[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by rotcehdiaz

Hello Friends! It's my first time here. I try to get some answers for a particular situation I'm having right now, my boyfriend's behavior is so different lately. He begins to be obsessed with control, with what I do and I should do. Recently the relationship has been compromised for his stringent requirements. If I laugh, if I say or make a decition one way or another he always has something to say. Lately he's not happy at all with what I do or what I should do. And when I suggest that maybe I'm not the woman he wants and we should end the relationship, is when he want to talk and reach some agreements ... I'm mentally tired. Any ideas, diagnosis or solution? Need help!!

He sounds like an extremely controlling person. Always remember he can only treat you the way you allow him to. If it was me I'd be out the door, he is using you as a scapegoat and that is not how you show love to someone. Sorry if I'm being too brash, but I usually have a strong opinion!

[porcupine2]

The GP appointment went even worse than I expected. Thank goodness I have a great Psych dr. So it's back to the drawing board to find a GP - seriously - have you ever gone in to see the doctor and he doesn't even check your eyes, ears or throat? Let alone that I went in with an ear infection. He dismissed all other issues I needed to talk to him about - he wanted the followup appt and didn't even know why. I refuse to pay for this kind of treatment. Onward I go.....

[esmeralda]

Hello I have no clue what i am doing i never though i would be needing this kind of support. Peter i wish you the best, i am not sure what is going on i have been going doen hill for a couple of years and i am not sure what i have. I have no medical indureance and i have been paying my thepist cash, so you could only imagine that my bank account is also taking a fall. i cant concentrate, i cant focus, people talk and all i do is hear never really listening, i have two children and i try and do my best to listen but they have too repeat everything or when they say mom i told you i just say Oh your right. my speech is also becoming inpaired i say things backwards or i leave words out. I am scared dont now whats going on. my therapist says that i may be having a breakdown..please help

Originally Posted by Tsunamisurfer

Thanks for setting this up, Laura.

My name is Peter.
I was a part time musician, full time photographer, and am still a husband, and dad of 3 girls.
I am unemployed, and working day by day at reclaiming the lost ground in attention span, social skills, and the ability to use my brain again.

I had my first manic symptoms when I was 14. My parents were concerned with my strange behaviour and took me to our family doctor who didn't know what to make of it. Depression followed, then normality again. I stayed off psychoactive drugs, determined to beat it on my own. This went on for another 31 years before I finally saw a psychiatrist. Despite my suspicion that I was bipolar, he decided to treat my depression with Prozac alone. I immediately became severely manic, and began ultra-rapid cycling with mixed states.
Now 9 months later I am on Lithium and Epilim alone which seem to keep me out of depression, but I still spend a lot of my time in the land of impulsiveness, passion, midnight ambitions, and de-realisation experiences.

I have made a couple of very special friends here on Psych Central - friendships that may have been difficult to start, had we not had the protection of anonymity and assurance that we were in the same boat.

I hope everyone who joins us here will have at least that same special and encouraging experience.

[rgb11]

I learned my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) is bipolar several weeks ago. I've been reading and trying to learn as much as possible to process my experience and learn more about him, and myself.

I have experienced depression and can have depressive tendencies due to life events, but I am generally in good mental health myself. I may have some lingering codependancy tendencies due to my childhood which I'm still learning about, many of my relationships have been problematic for me though this is my first known experience with bipolar. I believe my tendency to blame myself or want to rescue someone else has made this all a much bigger issue for me and I want to learn as much as possible for myself and in case my ex boyfriend and I have further contact down the road.

[flame78]

Hi,
My name is Michelle. My bio actually covers quite a bit. But I'll just go ahead and repeat some. I have a B.A. in Psychology. I got interested in Psychology because there was mental illness in my family. I didn't realize at the time that I would be later diagnosed with mental illness as well!

But things were always tumultuous for me. I was also adopted when I was 5 and some bad things happened to me before then I am told. I had a fairly happy and privileged childhood after being adopted but I was always so emotional and sensitive so I was told.

