How did your first time having sex changed you? If it did.

This isn´t a question to snoop into anyone´s life. I haven´t had sex with anybody and I´m 30+ years old. When getting to think of it, like when I sit at home watching a film or whatever, it makes me feel very ill at ease and I feel a lot of anxiety around this.

It´s not that I wish I would want to just go out and find someone random to have sex with but at the same time I feel like a teenager who never became an adult in this respect. I know I´m not the only one of course but still, it feels so far-fetched and so odd not having had sex. It´s like not belonging completely, it´s a sorrow.

Therefore I now wonder - how did your first time having sex with somebody change you? Or did it change you or your thoughts? I now think of sex you choosed to have, not being forced.

My first time was when I was 16. Serious boyfriend and had always been curious. For me didn't do a thing. I think that is kinda awesome you still are & you are old enough to make a decision to do casual sex or wait. The anxiety is totally normal but at the same time isn't the anticipation awesome��

Well my first time was a founding moment in the development of who I am today. You see, at 15 I never had any success with figuring out girls. Perhaps as a young man I expected to much, but in absence of any real relationship probability, my best friend and I embarked upon our first sexual relationship...a homosexual one.

Three decades later and I really don't think I've figured out women yet, even though I've been married to one for almost two decades. I guess I am truly bisexual, however I've always considered myself mostly gay which goes back to my very first experiences.

Did it change me? It did reinforce that I truly don't care what sex my partner is...that it is about the person and how that person fulfills me as a whole.

I haven't had my first penis in vagina sex yet, so I don't know if butt sex counts... I'm in my mid 20s.

I definitely feel like I "haven't become an adult yet", but I'm definitely glad I waited till I had a loving and patient partner before I did anything remotely sexual.

I've known him for almost a decade, as best friends and he didn't think any less of me for (at that time of meeting him) had never held hands or kissed.

I'm glad I didn't rush things even though I was too anxious for penis in vagina sex - even his finger was too big because I was so anxious and despite lots of lube.

I'm still waiting to see why sex is so glamourised though, but then maybe I have a low sex drive.

Well as I see for a few compatriots here, that they also experienced sex around the same age I did of about 15. Oh and my dear Quiet, yes bum sex is sex, penetration is penetration. On that note, sex opened my eyes to a deeper feeling of oneness with someone. This may or may not sound like a lot but in 16 years of having sex I have had 9 sexual partners. Two of them I was faithfully married to, for an extended period. Has all of my sexual experience from the time I was four till now 32 years later changed who I am, yes. I have been experimental, I have tried all sorts of things and had lots of fun along the way. There is nothing like being with someone and feeling the closeness and the connection that you feel with them in that moment.
Now I know I just said I had my first sexual experience at four, true, first actual intercourse was at 15. I had experimented with girls and boys till I was nine or so and after I could of course take care of my own needs, I didn't need to experiment.
Okay back to the point here, enjoyment of sex and fulfillment are to different things; enjoyment is just plain jane getting off and fulfillment is when you are intimately connected to a person and you are mutually involved in fulfilling each others every desire.
I prefer to make my partner my sole priority when giving pleasure, then I let myself go. Thanks for the post Sarah, it is an interesting topic. Sex is nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of and it can wait for the right person. Wish I had.

I was ... 25 or 26 ... can't remember exactly. And it was with my wife who I've been married to now for 15 years. I can't say that I had any changes in my thought processes or felt somehow more whole or something. It was just something special I was (and continue to) share with the woman I love. Part of that might because I was older when I had my first sexual experience though; I was more mature and not still in the thralls of puberty.

I appreciate your positive attitude to what I shared in my post. In a way I´m glad that I didn´t do as "everyone else" and just went to bed with someone random in my teens but at the same time when now being over 30 it feels more odd than someting to be proud about.

