Advice on permanent celibacy

Do a little research on Asexual

One can certainly be emotionally close and intimate with a person with out getting physical at all [or before reaching that point].

To be honest, I really prefer forming somekind of personality/intellectual attraction and interaction before getting physical with some one. Often, I can only find someone sexually attractive if I have found their brain and personality attractive first.

It is not unreasonable or unusual to desire platonic [or nonsexual] engagement before getting physical with someone. that is actually not an uncommon MO.

I'm older and have been celibate for quite awhile although not by my own choice.
I just keep my expectations low. If I watch a good TV show, it's been a productive day, kind of like that divorcee in Mona Lisa Smiles. I watch romantic movies and so forth, but I think of romance as something that's for everyone else to experience. Valentine's Day has never been my day.

I don't know.

As you get older, your sex drive naturally wanes, so it gets easier to not have sex. Jerking off becomes nothing more than a body function like going to the bathroom, so it's easy to think of other things to do with your time unless you really like going to the bathroom.
I mainly watch movies that are less erotic. I avoid porn because I don't like the "aftertaste", the bad feeling it leaves afterwards. I'm not much of a voyeur.

As soon as anyone knows me well enough to fully understand my lack of "getting any", they tend to act superior. Male coworkers tend to treat me as though I'm gay. Once they act that way, I just try to avoid them. I don't have a lot of friends.

I take consolation in the fact that some people never marry or have children by choice. Also, many people wind up in marriages lacking genuine love or feeling tied down to their spouse and children. Then there's many pets who never get the chance to fulfill their natural urges. It's not really so unique to miss out on love or sex. Part of my celibacy is structural. That is, I've been living in a situation where I don't meet potential mates.

On the other hand, it's beyond my comprehension when someone posts a thread on here because they can't handle going without sex for a few days. I'm jealous of people who have more sex in a year than I've had in my lifetime.

I have experience with it, and cope just by taking a day at a time, appreciating the small things such as a good cup of coffee, knowing that celibacy may last the rest of my life. As for potential mates, they seem to arrive about once a decade, and I messed up my last opportunity that happened a few weeks ago, but it was there for only a few seconds so I can't really blame myself. A woman hit on me in the street for the first time in my life, or at least that's what I think happened.

Of course I want someone to share thoughts with etc., but I know it's unreasonable to ask for. The only person who was close to me for more than a year or so even told me she often wanted to hit me in the face. Sharing myself with someone will cause even a very non-violent person to want to hit me. I'm honestly surprised I haven't spent most of my life being beat up. That's just how terrible I apparently am. Whether it's a personality disorder or Asperger's or something else, I'm not someone that someone else can stand in anything more than small doses.

And I'm not asexual. I think about sex constantly. CONSTANTLY. I dream about sex constantly. I have rarely a moment of peace. I just want to let the desire go, so I can just move on with my life finally! If I knew of a way to stop thinking about it, I'd do it—even if it meant the removal of all my sex organs. I just don't quite understand what I did to deserve this torture. And no, masturbation does nothing to help. All it does is prevent me from getting sleep or wasting even more time.

And no, I can't go get laid by a random person…but for my own safety, I can't let anyone get too close.

Sounds like you might fit on the asexual spectrum. Go to the Aven-wiki and look around. Celibacy is not asexuality but some of your ideas fit into that category.
On a side note, your libido is a function built into you. Unless you were born without it, you will always have it. There will be times where you become aroused and such - and you may not be able to control it.
Also, some people are naturally uncomfortable with intimacy and sex. H. P. Lovecraft is a fine example. You shouldn't be super worried about it unless it was triggered.

How would I be asexual if I actually want to have sex but simply don't see how I'll ever have the opportunity? Unless I pay for it or have sex with a random person—which really wouldn't satisfy the need because for one I wouldn't feel anything enjoyable anyway and I want the entire package of emotional and physical intimacy.

I'm only uncomfortable with intimacy and sex because it's been withheld from me my whole life. It's something foreign to me. Things could have happened to me when I was younger, I'll never know.

I just think celibacy may be the only way to not go insane seeing everyone else having relationships that I'll never have. I can at least pretend in my mind that my failure is for a purpose. That I actually chose to fail. That it wasn't because I wasn't good enough for a relationship, that I just chose not to have one because I'm "better than that". Make the people who make me feel bad, feel bad if they ever decide to rub it in my face.

A: You're not a failure. Absolutely no one, man or woman, no matter their age, is judged based whether they've had sex or not. There's no reason you should judge you self based on that either. We find our self-worth in millions of different aspects of life. Anybody who says otherwise isn't worth an ear for listening to.

B: Don't count yourself out. Plenty of folks find relationships at different points of life. I can guarantee that you are hardly alone in your situation and giving up hope for the future certainly leads nowhere good.

I am personally committed to lifelong celibacy by choice. But that doesn't mean that I've given up the hope of finding someone with whom I can be emotionally close to as would be the case with most relationships. I know it's hardly likely but the knowledge that it could happen really keeps me going some times. It should keep you going to.

Well, unfortunately, I'm pretty much a failure in every aspect of life right now. I seem to be getting rejected in virtually every part of my life, which makes no sense to me because I'm superior in most areas. So I'm doing something terribly wrong. In another thread, I mentioned the possibility of me having Asperger's (of course I haven't been diagnosed so it's just an educated guess). But whether it's that or a personality disorder, no one can stand high "doses" of me.

