond rationally, e.g., "I can't change the past. Let it go"..."I don't know what this intestinal problem is yet. Stop imagining the worst", etc. It led to a more bearable day. I may sink again tomorrow, but I'm grateful for the few degrees of improvement today.

Thanks Lavie for reminding me to be thankful for the small blessings. Awesome to hear you were able to distrupt remorseful thoughts with rational thinking in the present.

We never know what tomorrow might bring so like you say we can be grateful for any day where the load is lighter.

I hope you find out about the intestinal problems. Will you be able to see a doctor soon to find out?

it was warm enough this afternoon for me to be able to work in the garden. It is such a good place for me to be. Nothing can distract me from being present in my garden. Removing the blackets of leaves was like opening presents and finding treasures inside. Crocus are finally in bloom and new growth is visible everywhere. Joy of joys, gardening season is back!! I had to be careful and not over do it so I wasn't out as long as I would have liked. I hope tomorrow is another good day in the garden.

I captured the pictures I posted at 4am. I lost track of time working on a blog and thought for sure I had missed it. Heading to bed I saw light coming through the trees so I rushed outside to see if I could get a clear view and there it was. My camera isn't cut out for these kinds of pictures but even though it didn't capture the clarity of the moon that I could see with my eys I think it produced some interesting pictures. Especially when I uploaded them and found faces in them. lol

Awesome pictures!! (((((((ss)))))))) Thanks so much for sharing those!!! So glad to hear you've been able to start gardening today!!!

So sorry to hear you have intestinal problems at the moment ((((((((lavie))))))) I hope they go away soon But I'm so glad that your mood is still good!

I'm stressed at work today. I'm still not done re-creating the two months' worth of data that got "lost" in our accounting software. And I've hit a new snag. I had to work with our old bookkeeper today and she helped me sort out part of the snag. But it's not totally fixed and I still have tons more data to re-enter, plus I'm getting behind with current work. Trying to stay calm, but today I definitely feel stressed. I also feel a bit sick to my stomach.

The power is out at home due to the stormy weather. It's been out all day. I've been at work all day and luckily we do have power here. But I just called the electricity people and our power is still out at home and they don't know when it will be fixed.

I'm trying to stay in the moment and appreciate the fact that I do have electricity right now here at work. But I'm definitely feeling frazzled today!!!

Love to all

Sundog, sorry for all the stress you're under between the data entry and electricity being out. That's a lot to deal with. It's great that you're doing 2 sits a day. SS, I'm so glad that you have the joy of gardening. And it is hard to send metta to difficult people. Sometimes, the sincerity arrives after the fact. Sometimes, it doesn't arrive for the person, but the effort has sometimes softened my heart anyway.

The intestinal problem has after 4 months, finally gotten my attention. I have an app't with my gp this week, and will try to see a GI specialist.

Sorry too your day has been so stressful. I hope all the data entry work gets put behind you soon and you are able to get caught up with your other work. I can appreciate how overwhelming the situation must be for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Do your think your stomach is connected to anxiety? I know I will usually feel it in my stomach my anxiety is acting up.

I hope by the time you got home the power was back on. Sounds like quite the storm you are having. Blessing.

You make a good point Lavie. While it can be hard to pray with sincerity for difficult people I agree that the intention softens my own heart and I can see them in a different light.

I'm re-inspired this evening by the videos of Pema Chodron on Youtube. It's such a great resource. Not a replacement for meditation, but a step in quieting my mind, hopefully a prelude to meditation. I often fret about my difficulty with remembering and planting spiritual principles. It seems that kindness toward oneself is the cornerstone, because everything flows outward from there.

Being more able since last night to stay a step ahead of the fear thoughts has made a difference. What changed in one day that moved me from completely caught and tormented by fears to regaining some modest amount of skill in working with the thoughts more constructively? I don't understand the mysteries of the mind.

Thanks guys Power is back on at home! Yay!! And I'm well over half-way through the data re-entry now. Still feeling a bit queasy and my stomach feels weird. Definitely my stomach reacts to stress and anxiety so it could all be related.

