[Overcastbutclearing]

Last 2 days I have been having so many flashbacks that I am losing my grip.
When I first had the session on Weds. it went okay I thought. I was proud that I didn't start freaking out in the session. But, then overnight I began with bad dreams. Now the flashbacks. I am feeling everything as if it just happened. I am scared. I don't know if I can go through the trauma work.
I am losing my hold on staying grounded.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i know it's scary. i really do.

be safe,

kd

[CedarS]

Can you call your therapist? Do you have access to a good crisis line, or do you need to get to the ER?

Here are some things that help me otherwise:

I make sure that I eat enough, and relatively often, hunger/low blood sugar makes me feel so much worse.

I make sure that I am well hydrated, I drink water often.

B-complex vitamins seem to help, I make sure to take them during rough times especially.

I do anything that helps me feel safer and secure, in the present. I lock doors, wear comfortable clothing, take a hot bath or shower, listen to music if I can. I find healthy distraction if I am able.

I give myself soothing messages. I use the word "peaceful" said or thought slowly to calm myself down.

To help me get back to present:
Name something I see
hear
smell
touch
taste

I get extra sleep if I can.

I tell myself that all my feelings are okay, I am not bad, flashbacks happen and I can find a way to pace them, work with them rather than be overwhelmed. I envision my past tucked safely into some sort of container, like a file cabinet, I have access especially with a therapist to my past, but I also get to close the drawers and do something else.

Best Wishes,
Sarah

[Lexicon78]

Keep telling yourself over and over that it is not happening now. I know just how hard this is. I have been going through flashbacks on and off for the past 5 years...try to ground yourself by petting an animal and focusing on the way its fur feels, or feel the textures on your chair or couch...

I hope you feel better soon.

I remember when I first started having flashbacks. it was back in the 1980's and I had a nightly nightmare that I couldnt remember after I woke up. I was seeing a county mental health therapist who was more interested in medicating me. I was attending community college and during my sociology class we had two guest speakers from the next towns Rape crisis Center. They were in the process of opening a branch of the crisis center at the domestic violence office. I slipped one of the crisis center speakers a note saying I had the nightmare and asked if their agency could help. She discretely nodded and I met with her. we ended up talking in her truck because the domestic violence was so full of people trying to get organized. anyway after our talk we went inside and she introduced me to a woman I'll call Joan. Because I was seeing county mental health I had to sign the release forms so that "helen" and Joan could talk together. Joan had me start journalling at night and bringing it to her. She would read it and ask questions. Slowly I started remembering the nightmare. One day I was getting ready for work and the next thing I knew I was in the shower with my arm cut. I went to joan and because I couldn't explain the what hows and so on Helen hospitalized me (That was the end of Helen. On the case came Ann) long story short one day after I had been hospitalized twice I couldn't take it any more. I left work with a very quick "got to go to see Joan bye" to my boss. I barged in to Joans office and said "it's happening now" I held on as long as I could trying to answer her questions then the next thing I know she was laughing so much so she had tears coming down. I got a bit mad because I thought she was laughing at me. She was laughing at herself for not realizing what was going of for the past 6 months to a year. She looked at me and said "you're not suicidal you're having flashbacks" then she told me that flasbacks were memories of things that have actually happened and its the brains natural way of processing tramatic experiences.I don't need meds and hospitals for this. To fix this we just needed to reach the end of this nightmare and basically put my brain on overload, desensitize me by talking, drawing, writing and and what ever other ways we can come up with so that my brain gets used to the content of the nightmares/flashbacks that I no longer am afraid and react on them. I started carrying my notebook and pen. anytime a flashback hit I went into the nearest bathroom and wrote everything I was seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling and so on. At first they didn't make any sense but as time went on the pieces started falling in to place. I reached that nightmares end and the flashbacks came as whole pictures complete with sound, smells and so on. and then as time went on they started fading to where I no longer have flashbacks for that situation/nightmare anymore. I have gone through many flashback cycles and Joan's way has pulled me through to the other side each and every time. Each cycle more graphic and painful than the one before which I am told is normal the brain gives only what the person is ready for so it is kind of like start out easy get harder until there is no more kind of thing. So I have expanded on Joan's routine in that I now carry my walkman with a tape specifically for when I have flashbacks with relaxation type music and also songs like crystal gayles "let your feellings show, keeping power, ready for the times to get better. I also take lots of baths, walk and bike, squishing playdough and focusing on how that feels also helps.

