[SweetCrusader]

hey everybody,

even though i'm an si-er and this is probably overkill (lol!), i did a project on si for school (i'm a psych major) because i thought maybe learning more about it would help me overcome it. now, i'm putting together a little website on si, mostly just for siers. i also want to have a page for loved ones of people who si, and i do have a few ideas of what to say, but i want more. i thought this might be a good thing to invite you all to participate in. (maybe?) because it gives us all the opportunity to be heard about our si, i think.

what do you wish your loved ones would do and/or understand about si?

i would like to get some general ideas from you guys that i can formulate into suggestions for the page. i might group them together or reword them or rework them to fit what i'm going for, so please don't be offended by that. i just was hoping you guys could throw some ideas out there for me.

i will give you all the link to my pages when i'm done, too!

thanks so much,
Angela

[SweetCrusader]

oh, p.s., if anyone feels like this is offensive or borders on being research-related, please let me know. that is NOT my goal and i do NOT want to hurt or upset ANYONE. so i will ask a moderator to delete it if it is a problem, ok?

[Zenobia]

I wish they could understand that it isn't about hurting myself but rather about making myself NOT hurt so much or at other time making it so I can feel something.

I wish my husband could understand that it isn't his fault, that he is just an innocent bystander having to deal with my past.

I wish that when I do injure myself I could go to my husband, show him what I have done and then just be held because I think that is what I need most. Just quiet comfort and acceptance.
Carrie <font color="purple">

[SweetCrusader]

Thanks Carrie!

[PlanningtoLive]

That it doesn't have much to do with them, that it is mostly about me and trying to experience feelings or release some emotion.

They take it personally like I'm trying to hurt THEM, which is so far from the truth. I also would like to just be comforted and held - just to have acceptance.

[Rapunzel]

Besides that it isn't about them or to manipulate them or something like that, I'd like them to know that there are healthy reasons for it, even if the coping method is not ideal - it does serve a healthy function.

I can't remember what I've said when I tried to answer this question before. Sorry if I'm just repeating myself over and over.

[SweetCrusader]

Thank you, Rap and Planning! I appreciate the input I'm getting!

DocJohn has okayed this thread, btw, if anyone was wondering.

Angela

[fgh]

i wish i had someone to hold me that cared about me before i felt i had to si. nona

[SweetCrusader]

Thanks, Nona!

I know you don't feel like posting here helps. But I just want you to know that we are here for you here at psychcentral. And you don't only have to post in the si forum, either. You can post anywhere and you can express your feelings, if it helps. That is what we are here for.

Angela

[SylverFlames]

I wish that they would know that it has nothing to do with them, that it isn't because they aren't there for me, it's just something that I need to do.

I wish they would know that it isn't because I hate myself, or because I'm depressed or any of the usual stereotypes. I do it because the pain wakes me up, makes me feel again when I go numb, and gives me something else to think about.

And I agree with the others, I wish they would know that when I do it, I would like to be able to go to them and not worry about what they think, that they would just hold me and accept me.

[jetblackaura]

Just pretty much what everyone has said above.

My parents aren't aware that i SI but i have other "loved ones" who know and i guess i just wish i could tell them once i've done it and they'd accept it and not ask questions and just realise that i just need to be hugged or comforted.

Don't know if this helps any

[SweetCrusader]

Thanks Sylver and Jetblack!!

[ktp]

Angela:
I'm not sure if this is going to make sense, so please bear with me.

Sometimes it's just a way to remind myself that I am alive, especially when I'm numb or feel dead inside. When there's so much pain and other things going on in my head, it's a way to turn it into something real. Like the physical pain is real and it helps to ease the pain that's within me.

Not sure if that helps but the others had alot of great suggestions.

((Hugs))
Kimberly

[SweetCrusader]

Thanks Kimberly! Of course it makes sense!

((((hugs)))))
Angela

of all things, i have two that come to my mind now. i wish my mom could pick a medium between way over-reacting and playing it down. to her i'm either a psychopath, or si is just a joke.

another thing is that no matter what i felt toward a friend right at that point in time, no matter what happened to that relationship afterwards, i still wished that one of my friends would have thought enough to make something known about it. no matter how much i can make it seem like it's not so bad to my friends, it was always more serious than i could handle.

but unfortunately (yeah, right, unfortunately) i've quit therapy, so anything i do is hidden and gone unnoticed...yet again.

well that's my say. 1 more point, i think to little of everyone's knowledge, i am loser_child aka lc. finally changed my name. happy now? well, nite. lots of hugs.

