sexual self abuse

Hi,
this is very hard for me right now because i am having great difficulty controlling my urges right now. I abuse myself by seeking out sexual abuse from others. does anyone else here do this?

I am having a very hard time becauae I want to go to this bar we know and pickup/getpicked upbut anyone. I know this is dangerous but that's why we do it.
please help me figure out how to stop this.

trisha (listener)

i really get what you mean by your saying that you look for abuse. its easier to sink into old habits than to make new ones... no matter how bad they are... for me that is starting to cut again... and being depressed... (though i've been extremely motivated in getting myself out of that one) for some reason, when something bad happens, it almost feels good to sink back into depression... thats the comparison i am making to your seeking of sexual abuse. I am racking my brain for suggestions on how to break away from it... but it is so hard sometimes....

::mind blank::

first, i guess the thing to pinpoint would be why you seek out the abuse... and i guess thats what i just went over already... so lets see if we can find a step number two....

well, here is something i do... i write the words "will power" on a thick rubber band and put it around my wrist to remind myself... i hadn't really though about it until after i made it, but i suppose, when i show a lack of will power i could snap it on myself... just to kinda make it sink in that i need to try harder, ya know? So theres one suggestion... its only minor, but small steps are necessery when trying to accomplish big things. Breaking out of a cycle is a daunting task... but you can do it. You just have to have the hope and faith in yourself along with WILL POWER that is the biggest thing in life that i lack. I am starting to get it back... in small ways... but i've also lost it in other areas... like i don't even attempt to stop the urge to cut myself anymore... but i'll give in, and only make itty bitty scratches, that way i satisfy it and not do any damage... if only there was a way to satisfy yourself in a small way for your case, but thats a little tougher, so i wouldn't suggest it...

::thinking::

okay, a lot of times i dismiss the thoughts that i have because i feel that they wont change things, so i am going to abandon that tendancy in the case that something i think or say will actually trigger a though process... many things will probably be just like, "thank you captain obvious..." but oh well, there's no harm in trying.

okay, when you want to go to a bar, try bringing a friend with you... and that they know to try and keep you from leaving with anyone, ya know? or if you do leave with someone, that maybe that someone will have a friend that your friend can leave with also and join you two (if that was followable...)

The main thing here, i think, would be your desire to stop this cycle... i guess this would be obvious by the fact that you posted on here... so granted... your going to need to muster up your will power... give yourself a goal... if u cannot avoid going to the bar, which i guess would be the first obvious suggestion, but here i'm assuming that you will eventually go... if you can resist getting picked up by someone for however many nights/weeks treat yourself to something, get a massage, by some chocolate for yourself, go to a movie, get that dress you wanted at the mall... something... my parents always tell me that external motivation means nothing because your motivation comes from the inside, but i keep insisting that one needs the external motivation to get the ball rolling for the internal motivation to start kicking in.

Well, i think that is about it for the ideas i've gotten about your post, i'm sure i'll come up with more, and when i do, i'll make sure to post. I wish you much luck in your situation, and give you my prayers. ((((((((hugs))))))))
~Julie

"Sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..."
~Gustav Havel - existentialist

I understand that. I'd rather get someone else to hurt me or have it be an accident than do it myself. When I was in college I used to wear dark clothes and go walking around town in the middle of the night, hoping to get hit by a car or something. The best way to stop yourself is probably to talk to someone about the way you feel if you can find someone you trust and who won't hurt you.

<font color=purple>"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."</font color=purple>

JulieBean
thanks for the response, you have some good Ideas.
I've tried the rubberband thingbut it didn't work for me because I began to use that self abusively instead of theraputically.

I know that I have a desire to stop this, Being a Multiple complicates things some but ironnically, it was another part who wrote in calling for help,(and even more ironically that part is named julie, so when you signed your response, my Julie was right there saying "see, listen she has the same name so she must know something."!), that is a safety net in itself at times, because we all don't want the same things, or one of us can call for help.

It just so happened that because we distracted ourself long enough by writing, the bars closed!

Thanks for your great support. Julie,(listener)

*Carrie claps her hands* There you go, you did it. You made the first step without even trying. To be distracted long enough that the impulse doesn't get carried out. Sure it may have been luck this time but maybe next time you will be able to draw in this lucky success.

As far as seeking sexual abuse I do this as well. Sometimes, I am ashamed to admit but am trying to get over the shame so I can face it straight on, I do it to myself. Sometimes I encourage my husband to do it too me. He thinks it is just fun and games but to me it is fulfilling something else. I am lucky I suppose that I have such a willing partner which makes it posible for me not to seek it elsewhere.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

Zenobia & Rapunzel

I appreciate your response. It's good to hear that I am not alone in seeking these things out.

This is not the first time I have sat down at this website to distract myself from this behavior. (Some of my parts don't like this place for that reason). Most often I read and give others advice and skip the issue that I'm avoiding. Last night was the first time I asked for help specifcally for this.

This is probably some of the most dangerous 'highrisk' behavior that I've been into in the last year.

There are a number of reasons why we do it:
1. It is truly putting the risk in the fate of the elements. This bar that this part frequents is gang infested, prostitute filled, totally annonimous for me. Twentfive years ago when this part was developed, it was where my ex and I frequented. It was a totally different crowd.

2. When I do this, we are in control, even if it's in control of being out of control. Typical self abusive behavior, for me anyway, trying to be in control of our own pain.

3. We have never been let down. We always end up with the "sexual gratification" need met. Whether that need is for some sort of (underlying) nurturing in some way or just being abused.

4. We are living out this fantasy that we still are a sexual being who is desirable.

This has helped me put some definition on the behavior or the urges atleast. Thankyou for allowing me to explore this. pk, (listener)

I find that knowing the reasons why I do something makes it easier to work on it. I feel less lost in the wind, more in control. I hope being able to write down the reasons you feel you do this helps you feel a little more peace.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson