I just dont feel the need to stop.

I have been a cutter since the 8th grade... so thats what, 13 years old? I'm 22 now. So thats going on 10 years.

And it has been off and on. There were times when I was just ok for awhile, and times when I thought that I had quit. There was once a realization of how it hurt other people when I did it... that was when I felt the most appreciated by others and actually saw the selfishness of it.

But then I fell into yet another abusive relationship and since then that mindset has been out the window.

And when it started, I feel like it was more valid and legitamate than it has become. It started when I had nowhere to put extreme oppressed anger and depression, when I couldn't show or feel any emotions or it made me "crazy." Of course it turned into an addiction, we all know thats what it becomes.

Now it takes so little for me to want to. I also started getting into piercings.

I love the endorphins. I don't even feel the cuts anymore... but a short time later I feel the rush of the chemicals in my brain.

And I dont feel the need to stop. I just don't see the point. Its so normal to me now. How can it not be? Its been almost a decade. I have no desire to stop. I have friends who know... and they tell me not to... but nothing really actually gets through to me. The whole thing has lost its impact. Its not serious. I don't care.

This is probably bad.

Thoughts?

((Julie))

I can relate to your post. I have the same thoughts sometimes. I've been doing it so long, it's almost normal.

But I think the answer is that it's not healthy, and that there are better ways to cope. I think that we get into a schedule or a cycle, and even if it contains things like SI...it feels fine, because we come to accept it. At the same time, we know somewhere inside that these things are not good for us. That's why I keep fighting, anyway. I know that I can never feel "better" until I deal with whatever lies underneath the SI. That, and I'm not a huge fan of being addicted to anything, so that fact alone sort of bothers me enough to try and stop.

Those are my thoughts =)

I completely get what you are saying. I am the same, but am stopping because I have no choice.

However, every time you cut you run the risk of getting a major infection. An infection that could cause you to lose your hand or arm, and infection that could do damage to your organs or your brain. Wounds seem such a doddle to us SIers in a land of advanced medicine, but it only takes a few nasty pathogens and it can quickly go very nasty.

Also, my psychiatrist was explaining that many people have arteries that take funny routes. It is scarily easy to hit one by accident. Hit that and you could lose your hand again, or worse. You have probably noticed your cuts getting deeper over the years, and if you continue they will get deeper again.

Even if one is lucky to get away with it, it buggers up circulation, can make the skin go numb, stains the carpet, costs a fortune in dressings etc.

All in, it just isn't worth it. There are other ways to feel ok. It takes hard work and perseverance to find them and to make them effective, but it can be done.

And never forget that whilst cutting does "work" for a bit, it never works for long. It's not a solution by any means.

Right now you are letting it control you, whilst you could in time be free of that.

All the best,

XXXXX

julie... i know that place well... and i could come up with many reasons for you to stop...but when it comes to me... it is harder... when i get to this place ... i am there too right now... my t pulls out the pic of my grandbaby he keeps and asks me ... if it was her... what would you tell her... would you tell her it's her body and she isn't hurting anyone but herself ... it kind of puts it in perspective... the thought that she would feel anything close to this kind of pain breaks my heart...lyn