[Rapunzel]

I like the new name better. It's nice to hear from you. How is school going now?

[SweetCrusader]

Hey I'm glad you changed your name!

I was thinking about you a while ago, because I hadn't seen you hanging around anywhere, and I was wondering how you're doing.

Thanks for your input, sleepyhead!

Angela

[blackdragon]

i have a web site with some poems on si (u haft to read them to figure them out) but for ur website u can put some of my poems on...

my site is http://blackdragon2187.tripod.com

i put more on there from time to time but u have permission to put them on... there written at the times of the urges and u kind of get a insite inside my mind..

i will stop talking now.

[SweetCrusader]

Thank you, blackdragon!! I will check out your site! I don't have a place for poems about si at the moment, but that could be a future possibility.

Thanks again!
Angela

[PlanningtoLive]

This last time it was also to feel genuine sensation, not that "surface" stuff that I go thru on a day to day basis.

Some action finally penetrated the mask and I really experienced some emotion.........just some more 2 cents worth.

Mary Alice

[SweetCrusader]

(((((Mary Alice))))))

[SweetCrusader]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

another thing is that no matter what i felt toward a friend right at that point in time, no matter what happened to that relationship afterwards, i still wished that one of my friends would have thought enough to make something known about it. no matter how much i can make it seem like it's not so bad to my friends, it was always more serious than i could handle.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

hey sleepy head, could you tell me more about this one? i'm not sure if i understand.

and I also forgot to give you hugs back! ((((hugs))))

[SweetCrusader]

((((blackdragon)))))

i love your site. and i love all your poems to your kitties. they are so sweet. i can really feel your love for them, and see how that love has helped you in your life.

i would like to use some of your poems, and link to your site. i will pm you to talk about it, ok?

thanks,
Angela

hey sweet Crusader. I was just rambling on again. Just of...yesterday, i think, i haven't been in the good moods i have been in for the past few weeks.

anyway, all i was saying by that was about how my si all got out to my family and such. in the back of my mind this whole year, i've been secretly wanting for someone just to turn me in. even if that would've killed our friendship or what not. it's not that easy for me to ask for help, and i wasn't that desperate. but it seems to me, that we all have that one friend that knows and is just kinda dissappointed when they see new cuts or what not, and i played my si down to my friends. just tell them it's not that bad, or i could've done worse, or i was just bored. i've just wished that someone would care enough to have said something, or done something.

i eventually was turned in, by someone halfway across the country. long story. with the distance, he couldn't really prove anything, so when the cops came to my door, i showed them the smaller cut, not the larger one still bleeding. well, 3 weeks ago, i quit seeing the therapist that i've seen only 5 times since june. apparently, from the way things are going now, it didn't work. probably b/c i'm supposed to instantly learn to trust this guy with all of my info. yeah, right. most of what i told him was lies.

well now, i'm still waiting for someone to say something. and after 3 years of not maintaining a steady weight, it's breaking me down. so that's my pity story. i think i've wasted enough time and space. this probably doesn't make sense either. anything i need to clarify, just ask. lots of hugs...nite.

[SweetCrusader]

((((((sleepy))))) actually this did make sense. And now that I've read this, the other post should've made sense, too!

I still hold to what I told you in chat that night, like AGES ago, that your T didn't know what he was doing with si. It is WAY hard to trust that much initially, and anyone who's worked with si knows that this is even more true for people who si. At least that's my take on it. I still struggle with trust a LOT, and I have known my T for 4 going on 5 years now! (Although I've only been in about 5 months consecutive of therapy, she's been a big part of my life in other contexts through that whole time. I knew her for a couple years and somewhat trusted her before I went to therapy).

Anyway, please do not ever feel bad about taking up time and space! You are entitled to it and I would rather read pages and pages of posts from you for hours and hours on end than to have you feel alone and unsupported. I mean that. Don't take it lightly. We are all here for you on psychcentral, ok?

Take care, sleepy head.

Goodnight!
Angela