[noirkitten]

ok im not really sure how to write this without feeling a little embrassed. i'll do my best i guess. ok, i admit it, i do like to go on adult chat sites and cyber or phone with men. i do have a boyfriend, but i think well break up so that doesnt bother me much. im not sure why, i just find it a turn on
ok now this is going to be a little hard for me to write this but..well im kind of into the whole master/ slave thing. i dont know why, this whole thing kind of started to intrigue me about 4 years ago, when i was 14. so yeah im into the whole dom/sub thing (me being sub). the funny thing is that iv never even had sex yet, and iv barly even kissed anyone, lol.
ok now to what i really wanted to ask. about 4 weeks ago i met this guy on chattroplise(a chat site) who is really into like having his own live in sex slave and he asked me if i would be into that. and i said yes, dont know why. so for the past few weeks we'v been exchanging dirty texts messages , phone ****ing, and inbetween this perversion, just talking. he says he would like me to move in with him after i get out of highschool, which is a year and half away.
now this man is roughly about 16 years older then me, and im technicaly still underaged(i turn 18 this januray) and im still debating weather i still want to countinue this realtionship. oh and i did make this slight mistake of sending him pics via cell phone of some of my uhhh...goods, as you put it*cough*. dont judge me.
so i guess what im saying is if this kind of relationship could work, i mean he is a nice guy, so what are your opions on this? please dont judge me too harshly.

sorry about my spelling people

[Yoda]

noirkitten, I don't see a happy ending between you and him. If he knew you were only 14 y/o when this started then he is as fault. I am not judging you, just giving my opinion.

[noirkitten]

Originally Posted by Yoda

noirkitten, I don't see a happy ending between you and him. If he knew you were only 14 y/o when this started then he is as fault. I am not judging you, just giving my opinion.

oh no no no no, i just met this guy 4 weeks ago, sorry if you read my thread worng i have a problem with grammer sometimes, lol

[sadface]

Well I am a middle aged grandmother and I would be devastated with my granddaughter deciding to enter into that type of relationship. For a 33 year old to be into 17 year old makes me question his ability to have a mature relationship. The problem is men that can only respond to young girls is they don't grow out of that. So how much of a relationship can be expected with this person. Your virginity is a special thing that is of value and can not ever be had again once you give it away. Think long about this. You are a valuable person worthy of respect. For me, knowing anyone one month especially on a website is really knowing what they want you to believe about them. Men that prey on young women are partially motivated by the fact they have an upper hand psychologically. I have been in relationships with much older men so I know how they work. One day I was too old and the attention was on a younger girl. If you end up falling in love you can be really hurt. I am not even going into the idea that this person could be very abusive so your very life could be in danger. Well you wanted opinions so that is mine.....stick to men close to your own age where you are on a more equal footing. Hope all goes well with you.

[noirkitten]

i know this could possibly not end well, as like any relationship online . im not 100 % sure i want to continue this thing. im not even really sure why i said yes. i just dont know. i wish i had a better answer but i dont.
and as for the guy, like i said he is nice, but he does seem a little immature, i mean he lives with his grandparnents. and his expections of women are a little unrealsitic. but i also think this guy might of went throuh some stuff in his childhood. call it hunch. he's not a bad guy, he even said i could still go to collage if i came to live with him, and that he whould help me find a part time job. i dont know, just dont know.

[einundzwanzig]

dont feel strange about the Dom/sub thing, I'm into that to. I am submissive to. although, I want to switch sometimes and be Dom, it will take work since I am only been submissive in the past. this is normal I think,a lot of people are into BDSM, I was in a relationshiip like that for several months a couple years ago. It ended bad he was 26 years older than me, thought that would help the Dom part but it actually made it bad. so in all, you are normal for having this feelings, and my only thing is that you should wait for a while to become into a serious Dom/sub relationship since your only 17 now. from your post I dont think this man is right for you, but later, a Dom man could be right for you. Nothing wrong with that.

Good luck hon -

21

If you would like a loving respectful and mature relationship with someone I would suggest seeing a therapist first before you start a relationship with anyone.
I’m going to quote something you said that sent up a red flag for me…” he even said i could still go to collage if i came to live with him”….
It’s not up to him…you don’t need his permission in anyway; you don’t need his OK to go to collage or not to go.
I feel you have to ask yourself “Do I want an unequal relationship that serves only their needs?
OR
Do I want a relationship where I could feel respected, loved and nourished?

Let’s just say you were in a healthy relationship with someone… you could still satisfy your desire for playing the submissive dominating thing in a healthy way by role playing in the bedroom.
But please do yourself a favour and don’t make your whole life a submissive slave like existence.