Hang in there this cycle will end as soon as you know everything your brain is trying to tell you.

[Overcastbutclearing]

It helps that you are sharing your stories.
Thanks!

you're welcome. the hardest part for me now when a flashback cycle starts is remembering what to do. my first instict is to hold my breath and head off to my la la land (mental safe place) so I carry with me taped to the cover of my notebook a list of what to do. putting music on= is automatic for me. on the back of my walkman and or cassette case is - take out notebook. inside notebook is - 3.dont hold breath put hand on heart and match breathing and heart rate and slow them down. 4. look for the nearest bathroom. 5. what am I seeing? 6. what am I hearing? 7. what am I feeling psyically and or mentally.? Most of the time I can do it without the list but for those times when the pictures are extremely gory and pass out painful I have been very glad I have the list to go by. you may think you're going crazy, but you are not crazy, the fact that your brain is processing your memories says you are very normal. and it may feel like it will never end but It does get better as for your flashbacks ending forever I can't promise that. take care.

[dottie]

Hi Lexi! That was a very good suggestion. I do things like that whenever I have a flashback. And flashbacks can happen at any time. Even when I am just doing something as simple as washing the dishes..I can find myself engulfed with flashbacks. Learning how to handle them is so important.One of my tools is putting on some soothing music.

~Dottie

[Myzen]

Hi sj,

Sorry to hear that this is happening. I know about flashbacks.

I've never been able to stop them, but they can lessen considerably when the illness lessens. Also I was able to learn a kind of ignoring technique, which helped me. One of my strategies was to go into the memories and try to face up to the pain, then when the flashbacks came again I said to myself 'I know what this is, there's nothing new here'.

The memories always come as if there is something new, but there isn't. It's just the same old pain.

Peaceful thoughts, M

[bipolar_bear]

I too am having a lot of flashbacks recently. I journal a lot about them and it seems to help after the fact and hopefully in decreasing the frequency. Afterward I also do anything to get grounded especially touching something that is real furniture, car, dishes whatever I am around at the time. I try and tell myself that they are not happening now that it was in the past. Deep breathes also help me get back in the here and now. Distracting myself sometimes helps too.

However, I find it hard in the midst of having a flashback to do anything as I am so overcome by reliving what happened. Does this happen to anyone else? It just seems to take over completly that I have to get to some point before any of this works. I guess I am not explaining myself well but I wondered if it I was different in this.

[soonforgotten]

(((((((((((sj0)))))))))))

I've been recently having flashbacks myself and boy! are they depressing. Try to stay strong and don't let them over power you.

Lisa

you explained it perfectly. I uderstand what you are asking-

Yes it used to completely overwhelm me. thats why I started carrying a list of hpone numbers and things to do. that way when one starts hitting all I had to do is follow the list.

At first I couldnt seem to even remember I had the list with me. Then I lstarted paying attention to how I was feeling. With flashbacks there is always a sign that they are on the way, That sign can be small or major for example - a feeling that something isn't right, cant concentrate or sit still, panicky feelings like the heart beating faster, short of breath, heavyness, vison starting to blur, starting to feel a pain somewhere, a headache... the list of possible flashback signs are endless and varies from perosn to person depending on what is different from how they normally feel during times when they are not having a flashback.

Once I learned what my before reactions were I was able to start using the list. At the first sign I would put my headphones and music on. Music helps me to calm down and focus.

over time I have learned that all my flashbacks were not identical in strength so I divided my flashbacks into mild, meduim or hard.

