[anjelmarie]

My bf teenage neice is staying with us in our cramped and cluttered small 1 bedroom apt. I'm used to it being just the 2 of us and having privacy. I like being alone, i don't enjoy having people around me all the time unless its my bf. I don't see people much, i don't talk on the phone much, thats just my personality. So having someone in here is really upsetting me. I have this feeling of being on edge, and like butterflys are in my stomach and my head feels funny. This feeling is constant. I do have high blood pressure and i take meds for it and am afraid its going to go up because i'm beyond stressed. My bf works and i don't i'm on disability and she hasn't been in school so shes home all day and i can't stand it. I don't want to be around anyone, i don't want to talk, i want my alone time and my privacy. I feel bad keeping my bedroom door closed so eventually i open it and she comes in and sits on the bed and starts talking and questioning me. I'm depressed so i do sleep alot and i don't like to get dressed, shower or anything somedays, i just lay like a vegetable in bed and stare at the tv and now she is seeing me do this. I didn't want anyone to know i wasn't working nevermind what i do all day which is nothing, laying around like a vegetable. Its embarrassing and i'm sure she has told her family. The house is a mess because i don't feel up to cleaning, its cluttered and i never even wanted anyone to visit. Now she is here and she sees and knows what i do and i'm pissed off and humiliated. I have books on depression, all my meds on the night stand which she questioned me about also. I can barely get online and i need to be able to get on line and communicate with people. The only reason i'm on now is because she stayed at a friends house. I don't know how long i can deal with this before i lose my sanity. I just needed to vent and hope to get some support.

Anjelmarie

[sunsetsunrise]

Anjelmarie, why does she have to be staying at your home? Its your home also. If it is harming you to have her there then will your bf understand and take action on your behalf? I am sorry this is happening.

[sundog]

Hi ((((((anjelmarie))))) I'm so sorry you're feeling so stressed. I can definitely understand why. How long is this person staying? I totally agree with sunsetsunrise that this is your home too and I very much hope that your bf takes your health problems seriously and that he will do what is necessary to make you feel better. Let us know how you are doing!

[anjelmarie]

Thank you for your support. Just hearing that someone thinks i have rights and that i'm not selfish for wanting my space makes me feel good and "worthy". You may not feel the same when i say the reason she is with us is because she got into an argument with her father, she was disrespectful because that is how she has always talked to him, it seems to be allowed. Anyway he lost his temper and hit her and she called the cops. My bf's family is very needy. One brother already has his sister, mother and sisters kids living with him and his wife. His wife came into the family knowing the situation. She knew they would be living with them. He also gets ssi money for 2 of the kids and his sister is on disability and mother gets soc. sec. Another brother already has 5 kids is unstable and can barely keep a roof over his own family's head, i thought at one point his kids would be needing a place to live. My bf's neice was staying with a family friend but her father didn't want her there and threatned to call child services so she had to leave. Then she was with her step mother who isn't with her father anymore and i don't know what happened, she says someone else moved in and there isn't any room anymore and the step mother says that she wasn't following her rules. Plus according to my bf she was complaining about having to feed her and give her money. She is always needing money from us too. She has no problem asking for money for transportation or to buy her an outfit, shoes, she wants her hair and nails done and she likes to be taken out to eat and always likes to order the most expensive thing on the menu. This weekend she balked because we chose to stay in instead of go into the city to find something to do and eat out. She said to my bf on saturday, "so your going to sit in the house all night". She makes a mess everywhere she goes and leaves it, so i have two people to clean up behind now. Did I mention shes home all day with me and is bored. She asks me what are you doing today? I have nothing to do except go to appts when i have them. I have no life. And I'm depressed so I don't have motivation and energy to do things a lot of the time and i don't feel like dealing with company. I can't take it. Today I was at the pharmacy so i took my pressure and it is somewhat elevated, not dangerously 147 over 94, i've gone much higher. But I could tell because I feel jittery all the time. My bf is afraid to say she can't stay with us because he thinks his family and his neice will think badly of him and she will hold it against him and not want anything to do with him anymore. His family is very emeshed and i feel they think they should come first all the time. I'm afraid to try to find an apt. and be on my own being on disability i don't think i can afford it. I'm in his home state too so i don't really even want to be here if i'm living on my own even though i've been here for years now, i lost alot of the friends i made when i was working. Anyway i'm sorry this is so long. I just am so stressed and since right now no one is home yet i can be online in peace. I can vent. I know nobody can fix the problem for me but just to have people say i have a right to feel the way i do is helpful to me. Thanks!!!

[CedarS]

You definitely have a right to feel how you feel.

I couldn't be in your situation myself, I also need lots of alone time and calm.

I think your bf needs to make you his priority in this situation. He needs to care about what you think and feel.

His niece needs help. Your bf can find out about social services available for her and her immediate family.

You are being treated like an unpaid babysitter with no rights, that is not fair.

I know from experience how hard it can be to figure out how to move while stressed out, but that might be a good option for you. Are you in therapy to help you during this time? Is there any case management available for you?

Big hugs to you, I sure can relate to your situation.

[anjelmarie]

Originally Posted by CedarS

You definitely have a right to feel how you feel.

I couldn't be in your situation myself, I also need lots of alone time and calm.

I think your bf needs to make you his priority in this situation. He needs to care about what you think and feel.

His niece needs help. Your bf can find out about social services available for her and her immediate family.

You are being treated like an unpaid babysitter with no rights, that is not fair.

I know from experience how hard it can be to figure out how to move while stressed out, but that might be a good option for you. Are you in therapy to help you during this time? Is there any case management available for you?

Big hugs to you, I sure can relate to your situation.

Thanks for your kind words and support. That is just how i am feeling, like an unpaid babysitter with no rights. My bf doesn't want her off galavanting so he doesn't even want her to go anywhere during the day while he's at work so i am the babysitter and i told him it wasn't fair to me. His reply was she likes being with you. I'm sorry but so freaking what. I don't want to be a babysitter all day. That is supposed to make me feel good? I know there will be people who think i'm being selfish and i do feel somewhat bad about the situation but i am suffering. I really am miserable day and night, i don't even sleep well. I don't even want to be home. Tomorrow i have group and i'm going to try to make it and she'll probably ask if she can come with me because she's bored. I just told my bf again how this is making me feel and that my bp is elevated and that i'm thinking of moving because of this. His response, thanks for being supportive. He said what is he supposed to do, she has nowhere to go except to the brother that has his sister and her kids and his mother and they live in the next state and she doesn't really want to go there, she wants to go to school here, she is supposed to start next week i hope. My bf says that will help since she won't be home during the day and it will help but i still am not happy and can't deal with the situation. We don't have the room and we have one tv in our bedroom and one computer. We have no room for her stuff and ours, the place looks worse than usual because stuff is everywhere and she just throws her clothes and shoes wherever they fall. Everytime I bring up the subject to my bf he sighs and groans and tries to walk away, he doesn't want to hear it and has nothing to say. He can't even tell me how long he thinks she'll be here. I feel its indefinete. I may have to think about moving, scared as i am i don't think i can live like this for long. Anyway thanks again for your support it means so much. By the way i do see a T. i went today and she suggests moving also.

Anjelmarie

[sadface]

Well to me it sounds like you two are in a situation where you are having to parent a child except I'm not hearing that any parenting is going on. Since she is in your home she must comply with house rules. Those house rules need to be discussed and agreed upon by all of you. Your bf sounds like a nice person that is trying to help out his family and doesn't know what to do in this situation. The rules need to be written down and she needs to know that in order to live here she must comply. If this is somethig that you can't be involved with then you do need to say so and be prepared to make other arrangements. The girl is a child and doesn't understand how hard this is for you but I know that doesn't help your situation. If you think that you can handle it if rules are set then you need to know for how long? What has happened with the Dad? Where is the Mom? Can you two be expected to provide a home for this child? For how long? This can't be a good situation for this child. She needs to be in a situation where she is welcome and can be nurtured. This isn't something you can give her and that is not your fault! It is the truth, at this point in your life you can not take care of a child and give her what she needs. Let your bf read these posts so he can what others are posting about this issue. I hope this all gets better for all of you!

[CedarS]

So sorry that you are going through this. Your boyfriend isn't being a supportive partner to you at all. He's not listening to you and he isn't taking care of responsibilities he has taken on.

You aren't responsible for his niece and you don't have to be, you don't have to be an unpaid babysitter, you don't have to take care of her. You aren't being selfish. You get to make your own choices, have your own opinions, your own wishes. You get to say No.

Unfortunately you've been unfairly placed in a situation where you are not allowed your own boundaries. Your rights are not being respected. And because his niece is not getting complete care, you end up by default the babysitter, if something happened while both of you are at the apartment, you are the adult and would have to deal with it. I wish your boyfriend would understand this.

If your boyfriend wants to help his niece, he needs to do so. You are an individual with your own rights, not an extension of him. And being supportive of him doesn't include being an unpaid babysitter when you don't want to be.

Moving can be stressful but then you can be in your own space, able to fully make your own choices.

Ideally when you told your bf that this isn't working, he would have sat down with you, listened, then worked with you to figure out what would work. He would have then worked with family and social services to find another place for his niece.

[sundog]

Oh my! What a complicated situation.....I'm so sorry you have been forced into this mess!!! First off, I totally agree with Sadface. While this girl is in your home she has to live by certain rules!! YOUR rules!! Your BF needs to sit her down and set some very clear boundaries.

More to the point though, this girl is not your responsibility! I don't think it's right that your BF is scared to "upset" his family at YOUR expense. He needs to put YOU first (((((((((anjelmarie))))))))))) I really hope you can work through this with your BF and that he starts getting his priorities straight

[ECHOES]

Maybe she feels very awkward and wishes to fit in, and wants to know you better, so she wants to know what's going on that day? Since you like to watch TV, could the two of you just watch TV and relax together? Maybe plan lunch together, or supper? Do you play cards or something like that, that isn't too intimate?

I can understand how you are feeling. It sounds uncomfortable for you.
I wonder how she feels, and if it's uncomfortable for her too.

[anjelmarie]

Thanks for your replys. I know there are some of you who feel i am not being fair to my bfs neice and not thinking of her and her situation. I feel guilty and bad about the way i feel but i cannot help the way i am and the type of personality i have and the fact that this is too much for me. I am dealing with depression and anxiety and other issues. Being that i don't have children i have not had to have that responsibility and i have had the place to myself most of the time when my bf works or is out and when he's home its just us. I like it that way. I need my space. Even growing up i needed to be by myself. That is who i am. I can't deal with someone being around me all the time talking and especially questionning me which i know kids do. I know this is hard for mothers to understand. I sleep with the bedroom door closed and try to keep it closed as long as possible and she will knock and then come in and sit down whether i want her to or not. I can't even be in my bedroom in peace. I did not ask or want to be in this predicament. She does need to feel welcome and wanted and she needs parenting and i don't feel like she can get that here, not from me unfortunately. I am not able to give her what she needs i have my own issues i am trying to deal with. I wasn't happy with my life and like i said dealing with depression, panic attacks and misery and adding this responsibility is too much for me. I don't think its fair. To me or to her. I don't know what to do or what the answer is. I know she will be hurt if he tells her she has to go somewhere else and it will affect everyone especially my bf's relationship with her and his family. It will ruin our relationship as well. If she stays then i'm a miserable nervous wreck. Already i am not well, i'm dizzy and am having headaches. She trys to help out sometimes and i know she is trying to fit in. I do feel guilty about the way i feel but i can't help it. My bf is fine and i think happy with situation because he can help out his family for once. We have never been able to have anyone stay because of the apartment being so small. But that doesn't seem to matter now. I don't know how to handle this. How do i get my space, how do i tell her not to come in when i have the door closed without hurting her feelings. I'm basically putting my own feelings aside so she will feel ok and i'm angry and miserable. Anyway i appreciate everyones input and thank you for your support.

Anjelmarie

[sundog]

My heart really goes out to you (((((((Anjelmarie))))))

Does your BF know how badly this is effecting you? Can you sit down with him and have a heart to heart conversation? If he insists that his niece must continue to stay with you for the time being, can you at least try and work out a set of "House Rules" with your BF, which you can then give to his neice (rules like: No knocking on your bedroom door if it's closed etc). I think it's also totally fair enough to tell your BF's niece that you need some "quiet time" each day. That is completely understandable and I'm sure that wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.

I am so very sorry you are in this stressful situation when you're already dealing with the stress of your depression and anxiety

[ECHOES]

Anjelmarie,
I don't think you are being unfair to your niece at all. You feel how you feel and I can relate to feeling anxious in your situation. I too value and cherish my privacy and even an invited visitor makes me feel resentful of losing my total freedom and space, even though I'm glad the person is visiting. In your situation, when the length of time is uncertain, I think that adds even more anxiety.

I understand completely what you are going through. I have my brother and his girlfriend, and two teen age girls. The girls are fighting non stop. Some times it is just overwhelming.
I just want to run and hide. I don't due well around a lot of people. I think they are leaving by January.Yay I hope. I hope that it all gets better for you. I would see if somebody else in his family can take over for you. Good luck

[anjelmarie]

Originally Posted by sardean

I understand completely what you are going through. I have my brother and his girlfriend, and two teen age girls. The girls are fighting non stop. Some times it is just overwhelming.
I just want to run and hide. I don't due well around a lot of people. I think they are leaving by January.Yay I hope. I hope that it all gets better for you. I would see if somebody else in his family can take over for you. Good luck

Wow, Sardean that is overwhelming. I don't think i could handle that, i feel for you. I hope that they do leave by January. My bf says there really is no where else for her to go. She could stay with the brother who lives in the next state but that brother has his wife, mother, sister and sisters kids living wth him. Its always been that way. At one point the entire family lived together in a 3 family house but they all had to move. The other brother has 4 kids of his own. The one that lives in the next state has said she can come there but she doesn't want to go. She told me that yesterday when she was complaining about that brothers wife trying to run things and change things in her family when she just came into the family a few years ago. She doesn't like her. She hates her father, wants nothing to do with him. The only person she says understands her is my bf. Her mother passed away several years ago. She did not have custody her father raised her since she was born with help from the family i guess. His family is very close, emeshed i would say. Its not what i'm used to. My family is not like that. We would see each other on holidays or at birthdays and talk on the phone every so often but his family is used to being together all the time. When i moved here to be with my bf, they called almost everyday and expected him to come there every week. At first he would go there practically every day after work and on weekends until i complained. He loves being around them and being around alot of people all the time its what he is used to. I am the opposite. I have a small family and in my family when someone gets married or moves in with someone or out on their own, you see them when you see them and talk to them whenever you can its not like your going to die if you don't talk to someone for a few days or not see someone for a few weeks. And your new family becomes your priority. I don't have kids and my bf and i arent legally married but we feel we are and i consider him my family now. But they see people that aren't blood relatives as outsiders. They never consider how things may affect me. My bf made this decision with his brothers and never discussed it with me like i don't matter. He thinks i should just be ok with it and so does his family. At one point when i was in my early 20's i was living with my sister and her husband and i felt uneasy about it. I had my own room however, her house was not a cramped one bedroom apartment. I had a tv in my room and i pretty much stayed out of their way and on weekends i would go somewhere else and stay so they could have time alone. I was always concious of trying to give them space. I told my bf that and he said well its different, my family is used to being together and having alot of people around we like it that way. I said, but i don't, im not like you and your family! He still doesn't get it. He thinks i'm being unreasonable. I have written him letters telling him how i feel, crying out to him on paper basically, telling him how its affecting me, because i can't have a conversation with him because we are never alone. We haven't been able to talk about the letters. I'm alone now because she went to sign up for school and she is visiting her step mother. My bf said she was going to go to the movies with a friend and then probably stay overnight. I was happy to have some alone time and me and my bf were going to the city tonight. Well she called me asking what time we were going to the city and can we go to this particular restaurant so she can get the steak. Yup, so there goes my alone time with my bf so we can talk. She said to me, i'm gonna rush home. Soon as i hung up i got this tingling and jittery feeling that i have pretty much all the time now. Tomorrow my bf is going to see his brother that lives in the next state and i'm demanding he take her whether she wants to go or not. I need to be alone. I can't even talk to anyone on the phone in peace. I am so unhappy and miserable. I don't feel like i can support myself alone on disability. I can't believe i let my life get to be such a mess. I had a job at one time, a car, friends and i did things and went places and now i feel stuck in a situation i can't get myself out of. And the bad thing is i don't know how long this is going to last. She turns 18 in a few months but she'll still need a place to stay. She won't be able to get out on her own. Where i live its expensive and you have to make good money to have your own place. Most single adults have roomates. I know how hard it is to not have your own place because i've been there where i needed help but like i said i tried to keep myself out of the way. She's a kid so she's not thinking like that i guess. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck. I feel like i'd be better off not here at all if you know what i mean, at least i'd be at peace. It sounds drastic and proabably dramatic but thats how i really feel about my life. I have felt that way alot of times when i've been unhappy. Me and my bf weren't getting along alot and we were barely speaking and we finally started getting along again and we were doing well and now this has happened and we are back to where we were again. So I'm back feeling like whats the point. Anyway sorry to go on and on about this and TO ALL THAT POSTED their support and kind words to me thanks so much for being there for me, it means so much!!!

Anjelmarie

[Perna]

Is there a reason you have to stay home all day with her? At 17 she can be home alone or entertain herself can't she? I'd come up a hobby or place to go, even if it was only the library! Ours has internet and everything.

Maybe things will be a bit better when she gets going to school (you said she went to sign up yesterday)?

You aren't allowed to say "no" to taking her out to dinner when she's out with plans and you have different ones? How did she know you were going to the city? She's old enough to be handed $5 and/or have have a frozen pizza she can make if she wants to be home and told to get her own dinner; she doesn't need a babysitter!

[sundog]

(((((((((((((Anjelmarie))))))))))))))))) I'm glad it sounds as though you will have some peace this weekend when your BF takes his neice to visit his brother. I'm so sorry you are under this much stress and that it's so difficult to even find a moment alone with your BF to discuss things. Perhaps you can talk directly with his neice and give her some guidelines to follow while she is staying with you?

Wishing you all the very best

[anjelmarie]

Well last night i ended up going to the city with my boyfriend only. She decided to stay home she didn't feel well. Neither did I but I went to get out of the house and so i could talk to him. She knew we were going into the city because my bf told her. Whenever I bring up this subject he starts rolling his eyes and sighing and then he'll say do we have to talk about this, i'm tired of talking about this. I told him I'm miserable and you need to listen to me and hear how this is making me feel. I even showed him some comments that you all have made, i printed them out and gave them to him to read. He got real quiet and had a look on his face that looked to me like disgust, anger and disbelief. I had to ask him what did he think, was he going to comment on what he read. He just said that he didn't know what to think. He didn't think it would be a problem because shes a teenager shes not younger and she can do things on her own and he didn't think she would be a problem. I said to him you know i like my privacy and being alone. You knew i didn't want anyone to live with us i mean i didn't even like to have visitors. I'm embarrassed about our apartment, its a cluttered tiny mess. I have depression, panic attacks in the middle of the night and i don't want someone around me all the time. He knew that i don't know why he acted like he didn't. Anyway it didn't make a difference that he read the posts and that he knew how much this was affecting me he still keeps saying he doesn't have a choice, she has no where else to go and he's not going to ask her to leave its not an option. Even though i live here too and i'm not happy about the situation, it still doesn't matter. I told him there had to be rules about the house and that i wanted to tell her that when my door is closed that means i want to be alone. He said he didn't think that would go over well and didn't want me to say anything. He said she'll be going to school soon and won't be in the house so there is no need for me to say anything. I said I don't see why i can't say i need time alone, whats wrong with that. Because her feelings will be hurt. Then while we were out she called and wanted to know when we were coming home. She called a few times. We couldn't even go out and have peace. This morning my bf was up and in the livingroom and i was still in bed with the door closed and she knocked and then came in and sat on the bed to talk. I told her, i'm still trying to sleep and she said i know and still sat there looking at me. I said you have to go and close the door please i'm laying back down. I didn't care if my bf had a problem with that or not. I can't have rights in my own home. Its my home! I told him i was considering leaving because he doesn't make me a priority and i'm not happy. He doesn't want me to go and doesn't even believe it will happen, he doesn't take me seriously. I feel he's more concerned about her feelings, wants and needs, and his families more than he is concerned about mine. It has always been this way and i knew it and just put up with it because basically i do love him and would miss him and also i never felt like i could survive financially on my own. But this is too much. I'm very stressed out and miserable in my own home and it just shouldn't be. I really do wish i wasn't here right now. Thanks for your support, i don't know what i would do without you all giving me your positive responses. I only see my T. once a week and can't talk to anyone on the phone in peace and I feel bad about myself, like i'm a selfish mean person and you all help me to not feel that way so thank you.

Anjelmarie

[sunsetsunrise]

(((Anjelmarie))), I wonder if in his family they are taught that they are not allowed to have bounderies. It sounds to me like maybe his family has a rule about no one can have healthy bounderies. So he is just unconsciously acting on that. This is not an excuse for him, by any means. Just wondered if thats whats going on. If so, it doesn't change things. Just would clarify some of the roots of this very unhealthy family agreement ( structure) . And by the way, with families that have this underlying agreement ( law, rule) about no bounderies, people are made to feel very selfish if they want to have healthy bounderies. This is how the whole unhealthy structure can be perpetuated. But you are not selfish at all. In fact, I believe personally that your bf is asking you to be unhealthy in the actions and bounderies you want set up. I wish you had a good place to go to. to get away from this unhealthy enviornment. Because it seems either he does not want to change, or he feels too guilty to even try. ((((anjelmarie)))) keep posting !!!!

[sundog]

((((((((Anjelmarie))))))))))) I agree with sunsetsunrise that you are not being selfish. And I think sunsetsunrise makes an excellent point about people who have been raised without healthy boundaries telling people who DO try and set boundaries that they are selfish.

Gosh, this is such a difficult situation. I too wish you could get away for a while and stay somewhere else. I think it would be good for your boyfriend too if you left for a bit. It might bring him to his senses. Is there anywhere at all that you could go? Anyone you could stay with for a while?

Big hugs to you

[itspeaks]

It sounds like people have been letting her do whatever she wants, and then just kickin her out instead of making her follow the rules. I hope she obeys the rules in your house. If she is going to be stuck with you for awhile maybe you can get some help from the government to pay for her so you don't have to give her money for things all the time and maybe for a bigger apartment/house? I don't know really how to help I am sorry. Is she old enough to understand depression, etc? Maybe you could talk to her about it and tell her how you've been stressed out and ask if she can give you some space.. or maybe you could become somewhat friends? go on a walk together? if she likes you like your bf says. It seems like he is not being very supportive of you and like you've been supportive of him and his family but its not your responsibility that his family is messed up. I don't know what else to really say.. I am sorry you are in this situation.

