Rape from husband?

I think that i might be over paranoid but i need to know if this is possible.

My medications have given me a total loss of sex drive and it is driving my husband crazy.He feels neglected and that i am not attracted to him anymore. Which is so not the case!!!!

But for the last little while he has been having sex with me while I sleep.I have woken up with mess in and on me on many occasions. And when I have woken up I froze because I have been raped that way before(heavily medicated with sleeping pills)Sometimes I shrug him off and he quits but other times he geets pushy and tries to roll me over. Sometimes i just get up and go sleep on the couch.

When I confront him he says that he is also sleeping. Is that possible? He is sitting right up and moving me around how could he be sleeping? And when I push him away he huffs and rolls over mad at me because i don't want to do anything.

I told my friend and she said it is still rape and tell him if he doesn't quit that you will charge him. I feel guilty because he wants it and I don't and what if he is actually sleeping.

How do I stop this?!?!

Dear Cstrong82, ((((((( HUGS )))))))

I too have questioned this issue on the forum in the last month.... please go to the SURVIVORS OF ABUSE thread and read the POST called: No Question - Just a Comment .

Please feel free to PM if you wish to continue this conversation in private....

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Dear Cstrong,

I wanted to add that.... I am here for YOU and that I do understand how you are feeling (confused - worried - frightened) and that I too understand where your husband is coming from.... and with that I would like to be here to help you and your husband work this situation and to make the marriage / sex life better - not broken.

I have learned from this type of situation and together we (hubby & I) have learned to meet each others needs through (with) love and respect.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

LINK: http://4-womenonly.com/index_flash.aspx
Awesome!! website and book for understanding your MAN.... the book for him to understand his WOMAN is coming out in May of this year - 2006.

NO means NO --no matter what the cercumstances. and if a person has sex with another without their permission or when they are unable to make that decision medically induced (date rape drug, sleeping pills, and or any other medications that render the person unable to give permision and or fight off unwanted sexual acts) or not it is called RAPE.

When a person sleeps there is a chemical released that basically paralyses a person during the REM cycle of sleep (the state during sleep where a person dreams) otherwise people would be sleepwalking and acting out their dreams. Sleep walking and acting out in any way due to not having this chemical shows up in childhood, so if he he did not have this chemical he would have been raping everyone in his home as a teenager every time he dreamed of his idols and girlfriends. So if he is having sex while still asleep he needs medical attention before he dreams he is driving the car somewhere, or dreams he's having sex and takes a stranger against their will which is rape just like he is doing to you - rape.

normally (without a medical problem) it is not possible for a man to have sex while still asleep, They can have a wet dream but that is not full out having sex while asleep.

This is a common statement made by men who would rather have the significant other instead of self gratification. A great show that discusses this from both the sexual point of view and medical point of view is Talk Sex With Sue. It airs on the Oxygen channel. Sue Johannson is the professional that has the show and a website. On the show they take calls ins from people who have sexual based queestions.

One thing she says is -- if the man is sleeping while he is doing this to his significant other how did he manage before he met significant other - answer he controlled himself and used self gratification, otherwise he would have been arrested for rape of whoever he got while sleeping. If he can control himself without a significant other then he can control himself with a significant other. If he cant control himself he needs medical and psychological help to locate and take care of the problem.

My suggestion - tell him if he has sex with you like this again you are going to call your family physician and let him / her know what is going on so that he can get the medical help he needs in controlling this medical problem. If he says it isn't medical then tell him fine the physician can recommend a therapist to help him control his uncontrolable urges of raping you while he is asleep. If he says its not medical or psychological then he can control himself and you will have him arrested for rape because he is doing the equivelent of what people do with rhohipnol (date rape drug). You are taking medication that renders you incapable of making the decision to have sex just like the date rape drug does. and he is taking you just like those that use the date rape drug for their sex by waiting until the person is unconscious (sleeping is being unconscious) and then having sex with them. He is raping you and he either needs to control himself or get the medical or psychological or judicial help to control his actions.

How about you talk to whoever prescribed your meds and talk about the problem. There are meds that don't do that.

I'm a woman, and judging from all of the responses you've gotten, I'm wondering where any smidgeon of consideration for the husband is!! Marriage is a two way street, people! Marriage isn't all about one or the other, it's about BOTH!

I'm not saying that this ISN'T rape, but I was raped by my ex. It wasn't PASSIVE!!

You need to deal with this problem TOGETHER!

Good luck.

I responded to this when I read it this morning, I thought, but somehow responded to a different post. I'm sorry

(((((((((((((cstrong))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that this is going on. This is, at the least, abuse!

We're here for you. I would like to suggest that you also speak with a professional about this.

You'll get lots of support here, and real life support is necessary with this too, I think.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

kd

Rape: Sexual intercourse with a woman by a man without her consent and chiefly by force or deception

Marital status is irrelevant.

My ex-husband used to "dream" that he was having sex and then lo and behold he'd start doing things to me in his "sleep." He'd wake me up out of a sound sleep and then when he "woke up" he'd tell me he thought it was all a dream. BS

He also didn't want me on antidepressants because it took away my sex drive. Truth be told, I just didn't want to have sex with him. Medication was beside the point, but he couldn't have his tender male ego bruised over the thought that not every woman wanted him.

Thank you so much for all of the responces and support.

I'm still having a problem dealing with this. we have discussed this on countless occasions and nothing has changed. It has even happend nights that we have talked about it earlier in the day. He says sorry and we go on with our day.

I feel horrible because I should want to have sex with him, but the more he pushes me like this the less I want to do anything with him.

And i am not ignoring his feelings. I know that he has needs but that does not give him the excuse to take advantage of me while I am sleeping. If he tried while I was awake and not tierd then I probably would have sex. I just don't take well to the feeling of being violated to suit his needs!

I am not sure that he will get medical help but I will discuss it with him tonight.

Thank you so much for your insight.

Didn't you divorce him, though?

We mustn't assume that everyone is on the same page as you are. Maybe she wants to make her marriage work. Ever think of that?

Besides, I didn't say I condoned what he's doing. What I said is that it should be worked out!

I know what rape is first-hand, thank you, and it's not ALWAYS MEN that do it!

YOU need to discuss your problem with the dr that prescribed the meds you're on now. Maybe he can change them to something that won't affect your libido.

You're right. He shouldn't be taking advantage of you like he is. But you BOTH need to work it out. Do you have a T? That's where I would go next since he isn't paying attention to your needs.

Let's get this back to the topic starter's issue, shall we?

Sept... no need to be fiesty. Let's get back to cstrong...

cstrong, I hope you can work this out. I would feel very violated too, under the circumstances. When you talk to him tonight, stay true to your instincts -- if it feels wrong to you, then it is wrong. I know that it won't be an easy conversation to have, but it is very important that he understand that you consider it to be a violation and that it cannot continue. Good luck

ok, all three of us posted at the same time, before anything erupts. I think we're back on track now...

cstrong,

I think it's great that you're going to discuss with him his getting help. I think that you stated you'd discussed this with him before, and it hasn't changed anything. It will be great if he does so, but I wouldn't put the solution to this solely on his getting help.

Please speak with someone about this yourself as well. Do you have a dr, t, p'doc? He needs help to figure out why he feels the need to do this, and you need to discuss with someone what your options are and find your clear thoughts on what is a good thing for you in this, and also for support. That's just my opinion. We can't change others. We can, however, change ourselves and our responses to others, and urge others to want to look for change in themselves.

I wish you so much more than well.

KD

That's EXACTLY what I was discussing, is CStrong's issues! I addressed myself to HER.

Exactly!

I have to agree with September on this.

C to me it seems as if you really would like to make love with your husband. Maybe the medication is all wrong for you. I know there are meds that affect the sex drive and maybe you are on one of those. I do not condon anyone having their way with anyone while sleeping under the influence of drugs. That is very wrong. But please talk to your dr about the problems with this medication you are taking. I think if he could change it for you you would feel much better about things with your husband.

LOL Ok, maybe not funny, but I believe men CAN do this stuff in their sleep If he's asleep, then don't worry that he's "mad" at the time that you push him away. IMO, relations should be an agreed-to participation and cherished.

?

In your sleep knee him if he is really sleeping he wont be vexed he will be shocked.....if not then..its rape

I love it, Great Idea -

me I slept with a knife after my boyfriend and I discussed it and I told him flat out sleep or not it doesn't happen without my permission, then I put a call into my doctor to varify his idea of "Im sorry I was sleeping", to which doctor stated no if the chemicals that were supposed to be released into the body right before REM was working he should not be doing that and set an appointment for my boyfriend and we BOTH attended that appointment and my doctor explained how the sleep cycles work to him and then asked him to go through a battery of tests just incase this chemical was not working right. My boyfriend was out of that office faster than anything. And right on Q when I faked sleep he started in, I pulled that knife out from under my pillow and he was suddenly "wide awake" and very sincere about it not happening again and he left to spend the night with a relative. but I didn't take any chances, the next day I changed the locks, told him he could get his stuff when he was accompanied by the police. The police came with him that night and while he was removing his things asked why I was kicking him out. Right there I told them what had been going on and they looked at him, put him in handcuffs and asked me if I wanted to press charges for sexual assault and or rape. I did and he very quickly and quietly and very much embarrassed, pled quilty. He only got a year and time off for good behavior and time spent in jail waiting trial due to lack of bail. when he got out he kept his distance with exception to his supervised visitation with my son. I told him if he ever messed with me again I would plaster it all over the news and every news paper I possibly could, Given my public side back then he did not push it.

yup knee him and you will definately find out if hes asleep. No means no and the sooner he figures that out the better. take care.

Its rape. If he is doing this to you without your permission its rape.

This is definitely rape in my book. I don't care if they're asleep or not! I highly doubt he was sleeping anyways! I like the knife idea! You need to let this man know you mean business and that what he is doing is a serious crime! You don't have to take this EVER!

I'd threaten him with going to the police if it happens again. Then you can tell him the consequences of doing it again.

I believe people can do many things in their sleep, but sex is not one of them!

Okay to all I dicussed with him and we are going to the doctor on monday.
We actually had sex on our own lastnight but was interupted by baby crying. I'm sorry to say but I was relieved that she interupted. That is a sickening thought but true.
We are getting help though and I will keep posted on how it goes.
I also am not taking the advice of threatening with a knife or charges because I want our marriage to work. Not fall apart because I have issues.