[roads]

I'm glad to be here. Had my 66th birthday recently, spent part of it on my hands & knees with my favorite 9 yr-old playing his games. How wonderful can life get? I'm still liking this sober life so have decided to keep it up for another ... DAY!
All I can promise. Even after all this time.
But it's enough.
Roadie

[susan888]

Seven days for me without a drink. Just got home from AA. I hope I can do this.....

[Edge11]

Hi susan888, You can do it!!!! One Day At A Time....

Originally Posted by ladyjane4rent

I am still fighting with myself to not have a drink this weekend. I am proud of being sober and actually excited for the challenge how fun it is to be 'normal' but that drinks sounds sooooo goood....

...yep I'm right with you there, I had some serious cravings the last three days and they went from my head to my stomach and then to my whole body...just begging me to hit it with alcohol.

and when I sit there and think..."am I ACTUALLY gonna do it?"....time just stands still and the world just circles my head and somehow if I can pluck a vivd alcoholic nightmare out of the mess I'm in...?....to remind me

it's a fight and I just didn't permit it!

good stuff ladyjane

[ladyjane4rent]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I'm glad to be here. Had my 66th birthday recently, spent part of it on my hands & knees with my favorite 9 yr-old playing his games. How wonderful can life get? I'm still liking this sober life so have decided to keep it up for another ... DAY!
All I can promise. Even after all this time.
But it's enough.
Roadie

One day at a time... it sounds better to me than the "long run" because this reassures me there IS some day in the future I CAN have a drink without getting out of control. I just need to learn to control it right.. One drink a week can't hurt.. two drinks one night a week can't hurt. Or two drinks a night every two weeks I can. Can I do that? Would that classify as "quitting" ?

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by ladyjane4rent

One day at a time... it sounds better to me than the "long run" because this reassures me there IS some day in the future I CAN have a drink without getting out of control. I just need to learn to control it right.. One drink a week can't hurt.. two drinks one night a week can't hurt. Or two drinks a night every two weeks I can. Can I do that? Would that classify as "quitting" ?

ladyjane if we've stepped over into active alcoholism contol goes out the window. in that case alcohol controls us not the other way around. i tried controlled drinking and alcohol won out everytime.
if you're not alcoholic restraint/moderation may work for you.
BUT if we're constantly thinking of alcohol even if we're not drinking may be something for you to look at.
there's a helpful "test"-commit yourself to not drink for 30 days. see how it goes. it may offer you insight about your drinking.
hope this helps.

Here and well enough to function. I'm glad to be clean and sober.

[susan888]

Working on day 8! I sure am sleeping a lot better! Doing very good today until 5:00 rolls around. 5:00 - 9:00 are my tough times. Have a wonderful day everyone!

[DePressMe]

I've started taking my antabuse again because I've been feeling impulsive. I've been sober for over 6 years but I know I'm only one drink away from oblivion.

[Plutonian]

Two days sober. What's helping me stay away from drugs the most right now is that I still feel sick from an overdose Tuesday evening. I smoked a little on Wednesday and Thursday, but I can't even bring myself to do that anymore. I'm tired of my mind being clouded and my body feeling sick. I went out to a bar with my friends tonight and they offered to buy me a drink and I couldn't take the offer. I absolutely have no desire for any sort of mind-altering substance right now. Just thinking about intoxication makes me want to vomit

Another thing that is helping is my roommate. I spilled my guts to her yesterday, told her about my problems, gave her all of my paraphernalia, and let her take care of the rest of my stash. She is so understanding, she just sat there and held me while I cried and blubbered. I'm thankful to have her in my life. I'm also attempting to regain sobriety because my grandmother's birthday was yesterday and talking to her on the phone made me realize how upset she would be if I had died the other night. It took everything I had to not break down and cry while on the phone with her.

I've tried cleaning up many times over the years. I'm serious this time around. I can't throw my life away with chemicals.

Here and clean...

I've had hatred that wasn't connected to a real object or person. This hatred nearly killed me. I conquored it. It was the most difficult war ever fought, in my book. It served the common good also. I feel disarmed.

