[serenity2298]

How do you love yourself? I have so much self-hate I often think the world is better off without me. I fall into these really deep depressions. Sometimes I cope better but even then I loathe myself too. How do I get over that? I'm told I'm a beautiful girl but I just don't see it. It's my actions that I hate too, everything I do is not good enough. It makes me feel so unloved because I have no one in my life apart from my son and a friend and when I upset her which I have because of my difficulties I hate myself even more, I don't mean to do it! It's like there is no one to love me. I know my son loves me but he's just 4 and a half with severe language delay, so he doesn't talk much. I feel very unloved and think that if I can't love myself who can really? How can i try to fix this?

[pegasus]

Hello there,

Well, therapy would help. You'll find out why you feel the way you do and where it comes from. Understanding that, will help. I don't think that you necessarily have to love yourself but you do need to understand why you feel that way and then you can take it from there...

[avlady]

it is sometimes hard to love ourselves sometimes we have to learn how first by learning different coping skills etc... then we will be able to shine our light to others. your experiences are included in all this, you can teach others how once you learn, but you probably are not at that stage yet, it takes time, trial and error. it is scarry at first, but as we age also we learn new skills on our own or with the help of others we are close to. i was at a point where i was a single mother at one point, had to learn to take care of my 4 yr old son and i ended up getting married. things happen day by day and we have to take it one day at a time. soon your son will be older before your own eyes. you can do it, it just takes time is what i'm trying to say.

[SeekerOfLife]

Serenity, are you in therapy? It helps greatly.

[serenity2298]

I am in therapy yes but the stuff she has suggested is so hard to do like to picture someone who loves u unconditionally exactly how u would like someone to love you and then make that person into yourself. it's confusing i dont get it even...

[waggiedog]

Hello and Good Evening. Oh my word, I'm an expert here, on the subject of self hatred, as I think that's what we are talking about. Well, that's how I see it, though maybe 'not loving yourself' is different to 'hating yourself'. Infact I do the two of them very very well. I can't remember a time when I have even liked myself, let alone love myself. I honestly never have, not one bit. I've knowingly HATED myself for around 35 years that's for sure. I remember other kids hating me, calling me names as I was a fat kid. I consider myself ugly too. I have no human in my life who loves me, for sure. My darling doggie loves me, for sure, but she tends to 'love' everyone, and very much shows it! I HAVE been loved, but those two people are gone, they've passed on now, there'll never be any others who will love me. I will die totally unloved, I don't really care. My depression makes me not care, I'm kinda non-extant really, my life is ebbing away slowly and nobody will help. I'm a mess really, a depressive old mess - no hope there, it's gone. HUGZZ and LOVES as ever. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

[Ubermensch]

I think loving yourself starts with pride. First, find something about yourself that you are proud of. Then extend it. Realize that you are a unique person and are every bit as important as everyone else in the world. Learn to forgive yourself. Be proud of the fact that you can see and accept your flaws. Acknowledge them, but don't identify with them. You must see the good in yourself and identify with that. It doesn't matter what anyone else says about you or even thinks about you. All that matters is living your life your way and not feeling bad about doing that. Be proud of who you are. Fall in love with your way of thinking, with your very essence. Once you recognize your uniqueness is a gift to the world and has very real and true value, you will find your worth. Find meaning in your life. Be your own master and serve yourself, not others. The way to do all this is to use your willpower.

[BLUEDOVE]

Quote: "In order to love one's self,one must behave
in ways one can admire."

[Fuzzybear]

[kittyfaye]

In a way, I'm in your same shoes. I have been so stressed out lately with life's struggles that I've been very angry and take offense to anything my boyfriend says. I can't really say why exactly I say and do the things I do and it makes me hate myself so much. I am not in therapy, I can't afford it. I have no idea how to fix myself. I really hope you feel better though. ((((Hugs))))

[hamster-bamster]

Just back from my regular yoga class, but this time a substitute teacher led the practice. She is totally new to our area, so maybe she trained somewhere far away where the style and approach are different, but in the end, instead of the usual OM, she asked each of us to thank himself or herself for coming to the practice.

I thought - bingo, that is what Serenity.... needs to hear.

Generalizing from this example - if you like a particular dish, cook it or order it. And many more that you can think of yourself. If you like art, go to an art museum or gallery.

[hamster-bamster]

PS and don't forget to thank yourself for the food, art, or what have you.