And the longer I'm single, the more I'll be used to being alone all the time and the more impossible it will be for me to live with anyone unless we live in a BIG house (or our schedules make it so we're rarely there at the same time). I wanted to get married, but how can I if I can't live with other people unless it still feels like I live alone?

I honestly believe that I have zero chance of finding anyone. I can't even get to the second date with someone that I have chemistry with (or at least what I consider "chemistry"). If 4 hours is too long to be around me, nothing is going to ever work with a guy. The horrible thing is that girls like me, but for some stupid reason I'm much more attracted to guys than girls at the moment. I have no idea why I would be attracted to the gender that never has any interest in me. It doesn't make sense to me! Maybe I just look and act too gay?

I rarely post because I seem to not get what a lot of people say, but I'm going to give it a try.

So, first, you started this post with questions about sex and many of the responses, of course, are focused on that. One major thing I took from your posts is the repeated message that you say people don't want to be around you. Forget about sex--what's up with people wanting to hit you?

In my totally uneducated opinion, this seems like a bigger immediate problem than the sex thing. I realize you said that counseling was a waste of time, but what did you focus on there? It seems like you should figure out why people don't want to be around you (if it's true). Couldn't a therapist help with that? Having an outsider figure out how you behave around people and why this turns people away might be a very insightful thing to know about yourself. Right now, I get the impression that you think you're not worth being around.

You're so young. Maybe you misread social cues or don't know how to carry on a conversation. These are things you can try to change. Yes, I get that you want to be active and not just talk, but if you can't truthfully understand why people don't want to be around you, then that's a problem. I just think once you know this, then you can work on some social skills, then you can have friends, you'll like yourself more, then intimacy (with or without sex) could follow.

I won't comment on the sex issue since others have already done that.

People want to hit me (and on occasion, have hit me) because I say the wrong thing/don't know when to keep my mouth shut/crack a joke that unintentionally offended the other person. I'm sure everyone's had someone who's felt that way about them before…they just don't usually say it (or actually hit you).

And I can carry on a conversation. I can carry on a conversation for hours—depending on the other person of course.

Maybe I can't really read social cues, but everyone (especially on here) is going on about how important communication is. I agree and I also don't think I should be expected to read peoples' minds all the time. I mean, if I'm not reading their social cue correctly, shouldn't they grow a pair and politely tell me? That way I have a chance to apologize and no one is holding anything against anybody.

I do have friends…having friends doesn't automatically equal self esteem. I know why people don't like me. And I don't want to become a completely different person—to become a cookie-cutter Barbie doll just so other people can be "comfortable".

So what's therapy going to do? Show me how to hide who I am so I can make fake friends? I actually have friends who don't hate me yet who actually know how weird I am and they actually give me feedback, like when I'm doing something well or not and give me a chance to apologize if I said something that was unintentionally offensive. I don't see how therapy can do much better. It'll just cost my family more money. And how unfair is that? Especially when I get better "therapy" for free.

And I wouldn't be worried about getting laid if I didn't think about it all the time and dream about it very vividly almost every night. I can't escape from it. I'd probably be someone people would want to be around if I got laid.

But people know that they'll be judged by society if they've been with an outcast. My only chance is with other outcasts. I guess I've just been too weird for the people I've liked. Almost makes me want to be weirder—I mean, what do I have to lose at this point? It might be fun to see the cookie-cutter normals squirm.

I am asexual, I have always been (even before I was sexually assaulted). I just don't like sex or the idea of it. I am much more comfortable being emotionally intimate with someone, like my partner, than being physically intimate. The idea of sex does nothing for me but make me pull faces and ask "why?".

Is it impossible to have a relationship with no sex and JUST emotional intimacy? No! I am in a life partnership with someone who is also asexual (though she is a repulsed-asexual) and we are living happily together.

There is nothing wrong with being asexual. Some asexuals have a sex drive, some don't. Some masturbate, some don't. Some DO have sex under certain circumstances, some never will. And that's okay! It's not a hormonal problem, or being broken or unloveable. Sometimes it just very simply is. There is a whole spectrum of asexuality, and I think it would be good for you to read about it.

The last few years of my now defunct marriage I was celibate, not by choice. Wasn't a good situation, I'm sure it wasn't a great situation for her either, but the one thing she could have done that would have helped us both was be willing to talk about it without becoming upset or defensive.

If you want to be celibate that is a perfectly valid choice on your part, though will change the nature of relationships (could be for the better).

But the thing that struck me was the title of your thread "permanent celibacy" why not say for the forseeable future I choose to be celibate, but leave open the possibility that you could change your mind in the future. Just seemed a very "black and white' way of looking at things. Being open to possible change doesn't mean that the current situation is bad, or that it ever has to change

Sex is always a difficult subject, it touches on feelings/emotions/triggers in ways that we don't fully understand. Closing off the option for change might inhibit personal growth.

i agree that therapy is crap. finding genuine therapy would be the equivalent of winning a lottery jackpot. seriously.

they say, what you resist persists. if you want to escape thinking about IT all the time, you have to acknowledge and accept it. you have to admit your truth, rather than fight it and refuse it. crappy feelings get in the way of truth. the truth isn't in your head, it's in the center of you, inside. technically, you've got the insanity and you're being tortured. so you have to stop doing that. how? do the truth job. once you get it done, the insanity will stop.

do people hit you because you amuse yourself by making them squirm?