[noirkitten]

ok i could understand why that qoute would sound really bad, but i didnt mean it that way. im going to college regardless of what anyone says, i was just useing that as expample of how he wasnt completely evil, that he would want me to better myslef. im still not complelty sure weahter or not im going to countiue this or not. and i know the complete slave thing is unrealistic(cant stay homebound all the time) but im not saying that realtship, done right , cant be healthy. some people just have submissive personalities and would be better off with a domnainte person. you know

I’m glad I interpreted what you said incorrectly and you will be the one who decides what you will do with your life.
I'm also relieved that you think it's unrealistic to be a complete slave to anyone.
I have to admit I'm not good with the whole submissive thing, I understand it Intellectually but to know how it would feel for someone is impossible for me. I have a dominate personality and I'm only attracted to others with dominate personalities.The female friends I have are very strong independant women. I probably shouldnt have given any advice considering my personality type but I just couldnt help myself in this situation.

[Typo]

There is nothing wrong having those fantasies or wanting to act them out, many people share your fantasies. What sets red flags off here is the age difference and the proposed situation. There is nothing wrong with age differences in relationships, however the fact you are so young, makes me worry he might be taking advantage of that. Does this man know you are underage? I don't think a dom/sub relationship would be the best thing for you, especially at this age and when you are just getting out in the world and learning more about yourself. You deserve to be free to explore the world and focus on obtaining an education, which you sound very motivated and determined to obtain. There is nothing wrong with being sexual, or exploring your sexuality, but it's best to do it with people you know, feel safe with and are going to treat you with respect, even in a dom/sub situation, or roleplay, something about this guy you describe makes me worry he wouldn't be able to do that.

[Omers]

OK, "old chick" here (33).... (LOL for all of us who have had h.s. reunions)...
Into dom, sub
been with a man 2X my age, his daughter is a month younger than me, he is 5 months older than my father.
So... I am by no means judgemental... however
Until you come of age it is illeagal and you are putting him at high risk of having the "registered sex offender" label thrown on him... So... If you really care... absolutely nothing before your B-day. Honestly, better safe than sorry, I would put all interactions on hold until after B-day.
second I have always known the person in the context of other relationships and real life experience... going this far this fast via internet/cell phone and getting this deeply drawn in does not feel safe to me.
Any kind of live in and or sexual relationship is VERY complex. When you say you hve never done anything like this before are you talking about being live-in? Sex? Dom-Sub? and/or internet? All of those add multiple layers of complexity.
Even with perhaps too much relationship experience I personally would not put myself in the position of being a "first timer" in any of those catigories along with it being an internet relationship.
Currently I am not in a relationship. When I was I was part of shall we say a very "liberal/open minded" sexual community that it was tight knit and protective. You could be sure that if someone showed any signs of truly being a preditor the "elders" of the community would boot them quick. It was safe to be new and learning as others "had your back". There is more safety in face to face and even more within a community.
Just thoughts

What could I possibly add? How perfectly well thought and spoken. ~W~

[noirkitten]

here's an expample of what he texts me sometimes. im not sure wheater to feel turned on or just wrieded out. i do get turned on by him a lot but sometimes getting these text messages while your in class is a little how you say...uncomfortable. here's one, WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC, look away if kinky stuff bothers you

''Mmmmmmmm ur made for ****ing, ur born to ****, take cock, and please men. u have a body built for sex and u wereborn to be a dirty ****ing cum sponge slut .''

yeah...i felt a little uncomfertable writing that down soooo..should i end this..?

[Omers]

Personally, I'd be outta there... but that is just what I would do.

[Typo]

If it makes you uncomfortable, then yes end it, some people enjoy dirty talk like that, other's don't. If it makes you uncomfortable then end it, you don't have to stay in a situation that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable.

[Omers]

Just a question that you do not have to share the answer to but need to think about... Have you two talked about the "rules" of a dom/sub relationship? Are you both on the same page with them.

[Typo]

Omer's has a great point, you need to discuss the rules of a dom/sub relationship and both of you need to be on the same page about it, it is also good to establish a safe word, so if you get uncomfortable or want things to stop, that safe word is there for that reason. Let us know how you are doing noirkitten.

[noirkitten]

hey there! im back. and no i havent really discussed anything like safe words with him. i planed too mabey discuss them if we actully ever met, becuase this whole thing still doesnt seem that real too me. yet.
we spoke a little last night, phone ****ed that's just about it. he text me this mourning saying this

''girls like u only come around once in a while, i hope were at least friends for a long time ''

im not really sure what to feel about that. i think he's mentioning the sex fact, not really me. im not really sure if i chould stay with a guy that likes me mostly because i can **** good; even if we did meet on a sex chat. i need a guy who will tell me that im beautiful no matter what i look like, even if he's lying. this guy dosent even really know the real me. i lie about so much **** when im on the phone with him, i even fake most of my phone orgasims(that doesnt mean what he's saying doesnt turn me on) i also lied about my weight. and about what im into. i dont know, im fake i guess. mostly becuase i dont even know what i really want

[Typo]

((((((Noirkitten))))) it sounds like what you are looking for is a caring real and stable relationship, that is something, from the sound of it, this guy can't give you. You deserve to have that, and you deserve to have a guy that will treat you with respect and care. Sometimes it gets confusing when we are looking for one thing and think we want another. Maybe it would be best to end things with this guy for the time being, it seems it is causing you a lot of distress. You need to do what is best for you and remember good self care, because you are a person of worth and value Noirkitten.

