Everyone............

My darling Mary Alice
I have been gone over the last few weeks, i have had lots going on. But I sure miss you. I just wish I had been on more lately, and pm'd you more.
I feel like I have failed you as a friend..
I know you are hurting very baldy.

I want to hold you so you do not forget how much l love you.
I want your pain to go away, I do not want to see you scared.
I care so much about you.
I just do not know how to help anymroe.
i have been so stressed out lately, that i have forgot to ask about you.
Someone lead me to here and I was and still am in tears over your pain.
We have been so close.. and I regreat not trying harder to be a better freind to you so you could have someone in 3D to talk to..

Mary ALice I am so so sorry
Please find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a second chance to be a good freind to you..
I can be on more over the next few weeks.
I love and care for you a great deal..
I hope you do not leave us completly. I would miss you ever so much

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Daughter Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

I have faith in you, Sweetie. I know you can do it if you decide to turn your life around. That's not to say that you have one hell of a road ahead of you. I know you do. The outter scars are much easier to heal than the inner ones, but it's not an impossibility. That's down the road, though.

There are just too many people that care deeply about you for you to think that you are the failure. Maybe you're not in the possition to nurture your little girl, but the rest of us are... and we do. Tell her what we say, what we see in her. Let that be the beginning.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Baby Mary Alice, you're a beautiful child. You're deserving of love, respect, joy and caring. Please accept my love for you.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Just want you to know that I am always thinking of you. I feel helpless too not being able to do enough to help you feel better. You really can have a better life if you make a few changes and accept the good things, even if there are still troubles too. You are a good person, you are good at so many things - helping people here, taking care of Alex (he loves you so much - you have earned his love), your job and working with the people under you there (congratulations on the raise!).

Love,
Wendy

p.s. I might not be on the computer much this week or next, because my husband has some vacation time from work and he thinks he should get a turn too. But I'll be checking in as I can, and my thoughts are always with you.

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}

This is one of the reasons I have been silent for awhile - I did not want anyone to be upset or feel badly.

You have NOT upset me or failed me in any way. I have failed myself and the people around me. That is not your fault. You are entitled to a wonderful life with your family, esp. around the holidays.

There is nothing to forgive - I love you dearly and that hasn't changed one little bit. I would give anything just to be held and to cry my heart out, but that isn't going to happen. You can't help me, my friend, only I can do that.

I see my T tomorrow, probably for the last time esp. since he goes on vacation soon. It will be difficult, but that's okay.

Please stop thinking that you could have done anything. It's okay.

Love,

me

::::::::::tears streaming down cheeks::::::::::::::::

No one has ever said that to me before, thank you so very much Tomi. You're so good to me [sigh].

I stayed at work for 16 hours today just to be safe......I had to do prep this morning and without thinking about it, had the knife against my wrist and made a cut.....I stopped myself from doing more, but it really jolted me.

I hadn't been paying attention and I just did it without thinking, and at work of all places. Feels like I am just tuning out now and doing things - not good.

I love you, Tomi.......you're the best.

xoxox

{{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you for caring so much......don't feel helpless. Some things you can't change. I think the keyword in your sentence is "accept the good things".

Alex is a wonderful child - he makes it very easy for me to do well with him. Thanks about the raise.

Don't worry about being on to check in.......enjoy the time with your family and the holiday.

{{{{{{{{{loads of kisses}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Please read this ((((Mary Alice)))), again & again, and, tomorrow, tell your T that you need to go in the hospital. Please do this! <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.suicidal.com>http://www.suicidal.com</A>

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

{{{{{{{{{{{ Mary Alice }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I love you ever so much.
I would hate to see you alone..
I wish I could be there for you in 3D so I could hold you tll you could cry no more. for I would never ever let you go.
I would be there when you came home from work just awating your return, so you wouild a smiling face.. I would even have your dinner ready..
I mean all of this .. i hope you know that from the tip of my heart to the bottom of my soul...

We are made for each other as freinds.. I love you and am wishing you the best during this trying time you are going through..

hugs and more hugs to you

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

Thanks, Jill. I looked thru it and marked it. There are numerous sites that I have marked so that I can go and read them when it gets really bad. One of the reasons I'm at work so much these days.

xoxox

{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ty.

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Precious Child}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

In some ways, I'm sorry my words made you cry but in others, I'm glad my words reached your heart. You can believe them. They are true... not only from my heart but from others, here, too.

We all love you! This many people can't be wrong, Dear Girl. We love you because you are worthy of love!

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Baby Mary Alice, you are welcome in our world. You are loveable, you are competent, you have a beautiful heart, you are intelligent, you are capable}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>






Wise men still seek Him.

You are very welcome.

I hope you have a wonderful holdiay this week.

Oh, I love you

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

MaryAlice - I never go into the SI room, but I saw your name as the person who posted last, so I dropped in to see how you are doing. And I was really shocked -- I mean, I knew that things have not been going well for you, but I didn't realize it was THIS bad. MA - I am so sorry about all this -- I know that there isn't anything I can do to help you, but please know that you are in my thoughts and I am hoping that better times arrive soon.

LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

Thanks, LMo..................I appreciate your concern.

Have a wonderful Christmas.

Mary Alice

You'll be in my thoughts this Christmas, Mary Alice. Really hoping that things get better for you and {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you and Alex,

Love,
Fuzzy xx

{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

The best Xmas to you also, ty......

xoxo

Hello... we haven't met... I'm a newbie. Thank you for sharing, if you hadn't I wouldn't have a clue as to your situation. You are carrying so much emotional pain, and I'm so sorry you are struggling so! SI is such a misunderstood action... I do understand some though. My T. has helped with similar issues and I found that by "telling myself" that I have a very caring T. I don't need to express my [whatever-pain, anger, frustration-] through my actions that are unacceptable to me. It's one of those, okay self, I feel like I need to [ ] but I have someone who listens and cares, and gives me all the help and attention I can handle.. I don't need to take this out on "myself" (or others...) and I can express it differently. I t has helped, especially with my PTSD and stress reactions that are totally inappropriate... it (I) speaks to my unconscious and helps to change things. Maybe it might help a little for you?
If you must SI, you must do so safely. Give yourself permission perhaps that while you still do, you will only do so with proper safety precautions (like sterilzing the area and stopping the result asap.) Please stay, and post again. You sound like a real friend to others here... and maybe we can be also ; }

hi Sky, welcome to the boards. I appreciate your concern.

My T is calling me every day as I am very close to the edge and have been for awhile. We are battling over hospitalizing me again, since I am not able to control my impulses anymore. I simply do them and don't care about the outcome.

I am around, just not posting alot. I don't want to upset people here by really venting, so I am quiet - just screaming inside my own head.

It's nice to meet you.........you need anything, just holler.

Mary Alice

Hi, I am also a newbie here. I came to this section because I wanted to understand SI. I don't injure myself but I do suffer from depression, so I think I can understand part of your pain.

I felt compelled to respond to your post because your situation has touched my heart. To know you are in such emotional pain - I wish I could do something to help you!

I have a friend who's mother has a strange effect on me - every time I am around her, I end up crying. She would hold me, stroke my hair, and say "it's ok, let it out". Then I would cry even harder. I never understood until I had been to counseling that the reason she always made me cry was that she was NUIRTURING me - a foreign concept to my inner child!! I had never had anyone do that before - I was always told to just stop crying, or I would be ignored and left alone when I cried. I wish I could - or someone could - do this for you until all your tears have fallen and the pain has been alleviated, even if only temporarily.

My heart breaks for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep posting - from what I have seen so far, these are really wonderful supportive people who will do their best to be here for you.

Take care.

{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}

I want you to know that I am thinking of you hun. How are you doing???? I tried to send you a pm but received an error message that you are unable to accept pm's? Is everything ok?

Happy New Year to you hun.


Heather

Thanks Heather, happy New Year to you also.

I corrected the problem with PMs, thank you for letting me know.

Mary Alice

How did your New Year's Eve and New Year's Day go, Mary Alice? You worked, right? Was it busy?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
(never can have too many)

Wendy

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

How are you doing, Hun? You're always on my mind and in my heart.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thinking of you, Fuzzy xx

{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}}

Can never have too many hugs, ty

Yes, I closed on the Eve and reopened on the 1st. Busy doesn't begin to describe it. People were everywhere and the worst part - they didn't leave till almost closing time.......lol.

How was yours?

xoxo