Meditation anyone? 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks... you in?

I'm new to the forums. I signed up to try to find something that would inspire me to do something good for myself. I'm going to give this meditating a try. I'll catch up on the posts a little at a time to see what's transpired to date. Glad ya'll are out there.

Welcome AmIAm. We love to see new folks join us here and share the blessings of doing this together. I look forward to getting to know you and I hope it does inspire you to do things that are good for you. We desire it. Being your own best friend and honouring your right to take care of yourself can be a wonderful gift.

Wishing you peace and wellness.

hi AmIAm. Glad you are here !!!
I dont know if anyone posted this before I started reading this thread. But there is a downloadable "mindfulness clock". You can configure the (Zen) bell to sound at any intervals you choose. When the bell sounds, you can stop, if you choose, and just be in the moment. Or do whatever you would want in that moment. Thich Nhat Hanh and his people stop. Each time the bell sounds. ( I think its every 15 minutes) And be completely in the moment, breathing in and out, for about 10 or 15 seconds. Then they resume what they were doing. They will even stop mid sentence if the bell sounds mid sentence. That was odd for me to experience for the first time.

Anyway, I found a downloadable clock quite a while ago. But I eventually uninstalled it because my computer is very old. So I have to be careful about larger files. This one seemed to take up a bit of space. But it was very good. Quite a reminder to be in the moment. Breathing in and breathing out.
http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/mindfulclock.html

^Interesting idea...

I have a clock that ticks loudly and chimes the hours and half-hours. I can zone out (zone in?) by focussed listening. Maybe it functions as a sort of subliminal mindfulness clock. Or something...

Hi everyone, Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do re posts. My concentration and reading is poor these days, but I did manage to notice my surroundings briefly on a walk near woods today, and for a few moments here and there took in the frozen beauty of crystallized branches. My inner brat has been refusing all manner of therapeutic "work" and effort, including sitting and attending my local sangha. Time for some tough love.

Thank you for the link sunset. I checked it out and downloaded it but then I saw this page from the site that lets you use the clock without needed to download anything. This must be something new hey. That can solve your storage problem.

http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/bell/index.html

I love this idea. Unfortunately my hypersensitivity to sounds caused my anxiety to rise by the sound of the bells. Dang it! A cat purring would work for me lol....so long as it faded in gradually.

The clock you speak of wingin'it would put me over the edge. A friend of mine has a grandfather clock and I always have to make sure I am out of the room when it is due to chime or they would be picking me up from the floor.

Hi Lavie,
I am sorry to hear your concentration and reading is poor. Boy can I relate. I know when I have to keep rereading something over and over again as I struggle to absorb any of it that it is time to do something else. I hope things settle for you soon.

It was great to hear you managed to stay mindful on your walk in the woods and were blessed by the beauty around you. One of my favourite places to be.

Tough love.... that's a good way to describe those times when we are resistant to doing the work. It is just as you say, like our inner brat acting up. Good luck with putting her in her place again. Patience mom lol.

May the peace and surenity you seek find you soon.

Hi AmIAm! Welcome to this thread! It's great to have you here

Love the beautiful, serene picture you've posted here ((((((SunSun))))))

I'm really interested to hear that meditating in a chair is a recognized form of meditating. That is my preferred way to meditate (largely because I'm just not flexible enough to sit in anything approaching a Lotus Position and even sitting on a zafu (meditating cushion) with yoga blocks supporting my knees is uncomfortable after about 2 minutes!) I'm going to look up the Berkeley Psychic Institute online! It's just down the road from me!!

Really hope you have a good sit tonight ((((((((SunSun))))))))))

PS: Thanks also for the Sangha link!

Oh yes I meant to mention that too. I feel liberated to know it is okay to meditate in a chair. Thanks for that Sunset. Boy you guys sure know your stuff. I feel like I am reading a foreign language trying to obsorb it all.

That is so cool sun that you are so close to the Institute. I hope you get a chance to visit and I can't wait to here about it.

While surfing through google images last night I came across an interesting web site. I haven't looked at it very closely but on the home page it talks about chakra meditations. That was what I referred to some 20 pages back when I mentioned the finger action I incorporate into my meditation.

Here is a link if you are interested. I see on the menu mention of the sangha too.

http://www.purplebuddha.co.uk/meditation.html

Thank you so much for this beautiful post. It is so wise and insightful and I really appreciate it

I also feel the same as you do about this thread. I love that it has become a safe place for us to really open up about very personal feelings and experiences. And to offer and receive feedback and support to one another. I value that so much.