[Typo]

Also wanted to add that a dom/sub relationship isn't the best place to find those things, it is about power exchange and playing the designated roles, not to say there can't be those things in a dom/sub relationship, or that there shouldn't be, but it just doesn't sound like the right fit for you at this time in your life especially because of your age, and that it would do you more harm than good, and I from what you have said it doesn't sound like this guy would be a good match for you if you pursued this.

[JAZZY10]

Completely Wrong, did you ever think that this guy is not genuine and hes a pervert? It may even be the police looking for paedophiles. Have a cold shower turn your computer off and get in touch with life again.

Terribly triggering thread.You are worthy of much better...I have kids your age.I begged god to give me no daughters for such reasons.I'd not have been able to contain myself if I had to come across such an issue.I wish I could find this guy and teach him some manners...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Martin^^]

Well, some of this is normal - you are a teenage girl with strong sexual desires triggered by your normal hormonal development. It is also very easy to fall for someone online, especially when you feel a great empathy toward them.

Fantasies and cyber relationships can be great fun and a real turn-on.

Dom/sub games can be a fulfilling part of a full sexual relationship.

However, you need to distinguish between play/fantasy and reality here.

The 'wrong' part of this situation is your online playmate.

This guy is probably rather less 'nice' (whatever that means) in real life than you imagine him to be online. Nice 34 year old men usually have fulfilling lives with mature female partners. They do not trawl chatrooms looking for inexperienced virgins half their age.
Age difference in years is not important, but you have a yawning maturity gap here - you need to live some and get experience of real relationships before you will have enough judgement to make an informed choice about committing to a live-in relationship of any sort, never mind the sort of SM fantasy world he suggests. He lives with his grandparents for God's sake! Does he plan to get his own place or are Grandma and Pops into his SM fantasy too??

You write a lot about the sexual aspect of your relationship, but I wonder how well you really know him as a person. Have you had much non-sexual conversation with him?
Have you considered some of these questions:

• What is his relationship history? Has he been married or in a live-in relationship before? How and why did it end? Does he have children? Does he pay child support?
• He does not own or rent his own home. This is very unusual for a man in his thirties. Does he have financial problems?
• What is his job? Does he have a realistic chance of getting his own place soon?
• How does he spend his time? Does he drink much? Or use drugs?

You may think this does not affect you, but if you move in together, you will quickly find that his problems become your problems.

You acknowledge that this could end badly, but I wonder if you appreciate just how badly. Maybe you think that you can just pack your bag and go back home if it all goes wrong, but it may be less straightforward. Young women who get drawn into abusive relationships lose confidence in themselves and have their self-esteem undermined to the point that they find it near impossible to leave. They may also be manipulated into taking on debt to the point where their independence is severely compromised.

You may think you are not a victim. This could never happen to you. But it can. My daughter was a popular, confident 18 year old with lots of friends when she moved in with an abusive man. Within a year she was a shell of her former self. He got her into drug use, physically abused her, emotionally blackmailed her into having an abortion against her normal judgement - and much else she has only hinted at. She even attempted suicide and needed in-patient treatment to repair the psychological damage he caused her. She eventually managed to leave but carries the emotional scars to this day.

Frankly, if you need to seek advice about this from an online forum, you are nowhere near mature enough to be contemplating this move.
Give yourself a break. Meet some real guys nearer your age and date them. Online fun is fine, but don't confuse it with real life.

[noirkitten]

well he does have 2 kids that he currently isnt living with. he's never been married, i know that. and as far as the whole ''have we ever talked about anything other then sex thing'', well id say at least 70% percent of our conversations are sexually oreinted. it was about three weeks ago that i opend this theard. and my thoughts are begining to change. im not sure if im really gonna stay with this dude. sometimes i think the only reason im attracted too is becuase he's older. very strange i know. we have almost nothing in commen, intrest wise that is. and even thouh he does seem nice, he's kind of immatue. i read his profile on collarme.com and it's very unrealistic of what he wants from a slave. but at the same time, i still cant break myslef from this guy, i cant tell him ''i dont want to talk to you anymore'' it's very wried.

Well martin....you expressed all my thoughts.Usually i can reply...but havent been able to articulate in THIS thread...so ...."What martin just said"!......