Then things became really bad when I went away to college. But I think at that time I went without a diagnosis well partly because I was resistant to counseling and well wasn't everyone partying and blacking out in the process? (insert sarcasm here). One counselor I did ask about the possibility of bipolar and she said maybe depression or generalized anxiety disorder but that my mood swings weren't severe enough for bipolar.

So basically 10 years later after a constant struggle with binge drinking, men (fear of commitment, etc.), constant anxiety, some insomnia....I had a manic episode BIG time. I call it a mental break down. I wound up in the hospital suicidal. NOW the docs say I have bipolar.

Now 5 years after my diagnosis (sorry for the long story) I'm better, almost, almost killed this drinking problem, still have a fear of commitment but working on that. Let's say final goal well is to just to be able to turn to others that understand and most recently really starting to focus on losing all the weight I gained after starting the meds.

And as for a side note outside of bipolar I LOVE the outdoors and began rock climbing after my diagnosis, it helps A LOT!

[flame78]

I find the acceptance part to be tough. Especially when I have, I guess mostly boyfriends tell me I'm fine. Though they say they well don't think I have bi polar yet they get annoyed when I do things like write pages and pages of long emails to them or talk excessively and obsessively about the same thing over and over again, etc. All signs of course of bipolar! Personally I wish THEY would accept it, educate themselves and then support me.

So just want to say congrats (to Leve). I feel I am definitely on the path to acceptance. Especially with a tough psychiatrist who doesn't take my ambivalent crap!

[kinipela24]

I am a 28 year old special ed teacher living in Los Angeles. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a little over a year ago.

I have had emotional issues almost my whole life. I was always a very sensitive kid who would cry easily and cared what others thight, and who couldnt stand to let anyone down. I tried to talk to my Mom before that I thought there was something more than depression going on here and she just ket telling me it was situational because I didn't like the private high school that I attended.

It was a relief to be diagnosed as Bipolar II. My symptoms can be anywhere from overconfidence, self-assured, high energy, out going, irritable, volatile, easy to anger, paranoid, sad, insecure, apologetic, excessive crier etc.

I have had a difficult time maintaining long lasting relationships with friends or men. I currently have a few friends (not a clique) but they are older than me and are married with a family. So I end up going out alone all the time...and it can be very lonesome. I also dont have much family..altho close to my mom..who being with reminds me of all of the behavio that I do.

I look forward to meeting new people on here.

I am an attractive, kind, caring, empathetic person usually. Circ

[eloquentdisaster]

Hello, I'm Cecilia.

I grew up with a mother that doesn't believe in therapy, in telling your problems to others, in showing emotion. Unfortunately for her, I was always a very emotional child. When I was little I would watch the Discovery Channel and bawl my eyes out for endangered species. When I was older and began reading books, I would become so emotionally invested in them that I would laugh and cry and yell along with the characters. When I was happy, I was the happiest kid on the block. When I was sad, well, I was the most sad.

By the time I was twelve, I was exhibiting symptoms of both depression and hypomania. My moods came in extremes that no one knew what to do with. I started missing school because I was too desolate to leave my bed. I began having physical manifestations of my emotional pain. This is when my mother took notice and had me thoroughly checked out by many doctors. None of them, however, could find a specific medical problem.

So life went on, with everyone telling me that I was going through a phase, this was part of being a teen, all the typical slogans of denial. When I was fifteen, my boyfriend killed himself. This event sent me into the worst depression I had been in, and I attempted to kill myself. This was the catalyst for my diagnosis. I finally saw a psychiatrist and she found the reason for my intensity. However, I had as well developed a pretty severe Panic Disorder at this point, and only several months into our sessions was unable to leave my house unaccompanied. I stopped going to the psychiatrist, and she terminated our sessions permanently.

For a year and a half I was unmedicated and out of school. Between the Bi Polar and the anxiety, I couldn't handle being in school. I was home schooled for one year, the other year tutored. Even this presented problems, and my grades dropped significantly. Finally, I began again seeing a therapist after my mother saw the gravity of my situation and forced me to. Slowly, but surely, my life went back on track. At seventeen I enrolled in a different school that catered to teens with problems. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. The support system in that school was immense, and I was able to salvage my life.

Today, I still am struggling a lot. I'm going to be turning twenty in a few days, and am still in high school. Sometimes I feel like my disorder stole years from my life, and other times I'm grateful to have the extra time before University to be sure of what I want to do. Either way, at least I'm now kind of coping

Sorry for the length!
I'm happy to have found this site. It feels like it is something I may need.

c

[girlinjdg]

Hi everyone. I am new here, and find myself floundering in uncharted waters. I believe my husband is suffering from bipolar disorder and severe depression. He is also an alcoholic and is just now admitting to it. He ask me to make him an appointment with someone (which I have- he goes Wed.) so that he can talk about the anger and depression that is battling inside him. I find myself needing to learn what I can so that I can be the support I know he will need as he fights his way through all of this. I am so thankful I found this place, where I realize that I am not alone. I know we have not seen the worst yet, but I want to be somewhat prepared for what we, as a family, will have to face. Thank you all for sharing your stories and struggles. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to get through this. I know our struggle has only truly begun. For each step forward we will fall so many steps back before we get on the right path.

[acharlee]

Hi. My name is Amy and I'm 29. I have just been recently diagnosed with Bipolar II. I have been through many diagnoses, but this one seems to fit. Now if we could get the meds figured out. It's nice to find a group who can relate.

[sleeping prophet]

Hi All:

My handle is sleeping prophet. I suffer from bipolar disorder. I am 60 years old and two years ago I was determined to be bipolar. Until that time I thought I had suffered from "generalized anxiety disorder." I hope to learn and contribute much information to this forum. I am glad to be here where I can relate to others who suffer from this devasting disorder.

[Rose/134]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Welcome to our forum! Come in and introduce yourself to other members!! This thread is place for new members to get the attention and feedback of the older members, or older members to give more information about themselves. They can discuss diagnosis, treatment or another other topic of their disorder and older members will respond.

I created this introduction thread due to the number of introductions posted on the "Bipolar Chat" sticky. The Bipolar Chat that I lead is now scheduled on Fridays at 9 PM EST. It will cover a variety of topics which will be posted in the chat announcement and outlines will also be posted for those unable to make the chats. The first Friday of the month Wingin'it will lead an open Bipolar Chat. Those will Bipolar are also invited to the Depression Chat on Wednesday at 9 PM EST, but there will be significant overlap in topic.

HI. My name is Rose..I have been existing in chaos since I can remember. Lost many years of this existence. Memories pop in and out...but after being under care with my Dr.s this year they explained one of my issues is that I am bipolar.this scares me. I am an avid reader and immediately began. To find resources mainly. Books regarding BiPolar symptoms and. How to try to survive all this involves..I could use any feedback that explains this problem..other possible resources..HELP! I am married with 2 grown girls. Am not working. But love to draw. Paint.read.and photography.. it seems that I will be unable to attend the chat sessions due to my sleep pattern. Thank you for listening..

[OutlawedSpirit]

Hi everyone.

I've recently been diagnosed with Bipolar I. I have a great support group around me, but am still searching for people who actually understand.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Is there anyone who can say that valproic acid, or Depakote, was of really life-changing value for them?

Not for me. It did not help against mania a bit. It is a good migraine preventative, but I gain weight and get hand tremor from it, so I am now trying to prevent my migraines by drinking lots of electrolyte solution instead.

[JVasquez]

Hi, my name is Jacqueline. I live in south jersey and am bipolar. I believe I am also depressed but I can't get the help and meds I need because I don't have insurance. I spend my nights and days in bed and cry often. At times I go out and want to conquer the world and come home to my bed. I am really pushing myself to write here today. I dont know why except I think I really need help and my husband is not listening to me. He is not getting my sense of urgency. I need help! I don't know if I make sense.