[angryworld]

My depression has very dark, very deep, down cycles. No hope and a tremendous amount of self hatred and loathing.
One thing I started doing several months ago is reminding myself of the good in my life and taking a moment to be grateful for each one. Just taking a moment to honor the goodness eases my shame and anger.

sent across the aether using Tapatalk 2

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by serenity2298

How do you love yourself? I have so much self-hate I often think the world is better off without me. I fall into these really deep depressions. Sometimes I cope better but even then I loathe myself too. How do I get over that? I'm told I'm a beautiful girl but I just don't see it. It's my actions that I hate too, everything I do is not good enough. It makes me feel so unloved because I have no one in my life apart from my son and a friend and when I upset her which I have because of my difficulties I hate myself even more, I don't mean to do it! It's like there is no one to love me. I know my son loves me but he's just 4 and a half with severe language delay, so he doesn't talk much. I feel very unloved and think that if I can't love myself who can really? How can i try to fix this?

Serenity. ..,

Is your son receiving speech therapy? Is he in preschool? Have you two seen an occupational therapist? What are the plans for kindergarten for your little boy? Have you considered learning ASL - American Sign language - to communicate and compensate for where he lacks in oral language? How often do you read to him? Do you sing songs for him or have him listen to professional recordings of children's songs? If you have some cash to spare, there are Kindermusic or Music together lessons across the country.

I am a little alarmed trying to picture a depressed, self-loathing single mom with no support system raising a special needs child. Time is of the essence.

My adult son stutters a bit, possibly because he had a temporary hearing loss when he was 3, and language acquisition depends on the child's being able to hear the sounds of speech spoken around him correctly. I will never quite forgive myself - not that I was negligent - his pediatrician was negligent, and by the time I sought second opinion, my son needed two surgeries. So - I could have sought second opinion sooner.

I am not trying to add to your laundry list of todos, but I am worried that, being depressed, you do not model enough talking for him. If that is the case, it is really really critical that he attend a good preschool. Just not Montessori because they do not have a circle time when the teacher reads to all the kids.

I don't know about now, but as soon as your son turns 5, he will be eligible for the full suite of services provided by the school district for kids with delayed development.

Again, I know this is not what you expected to hear, but it just strikes me as the #1 issue in your life now.

[serenity2298]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Serenity. ..,

Is your son receiving speech therapy? Is he in preschool? Have you two seen an occupational therapist? What are the plans for kindergarten for your little boy? Have you considered learning ASL - American Sign language - to communicate and compensate for where he lacks in oral language? How often do you read to him? Do you sing songs for him or have him listen to professional recordings of children's songs? If you have some cash to spare, there are Kindermusic or Music together lessons across the country.

I am a little alarmed trying to picture a depressed, self-loathing single mom with no support system raising a special needs child. Time is of the essence.

My adult son stutters a bit, possibly because he had a temporary hearing loss when he was 3, and language acquisition depends on the child's being able to hear the sounds of speech spoken around him correctly. I will never quite forgive myself - not that I was negligent - his pediatrician was negligent, and by the time I sought second opinion, my son needed two surgeries. So - I could have sought second opinion sooner.

I am not trying to add to your laundry list of todos, but I am worried that, being depressed, you do not model enough talking for him. If that is the case, it is really really critical that he attend a good preschool. Just not Montessori because they do not have a circle time when the teacher reads to all the kids.

I don't know about now, but as soon as your son turns 5, he will be eligible for the full suite of services provided by the school district for kids with delayed development.

Again, I know this is not what you expected to hear, but it just strikes me as the #1 issue in your life now.

Hi Hamster and thank you for your messages, it is absolutely true what you are saying, it is one of my biggest concerns too. I know that I do not speak enough with him which in turn makes me feel even worse.. He goes to a preschool everyday til 1 o'clock. and I have finally found a place that I can take him to speech therapy to for free, our first appointment is this monday coming. I do realise my mood must have some affect on him but just sometimes I can't help it. That's why I thought that if I was a little easier on myself or loved myself even a little bit I would be happier. I do have some good days too sometimes, but they are rare and infrequent. I do see my T too when I have the money. I don't really sing to my son, I'm gonna try to do that actually... I do read to him sometimes and he's obsessed by numbers so we often sit down together and just count. But all his normal everyday needs I take care of but I do know at the same time I could do a better job really.

[Swan61]

Waggiedog....don't hate yourself....I don't hate you and i think you are very lucky to have a dog and the love of a dog....I used to have dogs, but i can't take care of a dog now and i miss having one so badly. Look for something of beauty in the world every day and thank God or nature for putting it there for you....maybe a flower, a cloud in the sky, or the beauty of a tree....you can appreciate something in the world and maybe feel the love of something outside of yourself....then find just one thing in yourself that is good or lovable and maybe you can start to change your thinking. I hope you can little by little help yourself and appreciate your life again. I will hope and pray for you.....