The mild ones are the quick easy no painones. Just a quick picture flash. Sometimes the picture is so fast that I have no idea of the content. I just know that one second theres an uncomfortable hold my breath type of thing (kind of like the same reaction a person would do if someone walked up behind them and shouted boo) then the picture, then I'm back to normal. I have these kind of flashbacks every day and so many I no longer try to count them. My attitude on these is wave the hand, they're just there, who cares, not me.

The medium ones are the ones that last a bit longer for example I keep hearing this annoying clicking/humming noise. it's distracting and lasts for sometimes as long as 5 minutes at a time. Another one I get is a sharp needle piercing/stab like pain that lasts longer than just a few minutes, Pictures that I can see some of the content like a shadow standing in a doorway. Before I have these type fo flashbacks my body tenses up and I feel like I want to run.

the hard ones are very graphic, very painful lasting sometimes up to an hour. right before them I feel like I can't breath, I need to run, hide, get away. basic major panic attack then panic attack with gory painful pictures, sounds, curl the toes type pain.

Once I had this information I was able to put in place things for each type so that I no longer get totally overwhelmed by them. My therapist was a great help and resoure in helping with this.

It took me about 6 months to a year to learn to pay attention and put coping tools in place. Take with your therapist he/she can help you develop the plan that is right for you.

[kelbelle65]

{{{{{{{{{{{friends}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm crying after reading this thread. I am so sorry these terrible things happened to you and that you have to re-live them in flashbacks. I had no idea they could be so vivid. I just posted my abuse (during a drug overdose) story and it just seems so mild compared to what I can only imagine some of you have gone through. My wish for you all is that you feel safe and protected from this moment on, in everything you do in life. It's all that any of us want and deserve-- to feel safe from harm.

So, please hang on through your flashbacks and harness your power to overcome. I know you can do it. I know that the human heart is stronger than it is frail. The human mind is capable of amazing things-- think of rocketships and brain surgery-- just because we lay people don't have the smarts to build a rocket or operate on a brain-- it doesn't mean we don't have unharnessed brain power. Flashbacks are not what's happening now, so I think they can be gently recognized and sent away. Maybe taking a meditation class might help some of you... or biofeedback.

I feel so... angry and distressed that so many of you are hurting like this. I'm so sorry that you experience such pain and sorrow... and I think I'm feeling a little 'survivors guilt' if you can call it that. Because I was molested or accosted or raped or something and I don't remember it because I was too busy overdosing
and being left for dead on my own front door... UGH.
I almost want to re-experience what happened to me so I can understand what I'm "supposed to be going through..." I don't know if this is coming out right. I don't feel very articulate right now.

Love and hugs to all,
Kelly

[kelbelle65]

Me again... Oh, man... I just re-read my post after sending it and now I'm worried that my sentence about "gently sending away" your flashbacks sounds like I am telling you all to just magically be stronger or get over it. Please don't take it that way. I didn't mean it that way. I know that none of us can just "get over" any of our disorders. I would like to say that by saying "gently send flashbacks away" I was being hopeful that we might learn to do it... when I typed that sentence, I was thinking of how the abuser has all this power that they don't deserve, so I got angry at all abusers of the world, and I want us to rise up and conquer. Hope that clarifies a bit. Sorry

[Overcastbutclearing]

I know you were being helpful kelbelle. Thank you.
Thank you all.
I seem to be sleeping a little better.
I am still having flashbacks...I know they are not going to disappear overnight.
My T and I spoke last night about having some type of tangible object that I keep with me.
I am trying to think of what I could have with me that would be small enough to carry around but something that would help me stay in the reality of my day.
Any suggestions?

SJ
I carried a small, smooth stone that my T gave me for years. It helped. Maybe she could give you something like that or maybe a marble?

I hope you can find some peace along the journey.

Petunia

[Overcastbutclearing]

I don't think my T is giving me anything. I think it is something I need to find on my own.
I thank you for wishing me peace along this path.
I do good then one thing can bring devastation to my day and memories of the abuser, the place the smells in the air all come flooding back.
It is draining at times.
I actually will split in order to try and avoid the pain.
Thanks for the suggestion though Petunia. A stone or marble may be good and is small enough to take with me wherever I go.