I hope your GP can help with your stomach problems (((((((lavie))))))) So glad you're feeling so much better otherwise. I agree that the mysteries of the mind are unfathomable!!!!!!!

I also worry about not being able to internalize the spiritual principles. It's one reason I'm listening repeatedly to the Pema Chodron CD. I'm literally trying to drum it in to me! Really glad you've been watching some YouTube videos of her!

Love to all

(((((Sundog))))) I hope that your stomach problems ease soon. I agree. Stomach and intestinal problems are so related to stress. I've always had IBS symptoms, but I hope to get to the bottom (no pun intended) of this new problem soon. I'm glad you're more than halfway through all that data entry work.

((((((SS)))))))) Thanks for those beautiful moon shots. I hope that you're doing well and wish you many present moments in your garden.

I was able to sit and do metta for a few minutes this a.m. I'm listening to Pema on relating to fear on Youtube right now. I wish I could get her wisdom to be put into me through intravenous, that I could stay connected to 24/7, a steady dose of medicine for sanity and the soul. I guess it's not meant to be that easy.

I am not so well today. I felt the heavieness coming on last night. I did about 15 minutes of focused breathing and it easied some of the tension for a while. I did some again before bed and it helped me sleep. This morning it was present again but I couldn't settle my feelings enough to sit for very long.

It all got magnified when I couldn't sort out what to do about a schduling conflict. I tried to let it go for awhile but it kept dogging at me. I pulls me down when I can't sort out simple things. It causes me to grieve my former self who could problemsolve most anything and make decisions quickly while multi-tasking a half a dozen other things at the same time.

I know I should go for a walk so i can re-energize a little and get out of this pity party mode but I just don't have it in me today. I am at least returning to my breath continuously just to prevent a full on anxiety attack but it isn't helping with the spiralling down.

It crossed my mind last night when I first noticed the feelings of depression moving in that maybe I was enjoying myself too much in the garden and the joy I felt set off some mania. Maybe that makes no sense but I couldn't help wonder.

The phone just rang in the middle of this post and I had to race from my room to my office because my son didn't put the wireless back in my room. I just snapped at him about it and slammed my door when I returned to my room. Great... no I get to carry the guilt of loosing my cool over something so not worthy of such a response.

Anyways... it is what it is and this too shall pass. For now I am snuggled into my pity party with no energy to get out. I am going to give in to the urge to nap or at lease escape any more stimulation.

Oh great!! The neighbour is pounding away at something and even with my window closed the sound of a heavy hammer on a metal post is sending me into orbit. If it isn't one thing it is another. So much for a restful nap.

Sorry for dumping. I only intended to check in before laying down for a while. Maybe I can mask the sound of the hammer with an old movie on tv.

Wishing you well and continued growth. Be well.

WARNING.... more senseless venting.

I just got a call back from mental health about my scheduling conflict. I had called to see if somehow they could switch my morning appointment on Thursday to the afternoon. My ex is coming to visit with a sister who is not expected to live much longer. He emailed me this morning that his flight comes in Thursday morning. At rush hour no less. I feel the anxiety alreay. As i mentioned I fussed over what to do until I finally come up with the thought that maybe I could switch times with someone for a later appointment.

No such luck. She offered me an apointment for late next month but as luck would have it I will be travelling home that day from delivering a workshop. Why is it that the only 2 days I have something schedule on an otherwise totally empty schedule luck would have it there is a conflict. So now my pdoc appointment, the one I was anxious to have as a 2nd opinion on my dx and before I made any changes to the drug therapy, and now I am waiting until the end of May.

My voice was already starting to quiver while tears began to pour down my cheeks at the news so I quickly ended the conversation. I am too upset to be unloading this here but my laptop was open and my journal is on the other side of the room. I needed to at least reduce the internalizing.

I wish that stupid hammering would just stop already!!! And now my son is gaming with high volume. I don't dare ask him to turn it down. I can't risk what venum might escape my lips if I dared open my mouth or left the room to slam more doors.

Can't go outside to the hammer, can't stay inside with the noise.