[hamster-bamster]

Serenity,

You are doing good things for him, and a half-day developmental preschool is ideal at his age! I am glad to hear about speech therapy, too. There are children's audio books, methinks, which you can put on when you don't feel like talking to your boy. You will feel better knowing that he is exposed to oral language which is being professionally rendered by the narrator. Counting with him is great. Have you tried patterns with him (say, you take a red block and then a yellow block and then again a red block etc. And at some point stop and ask him to continue).patterns build a foundation for future study of math (and he is already doing numbers).

[serenity2298]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Serenity,

You are doing good things for him, and a half-day developmental preschool is ideal at his age! I am glad to hear about speech therapy, too. There are children's audio books, methinks, which you can put on when you don't feel like talking to your boy. You will feel better knowing that he is exposed to oral language which is being professionally rendered by the narrator. Counting with him is great. Have you tried patterns with him (say, you take a red block and then a yellow block and then again a red block etc. And at some point stop and ask him to continue).patterns build a foundation for future study of math (and he is already doing numbers).

Thank you for your ideas hamster, I'm definitely gonna look in to audio books for him its a real good idea actually, it's certainly better than watching tv i think.. patterns are a good idea too, i never thought of that and how it is connected to maths. Thanks!

[hamster-bamster]

Serenity,

Because you spell "realise", I assume that you are not in the usa and am not giving you a link to amazon, but just the name of the counting blocks that were used in one of my girls' preschool - Unifix blocks. They are extremely versatile and will provide you both with a good activity to do together and for him to play alone. You can count, build towers, name colors, make piles with different quantities to work on "more, fewer, the same", and, of course, patterns.

On my own trials and tribulations with self love...

...I go to yoga and am now putting together a bag with yoga clothes to keep in the car to make it easier for me to always be prepared. I deliberately do not use the language women's magazines would use, calling it "now I have no excuses not to go to clasd", because they talk about yoga classes as yet another todo, and I talk about it as something nice I do for myself.

These little things of how you talk to yourself matter, in my experience.

[happytulips]

Originally Posted by serenity2298

How do you love yourself? I have so much self-hate I often think the world is better off without me. I fall into these really deep depressions. Sometimes I cope better but even then I loathe myself too. How do I get over that? I'm told I'm a beautiful girl but I just don't see it. It's my actions that I hate too, everything I do is not good enough. It makes me feel so unloved because I have no one in my life apart from my son and a friend and when I upset her which I have because of my difficulties I hate myself even more, I don't mean to do it! It's like there is no one to love me. I know my son loves me but he's just 4 and a half with severe language delay, so he doesn't talk much. I feel very unloved and think that if I can't love myself who can really? How can i try to fix this?

Serenity,

I also deal with self-esteem issues. Have been for a long time. I think the trick is to just keep to trying to understand yourself. It will take lots of time and money, if therapy is involved. But, it will be worth it for you to get on the right track, and the earlier the better. Don't get to your 40's without resolving your issues. I'm having a heck of a time right now, dealing with low-self esteem and feeling good in my own skin.

I've scheduled an appointment with a new therapist next week, because I've been in a really scary funk. One of those, where you feel like you could be admitted soon.

Try different therapists until you find the right one for you. They come in all shapes and sizes, and you just want to make sure you get the right fit!;-) I wish you the best of luck finding a good therapist.

[SweetTootie]

Originally Posted by Ubermensch

I think loving yourself starts with pride. First, find something about yourself that you are proud of. Then extend it. Realize that you are a unique person and are every bit as important as everyone else in the world. Learn to forgive yourself. Be proud of the fact that you can see and accept your flaws. Acknowledge them, but don't identify with them. You must see the good in yourself and identify with that. It doesn't matter what anyone else says about you or even thinks about you. All that matters is living your life your way and not feeling bad about doing that. Be proud of who you are. Fall in love with your way of thinking, with your very essence. Once you recognize your uniqueness is a gift to the world and has very real and true value, you will find your worth. Find meaning in your life. Be your own master and serve yourself, not others. The way to do all this is to use your willpower.

I hope you don't mind if I cut into the conversation but I just had to say, "Very well said!" I'm going to write this in my journal and read it when I start feeling bad about myself. You are a very wise person. Thank you for sharing.

[BeYou]

No, this world would not be better off without you! You don't have that many people in your world because you are afraid to open up to people. You think there is something wrong with you and you afraid if they knew how bad you are, they will abandon you. First, understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Do you see how many people are lonely? Do you have a co-worker or a neighbor that can invite for cup of tea? Listen to them - they are same as you! Have compassion for others and yourself! Be the first who reaches out for people. Know somebody with a child like your age? Invite them to the park, or to do something! You will be amazed how many people will want your company! Don't wait for others to get to you, get to them first! And always remember - your idea about yourself was formulated by others in your life, but it doesn't mean that they are right! Most of the time those people suffering from the same problems as you, just take it out on you, and in result you think there is something wrong with you when there is none! You are wonderful and there is so much you can give to the world!