What you say here is really insightful and I think you're right on:

This is also why I worry about taking tranquilizers (in case they shut me down even more). On the other hand, the panicky feelings are so bad sometimes that they feel almost completely intolerable. I have taken Ativan on occasion. And, obviously, I didn't stop breathing!!! I do worry about this though......

Do you take any kind of sedative? (If you don't mind me asking).

Thanks so much for those links!! I will look forward very much to checking them out. I definitely need more help with my anxiety. It's the single biggest psychiatric problem I'm facing. I feel on edge almost all the time. Even when I'm not doing anything remotely anxiety-provoking. When something anxiety-provoking does happen, I fall apart. It's proving really hard to make any significant headway with this. In fact, I would say, I'm going backwards. Because I've started avoiding a lot of things due to my anxiety. That was a big mistake and I wish I hadn't started doing that.

As you and lavie have suggested, I think I really do need to meditate on my anxiety. Rather than trying desperately to "feel better", I need to look more deeply at the thing I'm wanting to feel better from.

I'm really sorry about the noises triggering you so badly. I can definitely relate to part of this. I really crave silence a lot of the time, and I feel my stress levels shooting up when I'm exposed to a lot of noise......

I really hope you had a better night last night. I was on here late too, but then I had to sign off abruptly because one of my doggies got really sick. That sent me into an absolute tailspin panic-wise, and it was a really bad night. The good thing is that Bucky seems to be doing better today

Thank you so much again for this thread!! ((((((((ss)))))))

PS: Thanks too for the beautiful image of the balanced stones in your other post!

I love the sound of this!!!! Thank you!! (((((((SunSun)))))))

My meditations lately have been quite informal. It seems to suit me better. I prefer to just rest in a state of mindlessness rather then to have to think about a particular form or process. I would probably benefit from a class or two but then I would have to overcome my discomfort around groups of people first. A bit of a catch 22. lol

Lots of pulling away from pressure moments to return to my centre. It still amazes me how effective it can be to just stop for a minute or two whether triggered or not to just be with my breath. I have never taken so many deep breaths in my life.

I wonder if this happens for anyone else but almost every time I take a deep breath to bring me back to centre I have the biggest yawn(s). I know yawning has something to do with oxygen flow in the lungs so it makes sense I guess.

I had some lovely visions appear while laying in bed before turning over to sleep. Siince we started our meditations I have made it a practice to give myself time to find my breath again. To relax in the calm until I feel ready to sleep. Even when sleep is slow to come I don't get restless and further struggle with sleep. Instead I am able to stay in that place of mindless peace and allow sleep to come when it comes. When my eyes are closed in this calm relaxed state I will often see things that draw me into their beauty.

The vision usually comes to me from what starts as a pin prick of light that grows the longer I look into it. Last night it grew into a beautiful flower. The really interesting part is that as it grew it became 3 dimensional. It was so real I could even smell its sweet fragrance.

I think I probably feel asleep smiling. Such a welcomed contrast to those times when the disturbing images, flashing lights and piercing sounds will strick panic in my heart and eventually push me out of bed to escape the madness.

As you might remember I sometimes use mandalas or sacred circles in my world for meditation. I am not sure if it was yesterday or another day but I found that I only needed to look at the circle directly for a few minutes. If I then closed my eyes it would unfold before me as though my eyes were opened and I was looking at the real thing. It would move and transform the same way as the real thing.

The beauty in this was that there were no tears to cope with. When I look at something intently with my eyes open they usually start to water up and even sting a little bit. Only slightly distracting to the exercise.

Here is something else I have been meaning to share. I have been told by Elders and Spiritual Teachers that I am a see-er. I have the gift of seeing things others don't. I suppose psych science would suggest they were hullicinations but they would be wrong.

The gift is most pronounced when I look at things in nature. We all have layed in the grass and looked up to the clouds and seen within them all manner of things from elephants to dinasaurs to anything else the shapes might suggest. It is like that.

Just outside my front door is a high mountain cliff. Among the carved out rocks I see images of animals (my favourite a large eagle head, another a grizzle bear and still another a big salmon jumping out of the water), masks (from among a range of indigenous cultures) distorted faces that are sometimes cartoony among others more realistic. I call these my power rocks because spending time with them pulls me up and reignites my fire. I would leave an offering in my medicine wheel and get back to what I was doing. The same thing happens when I go to the river and look at the river rocks or it can even happen when I am sitting on the toilet looking down at the squiggly lines on the tiles. Everywhere I look that has movement of lines I can find a face. I know the toilet is probably too much information. lol

I love this gift because it takes me to a happy peaceful place. In my ancestral culture it is believed that our ancestors transform into things of nature. All around us on the tops of the mountains you can see the profile of great chiefs resting above us. Or on cliff sides you can see a profile of them standing as though guarding the gates as we pass through. Almost every territory has at least one mountain they call Chief's Mountain.