[Plutonian]

Three days sober. Since I've been detoxing, it's been extremely difficult to sleep, to eat, to get out of bed in the morning to go to work. Last night as I was tossing and turning in my bed, all I could think about was heroin. My dreams when I was briefly sleeping were filled with h: trying to find a dealer, trying to find a place to safely shoot up, etc. The physical symptoms right now are relatively easy to deal with (God knows how many times I've vomited from drug use and just kept going, how many sleepless nights I've spent intoxicated, how many days I've gone without food), but oh my... psychological addictions are so hard to overcome. After I overdosed, I felt an immense repulsion to h. Here I am, almost a week after overdosing and I'm craving it again. Probably because my stomach has finally calmed down enough for me to keep food down: I haven't vomited in over 24 hours and I've had two decent meals today. I absolutely DO NOT want to go back to h, but my mind will not quit thinking about it. I've heard from other users that once you try h, even just once, you will never quit thinking about it. Has anyone here had experience on this front? I'd like to know if this is true I know that when I used to do cocaine, I didn't really care for it, but I find myself still craving it from time to time, even though I haven't done any in years. I'm wondering if this will be a similar experience? Except my affinity for heroin is (was?) much greater than my affinity for cocaine and other stimulants :\

Here and clean. Well enuf..

[Edge11]

Sometimes the fog lifts and I am able to feel the true peace and contentment of sobriety...

[Plutonian]

Four days sober. The initial repulsion to any sort of intoxication is gone. I haven't felt sick at all today. Ate three normal meals. The majority of my thoughts today have been how to get high, especially since I gave all of my stuff to my roommate and I am low on cash until my next paycheck! F**k!! And I had to reschedule tomorrow's appointment with my therapist until Wednesday because I got called into work. Feeling immensely frustrated right now

I need to keep reminding myself that sobriety is beneficial at this stage in my life. I need to find a new job, need to be clean in case I'm going to be drug tested. My mood has improved drastically since I haven't been smoking weed, in as little as four days. I need to keep that in mind. But the heroin, oh my, the heroin. How do I get it out of my head? Tomorrow evening marks a week since I overdosed and the last time I used h. I just want to bask in that blissful glowing high right now

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Plutonian

Three days sober. Since I've been detoxing, it's been extremely difficult to sleep, to eat, to get out of bed in the morning to go to work. Last night as I was tossing and turning in my bed, all I could think about was heroin. My dreams when I was briefly sleeping were filled with h: trying to find a dealer, trying to find a place to safely shoot up, etc. The physical symptoms right now are relatively easy to deal with (God knows how many times I've vomited from drug use and just kept going, how many sleepless nights I've spent intoxicated, how many days I've gone without food), but oh my... psychological addictions are so hard to overcome. After I overdosed, I felt an immense repulsion to h. Here I am, almost a week after overdosing and I'm craving it again. Probably because my stomach has finally calmed down enough for me to keep food down: I haven't vomited in over 24 hours and I've had two decent meals today. I absolutely DO NOT want to go back to h, but my mind will not quit thinking about it. I've heard from other users that once you try h, even just once, you will never quit thinking about it. Has anyone here had experience on this front? I'd like to know if this is true I know that when I used to do cocaine, I didn't really care for it, but I find myself still craving it from time to time, even though I haven't done any in years. I'm wondering if this will be a similar experience? Except my affinity for heroin is (was?) much greater than my affinity for cocaine and other stimulants :\

Heroin Withdrawal

For longer term users, that isn't the end of it! This acute withdrawal is followed by a "protracted abstinence syndrome" which can continue for up to 32 weeks afterwards. The symptoms that continue over this time are: restlessness; disturbed sleep patterns; abnormal blood pressure and pulse rate; dilated pupils; feeling cold; irritability; change of personality and feeling; as well as an intense craving for the drug [3].
Often the hardest part of detox is not the withdrawing itself but staying off it altogether. To remain clean, a whole change of life is required. New friends, keeping away from areas where you used to score, and finding things to relieve the boredom and time you would have spent using the drug, are amongst the things that have to change, as well as wanting to stay clean.

a 12 step program may help you like NA. you would find support there from ppl who have experienced in the past using heroin and how they've successfully stayed clean.
hope this helps and i wish you well.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Plutonian

Four days sober. The initial repulsion to any sort of intoxication is gone. I haven't felt sick at all today.
....
My mood has improved drastically since I haven't been smoking weed, in as little as four days. I need to keep that in mind. But the heroin, oh my, the heroin. How do I get it out of my head? Tomorrow evening marks a week since I overdosed and the last time I used h. I just want to bask in that blissful glowing high right now

So maybe it was the weed that caused the problems? Just stick with the h, stay off the weed? Or am I hearing you wrong, I hope.

How do you get it out of your head? Well, you don't. And that's the truth. The notion that it owns you is going to stick around for awhile, because that's the nature of the addiction beast, whichever breed has you. You've got about the worst.