[itspeaks]

Oh I missed a whole page of posts so idk if what I said still applies... sorry/

[anjelmarie]

I'm really feeling depressed and miserable. I feel like i wish i would just get in an accident or get an illness and pass on. I feel like a bad person. I am so appreciative that most of you don't think i'm selfish and are supportive and helpful with your comments. But then someone will say something to me and make me feel like i'm a selfish, hateful person. Like, why can't you think of this child and what she's going through, why can't you understand she wants attention and nurturing, why can't you be there for her. Why can't you compromise and help out your bf because he is trying to be a good uncle, whats wrong with you? Basically that is what one of my friends has told me. Other people have had similar comments. My T understands me but but i feel like even she is wondering why i am not able to embrace this poor child who doesn't have a mother and who has a irresponsible abusive father. Hell, when I look at what i just wrote i wonder whats wrong with me too. I have been feeling like this towards my bf's family since i moved here because they are just so needy and it irritates me. Instead of feeling like embracing them and helping them i get annoyed and want to keep my distance. I have always felt guilty about it but feel helpless to change my feelings. I have even prayed about it, please help me be a different person, and help me to want to help them with whatever problems they are going through. But I still feel the same, annoyed and angry that they are so needy and are always imposing on my relationship with my bf. My friend said i shouldn't take it out on the kids, and what if it were your family that needed help. She is right and i would probably want to help them but i just never had to, ever. I feel like I'm going to be punished for feeling the way i do and being the way i am. I realize that she acts the way she does because of how she was raised and also she does crave attention i think and she is very clingy and that annoys me. I don't like clinginess. After my T. appt. I talked with my friend who basically told me i should be more helpful to her and basically chastised me and then i went grocery shopping and i had a lump in my throat and tears started to come and i just felt like crap and i thought, god why can't you just let me have peace and go be with my mom and grandma and other family who have passed on. I don't want to be here. I can't take care of myself, i'm living off disability and have let depression ruin my life. My relationship with my bf is never going to be good because of his responsibilities that i don't want to take on. I don't feel like i'm going to get my life back on track, its going to be hard to explain the huge gap in my resume when i do try to go back to work, and then what if i can't handle a job. I can't live off of disability alone. I don't have a good relationship with my family and i feel alone. I'd rather be gone than be miserable all the time. I am so anxious and jittery and on edge i feel like i'm going to come out of my own skin. I'm worried i may snap and just lose it and start screaming. I do need to be elsewhere and somewhere peaceful. Going somewhere where its noisy or where i'm going to be expected to talk all the time and/or do things is not going to be helpful. There is nowhere i can go and have peace. And that includes the hospital. I am not going to check into a hospital. I really don't know what is going to happen. I am going to have to tell her that i need to be alone sometimes though whether my bf likes it or not. OMG, she just came in here and told me she's pregnant. I can't even believe this, i have to get off of here and talk to her, will check in later.

[CedarS]

Sending you big hugs, you are going through a lot.

Your therapist understands and when you are concerned what she thinks you can outright ask her. Keep telling her how you are feeling. I hope you are telling her all that is going on and how much it is affecting you.

[sundog]

(((((((((((angelmarie)))))))))))))) I'm sending you big hugs too The thing is, this girl is not your child. Neither is she your BF's child. No one would expect anyone to take in a stranger off the street and start putting the stranger's needs above their own. I feel a lot of unfair pressure is being placed upon you because of the word "family"......This girl may be your BF's neice, but to all intents and purposes she is a stranger to you. I totally see where you are coming from. And I don't think you're being selfish. I just don't.

I'm so sorry you are stuck in this mess right now I really hope things get better.