[CedarS]

I carry a small smooth black stone that I found on the beach, it goes along with me in my pocket everywhere, had it for years. Helps immensely. I've also slept with it under my pillow.

[Overcastbutclearing]

I think the FB are getting even worse now.
I am not sleeping through the night.
I am afraid that I am being stalked by my 2 abusers.
And, I am afraid that ultimately the FB are going to take my life away from me.
I woke up thinking about how I was knocked down, choked and made to do something I never consented to.
And now, I have to go to work and act like I am a normal, sane person while my head is diverting me and planning games on me.
This is not going to be something I can last through.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((sj))))))))))))))))))))

i don't remember if we've talked about this. if we have, my apologies that i don't remember, but are you taking meds? you may need to for a time, if not, or have them adjusted for a bit, if so.

this will pass. i know it's so hard while in it, though.

be safe,

[Overcastbutclearing]

KD,
I am currently on 30mg of cymbalta.
Doc did try me off on some abilify but I didn't like the side affects at all.
I think it is funny that you just asked me this because I was thinking I don't need meds @ all and that could be half of my problem/
I am actually so freaking tired of these flashbacks that I texted my T and told her I can't continue in this line of therapy because the flashbacks will destroy me.
I haven't heard back from her...but ya know..she has a 24 hour window.

Have you heard of cymbalta> I personally don't think it does anything for me. I have been on it for like 2-3 months.

[bipolar_bear]

I don't know anything about cymbalta but wonder if there isn't possibly something else to help you through this. You may ask your T when you talk to her.
Maybe abilify just wasn't the right med.

Could it be that you have been working at too fast a pace in T? Sometimes we are not ready to handle something and when we push too hard we are not ready to cope. I am having very frequent flashbacks and nightmares and we have backed off some of the trauma therapy and are concentrating on some coping skills so I will have something to fall back on as it gets tough again in therapy. Unfortunately it has not reduced them but hopefully now that I am starting back into the trauma therapy that it will help.

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now.

[Overcastbutclearing]

I saw my T again last night because yesterday I was so overwhelmed with flashbacks.
She said this is normal and that I am going through the worst of the trauma work. She said it will get easier.
She mentioned seroquel. I don't know much about that but I can speak with my pdoc next time I have an appt.
I am going to try and think about other things when the flashbacks come on so strong.
They are consuming everything in me and I am having a hard time @ work and just concentrating in general.
Hoping today is a better day!!

how about making a shoebox version of your flashback?

A couple years ago I was having flashbacks about the house I grew up in. This was followed by a nightmare everynight about the house breathing and no matter what I did I couldn't get out. Ingoring and distracting myself didn't work. I was reading a book I think but not sure it was one of heather harpham books anyway the woman was having flashbacks and nightmares so she decided to make a shoe box version. and it worked for her. so I tried it. Every time I had that flashback I would grab my shoe box and make what I remembered and put it into it. The flashbacks went away. the nightmare was still there and I couldn't figure out how to put a whole house into a shoe box so I made a 2 foot by 2 foot model of the house putting in what I know kmew about the flashbacks and then I cut down all sides possible, cut out the windows and put string on the inside so that no matter what room I was in all I had to do was climb out a window or pull the string and the wall opened and let me out. that nightmare went away the night I finished "decorating" it..

[Overcastbutclearing]

At first my flashbacks were literally flashes of memories from the abuse.
They seem to be more then just "flashes" now. They are like mini commericials, if you will.
And, I can actually hear certain familiar sounds from the times. I can smell his god awful cologne.
I am trying to focus. I have a few text messages from my T that I re-read to try and get away from the flashbacks.
I just went outside for some fresh air too.
But, I feel like I was much better stuffing these down below and them locking them up tight.
I don't feel very strong. I am not sure I have what it takes to get through this!