Okay.... deep breath.... time to separate from this insanity I feel. Not sure how so maybe my brain will find a way to take me somewhere else for a while.

It is interesting how when I need self care the most I refuse to give it to myself. I seem to prefer to punish and hate myself instead. I feel like I have no right to care for myself when I have brought this onto myself by making mountains out of molehills. Other people cope with so much bigger things (recovering scads of lost data for example.... working every day....) and me I crumble under the least bit of pressure. Okay enough of this babbling. I will recover.... again.

(((((((SS)))))))), I'm sorry to hear that your mood has taken a downswing. I hope that it passes through quickly. I don't think that it's self-pity to feel bad and let others know about it. One thing good about these moods, they change (like everything else in life).

I realize that I've been mistakenly waiting for my mind to be quieter before getting back to sitting meditation, not wanting to sit with the discomfort of a restless mind and heavy emotions. But, that is the point. I'm about to do some progressive muscle relaxation and guided meditation as a prelude to sitting. I hope everyone's well.

Thanks Lavie. It has been a rough night but tomorrow is another day. I don't think I have actually been meditating per say. Maybe I don't really understand it. I tend to just make it up as I go. Guided meditation, like guided yoga seems to always feel like a mental exercise then anything else. I think I have been mixing up the focused breathing and moments of mindlessness with real meditation. Its not so important really or maybe I just think that way because I haven't really discovered you yet. Kind of funny if you think about it.

I think I am being non-sensical right now but at least I am feeling more settled and able to sit quietly with my breath so i will do that somemore and head off the bed.

Wishing you well and showers of joyful blessings to us all. peace.

(((((((((((((((ss))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you've had such a difficult day. Your neighbor's hammering must have been the last straw. The scheduling conflict sucks, and now it sounds like you're having to wait 2 months for your next pdoc appointment?

I really hear you on the tendency to beat yourself up instead of being gentle with yourself when you need it most. I do that too. A lot. I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling more settled this evening. You sooooo deserve some peace When you say here that you make mountains out of molehills and crumble under pressure, I don't see you like that at all!!!! Wow, I think you're amazingly strong. Among many other things, you have a son!!

I really hope you have a peaceful evening ((((((ss))))))))).

Lots of love to you and (((((((((lavie))))))))) And (((((((SunSun))))))) if you're reading

Thank you sun. I am feeling lighter and more 'adult' this morning. A restless sleep but not complaining. I have been sleeping so well lately what's one bad night.

I appreciate you seeing strengths in me where I only see weakness. I will settle for somewhere in the middle. While laying in bed this morning looking out my window and listening to the birds chirping the sounds of spring a thought came to me. When things overwhelm me like events did yesterday it is as though I become this little girl who won't take her medicine. Even knowing it will make her feel better she just refuses. That is how I was yesterday. Knowing doesn't always translate into doing.

I thought some more too about what Lavie shared about waiting for the mind to be quieter, for the restlessness, discomfort and heavy emotions to settle before entering into a sit. It follows the same vein in a way.... like if you have a sore throat and you wait until you can swallow without it hurting before you take the syrup that will make it feel better. The syrup may still be a benefit but not nearly as beneficial as when the throat is inflamed and really needing relief.

Is a new day..... now I am echoing Jennifer Hudson (get it? Her weight watchers song.... lol) The twin to my statement yesterday..... 'tomorrow is another day' (last line spoken by Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind)

Thanks again Sun and Lavie for your patience with me and your kindness. I appreciate your support very very much.

I hope any stressers in your day are dispursed like the clouds by a gentle breeze.

I was a little too self absorbed yesterday to do much to acknowledge the Spring Equinox so here is a belated recognition of the gifts waiting us all in the coming months.

This is good ... consider me in too!

Welcome welcome welcome!! Happy to have you here. Feel free to share with us your own experiences with meditation and anything else that is on your heart to share.

We have a second cyber group meditation planned for Wed. March 30th 2pm PST/5pm EST. It is when we all come together to meditate for 10 to 15 minutes all at the same time. The energy we receive from one another is uplifting. I hope you can join us.

I am from southwestern Canada so nice to have another Canuck here too.