GREAT to see you (((((((((((lavie)))))))))))))) I'm so glad you enjoyed your walk today. I so hear you on the inner brat......Much love to you (tough and otherwise)

Here are some pics of my power rocks. The image of course will change with the weather. Do you see what I see? ;



This one is a close up with the big eagle pretty much centre in the frame. Can you see it too?



Look into it long enough and it becomes a feast for the eyes and a gift to the spirit.

Blessings.

I had a big panic last night when one of my dear doggies started being really sick. I am pretty pathetic when my dogs get ill and I fall apart anxiety-wise. I can't stand to see them suffering. And my mind flies to all kinds of worst-case scenarios. We had a really big health-scare with Bucky a few years ago and he almost died, so I really worry about a recurrence of that when he gets ill.

Anyhow, suffice to say, I didn't get much meditation done - or much sleep! - last night. Though I did try to observe my feelings, and my breathing, while I was lying in bed.

It really strikes me how my thoughts are very often my worst enemies. I think something really important for me to keep working on is finding a way to make my thoughts become my allies. Also, instead of trying to run away from the horrible feelings, I need to try and find a way to show the feelings some compassion. Even the really bad ones. Especially the really bad ones (I know that ultimately I also need to give up judging my feelings as good or bad, but I'm light years away from that at this point and compassion feels like a slightly more realistic goal).......

Thankfully, Bucky is doing better today. He was very poorly last night, shaking and panting and obviously distressed (in addition to the vomiting). I wanted to take him to the emergency vet but hubby suggested we wait it out and he did a great job of calming Bucky down and lying with him for most of the night. I'm so grateful that Bucky is doing better, but I'm still completely wiped out by the panic I got myself into last night, as well as the lack of sleep. I have felt unwell today.

Another thing that strikes me is that I have very few inner reserves. I think it's because I spend most of the time feeling anxious, even when there is nothing specific to feel anxious about. Then, when something anxiety-provoking does happen, I have nothing to draw on because I'm already burned out.

I have a lot to meditate on!!!!!!!!

Love to all

Wow! Love seeing your Power Rocks (((((ss))))) What awesome photos. Thank you for sharing them here. Also loved learning more about your ancestral heritage and hearing about your ability to see things, especially faces and animal forms in the natural world around you. What a wonderful gift

I'm so happy for you that you have recently been seeing beautiful images when you lie in bed and are no longer having the disturbing visions. What you described with the flower and being able to smell the fragrance is amazing.

PS: I'm not sure about the yawning thing. I'll have to give that some more thought.....

Awesome! Thank you!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundog This is also why I worry about taking tranquilizers (in case they shut me down even more). On the other hand, the panicky feelings are so bad sometimes that they feel almost completely intolerable. I have taken Ativan on occasion. And, obviously, I didn't stop breathing!!! I do worry about this though......

I am not so sure you need to worry about taking tranquilizers. Remember they are aids to help you cope. The intension is to relieve symptoms long enough for you to adopt other coping skills. Like meditation and mindlessness.

Your anxiety levels are pretty high these days and it would seem to me if you can get some relief from meds that will make it easier for you to turn more of your attention to developing and practicing new coping mechanisms then it has real value.

In time, as your skills improve and their benefits for you become more apparent then you will likely find you need the sedative less and less. Now may not be that time.

Of course one must always be mindful of the addiction factor. We don't want to replace one concern for another but I think this is only a real concern for people who think the med can excuse them from finding healthier, and in the long term more effective treatment. I don’t see you as one of those people who is going to use medication to avoid the work. If anything you seem more inclined to make it harder for yourself by trying to go without the aide of medication when it may well be your best course of action. It isn’t the perfect way, and yea, I am with you, I would rather not need meds at all but we both know it is not that black at white.

I don't personally take any kind of sedative. I have a history of abusing psych meds of any kind so I stay away from them to avoid the potential risk. It has no doubt made my journey tougher in some ways, or at least dragged recovery out by years, then it might otherwise been, but at least I am still around.

As it was it took me almost 10 years with never ceasing major episodes and symptoms debilitating me before I gave into trying even a mood-stabilizer. That was just a few months ago and like when I held out for 2 years before taking something to level out my thyroid, within days I was asking myself, 'So why did you wait so long?.... awe... that nasty fear bug hit you again hey.'

I totally agree with you. I think among all the other symptoms anxiety is the worst of the worst to work through. It can flare up so fast or cling on so tight that whether constant or sudden it makes day to day life a zillion times more difficult.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundog It's proving really hard to make any significant headway with this. In fact, I would say, I'm going backwards. Because I've started avoiding a lot of things due to my anxiety. That was a big mistake and I wish I hadn't started doing that.