My long term demons were alcohol & tobacco--but I took a turn with peyote & that could have taken my life.

I'm also recommending madisgram's suggestion of a 12-step such as NA because you'll get the companionship of those you've been there. You'll recognize similar pain, not suffer empty theory. It diverts from h's summons for a bit.

I'm so sorry there's no easier way. Maybe go back and re-read your initial posts, try to remember how bad it was & that you don't want to go through it again. You don't want someone explaining to your grandmother why you're dead. Make the scenarios real.

Come here as often as you want. There's no such thing as too much. Post till your fingers go into spasm. Get out the anger and fear and pain. Get it all out over and over. Someone will listen. Someone listened to us. That's what Doc. John set up Psych Central for and why it's still here. Use it.

So. What's next? It's tough. It's possible. Ready?

Roadie

[Plutonian]

Working on my fifth day sober...

Thank you for that bit of info madisgram! But up to 32 WEEKS?! I'm definitely craving, feeling restless and having difficultly sleeping, but I've had issues with sleep long before I started using heroin. It's hard to tell what part of this is detox and what are my normal symptoms of daily life. I made myself exercise this morning to get some energy spent and keep my mind off of intoxication for a little while. I also went to my roommate and cried a little about how badly I want to be high right now. At my last therapy session, I was told to seek out NA meetings and go to at least a few by the time I see my therapist again. I have not done that. I'm afraid to go due to social anxiety issues

Roadie, the weed wasn't the problem initially. I have had issues with depression since I was a child, the weed started amplifying the problems a little over a year ago. I quit smoking weed for about seven months total last year, and felt fine without it. I diverted to other drugs along the way, though, before returning to weed for the past three months. I really like the smell and the taste of weed as well as the motion of smoking. The high, eeehhh, not so much anymore.

I have been re-reading my posts, trying to remind myself not to go through detox again. I've lost count how many times I've attempted sobriety in the past eight years. Sadly, addiction runs in my family. My grandmother was an alcoholic, quit because she had a stroke while I was a toddler. My brother is an alcoholic and avid weed smoker, he helped pull me back into smoking weed a few months ago. It was easy when he was living in a different state, but he moved back and is making it difficult to not smoke. I also have a few uncles who struggled with alcoholism. While I never really cared for being drunk, I feel I've turned to a much darker side of addiction with many different drugs under my belt. The fact that addiction is on both my mother's and father's sides of the family is all the more reason for me to beat this demon. I need to prove to myself that I can get over this hump in the road. I need to put this behind me once and for all.

I'm just scared to let go of this security blanket I've held on to for years. I've been hiding under it for so long, I've forgotten what it's like to be uncovered...

here and clean and sober

here and a 7. (on a health scale; 1 completely horrible,...,10 the opposite of horrible, ecstatic)
I am grateful I am clean and sober today.

Gracias God.

[madisgram]

pluto read your latest post. i didn't know how i'd deal with life either cause i'd obliterated life without alcohol. it is scary to do regular things when we get clean. i drank doing anything at home including ironing! but let's look at this logically...there are a multitude of ppl out there clean and sober. they do life stuff and things are ok except for the usual bumps. we've just forgotten how to live! it does get better..way better.. the longer we are chemically free. just takes practice. no need for you to worry. it does get better.

[Plutonian]

On my sixth day sober. Just got home from seeing my therapist. Fruitful session, I feel pretty good today. We discussed how to deal with cravings, things to do instead of getting intoxicated, how to stay clean, etc. No cravings so far today (or at least hidden in the back of my mind), but I've only been awake for four hours.

I really appreciate the support I'm finding here, it's definitely making things easier

[susan888]

Day 11 without a drink! Just got back from AA. I am meeting a lot of great people and got a sponsor this weekend! I did my homework tonight ( : to turn in at the meeting tomorrow. Very grateful to be sober again tonight!

[ladyjane4rent]

Ok, today is [[drumroll please]] day 9 sober!

I am enjoying life a lot more. There is more time to do things, I have a clear head all day/night, I am not hungover and the circles around my eyes are starting to slowly fade. I have increased my physical activity and I am remembering to pay bills on time and keep on other important daily things. Sober and proud to be, proud of me.

[roads]

Plutonian, I understand your need to "put this behind (you) once and for all." There are no absolutes like that with addictions, though. We're never any or us more than one use away from being right back in our addictions again.

I've learned to live with knowing that I can never relax my vigilance. You will too.

Roadie