To me it´s now more of anxiety than anticipation as I think I´ve missed out on many years during I could have had a relationship. I know many people talk about bad sex and regretting sexual experiences but on the other side of the spectrum I find myself (and others) with no experiences at all.

It´s a bit comforting though that some of you here shared that the first time having sex didn´t change you that much. Perhaps it´s much "in the head" to this.

I was 18 and he was my BF for few years, about 4 total so it wasn't mindless teenage sex but It didn't change me. I had many sexual partners in life and was married etc but I can say I have the best sex ever now and I am almost 50. And not like my BF is a stud or anything. Lol it's just he is so in tune with me. So it's ok to wait longer.

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Uhh ... It was great! Completely blew my mind.

Now I've said too much.

My first unforced sexual encounter was a positive one. I had sex with a long term boyfriend when I was 17. We had sex, it was alright, nothing mind blowing or anything like that. It didn't change my life any. The next week I caught him in bed with another woman. I was a little hurt, but what stuck out in my mind was that this guy had all the experience in the world, and he choose me to have sex with. He was nice, and patient, and gentle, and simply cared very much about not hurting me. That is what sticks out in my mind. Even though I have had sex with a couple of other people, one other guy and my husband, none of them were that careful and compassionate as he was.

Even though he had sex with an more experienced woman, he got what he deserved. The girl got pregnant that night. And he and she are married now, and have been for 20 years and have 5 children. It all worked out fine. Happy for him, happy for her, and happy for me, (that I didn't get pregnant and that I don't have 5 kids) The girl and I are on speaking terms still today, she has a child in the same grade as my child.

Sorry a short answer turned long. I'll shut up now.

My first time hurt like hell, so did the second. But by the third time, it was quite pleasurable. I guess it was a combo of nerves, and him being not on the small size. I was 27, but my first sexual encounter was when I was 17. My "cherry" was popped during some digital stimulation by a boy, and after that, my sexual desire was awakened. Not by the popping, but by the encounter itself. It was also the first time I gave a hand job.

I'm also 30+ and a kissless virgin. And my virginity bugs the hell out of me, despite everything. I tell myself it doesn't matter, I'm just not cut out for relationships... But **** it hurts sometimes. I mean it's not really a surprise. I've always been really shy, and developed social anxiety at a young age so intimacy with a girl was always impossible.

Plus I've always aimed way too high, always going for girls that were frankly far out of my league. I'm pretty sure I've developed some kind of complex -- my standards are way too high to be realistic. Is there a name for that? Some kind of personality or relationship disorder? Anyway I've always been on the bigger side, and was morbidly obese by 16, but I've always been exclusively attracted to skinny girls. Maybe it has to do with hating myself, I dunno, but bigger women frankly disgust me from a sexual standpoint. I know it's shallow and wrong but I can't change it.

So I'm pretty much resigned to never having sex. Sometimes I think about seeing a prostitute but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work out. I'm too broken; masturbation will have to suffice.

You & I are very similar in that respect. I'm 33 and have never had sex either. I've tried to be realistic about dating, but I fear my "disease" (because it is treated like a disease) will be found out. I'm kind of resigned to never having sex, so I'm just waiting til my 35th birthday and then I will end my life. I tried a prostitute and got ripped off since she never showed.

I'm sorry to hear this. I'm also afraid I'd get scammed or ripped off if I tried prostitution... I really believe that it should be not only legalized but institutionalized, like a new branch of government. There could be plenty of rules and checks to protect the sex workers as well as their clients. And I think the business generated would be huge -- it could aid the national debt in the US. Maybe it sounds wild to normal people but there are some of us who simply cannot get sex any other way, and I don't think I should be doomed to celebacy.

You're referring to virginity as a "disease"? That's pretty harsh. I guess I wouldn't know how women react since I've never gotten to the point where I'd tell them. Though I like to think I'm pretty knowledgeable since I've been watching porn for decades.

I get suicidal pretty often too, usually due to extreme loneliness. Sometimes I wonder if life is even worth living without romance and intimacy. But for what it's worth I really hope you change your mind before your 35th birthday. Life is about so much more than just sex. And while I'd love to stop the pain of loneliness and depression, I realize that EVERYTHING else would stop too. No more good days, no more pleasurable experiences -- just oblivion. So eventually I always decide that checking out early just isn't worth it. I've got a long and lonely road ahead, but this is all there is and I'm not throwing it away, though I sincerely want to sometimes.

Yes the term disease is harsh, but applicable in my case. I have yet to find anyone on a dating site who would date a virgin my age. As a male, the stigma is worse (I can't say I'm a man since a man my age has had sex). Sex is the only thing that will make me happy & make me feel something like a human being & not some plague.

Sex does not make a man a man. It's the ability to be a gentleman that does.

Well, my first sexual experiences taught me that I was going to be judged by how I can't orgasm like I'm supposed to (and how everyone else can) and that I'll be forced to do things I don't want to do.

So, I can only orgasm through masturbation. With or without my partner present. But not if he's touching me you know where.

And don't get me started on intercourse…my first experience with that sort of set me up to be hopeless in ever enjoying it…it's just panicked, rushed, and over before I can relax, if it ever begins.

But after all of that, at least I can say I'm not a virgin anymore, so there's that!

Yeah that sounds like a really narrow view. I can sort of understand since a grand romance and intimacy has been the one thing I've wanted most since I was a child. Even as a kid I fantasized about dating girls -- weird for a boy I know. And when it never happened I got more and more depressed. When I graduated middle school I was disappointed. When I graduated high school I was depressed. When I graduated college... hah. Now I'm pretty sure it'll just never happen. But at some point I realized that I probably idealize sex too much -- it probably wouldn't even stand up to my expectations.

I'm 28 and I'm still a virgin

I'm 25 and a virgin, but really close to having casual sex with a guy I only know online, yet he seems pretty normal and nice. A lot of times I feel kind of guilty and stupid, like this is ridiculous to get myself into, and it's really not that bad being a virgin and I should save it for a guy I've been dating for a long time. But there's always that tension of, "Okay, so can we have sex yet??"

I did it my first time in fear of not ever having that kind of experience till later in life. I have never been in a relationship & am not a virgin. Do I regret it? I regretted it for years esp. because it wasn't with a special person. But at the same time, I think if I hadn't done it, I would still have stayed one for a long time. I just got really impatient. I thought "Live like you'll die tomorrow" I'm glad I did it but at the same time, it feels weird that I did it because of the fear of staying a virgin.

I feel like I would've been where you are and you could've been where I am. It was just that we made different choices.


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Welp, I just told him no. Of course. He insisted yesterday that we do it tonight, but we could only do it late, and I'd have to come up with a REALLY good alibi to not totally freak out my mom, who I still live with even when I'm 25 years old, and who is very protective of me.

I literally can never decide whether this is a good idea or not. I'm ALWAYS wrapped in indecision, and it never ends. On one hand, I may have just thrown away a new experience, but on the other hand, I could have deeply regretted feeling "cheapened" by some random casual sex stranger when I'm a strong woman who has lofty career goals- not that men with the same lofty goals aren't sleeping around with any women they feel like...

UGH.

At least now I can never say I'm not a virgin by choice.

well to be exact... it was wonderful. and after it wasn't my first time, but the first I truly choose with a person I was in love with.... it was uplifting and beautyful.
And after all this... I'm still anxious and need emotional support when having a first-time with somebody, so it is fine.

I spen too much time online and I've heard that your first time isn't supposed to change you. It's not supposed to be anymore special or life changing than trying a new food.

That said, regardless, sex inspires in me either disinterest, romanticized curiosity, or terror/anxiety. I'm a virgin at 21 and totally okay with that.

I was 16 y/o and just felt comfortable in the moment and with the person I was dating at the time. I don't think it really changed me in any substantial way.