[Phoenix060912]

Hi, all. My name is Stephanie and I am new to Psych Central. And I am definitely new to the Bipolar Forum. I need to talk about it with someone. I mean, I have with my therapist and doctor, but lately it is not enough. I am a 38 woman who is a high school English teacher by profession. Amazingly, I have been in a wonderful relationship for fifteen years. My wife is my rock. But I need more than one person. Even though people believe I am doing well, I feel as though my world is falling apart. On top of surviving childhood sexual abuse, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I (rapid cycling) with psychotic features ten years ago. The illness has progressively gotten worse over the years to the point that it is “treatment refractory.” I’ve been hospitalized several times, I’ve undergone ECT treatments, I am in individual therapy, and I was in a partial hospitalization program for nine months. I am unable to work now and it sucks. I have too much time alone on my hands. I am locked in my head a lot. My mind races so fast. I can’t focus. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of rage and anger and fear. I loathe myself. Enough. I’ve said too much, yet not enough. I don’t know what I am looking for really. Support. Help. I don’t know. I just want the fear and the loneliness to dissipate. I want a safe place where I can vent and seek positive, non-judgmental feedback. Thanks.

[krishvandam]

may be making a big mistake and throwing away 6 years of natural recovery....

or I may be embarking on a different path, I have been having an internal struggle for a while now, as you have read my posts and we have conversed, it may have been apparent as I tried to help others but was also internally arguing with myself, fighting with myself..

[bunnifoo]

Hi! I'm a 39 year old woman diagnosed with bipolar disorder 13 years ago (or 12 years ago, I really should know this). As a teenager I was diagnosed with depression and then "atypical depression" and saw some not so great therapists and took a lot of anti depressants.

I was diagnosed after being hospitalized after a suicide attempt. I was manic, crashed into depression and that happened. I recently moved to a different state to be with my boyfriend (previously a long distance relationship) and it's been very good for me. Except I'm having a depressive episode with anxiety.

I've taken various different medications but for the past several years it was just 200 mg of Seroquel. I didn't see the shrink often and wasn't in therapy (couldn't find a therapist I liked). Since moving I'm seeing a therapist (well actually 2, my first one here moved and now I'm seeing a new one).

I feel like I've been in a long slow slide into depression for awhile and it got triggered into something big. I'm currently taking the Seroquel but my pdoc added .5 mg of Klonopin to help me sleep and with the anxiety. He wants to see if relieving the anxiety relieves the depression. If it doesn't I'll start Celexa.

That's a lot of info.

Anyway I've never been married, no kids, currently unemployed (I was doign temp work but because of teh anxiety had to stop) and I'm a big geek.

[michael72]

I'm 39 also and have been depressed the VAST majority of the time. I'm currently trying to move my life forward from no job, no relationship, not great living situation. I just started a new job last week, but it is a constant struggle with the depression. If feels like it will never end. I know it's lame, but being 39 and in a similar situation, I'm really pulling for you.

[MADRE62]

Hi! I am a 50 year old mother of a 27 year old son that has been diagnosed Bipolar 1 w/ psychosis. He is currently in the hospital for the 7th time in 2 years. He has been diagnosed to be 'acutely and persistently disabled'. What do we do with that? He is extremely manic most of the time... I can find information on what this horrible disorder is and how it behaves, but there is little and almost nothing about how to best help one with this condition. I need advice...

[SilverShadows]

Hi Merlin, thanks for the welcome. This is my first time posting. I figured I would get out of my head and try to meet some new people and maybe make some new friends who I can talk to from time to time. Thanks

SS

[Lourson]

Hello Merlin... as in the magician?? pretty awesome as i believe sometimes we all need a little magic to survive this disease...

its been 2 weeks today since my last suicide attempt...it was a "parasuicide" attempt as they called it but i was wacked from taking all my meds and lots of bad wine so i only remember some of it...

anycase.. i hate forums like this as i sometimes feel ppl as just crying about their own pathetic lives and their own uselesness... but i suppose we should judge not untill we have walked in each other shoes...

anyway.. i`m in a bad spot... life sucks...life has been hell and i`m tired of it... i have such a nice psychologist which i see weekly but have had bad luck with pdocs and meds...

i dont even know what to say... why should anyone care...

i`m out of here...sorry

bye

Originally Posted by Merlin

Welcome to our forum! Come in and introduce yourself to other members!! This thread is place for new members to get the attention and feedback of the older members, or older members to give more information about themselves. They can discuss diagnosis, treatment or another other topic of their disorder and older members will respond.