I wonder if you aren't being too hard on yourself here? Nay.... you would never to that. Perhaps if you were to recognize the component of self care avoiding actually represents in your recovery you might look at it differently.

I know when my anxiety was at its worse for a long period of time, both constant and triggered suddenly, like yours is now, that the list of things I 'needed' to avoid to prevent a meltdown seemed to grow every day. It was upsetting to me when people, with all good intentions, would tell me I had to stretch out of my cocoon. I knew they were right on some level but I also knew I needed to avoid additional triggers that I knew from experience I might not be able to mange without an episode. Avoid; prevent.... they are not so very different. It is a matter of perspective, timing and balance don't you think?

One thing I have been learning along the way is that I have gotten so accustomed to retreating and avoiding situations that are known triggers that it became automatic. I now make a point of checking in with myself faced with a new challenge. when challenged to step out to see if I might be able to cope after all. By checking in with myself I am able to differentiate between habit and self care. My immediate response to retreat is challenged with compassion. If I think I am up for it then I give myself that extra bit of encouragement and I venture outside my safety zone. If I am not up for it, well that is okay too. Maybe next time. Recovery is one baby step at a time.

I think when we show ourselves kindness, shower ourselves with compassionate, express self love and practice good self care that we are better able to hear the nurturing voice inside of us encouraging and comforting us along the way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundog As you and lavie have suggested, I think I really do need to meditate on my anxiety. Rather than trying desperately to "feel better", I need to look more deeply at the thing I'm wanting to feel better from.

Couldn’t agree with you more. I hope some of the information in the article can help you understand its application. When you face it head on and examine it closely that anxiety starts to look smaller and weaker and not nearly as insurmountable and frightening as you have experienced up till now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sundog This is also why I worry about taking tranquilizers (in case they shut me down even more).

Do you think maybe if you were to take the tranq earlier the fear of shutting down would be less dominate a worry for you?

Thank you for your good wishes for a good sleep tonight. Back at ya’. I am so sorry to hear about Bucky being sick. I can imagine how stressful that was for you. I am a mother and I gotta say when my bubba was taken I could not have been more grief stricken then if he was my own child. I suppose some might be shocked by that and think no way, a pet is a pet, your child is your child, you can’t compare the two. But love is love and when someone we love is hurting we hurt too.

I am so glad Bucky is feeling better today. What a relief hey.

Well I have come to the end of my rambling and it looks like much as been posted since I began replying so I might squeeze in a bit of reading. What the heck I am an hour past my bedtime already what’s another 15 or 30 minutes going to matter.

I just wrote a long response to what people said. And then my email, which I was using to compose it, went wacky. So I lost it. I will give you the cliff notes of what I said. Sundog, I am glad your dog is doing better. I completely understande how it feels for the mind to always be going to the place of worse scenario. This is my life.

SS I also feel the same way about my pets. They were family members. My heart doesnt know the difference when I loves a family member. Of course having a child is different. After all animals do not live as long as humans, etc. But still my heart loves deeply. I also do not have self love. So my love is projected outward.

I am glad that you know that there is the option to sit on a chair when you meditate. Many teachers I know teach to do it that way. I use a method called "running your energy". I am not recommending anyone study at Berkley Psychic insitute. I do not know what it is like today. So I would never personally recommend it.

Thank you for the link for mindfulness clock that I do not have to download. How wonderful is that !! I am sorry that sound is such a challenge for you. Have you ever read about HSP? "The Highly sensitive person". Sound sensitivity is a very common trait for a HSP.
SS I am so impressed with how you self monitor your behaviors. To try to not allow your anxiety and avoidance to take the drivers seat all the time. I have " Avoidant Personality disorder". So reading your words is quite impressive to me.

Oh I am sureeeee there was more I wrote before it was so rudely messed with in the email. Yes I remember one other thing. There is a teacher named Sonia Choquette who says that when someones thoughts are running the show, they can just sing. That when we are singing ( it must be out loud) the monkey mind cannot also be running. Thought that was interesting.

Anyway, I wish everyone more peace of mind, healing and love that you have in your heart, returned to you 100 fold.
Below is a picture of Sister Chan Khong. She is Thich Nhat Hanhs right hand person. And is a truly amazing person. Her autobiography is very inspirational

Thanks so much for this post (((((((ss))))))))) I definitely try and hold out without meds too.......I wonder what that's about????? Thanks for your vote of confidence re my ability to do the work.

I'm really glad the mood stabilizer is helping you. And I really hope the increased thyroid meds help too