I created this introduction thread due to the number of introductions posted on the "Bipolar Chat" sticky. The Bipolar Chat that I lead is now scheduled on Fridays at 9 PM EST. It will cover a variety of topics which will be posted in the chat announcement and outlines will also be posted for those unable to make the chats. The first Friday of the month Wingin'it will lead an open Bipolar Chat. Those will Bipolar are also invited to the Depression Chat on Wednesday at 9 PM EST, but there will be significant overlap in topic.

[sonotony]

Ever since I was a teenager I have struggled with the mental illness of bipolar disorder. I would cycle through high-energy manic phases where I would feel energized, powerful and creative and often go several weeks with only one or two hours of sleep per night and often several days in a row with no sleep at all. This would be followed by many weeks to months of severe dark depression where I would totally lose the will to live. I would completely withdraw from friends, family, work and responsibility and slowly watch my world collapse around me. This would eventually be followed by another manic phase where I would "kick it in gear" and work round-the-clock to try to fix all the problems I caused during my dark depression.
In high school I went from being an honor roll student with leadership positions and a three sport athlete to becoming a drop out my junior year. Despite my self-destructive behavior, I managed to pull myself together - well sort of - After six years and five different colleges, I finally earned my bachelors degree. From there I served as an army officer, earned an MBA from a top ranked school and had a successful, decade-long career in the pharmaceutical industry.
As time passed however, my mental illness grew progressively worse. Manic episodes were no longer euphoric. They were governed by stress, anxiety and irrational behavior that cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars and destruction of several interpersonal relationships. This combined with my severe depression eventually cost me my career, my home and almost my marriage. Depression got so bad that I was no longer able to work. I couldn't think or concentrate on the simplest of tasks like making a basic grocery list. I would stay in bed for days, often sleeping 20 or more hours per day without eating.
During this entire time, not only was I undiagnosed, I was in denial that there was anything wrong with me. When I found myself in a psychiatric ward of a hospital after almost taking my own life, God finally got my attention and brought me to my knees. I finally received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder which was the beginning of self understanding, but far from the end of my journey. In many ways, things became more difficult. In less than two years time I was hospitalized two more times and partially hospitalized another two times while going through more than a dozen psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists as well as over a dozen different medications, most of which left me worse off than if I taken no medication.
All this was going on while I was an active member of my church, serving in the junior high ministry and involved in two small group Bible studies. I didn't talk to anyone about what I was going through. I felt embarrassed, alone and ashamed. I felt like I was a bad Christian for letting fear, depression and anxiety rule my life. I felt like a failure as a husband and father for not being able to take care of my family. I couldn't even take care of myself. When I finally got the courage to reach out to my closest Christian friends, I was met with the bewilderment and confusion. Even those who wanted to help admitted that they didn't understand. It felt like they all looked at me differently after I told them about my mental illness. Some friends asked a lot of questions. I'm sure it was well-intentioned, but it felt like an inquisition where I felt I needed to justify and defend myself.
I have prayed for years now that God heal me and make me whole... that he remove this thorn from my flesh. Despite best efforts from myself and my support team, I have not been made well, but I've learned to accept, at least for now, that God's grace will be sufficient for me.

[bipolarchick75]

Can anyone tell me how to find benefits for help with my bipolar illness? I can't seem to find the right Dr and keep find off my meds bc of lack of funds

[nacht]

I am sorry to hear that. Have you looked into county/state programs like MHMR?